i 


THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 


THE 

Maison  de  Shine 

MORE    STORIES    OF   THE 
ACTORS'  BOARDING  HOUSE 


BY  HELEN  GREEN 

Author  of  "At  the  Actors'  Boarding  House1* 


NEW  YORK 
B.  W.  DODGE  &  COMPANY 

1908 


Copyrighted,  1908,  by 
B.  W.  DODGE  &  COMPANY 

Regittered  at  Stationer*'  Ball,  London 

(All  Righto  Reserved) 

Published  October,  1908 

Printed  in  the  United  States  of  America 


TO   MY   FRIENDS 

JFloreiue  an*  f)enrp  ©ttfnbp 

THIS  BOOK  IS  AFFECTIONATELY  DEDICATED  BY 

THE  AUTHOR 


2227190 


CONTENTS 

PAOB 

A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER 1 

THE  CIRCUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD 25 

GOLD   EAGLE    CHARLIE,   VAUDEVILLE'S   BAD 
MAN 42 

A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  COMES  TO  TOWN  ...     56 

AN  EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS 72 

THE  SCENTED  LETTERS 88 

THE  PROPERTY  MAN  FOILS  A  SUITOR 106 

"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING" 122 

MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE 141 

FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD 159 

THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY 177 

Two  SALOMES  RETURN  TO  FORMER  WAYS 199 

THE  BOARDERS  Go  RACING 216 

MRS.  TRIPPIT  GETS  BACK  AT  JOHNNY 239 

THE  DANCING  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM 257 

THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT 277 


THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

(Further  Adventures  at  the  Actors'  Boarding-House) 


"WITH  meat'n  vegitabbles  high  an*  aigs  at 
the  prices  now  prevailing  it's  enough  to  drive  a 
party  off  their  dip,"  said  Mrs.  Maggie  de  Shine. 

Her  two  houses,  thrown  into  one,  in  Irving 
Place,  were  the  home  of  vaudeville.  "Topliners" 
whose  pay  was  $1,000  a  week  might  occupy  the 
"bridal  suite,"  and  next  these  stars  of  the  va- 
rieties the  "three-a-day-turn"  dwelt  in  a  hum- 
bler hall  room. 

It  was  the  busy  season,  and  the  rooms  were 
full.  Still  the  landlady  had  her  fretful  moments, 
as  a  woman  of  great  cares  must. 

"I'm  wore  out  by  dopin'  these  here  prob- 
lems," she  continued  wearily.  "Is  it  a  won- 
der?" 

"  Yessum,  it's  a  true  word,"  agreed  Susy,  the 
slavey.  "Will  we  be  havin'  turkey  fer  Chris '- 
mus  ? ' ' 

i 


2  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"That's  what's  worryin'  me,"  admitted  her 
employer,  "fur  them  that  settles  reg'lar  will 
expect  sech  things,  an'  the  rest  what's  not  pay- 
in'  can't  be  kep'  away  from  the  table  without 
puttin'  'em  out  of  the  house  altogether.  It's 
suttenly  sumpin'  what'd  distress  any  one.  But 
buyin'  turkey  fur  the  hull  bunch  jest  can't  be 
did— that's  all. 

"The  Mangles  Three  is  behind,  an'  yet  they're 
workin',  but  she  come  an'  said  that  fixin'  a  tree 
fur  little  Minnie  had  tuck  all  the  spare  money. 
Yet  where  does  Maggie  de  Shine  git  off  at  ? " 

Susy,  being  most  discreet,  kept  up  a  sympa- 
thetic mumble. 

"It  ain't  no  wonder  that  hotels  is  bustin' 
every  day,"  said  her  employer  plaintively, 
* '  when  yuh  see  plainly  how  ungrateful  boarders 
kin  be.  I  wonder  how  this  Chris 'mus  celebra- 
tion kin  be  brung  off!  It's  suttenly  got  me 
wingin'." 

Susy  wiped  off  the  fly-specked  photographs 
which  were  ranged  along  the  sideboard's  top 
shelf.  They  were  of  vaudevillians  of  two  genera- 
tions, and  all  had  left  the  congenial  home  of 
Maggie  de  Shine  in  good  financial  standing.  On 
the  edge  of  the  sideboard  lay  a  dusty  newspaper 
clipping. 

She  looked  at  it.  As  she  perused  it  she 
grinned. 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  3 

"Say,  Mis'  de  Shine,"  said  the  sagacious 
maid,  "lookit!  Here's  a  scheme.  I'm  readin' 
about  the  Canadian  Camp  givin'  a  dinner  with 
all  sorts  o'  strange  things  that  nobody  knowed 
what  they  was  made  of  on  the  table." 

"Yes,  they  had  nothin'  better 'n  an  old  bum 
tiger  from  Injy, ' '  said  the  landlady  disgustedly, 
"an'  callin'  it  'Fanny  Adams.'  Ain't  they  the 
silly  outfit?  Yuh  bet,  we  got  better  chuck  right 
here  than  they  had,  if  I'm  ast,  which  I  persume 
I  am  not." 

"Listen!"  said  Susy.  "What's  the  matter 
with  us  doin'  that  same  tiger  stunt?  Jest  pre- 
tend we  got  sumpin'  wonderful  from  a  long 
ways  off,  an'  name  it  queer.  It  kin  be  pork'n 
beans,  fer  all  they'll  know.  See?" 

"An'  let  the  guests  make  guesses?"  cried  Mrs. 
de  Shine,  her  fancy  traveling  speedily  at  this 
suggestion.  "Susy,  yuh  got  a  wonderful  brain 
on  yuh,  an'  I'll  give  yuh  my  noo  orange  silk 
petticoat — when  I'm  through  with  it." 

Susy  betrayed  little  disappointment  at  the  de- 
lay in  receiving  a  gift  of  such  dubious  value,  for 
Mrs.  de  Shine  exacted  much  from  her  assistant, 
but  gave  scantily  in  return. 

"I'll  work  that  up  grand,"  decided  the  land- 
lady joyfully.  "We  won't  git  no  turkey  fer  no 
one  now.  Oh,  what  a  relief  it  is  to  think  them 
butcher  bills  won't  be  mountin'  higher  an'  high- 


4  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

er !  I  '11  retire  to  my  bowdoor  an '  figger  the  hull 
thing  out,  I  dunno  when  I've  been  so  pleased. 
Oh!  ef  Stingem  an'  Gitt  comes  in,  say  I  wish 
to  speak  to  'em.  They  gotta  come  acrost  this 
evenin'." 

She  called  Fido,  the  fat  white  poodle,  who 
waddled  after  her.  Seated  within  the  cramped 
confines  of  her  private  quarters,  Mrs.  de  Shine 
thoughtfully  regarded  her  pet,  who  discourte- 
ously yawned  back  at  her.  She  smiled  after  five 
minutes  of  meditation.  Fido,  eying  her,  barked, 
being  falsely  impressed  with  the  idea  that  he 
was  about  to  receive  some  especial  delicacy. 

"Mommer's  got  it,  baby  dawg,"  said  she. 
"Sure's  yer  a  foot  high,  Fido,  dolling,  I  know 
what  to  do,  an'  it's  one  swell  scheme.  We'll 
have  roast  laig  of  young  Noo  Zealand  kangaroo 
an*  Lydia  Thompson  en  casserole.  I'll  call  the 
mystery  that,  seein'  as  I  was  first  in  the  busi- 
ness with  Lydia 's  All-Blonde  Burlesquers.  An* 
we'll  have  it  comin'  from  the  Sandwich  Islands, 
'cause  that  sounds  sorta  like  food  anyway." 

A  timid  knock  sounded.  Messrs.  Stingem  and 
Gitt,  an  accomplished  acrobatic  team,  entered 
at  her  bidding.  Mr.  Gitt  was  an  altitudinous 
young  man,  who  did  the  comedy  in  their  act. 
Upon  the  stage  he  was  extremely  gay  and  hu- 
morous. He  "kidded"  stage  hands  with  brutal 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  5 

candor,  and  spared  no  person  from  his  quips  ex- 
cept Mrs.  de  Shine. 

He  feared  her. 

"  0 '  course  yuh  got  the  coin  f er  my  little  bill, 
Mista  Gitt?"  she  inquired  coldly. 

"I — we — well,  I  tell  you,  Mis'  de  Shine,"  said 
he  hurriedly.  "Now,  we  was  expectin'  ten  weeks 
'round  New  York  on  the  United  time,  an'  then 
when  Harris  takes  over  some  of  the  bookin's  it's 
nothin'  doin'.  See?" 

"We  could  go  play  the  Orpheum  Cirkit,"  in- 
terrupted Mr.  Stingem,  gently  stepping  on  his 
partner's  foot,  "but  you  know  how  a  guy  feels 
about  leavin'  the  big  town,  don't  you?" 

"His  feelin's  I  know  nothing  whatever  about, 
young  gelmun,"  she  replied;  "know  nothin'  an' 
care  nothin'.  It's  jest  this:  Are  yuh  comin' 
in  to-day,  or  is  this  here  cheap  bluff  the  best  I 
git  again?" 

Stingem  and  Gitt  began  to  talk  at  the  same 
instant.  They  endeavored  to  appeal  to  her  sense 
of  humor,  and  later  got  down  to  pitiful  plead- 
ing. 

"Yer  both  wearin'  jewelry,"  said  she  ju- 
dicially; "go'n  hock  it,  then.  Abs'lutely,  sum- 
pin's  gotta  be  done.  Yer  wastin'  time  by  hand- 
in'  me  this  talk.  I  desire  what's  owin'  to  me. 
Do  I  git  it?" 

Mr.  Stingem  guiltily  turned  his  pretty  dia- 


6  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

mond  ring  so  that  the  offensive  glitter  of  the 
stone  might  not  drive  her  to  a  further  exhibi- 
tion of  petulance.  He  had  great  confidence  in 
Mr.  Gitt's  powers  of  persuasion,  and  really  re- 
garded the  business  in  hand  as  a  jest. 

But  his  partner  did  not.  It  would  be  idle 
to  try  any  of  the  usual  excuses  upon  her,  so, 
sadly  and  with  hesitation,  he  informed  her  that 
Stingem  and  Gitt  would  pay.  They  did.  Mrs. 
de  Shine  counted  the  money  and  secreted  it  in 
her  stocking,  in  which  capacious  receptacle  she 
carried  the  day's  receipts. 

"What'd  you  give  her  all  of  it  for?"  queru- 
lously asked  Mr.  Stingem  when  they  were  climb- 
ing upstairs. 

"My  boy,  it  was  a  case  of  must,  that's  all," 
returned  the  other.  *  *  You  had  only  to  take  one 
peek  at  that  old  doll 's  face.  I  took  the  look,  and 
I  slipped  her.  Believe  me,  it  was  best.  This 
way  we  may  gain  her  complete  confidence. ' ' 

"Well,  we  stalled  all  the  others  along  the 
line,"  said  Mr.  Stingem  pessimistically.  "I 
think  you're  losin'  your  grip,  Joe.  You  didn't 
put  up  nothin'  like  the  strong  spiel  I  thought 
you  would. ' ' 

Henry  Yodell,  second  tenor  of  the  Chillicothe 
Comedy  Four,  was  the  first  boarder  to  mention 
Christmas  and  turkey  at  dinner  that  evening. 

"I  s'pose  it'll  be  great  doin's,  eh?"  said  he 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  7 

cheerfully.  "Save  me  some  o'  the  white  meat 
if  we  have  to  close  the  show  that  mat 'nee  an' 
I'm  late  comin'  home." 

"I  wanna  laig!"  shouted  Little  Minnie  Man- 
gle, the  Child  Wonder,  "  'n'  I'm  goin'  to  git  it, 
ain'  I,  pop?  I  wanna  laig'n  wing  'n'  all  the 
breast.  I  wisht  it  was  now,  'cause  I  don'  like  no 
old  corn  beef  an'  cabbige." 

"I  am  sure  that  Mrs.  de  Shine  will  not  neglect 
you,  precious, ' '  said  Mrs.  Mangle.  '  *  Personally, 
I  am  fond  of  that  portion  of  the  great  American 
domestic  bird  known  as  the  second  joint." 

"Gimme  any  old  part  of  him,  an'  I'm  satis- 
fied," the  Property  Man  said.  "That's  me.  I 
ain't  a  kicker,  but  I  sure  like  my  turkey." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  silent  until  general  atten- 
tion appeared  to  be  centered  upon  her. 

Vivian  Vanberg,  who  presented  a  toe  dance 
and  a  Bowery  characterization  in  Snooks  and 
Vanberg 's  great  laughing  sketch,  "On  the  Bow- 
ery," voiced  the  sentiment  of  those  present. 

"Of  course  we'll  have  turkey?"  she  asked 
pointedly. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  smiled  upon  them  all.  The 
boarders,  assuming  their  stage  expressions,  used 
in  taking  bows  from  behind  the  footlights, 
smiled  back  at  her. 

"Well,  no,  they  won't  be  turkey,"  she  an- 
swered bravely. 


8  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

The  smiles  departed,  but  hers  remained. 

"We  got  sumpin'  better 'n  turkey,  ladies  an' 
gents,"  she  added. 

"Canvasback  duck!"  shouted  Johnny  Trip- 
pit,  the  "World's  Champion  Buck  Dancer."  "Is 
it?" 

"The  Maisong  de  Shine,"  said  its  proprie- 
tress easily,  "ain't  goin'  to  let  no  one  git  any- 
thing on  it  fur  bein'  different.  In  vodeville  the 
acts  what  is  the  biggest  knockouts  is  celebrated 
fur  which,  may  I  astf " 

"Stoo?"  inquired  Susy,  busily  serving  the 
hungry  throng.  Their  interest  in  the  landlady's 
remarks  made  certain  announced  enemies  of  the 
ever-recurring  stew  neglect  to  make  special  men- 
tion of  their  abhorrence  of  it. 

"Speakin'  of  headlinin'  bills,  I  guess  we  come 
as  near  coppin'  a  prize  as  anybody,"  said  Mr. 
Mangle  tranquilly.  "  'Mangles  Three,  increased 
to  four.  Later,  maybe  more. '  That 's  our  billin ' 
matter,  'cause  we're  sendin'  to  Louiser's  folks 
fer  the  baby,  an'  he'll  be  here  soon.  Pretty 
swell  stuff,  ain't  it  I" 

"William!"  rebuked  Mrs.  Mangle,  in  woman- 
ly confusion,  "how  can  you?  Really,  I  am  very 
much  surprised." 

"Kiddin'  again,  are  you?"  retorted  Mr.  Man- 
gle prankishly.  "It  gits  many  a  laugh,  jest  the 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  9 

same.  An'  who  cares  what  they  say  about  you, 
s 'long's  they  say  sumpin"?" 

" Exactly,"  said  the  landlady.  "Yuh  mean 
how  originality's  everything,  Mista  Mangle. 
An'  sech  is  gotta  be  the  repitation  of  the  Masong 
de  Shine.  Hence,  seein'  as  the  Canadian  Camp 
give  a  banquet,  keepin'  secret  the  real  cheese 
fur  that  night,  so  will  be  did  in  my  own  modest 
menangy. 

.  "Boarders  is  give  one  guess  each,  an'  the  one 
comin'  nearest  to  what  'Lydia  Thompson'  rally 
is  will  receive,  ef  a  gelmun,  a  shavin'  cup  used 
in  a  comedy  scene  in  Pastor's  fust  road  show; 
an'  ef  a  lady,  she'll  drawr  a  autograph  pitcher 
of  Gawge  Primrose,  left  here  by  a  end  man  who 
tuck  the  rope  route  getaway  fur  his." 

"Splendid!"  approved  Mrs.  Mangle.  "It  is 
charmingly  novel.  And  where  does  Lydia 
Thompson  come  from?" 

"What's  the  ideer  of  givin'  a  burlesque  mon- 
aker  to  it?"  jealously  inquired  Johnny  Trippit. 
"Sorter  slightin'  vodderveel,  ain't  you?" 

"It's  named  fur  the  fust  comp'ny  what  Mag- 
gie de  Shine  graced,  Johnny,"  exclaimed  the 
landlady,  "an'  I  fail  to  see  how  any  boarder  kin 
have  a  beef  comin'  on  that  score.  I  may  say 
right  out  that  we'll  have  laig  of  Noo  Zealand 
kangaroo,  imported  direct.  Lydia  Thompson's 
comin'  from  the  Sandwich  Islands." 


10  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Some  ball  team's  playing  there,  hey!"  said 
the  property  man.  "Will  it  keep  till  it  gits 
here  ? ' ' 

"Suttenly,"  she  replied  indulgently.  "Well, 
is  the  boarders  satisfied?" 

Praise  from  every  side  was  given.  Little 
Minnie  Mangle  was  urged  by  her  intelligent  ma- 
ternal parent  to  get  out  her  natural  history,  and 
in  its  pages  search  for  a  reproduction  of  the 
kangaroo. 

"I'm  readin'  Mista  Merger's  'Bohemians,' 
demurred  little  Minnie,  "an'  I  d'  want  to  look 
in  no  old  history,  'cause  I'm  a  actress,  an'  ain't 
gotta  go  to  school  no  more.    Is  I,  pop?" 

"You  know  more  right  now  than  you'd  find 
out  in  school,"  said  Mr.  Mangle.  "Sure  you 
ain't." 

"I  don't  keer  fer  animal  books,  anyway," 
said  Minnie,  * '  'cause  them  are  fur  kids.  I  wisht 
I  was  a  big  lady,  an'  I'd  have  more  Johns  buyin' 
me  joolry.  Wouldn't  I,  pop?" 

"An'  they  better  not  hand  you  no  phoneys, 
neither,"  declared  Mr.  Mangle  zealously,  "not 
while  your  pop's  'round  to  git  the  stones  tested. 
You're  growin'." 

"Soon's  I'm  rull  big,"  prattled  little  Minnie, 
"I'm  go  in'  to  work  single,  an'  pop  an'  mom- 
mer's  jest  goin'  'round  with  me,  an'  not  do  noth- 
ing ain't  you,  pop?" 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  11 

' '  Sure, ' '  agreed  Mr.  Mangle. 

"That  family  are  revolting  to  me,"  observed 
Mrs.  Pango,  wife  of  Gus  Pango,  the  banjoist. 
' '  I  knew  Louisa  Mangle  before  she  ever  thought 
that  she'd  be  playin'  two  a  day.  Ten  a  week 
and  cakes  was  a  fine  salary  for  her ;  and  her  hus- 
band, Professor  Humbuginini,  the  strong  man, 
was  even  worse  than  Mangle.  I  know  her  his- 
tory, and  well  does  she  know  that  I  do.'* 

"Mommer,  Mis'  Pango 's  crackin'  at  your  oth- 
er husbing ! ' '  cried  little  Minnie  valiantly. 

"Ladies,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine  firmly,  "not  one 
word !  Let  it  be  peace  on  earth,  an'  can  all  this 
here  argyment.  They  ain't  nothin'  into  it." 

Mrs.  Pango  and  Mrs.  Mangle  left  the  room, 
muttering.  Later  the  sound  of  female  voices, 
pitched  in  a  high  key,  was  heard  from  the  third 
floor,  where  both  resided.  Mrs.  de  Shine  per- 
mitted that  engagement  to  proceed  without  in- 
terference. One  could  not  always  referee  con- 
tests between  the  boarders. 

Boldly  she  settled  upon  the  meat  which  was 
to  be  labeled  "kangaroo."  It  should  be  the 
cheapest  cut  of  mutton  extant,  and  any  lack  of 
flavor  and  tenderness  must  be  blamed  upon  the 
phantom  animal  that  in  life  had  been  the  dish 
upon  which  they  dined.  It  would  be  roasted, 
and  served  with  a  variety  of  vegetables,  with  a 
plenitude  of  bread  and  butter,  pickled  beets, 


12  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

and  soup,  which  filling  articles  were  always  pro- 
vided in  seemingly  careless  profusion  at  the 
Maison  de  Shine's  table  d'hote. 

After  deciding  upon  the  kangaroo,  "Lydia 
Thompson"  must  next  be  selected.  This  was  an 
undertaking  which  demanded  more  care  and 
delicacy  than  the  kangaroo.  What  should  she 
use? 

Susy  was  consulted. 

"Why,  we  could  have  fish,"  said  Susy. 
"Them'd  be  fine.  How  do  they  know  what  kind 
of  fish  them  Sandwich  Island  got?" 

"That's  right,"  said  the  landlady,  "they 
don 't.  We  '11  call  it  the  jumpin '  sharkerino ' ' 

"But  sharks  ain't  good  eatin',"  objected 
Susy;  "nobody '11  touch  'em.  Why  don't  you 
make  it  a  sea  otter?  Their  hides  is  worth  a 
couple  of  thousand  bones  each,  an'  if  the  skins 
is  so  dear  the  insides  oughter  be,  too." 

"The  sea  otter  from  the  Sandwich  Islands," 
repeated  Mrs.  de  Shine,  "yes,  that'll  do.  What 
would  yuh  s  'pose  might  taste  like  one  of  'em  ? ' ' 

"I  never  et  one,"  confessed  Susy  artlessly, 
"but  I  got  an  idea.  Minks  must  be  near  like 
otters. ' ' 

"Well,  my  goodness,  yuh  can't  git  no  live 
minks ! ' '  exclaimed  the  landlady  fretfully. 

"Ah,  but  they  never  et  no  minks,  neither," 
said  the  resourceful  slavey  cunningly.  "If  we 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  13 

git  rabbits,  an'  hide  the  skins,  how  they  goin' 
to  find  out?  That  clippin'  said  how  Fanny  Ad- 
ams come  in  a  funny  box,  all  smellin'  of  spices 
an'  so  on.  I  guess  we're  as  good  at  fixin'  an 
Injun-lookin'  box  as  anybody." 

"Is  it  Injuns  in  them  islands?"  asked  Mrs.  de 
Shine  doubtfully.  * « Ain  't  it  dinges  ? ' ' 

"Injuns  an'  dinges,  too,"  answered  Susy 
carefully.  She  was  resolved  that  her  fitness  for 
the  position  of  confidential  adviser  should  not 
be  assailed. 

"Figger  out  how  many  we  need,  an'  don't 
breathe  a  word  to  a  soul,"  counseled  the  land- 
lady. "We  jest  got  to  be  mum  as  the  grave  about 
this,  fer  it'd  be  tur 'ble  ef  ever  it  should  git  out." 

Susy  bade  her  chief  have  no  fear.  No  one 
should  ever  learn  their  guilty  secret. 

The  Property  Man,  three  days  before  Christ- 
mas, developed  an  embarrassing  desire  for  in- 
formation. 

"I'm  deep  sea,"  he  pleaded,  "lemme  in  on 
this  gag.  Aw,  you  ain't  got  no  kangaroo,  on 
the  level  ?  If  you  have,  give  us  a  flash  at  it. ' ' 

"I  kinnot,"  cried  the  harried  landlady;  "now 
cease,  Mista  Johnson!  The  feat  will  be  brang 
off  as  billed,  an'  yuh  got  no  right  to  be  buttin* 
in  like  yer  doin'." 

"All  right,"  he  threatened  gaily,  "you'll  wish 
you  had,  Maggie.  Say!  if  you  don't  tell,  I'm 


14 

goin'  to  bring  some  meat  of  my  own.  An'  it'll 
have  yours  skinned  a  block.  See  if  it  don 't. ' ' 

"I'm  sure  I  don't  care,"  she  said.  "I'd  be 
glad  to  git  it,  these  tough  times.  Bring  on  yer 
old  meat,  ef  yuh  wanta,  Mista  Johnson,  but  jest 
yuh  keep  out  of  this  kitching.  Now  mind  that. 
Susy,  don't  let  him  in  the  door." 

"He's  nosin'  'round,  an'  gigglin'  the  hull 
time,"  reported  Susy,  much  disturbed.  "He 
come  in  the  back  door  to-night,  an'  stuck  'round 
till  I  jest  up  an'  says  he's  got  to  git  out." 

"Darn  his  hide,  ef  he  ain't  perf'ly  dretful!" 
said  the  landlady  irritably.  "He  needn't  think 
I'm  foolin'.  Fust  thing,  he'd  tattle  it  all  over, 
an'  our  repitation'd  be  simply  ruint  as  the  Wal- 
dorf of  the  perfessional  penshuns.  Hit  him  if 
yuh  gotta,  but  see  to  it  that  he's  kep'  where  he 
b 'longs.  Men  is  all  that  snoopin'  that  they'd 
oughta  be  licked,  anyway. ' ' 

' '  You  bet  they  are, ' '  said  Susy. 

On  Christmas  eve,  between  shows  at  the  thea- 
ter where  he  worked,  the  property  man  was 
busy.  He  opened  a  window  which  led  from 
Johnny  Trippit's  "first  floor  rear"  room,  and 
quietly  emerged  upon  the  wide  sill. 

Trippit,  inside,  had  fastened  a  rope  securely 
around  the  bed.  The  Property  Man  slid  down 
this  rope,  and  found  himself  in  the  yard.  From 
where  he  stood,  in  a  deep  shadow,  he  could  gaze 


15 

through  the  steam-covered  kitchen  windows  and 
discern  the  cook  and  Susy. 

They  were  skinning  some  sort  of  animal.  He 
discovered  a  mound  of  the  animals  set  in  a  dish- 
pan. 

* '  Rabbits ! "  he  chuckled.  ' '  Kin  you  beat  it  ? 
That's  'Lydia  Thompson,'  or  I'm  a  goat,  an'  I 
know  I  ain't.  Fine  for  the  lilies!  I  got  her 
now. ' ' 

Mrs.  de  Shine  entered  the  kitchen  and  held 
converse  with  her  two  slaves.  She  inspected  the 
rabbits,  and  apparently  approved  of  them.  Susy 
laughed  as  her  mistress  swung  a  rabbit  to  and 
fro  by  its  short  legs. 

The  Property  Man  laughed  also,  but  for  a  dif- 
ferent reason.  He  whistled.  Trippit  peered 
out,  and  his  friend  signaled  that  he  was  ready  to 
ascend  to  safety.  The  noise  made  by  the  prop- 
erty man  was  heard  by  those  in  the  kitchen. 

The  landlady,  with  the  cook  and  Susy,  came 
out,  looked  about  suspiciously,  and  asked  one 
another  whence  the  sound  had  come.  The  prop- 
erty man,  with  Trippit,  snickered  as,  in  the  dark- 
ened room,  they  listened  to  the  gabbling  of  the 
kitchen  corps. 

"It's  rabbits,"  whispered  the  property  man. 

"It  is!"  Trippit,  in  scorn,  sniffed  disgusted- 
ly. "Well,  what's  the  answer,  or  is  it  a  joke?" 

"It'll  be  a  joke  on  her  before  your  Uncle 


16  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Patsy 's  finished, ' '  said  his  friend.  ' '  Keep  your 
lamps  on  me,  pal.  I  got  sumpin'  cooked  fer  my 
lady  f  ren  Maggie  that  '11  take  the  curl  out  of  her 
front  frizzes.  Old  Miss  Fox,  hey?  Here's  where 
we  trim  a  scare  into  her  that's  due  to  take  a 
coupla  years '  growth  off  her. ' ' 

1  'What '11  you  do?"  asked  Trippit. 

Cautiously  they  lit  the  gas,  first  having  pulled 
down  the  shade,  fearing  that  Mrs.  de  Shine 
might  still  be  in  the  yard. 

"Here  'tis,"  said  the  Property  Man. 

He  outlined  a  plan  of  action  which  delighted 
the  buck  dancer.  Together  they  cackled  over  it. 

"We'll  grab  ourselves  some  grub  outside," 
said  the  originator  of  the  scheme,  "then  we'll 
be  feelin'  good,  an'  won't  care  what  comes  off. 
But  ain't  it  a  pippin?  Just  wait  till  you  hear 
her  yell.  That's  the  weakest  spot  she  kin  be 
hit  in." 

' '  Serve  her  right, ' '  said  Trippit,  unrelenting. 
"She's  a  grouch  an'  a  tightwad.  But  she's  met 
her  match." 

The  boarders  assembled  at  6  o'clock  Christ- 
mas night.  The 1 1  second  table ' '  waited  hungrily 
in  the  hall.  These  unfortunates  had  been  as- 
sured that  they  would  receive  an  ample  supply 
of  "Lydia  Thompson"  and  the  New  Zealand 
kangaroo,  which  caused  them  to  remain  outside 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  17 

with  more  patience  than  if  they  had  suspected 
that  the  first  lot  of  boarders  would  be  allowed 
to  do  away  with  all  of  the  prominent  features 
of  the  meal. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  at  the  head  of  the  table, 
dispensing  hospitality  lavishly.  The  Property 
Man  and  Johnny  Trippit  were  crowded  in  at  the 
opposite  end.  As  the  soup-plates  were  being 
removed  a  messenger  was  announced  for  Mr. 
Johnson  by  Susy. 

"Send  him  in  here!"  shouted  the  Property 
Man. 

The  boy  bore  a  platter.  When  he  had  removed 
a  napkin  they  saw  a  great  pile  of  fat  sausages. 

"This,"  said  the  Property  Man  gravely,  "is 
knowed  in  Germany  as  the  ki-yi  sassage.  It's 
sent  straight  from  the  table  of  Emp'ror  Will- 
yum,  an'  I  ast  all  of  you  to  have  one  wit'  me. 
Maggie,  before  them  fancy  dishes  of  yours 
comes  on  will  you  take  a  sassage  wit'  your  old 
pall" 

"Mista  Johnson,  I  shall  be  most  happy,"  she 
replied  ceremoniously.  ' '  Susy,  bring  plates,  an' 
deal  out  Mista  Johnson's  present." 

"Merry  Chris 'mas,"  said  the  donor  politely. 
"Help  yourselves." 

Susy  gave  each  guest  a  succulent  sausage. 

"Say!  how    'bout   the  guesses  fer  'Lydia 


18  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Thompson?'  '  innocently  asked  Trippit.  "Do 
you  read  'em  out  ? ' ' 

"I  got  'em  here,"  said  the  landlady;  "but  it's 
after  she's  et  that  they'll  be  give  out.  Did  yuh 
put  yer  guess  in?" 

' '  Sure, ' '  said  he.  *  *  So  did  Johnson.  We  think 
we'll  win." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  smiled  confidently.  The  Sand- 
wich Islands  sea  otter  would  be  beyond  his  fath- 
oming. She  was  not  even  satisfied  as  to  the  fact 
that  such  a  beast  really  existed.  As  to  what 
course  she  should  pursue  in  case  some  one 
guessed  ' '  rabbit, ' '  she  had  not  thought  about  it. 
The  domestic  rabbits  had  been  cleverly  severed 
by  the  cook. 

Many  condiments  had  been  showered  upon 
them  until  there  was  small  chance  of  much  of 
the  original  taste  remaining.  Therefore,  she 
returned  Trippit 's  knowing  stare  calmly,  and 
with  such  coolness  that  he  marveled  at  the  de- 
ceit of  the  woman.  Little  Minnie  Mangle 's  fork 
speared  her  sausage  before  the  rest  had  started. 

"What  become  of  Fido?"  Johnny  Trippit 
had  spoken. 

"I  s'pose  my  itto  bitto  dawgie  is  upstairs  in 
his  bed,"  said  the  landlady.  "He's  had  his 
Chris 'mas  dinner." 

"That  was  lucky,"  remarked  the  Property 
Man  loudly. 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  19 

His  tone  held  mystery.  The  owner  of  Fido 
turned  to  get  a  better  view  of  his  face.  As  she 
did,  he  leaned  toward  Trippit  and  gave  utter- 
ance to  some  low-voiced  jest,  at  which  they  both 
laughed  immoderately. 

1 '  Mommer, ' '  said  little  Minnie  complainingly, 
"they's  a  hull  lot  of  hairs  in  my  sassage." 

' '  Sorter  puts  color  to  that  there  old  kid  about 
killin'  mutts  for  'em,  don't  it!"  said  her  father 
jovially. 

Then  he  broke  the  outer  skin  of  his  sausage. 

' ' It 's  full  of  hairs ! "  he  said.  ' '  Gee !  from  a 
sheep,  I  s'pose." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  tested  hers.  So  did  the  rest. 
Still  the  conspirators  at  one  end  of  the  table 
chuckled  merrily.  And  they  ate  no  sausage. 

"Susy!"  the  landlady  sharply  called  the 
slavey,  and  whispered  an  order.  Susy  disap- 
peared, to  return  five  minutes  later,  while  the 
guests  were  indignantly  bringing  forth  short, 
fuzzy,  white  hairs. 

"Not  to  be  found,  an'  he  ain't  outside,"  she 
said  in  a  strange,  frightened  manner. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  suddenly  fell  back.  Her  ruddy 
face  paled  to  the  edge  of  her  blondined  hair. 

"It's  Fido!"  she  shrieked,  "my  baby  poodle! 
They've  murdered  him,  I  tell  you!  Killed  the 
dolling  as  he  slep ' ! " 

Trippit  and  his  accomplice  bowed  their  heads 


20  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

as  she  pointed,  with  dramatic  effect,  at  them. 
Horrified,  the  diners  arose,  as  those  in  the  hall 
burst  in  to  ascertain  the  cause  of  the  row  going 
on  in  the  dining-room. 

"They— have— killed— my— Fido!"  the  land- 
lady screeched. 

"Trippit!"  shouted  the  Property  Man  accus- 
ingly, "why'd  you  do  it?  He  never  done  naw- 
thin'  to  you,  bless  his  heart.  As  nice  a  dorg  as 
ever  I  see,  too. ' ' 

"I  ain't  saw  him!"  retorted  the  Buck  Dancer. 
"You're  the  guy  who  done  it.  I  seen  you." 

"He's  a  liar !" said  the  Property  Man,  appeal- 
ing to  the  boarders,  all  of  whom,  white  and  ill- 
looking,  violently  pushed  their  chairs  from  the 
table. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  began  to  sob  wildly.  Susy 
sniffed  in  sympathy  with  the  landlady's  grief. 

*  *  The  cowards ! ' '  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  arising  in- 
dignantly. ' '  Oh,  the  base,  horrible  ruffians ! ' ' 

"An"'  I  swallered  a  hair!"  wailed  little  Min- 
nie. * '  Mommer,  what  kin  I  do  ?  iWill  I  die  ?  Is 
it  made  out  of  Fido?" 

"Get  'em  arrested,  ma'am,"  suggested  Susy, 
jogging  the  arm  of  her  weeping  employer. 

"Aw,  bring  on  'Lydia  Thompson'  an'  the  sea 
otter!"  bellowed  the  Property  Man,  "this  is  all 
the  bunk.  'Tain't  my  fault  if  a  few  little  hairs 
go  an'  git  in  my  present,  is  it?  Maggie's  usin' 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  21 

that  fer  a  stall.  She  ain't  got  any  meat  from 
heathen  climes.  That's  it." 

11  We're  payin'  our  board,  an'  we  demand  that 
meat ! ' '  said  Trippit  ferociously. 

' '  Susy,  call  the  bull  up  to  the  corner  saloon ! ' ' 
cried  the  landlady,  raising  her  stricken  counte- 
nance for  a  moment. 

"He'll  be  inside,"  chortled  Mr.  Mangle. 
' '  That 's  where  all  cops  sticks  these  cold  nights. ' ' 

"Mebbe  he'd  like  a  sassage,"  said  the  Prop- 
erty Man,  grinning.  "Ast  him,  Susy." 

"He'd  rather  a  hull  lot  git  a  whack  at 
'Lydia,'  "  said  Trippit,  "an*  the  kangaroo.  It's 
even  money  that  poor  guy  never  had  our  luck. 
He  ain't  had  any.  How  'bout  'Lydia'?  Naw- 
tin'doin'?" 

"Brute!"  said  Mrs.  Mangle.  "You  are  un- 
speakable !  Come,  Minerva,  to  our  apartments. 
I  am  really  unstrung,  and  I  am  sure  I  shall  be 
extremely  ill. ' ' 

"Oh,  I  am  already!"  pitifully  asserted  Miss 
Montagu,  the  ingenue.  "Such  a  scene!  And 
what  a  mind,  to  conceive  of  such  an  outrage !  It 
was  Fido !  I  am  sure  of  it ! " 

"What!  You  mean  he's  in  the  sassage!"  in- 
quired the  brazen  Property  Man.  "Naw!  O' 
course  not !  Why,  is  he  lost ! ' ' 

Mrs.  de  Shine  ceased  sobbing  and  got  to  her 
feet. 


22  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"I  put  the  Dutch  cuss  on  yuh,"  she  said  sol- 
emnly, "both  of  yuh,  an'  I  hope  it  settles  yuh 
fur  good  an'  all,  'cause  yer  too  contemptible  to 
live,  yuh  scoundrels!  Moreover,  leave  my 
house!" 

"Not  till  we  git  'Lydia'  an'  the  kangaroo," 
said  the  Property  Man.  "Ain't  that  right, 
Trip?"  he  asked. 

"Not  a  step.  We're  from  Missou-ry,"  said 
that  gentleman  cheerily. 

"Ef  I  give  yuh  some,  will  you  blow  then?" 
she  sobbed.  "Anything  to  remove  his  murder- 
ers from  my  sight !  Oh,  my  pore  Fido ! ' ' 

"Bring  it  on,"  said  both  inexorably. 

The  cook  brought  in  a  platter.  On  it  was 
"Lydia,"  in  many  sections.  Next  she  fetched 
the  "kangaroo." 

A  portion  was  set  before  the  disturbers. 

"Rats !  It's  rabbit,  an'  sheep,"  said  the  Prop- 
erty Man. 

"Good  guessers,  ain't  we,  Mis'  de  Shine?" 
said  Trippit.  "Do  we  git  the  prizes?  Got  it 
the  first  bite." 

"Mis'  de  Shine!  He  was  at  the  front  door, 
barkin' !"  Susy,  bearing  Fido,  unhurt  save  for 
several  bare  spots,  from  which  hair  had  evi- 
dently been  snipped,  rushed  to  Fido's  an- 
guished proprietor. 


A  CHRISTMAS  DINNER  23 

"Ain't  you  ashamed  of  accusin'  two  good  fel- 
lers like  us?"  said  the  Property  Man,  grinning 
fiendishly  as  he  shook  his  head  at  her.  So  did 
Trippit. 

* '  Gents, ' '  said  she,  still  shaken  by  recent  vio- 
lent emotion,  "I  ast  yer  parding.  I  think  it'll 
be  admitted  that  I  ain't  the  only  one  what  be- 
lieved it.  But  I  got  my  bajby  dawg  back,  an' 
every  sacrifice  will  be  made,  so  thankful  am  I." 

"Then  send  acrost  fer  a  coupla  roast  tur- 
keys," said  the  Property  Man.  "This  here 
'Lydia'  an*  the  kangaroo  ain't  good  eatin'. 
Them  things  never  is. ' ' 

"Shall  I?"  she  queried.  The  faces  of  the 
pair  were  a  notification  that  they  knew  a  good 
deal  about  the  "imported"  dishes.  Hastily, 
Susy  was  despatched  to  purchase  ready-cooked 
turkey,  enough  for  all  the  boarders.  Curiously 
"Lydia"  and  the  "kangaroo"  were  tasted,  and, 
once  tasted,  the  guests  waited  for  the  turkey. 

Mrs.  de  Shine,  clasping  Fido,  sighed  as  she 
observed  the  Property  Man,  who  winked  at  her. 

"Nawtin'  like  the  old  standby  fer  a  Chris '- 
mas  dinner,  is  they?"  he  said,  with  a  wink. 

"Well,  yer  gittin'  it,  ain't  you?"  she  retort- 
ed, with  a  peevishness  natural  under  the  circum- 
stances. At  his  second  wink  she  blushed,  for  she 
realized  that  to  him  "Lydia  Thompson"  and 


24  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

tHe  " kangaroo"  were  not  mysteries.  He  was 
not  a  man  so  easily  fooled.  But  it  was  some- 
thing to  have  so  clever  a  person  for  her  star 
boarder. 


THE  CIECUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD 

MBS.  DE  SHINE  stood  upon  the  top  step  of  the 
entrance  to  the  actors'  boarding-house  in  Irving 
Place.  Susy,  the  industrious  slavey,  was  sweep- 
ing the  lower  steps. 

" Where  kin  the  butcher  boy  be?"  wondered 
the  landlady,  folding  her  blue  flannel  kimono 
more  securely  about  her  matronly  form.  Susy 
leaned  upon  the  broom  for  a  moment,  surveying 
the  street. 

'  '  My !   Lookit  what 's  comin  M  "  she  exclaimed. 

A  female  of  such  amazing  fatness  that  she 
approached  with  the  slow  movements  of  a  lan- 
guid snail,  neared  them.  Behind  her  followed 
a  strange  and  motley  company.  There  were  a 
tall  man,  so  slender  that  he  in  no  wise  prevented 
a  clear  view  of  those  in  the  immediate  rear,  and 
a  husky  man  who  carried  an  odd  creature  in  a 
straplike  arrangement  slung  from  his  shoulders. 

Several  midget  men  and  women  trudged 
briskly  along  over  the  ice-covered  sidewalk, 
chattering  gaily. 

25 


26  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

"Freaks,  that's  what,  Susy!"  said  Mrs.  de 
Shine.  "Now,  where  kin  they  be  headin'  fer?" 

"Mebbe  they're  playin'  Huber's,"  suggested 
Susy,  with  unusual  intelligence. 

The  fat  lady,  like  a  boat  rocking  upon  the 
waves,  drew  nearer.  Even  when  she  paused  at 
the  steps  of  the  Maison  de  Shine  she  swayed 
from  side  to  side,  panting  from  her  exertions. 

"We'd  like  to  get  board,"  she  said. 

The  other  freaks  massed  around  the  leader  of 
their  expedition.  "You  been  recommended  to 
us  by  Henry  Jones,  the  Human  Pincushion," 
contributed  a  lady  midget,  in  a  startlingly  bass 
voice  for  one  so  tiny. 

"Fur  Heaving 's  sake!"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine  in 
much  confusion.  "Why,  rully,  I — I  think  yuh 
made  a  mistake.  I  ain't  never  catered  much 
to  circus  people,  yuh  see." 

"I  s'pose,"  said  the  Turtle  Boy,  peering  over 
the  husky  man's  shoulder,  "you  don't  want  no 
freaks  ? ' '  His  tone  was  resigned.  The  midgets 
sighed  in  concert. 

Business  at  the  Maison  de  Shine  had  been  dull 
for  several  weeks.  The  landlady  thought  of  this 
fact  as  she  met  the  inquiring  faces  of  the  freaks. 
They  would  pay  well.  She  might  give  them  a 
separate  table,  and  soothe  her  theatrical  guests 
by  sequestering  the  freaks  at  all  times. 


"How  ?bout  it?"  demanded  the  Living  Skele- 
ton sharply.  *  *  Do  you  want  us  or  not  ? ' ' 

"Walk  right  in,"  said  the  landlady,  frowning 
at  Susy's  stare  of  astonishment.  "I  presume 
yuh  jest  come  in  off  the  road,  an'  it's  suttenly 
fortunate  that  the  bridal  soot  an'  a  few  of  the 
best  rooms  was  jest  left  vacant  to-day.  Parding 
me  ef  I  ast  ef  yuh  wisht  to  double  up  or  go  sin- 
gle." 

"Well,  my  husband — he's  my  personal  man- 
ager— is  comin'  later  with  the  baggage,"  replied 
the  Fat  Lady,  laboriously  mounting  the  steps, 
"but  he'll  want  a  small  single  room  alone.  An' 
gimme  a  large  front  one,  an'  I  hope  the  beds  is 
good  an'  strong.  You  got  no  idee  the  trouble 
I  have  findin'  beds  that'll  hold  me." 

With  guilty  haste  Mrs.  de  Shine  urged  the 
new  boarders  inside.  It  was  her  hope  that  they 
might  all  be  safely  in  their  rooms  before  the 
regular  guests  appeared.  In  the  wake  of  the 
midgets  a  bearded,  dark-faced  person,  with  flow- 
ing garments,  walked  with  the  Armless  Won- 
der. 

"I  got  a  grand  soot,  with  the  bath  jest  out- 
side, ef  yuh  two  gent 'men  care  to  take  it,"  said 
Mrs.  de  Shine  persuasively,  addressing  this 
pair. 

The  bearded  person  turned  an  indignant  eye 
upon  her.  "  I  'm  a  lady, ' '  she  announced  shrilly, 


28  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"and  don't  you  forget  it — the  Bearded  Lady — 
and  knowed  from  Siam  to  the  north  pole,  too!" 

"I'm  sure  Ibeg  parding,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine 
contritely,  "but,  o'  course,  bein'  unfamiliar  with 
yer  perfession,  a  party's  liable  to  make  a  break, 
an'  yet  mean  the  best  in  the  world." 

"Oh,  certainly,"  replied  the  Bearded  Lady 
graciously.  "Let  it  go  at  that." 

"Mis'  de  Shine,  is  he  a  huming  bein'?"  whis- 
pered Susy.  She  pointed  to  a  squat  man  who 
closed  the  door  after  the  rest.  The  Turtle  Boy's 
keeper  heard  her.  "It's  the  Pithecanthropus 
Erectus,  ma  'am, ' '  he  explained.  ' '  He 's  the  real 
descendant  of  the  ape,  half  monk  an'  half  man, 
but  he's  a  darned  good  feller,  an'  there  ain't 
anything  he  wouldn't  do  fer  a  pal." 

"  I  'm  sure  he 's  got  a  rull  nice  face,  when  yuh 
git  ust  to  it,"  answered  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "Now 
I  hope  none  o '  yuh  folks  '11  feel  offended  ef  I  ast 
yuh  to  kick  in  fer  the  week  in  advance,  but  them 
rules  I  made  when  fust  I  left  burlesque  an' 
opened  up  fer  business." 

"I'm  willin'  enough,"  said  the  Fat  Lady, 
"but  I  just  can't  get  at  my  bank-roll  till  I'm  in 
my  room." 

"I  understand,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine  delicate- 
ly. "Since  I  been  more  embongpont  myself,  I 
find  it  ain't  no  cinch  to  reach  mine,  either.  I 
s'pose  yuh  carry;  it  in  yer  stockin'.?" 


CIRCUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD  29 

The  Fat  Lady  admitted  that  it  was  in  this 
same  repository  that  her  money  was  concealed. 

Terms  satisfactory  to  every  one  were  made, 
and  the  freaks  shown  to  their  apartments.  The 
Fat  Lady  had  no  sooner  closed  the  door  of  Eer 
room,  upon  the  first  floor,  than  a  loud  crash  was 
heard.  The  Living  Skeleton,  just  disappearing 
up  the  stairs,  laughed  loudly.  "Tessie's  busted 
the  bed  again,  I'll  bet  a  nickel/'  said  he  joy- 
ously. "She  can't  ever  set  on  the  chairs,  so  she 
sets  on  the  bed.  I  guess  it's  gone." 

Mr.  Johnson,  the  property  man,  oldest  board- 
er of  all,  entered  the  hall  at  five  o'clock.  The 
.two  smallest  midgets  were  seated  upon  the  low- 
est step,  engaged  in  excited  argument.  "Hey, 
kids,  lemme  past!'  said  he  gently. 

"Don't  call  me  a  kid!"  shouted  one  midget, 
arising  haughtily.  "I'm  General  Bones!" 

The  Property  Man  grinned.  On  the  second 
floor  he  met  the  landlady.  "Who's  them  two 
crazy-lookin'  brats  dressed  like  grown-ups?"  he 
inquired.  "They're  fresh,  all  right." 

"Goodness!  An'  me  tellin'  'em  they  gotta 
stay  in  their  own  rooms!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  de 
Shine.  "Oh,  I  kin  jest  see  nothin'  but  woe 
ahead  f  er  me ! ' ' 

Wondering  at  her  remarks,  the  Property  Man 
leaned  upon  the  stair-rail  to  watch  as  she  de- 
scended. "Now,  yuh  simply  kinnot  set  in  the 


30 

hall ! ' '  she  announced  sternly.  *  *  An '  I  must  aat 
yuh  not  to  be  doin'  it." 

Many  voices  of  varying  timbre,  joined  in  loud 
argument,  caused  the  Property  Man  to  return 
to  the  scene  of  action.  Surrounded  by  her  new- 
est boarders,  the  landlady  was  addressing  a 
stranger  whose  nose  was  on  a  level  with  the 
gas  which  flickered  in  the  chill  draught  from  the 
front  door.  ' '  I  kinnot  take  no  giants ! ' '  said  the 
landlady.  "Kinnot,  an'  will  not!" 

The  man  who  had  convoyed  the  Turtle  Boy 
replied.  He  was  apparently  normal  in  every 
way,  but  having  thrown  in  his  lot  with  the 
freaks,  he  fought  their  battles  bravely.  "We 
can't  be  separated,  because  we  ain't  used  to 
it,"  he  said.  "The  giant  always  comes  along. 
He'd  'a'  come  in  with  the  crowd,  only  a  mob 
delayed  him  by  follerin'  him.  Ain't  that  right, 
George?" 

The  giant  looked  appealingly  at  the  inexor- 
able countenance  of  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "I'll  be  as 
little  trouble  as  possible,"  he  urged,  "and  I'm 
willing  to  pay,  you  know." 

"Say!  what's  all  this,  anyway?"  asked  the 
Property  Man,  appearing  among  them  from 
above.  The  Fat  Lady,  an  emotional  creature 
at  all  times,  wept  in  sympathy  with  the  landlady. 
"Now,  Tessie,  don't  upset  yourself  so,"  soothed 
the  Living  Skeleton.  "Didn't  you  start  cryin' 


in  Salt  Lake  that  time,  and  it  affected  you  bad? 
It'll  all  be  fixed  up." 

"But  Gawge  ain't  got  any  place  to  sleep!" 
wailed  the  Fat  Lady.  The  giant  was  frightfully 
embarrassed,  especially  as  all  the  midgets,  to 
convince  him  that  they  were  in  complete  accord 
with  him,  clung  to  his  long  legs,  affectionately 
beating  him  with  their  little  hands.  Much  af- 
fected, he  stooped  to  return  their  friendly  ca- 
resses, and  stepped  on  Fido,  the  fat  poodle,  who 
had  adventured  into  the  hall  to  see  what  the 
fuss  was  about. 

"Oh,  where  kin  I  put  him,  Mista  Johnson?" 
.cried  the  landlady. 

"Gee!  don't  ask  me,"  replied  the  Property 
Man.  *  *  You  're  runnin '  your  own  game — I  ain  't. 
If  this  is  goin'  to  be  a  circus  boardin '-house,  all 
right.  But  me — out.  That's  all  I  gotta  say." 

Followed  by  the  cold  glances  of  the  freaks,  he 
hastened  upstairs  again.  Left  to  solve  the  prob- 
lem alone,  Mrs.  de  Shine  dried  her  tears.  Hers 
was  a  sanguine  temperament,  and  having  treat- 
ed herself  to  the  luxury  of  a  few  sobs  she  cheer- 
fully resumed  the  responsibilities  of  her  posi- 
tion, agreeing  to  furnish  accommodations  for 
the  giant  as  long  as  he  paid  the  exorbitant  rate 
which  she  named  to  him. 

"I  s'pose  yuh  won't  mind  eatin'  before  the 
other  boarders?"  she  asked.  "Susy '11  set  yuh 


32  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

a  special  table,  an'  ef  I  do  say  it,  as  shouldn't, 
the  food '11  tie  a  hull  lot  of  places — an'  I  don't 
bar  the  Waldorf  or  the  Sant  Wreckus — in  a 
knot." 

But  at  this  more  clamor  arose.  The  freaks 
insisted  that  they  wished  life  and  gaiety  at  their 
repasts,  and  they  desired  to  dine  with  the  other 
boarders. 

"I  never  see  sich  a  delikit  situation  before 
in  my  hull  career,"  confided  Mrs.  de  Shine  to 
Susy.  "Yuh  know  what  knockers  an'  kickers 
vodeville  people  is,  anyway,  an'  yet  here's  these 
folks  payin'  more'n  double  rates,  an'  this  bein' 
so,  attention  has  gotta  be  paid  to  their  wishes. ' ' 

"That  there  Pithy- whadda-you-callum's  a 
dretful  gent,"  replied  the  slavey,  shuddering. 
1 '  Oh,  I  jest  hope  he  ain't  never  in  his  room  when 
I  go  to  do  it." 

"Consider-in'  that  yer  too  blame  lazy  to  get 
'round  to  the  rooms  before  evenin',  he  prob'ly 
won't  be,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine  sharply,  because 
she  regretted  having  employed  a  tone  of  such 
familiarity  in  speaking  with  Susy.  Eebuked, 
the  slavey  made  no  further  comment  upon  the 
appearance  of  the  "human  prodigies,"  the  term 
which  the  Living  Skeleton  had  courteously  re- 
quested be  used  when  referring  to  himself  or 
associates. 

The  Fat  Lady,  carefully  seated  upon  her  bed, 


CIRCUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD    33 

in  which  the  slats  had  been  renewed  since  her 
first  attempt  to  rest  her  large  bulk  upon  it,  was 
perusing  a  letter  which  she  had  taken  from  a 
handbag  of  enormous  size.  The  Bearded  Lady, 
who  was  calling  on  her  friend,  was  embroider- 
ing a  table-cover  with  a  wreath  of  purple  pan- 
sies.  '  *  Here 's  the  Moscow  Giant  went  and  jilted 
Maizie  Morgan,  the  Fat  Girl,"  said  the  former. 
"  Ain't  he  the  wretch?  And  Maizie 's  a  lovely 
girl,  too.  Not  so  fat  as  me,  but  she  cops  her  lit- 
tle sixty  every  week,  and  I  just  bet  that  he'll 
live  to  see  the  day  when  he'll  regret  it.  Her 
letter's  awful  sad." 

"Every  one  has  something  to  bear,  it  does 
seem,"  sighed  the  Bearded  Lady.  "Well,  she 
may  be  better  off.  I  never  knowed  a  happy  day 
till  I  left  the  brute  I  married. ' ' 

The  dinner-gong,  operated  by  Susy,  sounded 
from  outside.  Thereupon  both  got  up,  the  Fat 
Lady  patting  her  pompadour  and  powdering  her 
face,  while  the  Bearded  Lady  hastily  combed  her 
whiskers.  Then  they  went  to  dinner.  The  Pithe- 
canthropus Erectus,  with  a  rolling  gait,  reached 
the  dining-room  first.  "Set  right  down,  Mista 
Gallagher,"  said  the  landlady  hospitably.  "I 
want  yuh  all  to  feel  at  home." 

Flora  Flitter,  of  the  Flitter  Sisters,  tripped 
in  from  the  kitchen,  where,  being  a  privileged 
guest,  she  had  been  asking  details  as  to  what 


34  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

meat  was  to  be  served  for  dinner.  Flora,  blonde 
and  sprightly,  appealed  to  the  taste  of  the  Pithe- 
canthropus Erectus.  * '  Howdy  do  ? "  said  he. 

"Heavings!  Help!  help!"  screamed  Flora, 
beating  a  retreat. 

"Now  don't  be  scared  of  me,  little  gal!" 
shouted  the  Man- Ape  reassuringly.  "Come  on 
back!" 

The  Fat  Lady  had  successfully  impeded  the 
progress  of  those  behind  her  by  wedging  her- 
self in  the  doorway.  "I  can't  get  through!" 
she  gasped. 

"This  is  nothing  short  of  an  outrage!"  ex- 
claimed Mrs.  Mangle.  "When  my  husband 
brought  up  the  news  that  performers  of  our 
class  are  supposed  to  eat  with  freaks  I  didn't 
believe  it  at  first." 

'  *  Human  prodigies,  I  beg  of  yuh, ' '  murmured 
the  landlady  in  her  ear.  "It  hurts  their  feelin's 
dretful  to  be  called  freaks." 

"I  wanna  be  a  freak,  mommer!"  piped  Lit- 
tle Minnie  Mangle,  the  Child  Wonder. 

This  was  the  opportunity  of  Miss  Imogen 
Montagu,  ingenue  in  a  Harlem  stock  company. 
"It's  near  enough  to  a  freak  when  a  girl  almost 
as  old  as  I  am  is  carried  'round  the  countiy 
billed  as  a  child!"  she  said.  "I  refer  to  Minnie 
Mangle. ' ' 

Mrs,  Mangle  would  brook  no  unkind  comment 


CIRCUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD    35 

upon  her  offspring.  "Repeat  those  words,  Misi 
Montagu,"  she  threatened,  "and  I'll  scratch 
your  eyes  out ! ' ' 

"Mista  Mangle,  I  beg  yuh  to  restrain  yer 
wife ! ' '  Mrs.  de  Shine  whispered. 

"Now,  Louiser,  be  a  good  feller,  can't  you?" 
remonstrated  Mr.  Mangle.  ' '  If  that  skirt  wants 
to  make  a  holler  about  a  little  gal  who'll  be 
headin'  bills  before  she's  fourteen,  let  her.  It 
ain't  the  first  time  dames  has  been  jealous  of 
Minnie's  talent." 

"I'm  smarter 'n  her,"  remarked  little  Minnie. 
"Ain't  I,  pop?" 

The  Pithecanthropus  Erectus,  alone  at  the  ta- 
ble, while  the  Fat  Lady  was  being  extricated 
from  her  uncomfortable  position,  devoured  all 
that  he  could  reach.  Mounds  of  bread  and  heap- 
ing dishes  of  pickled  beets,  intended  for  general 
consumption,  went  into  his  hungry  interior. 
Flora  Flitter,  realizing  the  situation,  timidly 
stole  in  and  took  her  own  place. 

' '  Have  some  beets  ?  "  he  asked  huskily. 

"Tessie,  you  simply  can't  do  it,"  observed 
the  Bearded  Lady.  "We  gells  will  bring  your 
dinner  in,  but  you  see  yourself  you  could  never, 
never  make  it. ' ' 

"Is  that  a  feller  or  a  female?"  inquired  the 
Property  Man. 


36  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Well,  Vera,  I  guess  you're  right,"  replied 
the  Fat  Lady  regretfully;  "it's  my  luck." 

"Blessed  if  I  ever  see  a  guy  with  whiskers 
called  Vera, ' '  remarked  Mr.  Mangle  to  his  wife. 
He  received  a  scorching  glance  from  the  Beard- 
ed Lady. 

"Now,  folks,  jest  pile  in  anywhere,"  said  Mrs. 
de  Shine.  "Susy,  bring  the  soup,  an'  bring  it 
darned  rapid !  Yuh  stand  there  with  yer  mouth 
oping,  like  yuh  didn't  know  nothin'!" 

The  Armless  Wonder  gallantly  permitted 
Miss  Montagu  to  take  the  end  seat,  a  coveted 
spot,  as  the  fortunate  holder  had  room  enough 
to  move  both  elbows  freely. 

"Mommer,  he  looks  human,  all  but  his  feet," 
said  little  Minnie.  "I  seed  'em  under  the  ta- 
ble." 

The  Pithecanthropus  Erectus  scowled  at  little 
Minnie. 

"Mista  Gallagher '11  be  rull  mad  at  yuh,  Min- 
nie dolling,  ef  yuh  don't  quit,"  admonished  the 
landlady. 

Devastation  ruled  where  Mr.  Gallagher's  busy 
fork  had  been.  "You'll  have  to  charge  him  ex- 
tra, ma'am,"  explained  the  Living  Skeleton. 
"They  always  do.  He's  sure  there  with  the  ter- 
rible appetite." 

"S'cuse  me,  old  pal,"  said  the  Property  Man, 
"but  where  does  this  ape  guy  hail  from?" 


CIRCUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD    37 

"He's  a  Western  feller,  between  yon  and 
me,"  responded  the  Skeleton  confidentially. 
"He  come  from  Denver.  Used  to  hang  'round 
out  there  till  he  went  into  the  prodigy  line.  He 
never  has  no  trouble  with  nobody." 

' '  Vera ! ' '  called  a  voice  from  the  door.  It  was 
the  lonely  Fat  Lady,  mourning  while  her  friends 
feasted.  "Do  throw  me  a  bun  or  something," 
she  entreated.  "I'm  feelin'  real  faint." 

"You  bet  I  will,  Tessie,"  replied  the  loyal 
Bearded  Lady.  She  collected  a  plateful  of  food. 
"Please  pass  this  to  my  lady  friend,"  she  mur- 
mured, delivering  the  plate  to  Susy. 

"I  feel  in  my  bones  they  ain't  goin'  to  be 
enough  dessert,"  said  the  landlady.  "Run  acrost 
to  the  bakery  an'  get  a  coupla  cakes,  Susy,  an' 
be  spry  about  it." 

Miss  Montagu  curiously  observed  the  Arm- 
less Wonder.  "Will  you  please  pass  the  pota- 
toes?" she  requested,  forgetful  of  his  lack  of 
arms. 

' '  Delighted,  I  'm  sure, ' '  he  answered.  With  a 
quick  twist  of  his  body  the  Armless  Wonder 
elevated  his  feet,  dropping  his  leather  slippers 
in  transit,  and  extending  a  well-manicured  set 
of  toes,  dexterously  brought  the  potatoes  to  the 
horrified  Miss  Montagu.  Then  he  helped  him- 
self to  modest  portions  of  such  viands  as  ap- 
pealed to  his  palate. 


38  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

Mrs.  Mangle  arose.  "Come,  Minerva,"  she 
commanded.  "  There  are  limits.  They  Ve  been 
reached  this  night.  As  for  me  and  my  child, 
we  leave  this  house  now.  If  my  husband  has 
not  the  manhood  to  accompany  his  own  wife  and 
innocent  babe,  let  him  stay  behind!" 

"I  don'  wanna  go!"  yelled  little  Minnie.  "I 
wanna  stay  an'  be  a  freak ! ' ' 

The  four  midgets,  their  chairs  made  higher 
with  sofa  pillows,  had  said  little.  Minnie, 
dragged  away  by  her  offended  parent,  stuck  out 
her  tongue  at  a  lady  midget,  who  promptly 
swatted  Minnie  with  a  dill  pickle  which  the  quar- 
tet had  just  agreed  to  divide. 

"Mommer,  she  hit  me!"  bawled  little  Minnie. 

Mrs.  Mangle  turned  a  menacing  front  upon 
the  intrepid  midget  who  had  dared  assault  the 
Child  Wonder.  In  her  turn  she  slapped  a  midget, 
and  one  whose  intentions  had  not  been  hostile. 

"Mis'  Mangle,  don't  yuh  tech  'em  again!" 
cried  the  landlady.  "I  ain't  a-goin'  to  see  the 
guests  abused,  an'  yuh  gotta  understand  it!" 

The  Turtle  Boy  unexpectedly  emitted  a  series 
of  barklike  noises.  All  the  midgets  raised  their 
little  voices,  and  the  Bearded  Lady  looked 
frightened. 

The  Pithecanthropus  Erectus  laid  a  hairy 
paw  upon  the  fair  hand  of  Miss  Flitter,  at  that 
moment  toying  with  a  spoon.  "I  like  you,"  he 


CIRCUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD    39 

said,  with  simple  earnestness,  and  his  hold  tight- 
ened, for  the  Ape-Man's  ideas  were  naturally 
somewhat  primitive,  and  when  he  had  looked 
upon  her  blonde  beauty  and  found  it  good,  he 
felt  a  desire  to  tell  her  so. 

"Leggo  my  hand!"  quavered  Flora. 

The  Ape-Man's  mouth  curved  into  a  dreadful 
grimace.  It  was  meant  for  a  fond  smile,  but 
the  object  of  his  tenderness  saw  only  his  sharp 
teeth  and  shining  eyes.  "He's  goin'  to  murder 
me!  Oil,  why  didn't  I  beat  it  while  I  had  the 
chanct?"  squealed  Flora. 

Mrs.  Mangle,  clasping  her  Minnie,  loitered 
at  the  door,  whence  she  could  flee,  if  necessary. 
* '  Mommer !  mommer !  Here 's  another  of  'em ! ' ' 
shrieked  little  Minnie. 

The  Giant  had  come  to  dinner.  "What's 
wrong?"  he  asked. 

The  Fat  Lady  still  hungrily  patrolled  the  hall, 
awaiting  her  dinner.  *  *  Gawge,  I  think  we  ought 
to  get  out  of  this  place, ' '  she  remarked.  ' ' Listen 
to  that  row.  I'm  certain  there'll  be  a  fight." 

The  Giant  looked  in  just  as  the  Property  Man 
seized  the  Pithecanthropus  Erectus  in  an  angry 
grasp.  "Don't  you  go  a-scarin'  of  no  females, 
you  whatever-you-are ! "  he  roared.  "Try  it  on 
a  man !  I  '11  fix  your  clock ! ' ' 

"I'm  with  you,  Johnson,"  said  Mr.  Mangle, 


40 

displaying  an  unsuspected  courage.  "Go  after 
him!" 

"Great  heavens!  They're  killing  Mista  Gal- 
lagher ! ' '  said  the  Fat  Lady,  in  terror.  *  *  Oh,  do 
save  him!" 

"Let  him  save  himself,"  remarked  the  Giant. 
"What's  it  to  me?" 

But  Mrs.  Mangle's  wifely  love  burned  within 
her.  "They  sha'n't  kill  your  popper!"  she 
screamed.  * '  Not  all  the  freaks  alive ! ' ' 

An  indescribable  fracas  then  took  place.  The 
midgets  scuttled  under  the  table,  whence  Fido, 
the  poodle,  drove  them  forth  to  where  war 
waged  among  the  big  people.  Mrs.  Mangle  bru- 
tally beat  the  Pithecanthropus  Erectus  upon  his 
hairy  face.  The  Property  Man  bore  the  Armless 
Wonder  to  the  floor,  while  the  Turtle  Boy's 
keeper  hit  Mr.  Mangle  so  smartly  that  the  latter 
fell  among  the  dishes,  quite  down  and  out. 

' '  Say !  what 's  all  this  7 "  At  the  authoritative 
tone  in  which  the  words  were  uttered  the  battle 
ceased. 

"The  Human  Pincushion!"  squawked  a  mid- 
get. 

"You're  all  in  the  wrong  house!"  yelled  the 
Human  Pincushion.  "This  ain't  the  human 
prodigies'  boardin '-house.  It's  five  doors  up 
the  street." 


CIRCUS  FREAKS  COME  TO  BOARD  41 

"Let's  get,  and  get  now,"  said  the  Bearded 
Lady  faintly. 

The  freaks  disentangled  themselves.  Silently 
the  regular  boarders  watched  them  go. 

"Where's  our  money?"  asked  the  Fat  Lady 
accusingly. 

"The  dear  knows  I'm  glad  to  give  it  back," 
said  Mrs.  de  Shine  thankfully.  "An*  never  no 
more  freaks  fer  mine." 


GOLD  EAGLE  CHARLIE,  VAUDEVILLE'S 

BAD  MAN 

IT  was  Sunday,  busiest  of  days  in  the  Maison 
de  Shine.  Vaudeville  teams  and  "single"  acts, 
in  from  the  road,  massed  in  the  hall,  each  noisily 
demanding  the  best  room. 

"  Joe  Simmons,  yuh  an'  yer  podner  g'wan  up 
to  the  top  floor  rear ! ' '  cried  Mrs.  de  Shine.  ' '  My 
grief!  if  yuh  boys  wouldn't  drive  a  pusson  in- 
sane !  Suttenly  I  kinnot  give  the  Four  Comedy 
Queens  one  room  fur  three  bucks  apiece,  includ- 
in'  board,  an'  yuh  tell  them  gells  so,  quick. 
D'yuh  hear  me,  Susy?" 

Susy,  the  slavey,  nodded   her  frowsy  head. 

"They  said  to  tell  you  they'd  go  acrost  the 
street  if  they  didn't  get  it  fer  that,"  she  re- 
marked in  a  cautious  undertone. 

"Let  'em!"  exclaimed  the  landlady.  "They 
et  more'n  a  minstrel  troupe  the  last  time  they 
was  here,  anyway. ' ' 

"Hello,  Maggie!  How  'bout  you?"  shouted 
a  new  arrival  jovially.  "Kin  we  get  the  first 
floor  front?" 

42 


GOLD  EAGLE  CHARLIE  43 

"No,  Sam,  yuh  kinnot,"  she  answered.  "A 
party  jest  took  it.  And  listen  here,  I  want  to 
ast  yuh  sumpinV 

Samuel  Shultz,  the  "European  Hoop  Boiler," 
followed  her  to  a  secluded  spot  near  the  dining- 
room  door.  "Wasn't  yuh  onct  with  the  'Bill 
Show'?"  she  asked. 

"Well,  I  was,  but  only  fer  a  minute,  Mag- 
gie," said  he  frankly.  "The  colonel  seen  the 
boss  act  I  was  doin',  an'  he  closes  me  before 
Sat  'd  V  night.  See  ?  That 's  before  I  went  hoop- 
rollinV' 

"That  ain't  what  I  mean,"  said  the  landlady 
mysteriously.  "It's  this:  Yuh  knowed  them 
bronco  busters,  o'  course.  Did  yuh  ever  stop 
where  they  did,  an'  was  they  rough-house  peo- 
ple?" 

"Nope;  not  much,"  returned  the  puzzled 
Samuel.  *  *  What  you  gittin '  at,  anyway  ? ' ' 

"The  first  floor  front's  one  of  'em,  that's 
why,"  said  she,  "an'  I'm  scared  stiff  fur  fear 
he'll  begin  shootin'  at  the  table.  Whadda  yuh 
think?" 

Samuel  advised  her  to  have  no  fear.  "Did  he 
say  he  was  one  of  the  'Bill  Show'  boys?"  he  in- 
quired. ' '  What 's  his  name  t ' '  The  guest 's  cog- 
nomen was  Gold  Eagle  Charlie.  He  had  dis- 
played real  money,  and  paid  his  board  in  ad- 
vance, and  under  such  satisfactory  circum- 


44  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

stances  the  landlady  had  not  felt  justified  in  ask- 
ing him  to  check  his  gun  before  seeking  his 
room. 

"I  jest  feel  they  may  be  trouble,"  she  sighed. 
"Susy  an'  me  was  tellin'  our  forchuns,  an'  the 
tea-leaves  showed  trouble  at  the  house  as  plain 
as  possible.  She  tuck  it  to  mean  a  coupla  coon 
shouters  I  had  to  throw  out  'cause  they  didn't 
settle,  but  I  dunno — I'm  nervous." 

Gold  Eagle  Charlie  appeared  at  dinner  that 
evening  for  the  first  time.  He  was  big  and 
broad,  and  clad  in  cowpuncher  fashion.  His 
black  hair  was  long,  and  lay  upon  his  shoulders. 
He  squeezed  a  sombrero  into  the  narrow  space 
between  his  knees  and  the  table.  Range  cos- 
tume was  evidently  his  ordinary  attire,  for  his 
legs  were  encased  in  leather  "chapps,"  and  al- 
though he  had  no  horse,  his  high-heeled  boots 
were  spurred. 

"Gracious!  Is  he  a  ringer,  or  the  real 
thing?"  whispered  Flora  Flitter,  of  the  Flitter 
Sisters. 

Mrs.  Trippit,  wife  of  Johnny  Trippit,  the 
world's  champion  wooden  shoe  buck  dancer, 
watched  the  stranger  intently.  The  Trippits 
frequently  played  the  mining  camps,  so  if  any 
one  could  judge  of  his  genuineness  it  was  she. 

"He  looks  just  like  them  guys  who  come  into 


GOLD  EAGLE  CHARLIE  45 

the  honkatonks, "  she  remarked,  "but  what's  he 
doin'  in  a  vodeville  boardin '-house?" 

Gold  Eagle  Charlie  spoke  but  once  during  the 
meal.  Then  he  addressed  Susy.  "Lady,  gimme 
a  little  more  pie,  if  it  ain't  askin'  too  much," 
said  he  courteously.  "The  chuck  here  is  fine." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  flattered.  "Ef  I  do  say  it, 
Mista  Gold  Eagle,"  she  observed,  "yuh  kin  git 
things  here  yuh  couldn't  in  the  Sant  Wreckus. 
Stinginess  is  sumpin'  that  I  hate  to  see,  an'  I 
set  the  best  they  is  on  this  here  groanin'  board." 

"Say,  mommer,  what's  a  groanin'  board?" 
piped  Little  Minnie  Mangle,  the  Child  Wonder. 
"Is  it  like  a  ironin '-board?" 

"No,  dolling,"  said  the  landlady  kindly,  "o* 
course  not.  Susy,  git  that  gelmun  some  pie, 
an'  be  spry.  Yer  slower 'n  mud." 

"Gimme  s'more  pie,  Susy,"  called  Mr.  John- 
son, the  Property  Man;  "'tain't  so  tough  as 
usual  to-night.  An'  pass  them  doughnuts." 

"Mista  Johnson,"  rebuked  the  landlady, 
"yuh  went  an'  et  four  of  'em  already.  Parding 
me  fur  remindin'  you,  but  everything  has  a 
limit.  Nothin'  doin'  on  the  pie." 

The  Property  Man  was  angy.  "Oh,  that's  it, 
then,"  he  said  sneeringly.  "The  noo  gees  kin 
go  as  far  as  they  like,  but  a  feller  who  shells 
out  his  six  iron  men  every  week,  no  matter  what 


46 

comes  off,  he's  got  to  go  shy,  eh?  All  right. 
Keep  it  up.  You're  goin'  to  regret  it." 

He  arose,  viciously  yanking  a  chair  out  of  the 
way. 

''Will  I  git  'im  the  pie?"  queried  the  saga- 
cious slavey  anxiously. 

1 '  No,  Susy,  no !  Let  Mista  Johnson  go,  ef  he 
feels  that  way.  I  don't  expect  no  gratitood  from 
him  fur  bein'  gave  a  kind,  refined  home  fer 
years,  an'  his  socks  mended  an'  hankachers 
washed  in  my  own  latching." 

Mrs.  de  Shine's  mien  was  haughty.  The  Prop- 
erty Man  flung  out  of  the  door  and  slammed  it. 
Gold  Eagle  Charlie  smiled. 

"  Anything  yuh  want,  jest  holler  it  out,"  said 
the  hostess.  "All  my  guests  feels  at  home,  an' 
I  suttenly  expect  yuh  to  do  the  same." 

The  stranger  seemed  a  very  cold,  stern  per- 
son. By  Tuesday  night  he  had  a  nodding  ac- 
quaintance with  one  or  two  of  the  young  ladies. 

"Was  you  ever  to  Reno?"  asked  Mrs.  Trip- 
pit  at  dinner.  "We  played  there,  headed  the 
bill,  an'  was  such  a  scream  we  almost  got  the 
Orpheum  time;  but  some  knocker  got  to  the 
agent,  an'  we  didn't  coemect.  I  love  the  dear 
West." 

"I  ain't  ever  been  that  far  West,"  replied 
Gold  Eagle  Charlie. 

"How  far  was  you?"  queried  Johnny  Trip- 


GOLD  EAGLE  CHARLIE  47 

pit,  who  liked  to  know  about  things  in  general, 
and  never  hesitated  to  inquire. 

"I  was  quite  some  ways,"  said  Charlie  eva- 
sively. 

"We  was  to  'Frisco  onct,"  announced  little 
Minnie  Mangle.  ""Wasn't  us,  mommer?" 

"If  I  hear  one  more  word  out  of  you,  Min- 
erva, I  shall  chastise  you,"  declared  the  preco- 
cious Wonder's  harassed  mamma. 

"If  it  ain't  bein'  too  free,  pard,"  said  the 
Property  Man,  who  was  still  a*  member  of  the 
happy  household,  notwithstanding  various  dark 
threats  about  leaving  forever,  "what's  your 
line?  Sumpin'  like  them  lariat  throwers  who 
played  our  house  last  week?" 

"He's  got  a  look  sort  of  like  Frank  Campeau 
in  'The  Virginian,'  "  Aggie  Gaspipe,  of  the 
Dancing  Gaspipes,  told  her  neighbor.  '  *  Frank 's 
a  grand  feller,  even  if  he  is  a  legit.  This  guy 
ain't  nothin'  so  handsome  as  him,  though." 

John  J.  Gaspipe  scowled  at  his  wife.  "Let 
that  be  the  last  of  that  line  of  stuff,"  said  he 
fiercely.  "I  ain't  going  to  have  no  wife  of  mine 
speaking  such  words  about  any  man.  Be  a 
lady." 

Mrs.  Gaspipe  was  a  person  of  spirit.  She 
kicked  her  lord  under  the  table  and  then  slapped 
him.  "Take  that!"  she  exclaimed,  "Oh,  why 


48  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

did  I  ever  tie  up  with  such  a  onery  thing  as 
you?" 

The  landlady  interfered,  but  not  before  the 
warring  Gaspipes  had  upset  a  dish  of  the  fa- 
mous De  Shine  stewed  prunes,  and  offered  to 
assassinate  each  other  if  given  half  a  chance. 

Mrs.  Trippit's  attention  had  been  tempo- 
rarily arrested.  She  now  resumed  her  investi- 
gations. "I  should  say  you  come  from  Dakota," 
she  began.  "Was  you  ever  in  Fargo?  I  hate 
to  tell  you  what  we  done  in  that  town.  I  was 
personally  complimented  on  my  dancin'  by  the 
chief  of  police  himself,  and  they  give  John  a 
cane  when  the  lodge  of  Fr'en'ly  Hoo-Hoos  had 
their  smoker." 

' '  No,  ma  'am, ' '  replied  Charlie.  ' '  I  never  was 
to  Fargo." 

"What's  your  game?"  The  Property  Man's 
tone  was  rather  unpleasant. 

"I'm  champion  paper  tearer  of  the  West," 
said  Charlie. 

"I  pass,"  said  the  Property  Man.  "What 
kind  o'  gig  is  that?" 

Charlie  became  sociable.  He  told  them  about 
his  "act." 

He  was  not  exactly  in  vaudeville,  but  on  the 
front  fringe  of  it.  The  managers  of  different 
stores  hired  him  to  work  in  their  show  windows. 
He  made  charming  souvenirs  by  "tearing  pa- 


GOLD  EAGLE  CHARLIE  49 

per"  into  odd  designs  in  view  of  the  spectators, 
and  the  ladies  of  the  towns  came  in  flocks  to  view 
Ms  marvelous  dexterity. 

Then  he  lost  his  modest  air.  Pleased  by  the 
attention  of  these  seasoned  vaudevillians,  he  re- 
lated tales  of  "gun  fights"  in  which  he  had  been 
the  victor,  and  of  the  many  feats  of  strength 
which  he  had  performed.  It  seemed  that  he 
varied  his  act  by  displaying  his  muscles  while 
clad  in  fleshings.  This  was  really  a  greater  hit 
than  the  paper  tearing.  "I'm  so  strong,"  he 
admitted,  "that  it  makes  me  afraid  sometimes." 

"Susy,  ast  Mista  Chawlie  ef  he  can't  eat  an- 
other helpin'  of  creamed  pitattas,"  ordered  the 
landlady,  "an'  git  him  some  hot  cawfee." 

"Hully  chee!"  murmured  the  Property  Man 
bitterly.  "Kin  you  beat  it?  That's  a  woman! 
They  got  no  intelligence,  an'  b'lieve  anything." 

Gold  Eagle  Charlie  became  the  pampered 
guest.  His  stories  of  marvelous  exploits  grew. 
The  landlady  was  captivated  by  him.  The  Prop- 
erty Man,  aided  by  Johnny  Trippit  and  William 
Mangle,  made  up  their  minds  to  crush  the  in- 
terloper who  had  interfered  with  their  comfort. 
He  received  a  thick  slice  of  roast  beef,  cut  by 
Mrs.  de  Shine 's  own  hands,  while  the  rest  scram- 
bled for  much  thinner  samples,  as  Susy  brought 
the  food  on  a  platter. 

"I'm  goin'  to  have  a  pal  to  grub  with  me, 


50  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Maggie, ' '  said  the  Property  Man  gruffly.  ' l  Save 
a  seat  fer  him.  He's  playin'  in  a  dramer  up  on 
Third  Avenoo,  an'  he's  a  tough  mug,  but  he 
won't  hurt  nobody  if  he's  treated  right.  His 
name's  Cougar  Jack,  an'  he's  a  bad  man  from 
Alaska." 

"Heavings,  Mista  Johnson!  is  it  safe  to  have 
that  party  here?"  quavered  the  landlady.  He 
assured  her  that  Cougar  Jack  would  behave  cor- 
rectly. The  Property  Man  and  Trippit  met  in 
the  hall  when  dinner  was  over.  The  latter  was 
certain  that  Gold  Eagle  Charlie  had  turned  pale 
when  he  heard  of  the  ferocity  of  Cougar  Jack. 

The  landlady,  once  the  fond  friend  of  the 
Property  Man,  had  installed  another  as  favorite 
in  his  stead.  The  latter  chuckled  when  he 
thought  of  what  they  had  planned  to  do.  "I'll 
make  her  sorry,  you  bet, ' '  he  confided  to  Trippit. 

"She's  sure  givin'  us  one  rum  deal,  old  boy," 
agreed  Trippit. 

"Aw,  the  frails  is  all  the  same,"  said  the 
Property  Man  disgustedly.  "All  of  'em.  A 
guy  comes  along  and  shoots  that  old  con  about 
how  he's  the  grandest  thing  on  earth,  an'  the 
wisest  of  'em  fall.  I  thought  Maggie  knowed 
sumpin'." 

The  Property  Man  was  aggrieved.  It  was  but 
natural.  "I  thought  she  was  a  good,  wise 
dame/'  he  repeated  sulkily. 


51 

Mrs.  de  Shine  attended  to  Gold  Eagle  Char- 
lie's mending,  heartlessly  neglecting  gaping 
holes  in  the  ex-star  boarder's  hose. 

On  Friday  night  Cougar  Jack  came  to  dinner. 
He  was  introduced  to  the  table  by  the  Property 
Man,  and  no  sooner  had  Cougar  Jack  sat  down 
than  he  began  to  talk.  He  described  towns  in 
the  great  and  glorious  West,  and  then  pointedly 
asked  Gold  Eagle  Charlie  if  he  had  visited  these 
places.  Of  each  Charlie  had  but  the  night  be- 
fore told  a  blood-curdling  tale  of  dreadful  en- 
counters, in  which  his  own  bold  deeds  figured 
largely. 

"I  used  to  kill  a  guy  as  soon  as  eat, "confessed 
Cougar  Jack,  "but  not  no  more."  The  ladies 
gave  vent  to  little  shrieks  of  fright. 

"And  me,"  put  in  Charlie.  "Say,  they 
couldn't  come  too  mean  for  me.  They  know 
me  all  over  them  places.  Many  a  joint  I  cleaned 
out  with  my  cannon." 

Cougar  Jack  laughed  loudly  and  insultingly. 
"You  never  cleaned  out  anything,  in  my  opin- 
ion," he  said.  "You're  only  a  fourflush.  I'll 
bet  you  ain't  ever  been  West  of  Jersey  City. 
You're  a  dead  one!" 

Mrs.  de  Shine  rushed  forward.  "Oh,  Chawlie, 
don't  yuh  fight  with  the  reptile!"  she  cried. 
"Fur  my  sake,  promise!" 


52  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"I  promise,"  answered  Charlie  gently.  He 
seemed  glad  of  the  opportunity. 

"Go  at  him  again,  Bill, ' '  urged  the  Property 
Man  in  the  ear  of  his  ferocious  friend. 

"I  declare  to  mercy!"  observed  Mrs.  Trippit. 
"I  b'lieve  he  ain't  nothin'  but  some  ham  what 
never  licked  nobody.  He  don't  know  a  thing 
about  any  burg  we  ever  played. ' ' 

"Remember  yer  promise,"  warned  the  land- 
lady. 

"He's  safe,"  said  Charlie  nobly.  "I  re- 
formed on  killin',  and  I  won't  hurt  him,  because 
I  promised  a  lady.  With  me,  promises  is  sa- 
cred." 

"Hound!"  snarled  the  Property  Man,  "why 
don't  you  be  game?  I'd  like  to  see  some  feller 
call  me,  an'  me  not  get  back  at  him!" 

Mrs.  de  Shine  folded  her  flannel  kimono  about 
her  portly  form  and  advanced  to  the  head  of  the 
table. 

"Yuh  brung  a  ruffian  in  here  to-night,  Mista 
Johnson,"  she  commenced,  "an'  he  must  now 
be  tuck  out.  Yuh  find  a  gent  mindin'  his  busi- 
ness, an'  payin'  his  board  ahead,  too,  what's 
more,  which  the  same  is  more  than  some  folks 
kin  say " 

"Are  you  alludin'  to  us?"  asked  Mrs.  Trippit 
sarcastically.  "If  so,  cut  it  out.  The  Trippits 


GOLD  EAGLE  CHARLIE  53 

pay  as  they  go,  thank  gracious!  I  defy  any 
party  here  to  state  where  we  owe  a  nickel." 

"Present  comp'ny  is  allus  excepted,"  said 
Mrs.  de  Shine  haughtily,  "an'  pers'nally  I  have 
no  apol'gy  to  make,  an'  won't  make  none.  Mista 
Johnson's  fren  kin  be  thankful  that  a  soft- 
hearted woming's  prayer  has  saved  his  life." 
She  cast  a  languishing  glance  upon  Charlie,  who 
bowed. 

"Let  him  go,"  he  said  grandly.  "I  spared 
him  for  your  sake." 

"No,  you  don't!"  shouted  the  Property  Man. 
"Come  on,  if  you  ain't  a  ringer!  Git  busy! 
Let's  g'wan  into  the  street,  and  you  fellers  kin 
settle  it  mighty  quick." 

Trippit  urged  Charlie  to  accept.  Cougar  Jack 
got  to  his  feet.  Reaching  across  the  table,  he 
pulled  Charlie 's  nose,  which  was  rather  long. 

With  a  roar,  Cougar  Jack  brought  forth  a 
revolver.  "  I  '11  shoot  him,  and  then  cut  his  heart 
out!"  he  yelled,  and  fired.  Gold  Eagle  Charlie 
was  under  the  table  before  a  bullet  could  hit 
him.  He  emerged  at  the  far  end,  dashed  out 
of  the  door,  into  the  hall,  and  up  the  stairs. 
Cougar  Jack  followed,  firing  as  he  ran. 

' '  Police !  He  '11  be  murdered ! ' '  Mrs.  de  Shine 
was  weeping.  Mrs.  Trippit  and  Flora  Flitter 
had  fled  to  cover.  Trippit  and  the  Property  Man, 
laughing  gaily,  proceeded  upstairs.  Mrs.  de 


54  TEE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

Shine  and  many  excited  boarders  brought  up 
the  rear.  Another  shot  was  heard. 

' '  On  the  level, ' '  said  the  Property  Man  mirth- 
fully, "I  never  seen  nothin'  so  funny.  That 
hick  thinks  he's  killed  right  now.  Ain't  Bill's 
make-up  swell?" 

Trippit  snickered.  Cougar  Jack  was  in  real- 
ity a  friend  of  his  in  the  dancing  line,  with  a 
taste  for  practical  jokes. 

"Oh!  will  no  one  save  Chawlie?"  wailed  the 
landlady. 

The  Property  Man  spoke. 

"I  hear  your  precious  Charlie's  dyin'  groans 
right  now,"  he  said.  "Listen!  Hear  it!" 

On  the  next  floor  some  one  was  sending  forth 
howls  for  mercy.  "Put  the  gun  down,  it's  only 
a  kid!"  came  in  an  agonized  voice.  Trippit 
grasped  his  friend's  arm.  "That's  Bill!"  he 
ejaculated  in  horror.  "Hurry  up.  Sumpin's 
comin'  off!" 

They  trooped  along  the  second-floor  hall.  The 
door  of  a  room  was  open.  Cougar  Jack  crouched 
on  the  floor,  his  hands  upraised.  Gold  Eagle 
Charlie  stood  over  his  quivering  victim,  a  large 
.44  in  one  hand.  It  was  pointed  at  Cougar  Jack's 
head  in  a  nasty  manner. 

"Lady,"  said  Charlie,  "what  shall  I  do?  I 
hate  to  spill  blood,  an'  I've  been  druv  to  this; 
but  this  here  critter  won't  be  missed.  Lemme 


GOLD  EAGLE  CHARLIE  55 

finish  him."  He  took  a  firmer  grip  upon  the 
gun. 

*  *  Hey !  This  is  a  joke !  Put  that  there  smoke- 
wagon  down ! ' '  said  the  Property  Man,  agitated. 
1 1  Can't  you  take  a  joke  ?  This  is  only  one  of  the 
gang.  It's  a  frame-up.  Let  him  up !" 

"Put  up  your  hands !"  said  Gold  Eagle  Char- 
lie sharply.  He  waggled  the  gun  at  the  Prop- 
erty Man,  and  included  the  landlady  in  its  range. 
"Everybody,"  he  continued,  "git  in  line  by  the 
wall.  Drop  your  money  and  jewelry  on  the  floor 
in  a  pile.  I'll  do  the  rest.  This  ain't  a  joke." 
He  smiled  grimly. 

"It's  a  stickup!"  The  Property  Man  said 
nothing  more,  for  the  gun  was  too  near  at  hand. 
Gold  Eagle  Charlie  bade  the  ladies  produce  their 
valuables.  They  searched  in  secret  places  and 
drew  out  money.  Mrs.  de  Shine  was  last. 

"Chawlie!"  she  faltered,  "do  yuh  mean  it?" 

"Dig!"  was  his  brief  reply.  Sobbing,  the 
landlady  gave  him  a  chamois  bag  in  which  part 
of  the  De  Shine  wealth  was  stored. 

Cougar  Jack's  watch  and  diamond  pin  went 
with  the  other  loot.  His  useless  gun,  loaded 
only  with  blank  cartridges,  lay  on  the  floor. 
Gold  Eagle  Charlie  collected  the  valuables. 

"I  may  not  have  been  West  before,"  said  he, 
with  a  grin,  "but  I'm  goin'  there  on  this,  and 
don 't  you  f urgit  it !  Good-night ! ' ' 


A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  COMES  TO 
TOWN 

A  YOUNG  woman  in  a  tightly  fitting  suit  of 
brilliant  scarlet  rang  the  bell  of  the  Maison  de 
Shine  one  November  afternoon. 

Susy,  the  slavey,  opened  the  door.  ' '  Did  you 
want  board?"  she  inquired. 

The  visitor  winked  at  Susy. 

"Just  tell  your  boss  that  Geraldine  de  Har- 
rington is  here,"  she  said.  "I'm  her  daughter, 
and  I've  come  home  to  stay." 

She  waved  the  staring  servant  aside  and  en- 
tered the  hall. 

Mrs.  de  Shine,  with  Fido,  the  fat  poodle,  came 
out  of  her  private  boudoir  at  this  moment. 

' '  Hello,  mawr !  How  they  comin '  I "  asked  she 
of  the  red  apparel,  advancing  toward  the  land- 
lady. 

"Mamie!  It's  like  seem'  a  ghost!"  ejacu- 
lated the  landlady,  with  a  show  of  much  excite- 
ment. " Where 'd  yuh  come  from?" 

"Well,  the  Burly  Blonde  Burlesquers  busted 
at  Syracuse,"  said  Miss  de  Harrington  calmly, 

56 


A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER          57 

"an'  I  beat  it  to  New  York.  Me  an'  Pete  split 
last  week,  too.  He's  gone  as  nnderstander  in  an 
acrobatic  act,  an'  as  soon  as  I  kin  rehearse  it 
I'm  going  to  put  on  a  monologue  an'  do  a  single 
act  in  vodeville.  So  I'll  live  with  you  till  I  go 
on  the  road." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  displayed  no  sign  of  pleasure 
upon  hearing  this  statement.  "I  must  say  yuh 
ain't  hurted  yerself  none  in  findin'  out  if  yer 
pore  mawr  was  alive  or  dead,"  she  complained, 
"but  I  presume  I'm  good  enough  when  yer  swell 
frens  blow  you.  We're  dretful  crowded,  but 
Susy  kin  scare  up  a  room  on  the  third  floor,  I 
guess." 

Miss  de  Harrington  tossed  her  head  with  an 
air  of  hauteur.  "No  third  floor  goes  for  Geral- 
dine  de  Harrington,"  she  replied  emphatically. 
"Oh,  no !  I'm  used  to  the  best,  an'  I  don't  take 
nothing  but  that." 

"Yuh  are  yer  popper  all  over  again!"  de- 
clared Mrs.  de  Shine  bitterly;  "jest  as  onery 
an'  headstrong.  Yuh  gotta  take  what  I  got  in 
the  way  of  rooms,  Mamie." 

"Geraldine,"  corrected  her  daughter;  "don't 
spring  that  name  on  me  where  people  can  hear 
it.  I've  stopped  usin'  it." 

At  dinner  the  guests  discussed  the  new  ar- 
rival. She  was  fashionably  late  in  appearing. 

"So  you  been  holding  out  on  us,  have  you, 


58  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Maggie?"  jested  the  Property  Man.  "Got  a 
growed-up  gal,  an'  never  said  nawtin'  to  no- 
body, eh?  "Where  is  her  nobs?" 

"She's  a  good  looker,"  remarked  Trippit,  the 
buck  dancer.  "I  seen  her." 

"Just  keep  your  eyes  on  your  own  wife,  John- 
ny Trippit,"  said  his  wife  sharply.  "Don't  be 
rubberin'  at  other  females." 

The  other  boarders  snickered.  Trippit  ate  a 
dill  pickle  in  scowling  silence. 

"Here  she  comes  now,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  of 
the  Mangles  Three. 

The  landlady's  daughter  entered.  She  wore 
a  most  decollete  gown  of  blue  silk,  trimmed  with 
a  profusion  of  lace  which  plainly  had  but  infre- 
quent acquaintance  with  the  cleaner.  It  was  the 
costume  she  had  worn  as  Flossie  Highflier  in 
that  uproarious  afterpiece,  "Murphy's  Flats," 
and  in  the  tank  towns  it  had  been  a  sure-fire  hit. 
A  profusion  of  riotous  curls  were  caught  up  at 
intervals  with  rhinestone  ornaments.  About  her 
fat  throat  a  string  of  coral  beads  were  clasped. 

"Hully  chee!  pipe  this!"  breathed  the  Prop- 
erty Man.  "I  wonder  where  she  plays  next 
week?" 

The  slavey  was  much  impressed  by  the  smart 
appearance  of  the  newest  arrival.  "Will  I  give 
her  a  seat  by  Mista  Johnson?"  she  whispered. 

"  Suttenly  not ! "  replied  Mrs.  de  Shine  sharp- 


'A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  59 

ly.  "Let  her  set  between  Bickle,  Pickle  an' 
Snickle,  them  farce-comedy  people.  Mista 
Bickle,  kin'ly  move  up.  Folks,  allow  me  to  in- 
terduce  Miss  Geraldine  de  Harrington." 

Miss  de  Harrington  bowed  politely.  Mrs.  Trip- 
pit  regarded  her  with  a  sneer,  but  Trippit  was 
frankly  pleased  at  the  prospect  of  an  uninter- 
rupted view  of  such  a  charming  vision.  Bickle, 
Pickle  and  Snickle  each  moved  up  one  chair, 
which  left  Miss  Montagu,  the  ingenue,  in  a  most 
cramped  position.  It  also  discommoded  Flora 
Flitter. 

"Say!  I  ain't  goin'  to  set  in  no  three  inches 
of  room  .'"exclaimed  the  distressed  Miss  Flitter, 
"not  for  no  dame  if  she  was  the  Queen  of  Sheba, 
see  ?  I  'm  payin '  my  board,  an '  I  simply  will  not 
set  on  this  corner.  Theideer!" 

"I  don't  blame  you  a  bit,"  said  Mrs.  Trippit, 
as  all  parties  seated  themselves.  "Personally, 
I  know  I've  stood  for  things  here  that  is  raw 
work.  We  can  hardly  breathe  now,  it's  so 
crowded,  and  now  they're  squeezin'  in  more  peo- 
ple." 

* '  Soup  ? ' '  asked  Susy  respectfully. 

"Are  they  no  oyster  cocktails?"  asked  Miss 
de  Harrington.  "There  ain't?  Well,  I  want 
one.  Mawr,  tell  her  to  rustle  me  an  oyster  cock- 
tail." 


60  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Geraldine,  they  is  none,"  said  her  mother 
firmly. 

The  meal  went  on.  Trippit  cast  admiring 
looks  at  the  plump  shoulders  of  the  ex-bur- 
lesquer.  Mrs.  Trippit  watched  him.  "You  can 
that  stuff!"  she  said  fiercely  in  his  ear,  "or 
you'll  regret  it.  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  of 
yourself,  and  you  a  married  man. ' ' 

"I  ain't  doin'  no  thin',"  protested  Trippit. 
"Quitkickin'." 

"Where's  pawr,  mawr?"  inquired  Miss  de 
Harrington,  poising  a  pickled  beet  upon  her 
fork.  "Don't  he  come  in  to  meals?" 

Expectant  quiet  reigned  for  a  full  minute. 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  de  Shine  had  come  to  a  parting  of 
the  ways  two  long  years  ago,  but  their  daugh- 
ter, who  had  not  visited  the  parental  abode  for 
some  time,  was  not  aware  of  this  fact. 

"He  suttenly  do  not,"  replied  Mrs.  de  Shine^ 
with  emotion,  "an'  I  never  expected  my  own 
child  to  get  off  no  such  a  fax  pax  as  that.  Bill 
de  Shine  better  not  show  his  face  here,  if  he 
knows  his  little  book." 

"Didn't  even  know  the  old  man  an'  Maggie 
quit,  hey?"  marveled  the  Property  Man.  "I 
bettcher  her  an'  Maggie's  fightin'  in  a  week. 
That  gal's  got  a  mean  map,  Trip." 

"I  think  she's  a  swell  fairy,"  confided  Trip- 
pit;  "I  hope  she's  goin'  to  stay." 


A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  61 

Geraldine  giggled.  ' '  Well,  you  always  did  get 
along  like  a  couple  of  wildcats,"  she  remarked 
mirthfully.  "It  ain't  my  fault  if  I  didn't  hear 
about  it. ' ' 

"Ef  yuh  tuck  the  trouble  to  send  yer  route, 
yuh'd  be  put  hep  to  everything,"  retorted  Mrs. 
de  Shine  reproachfully,  "  which  the  same  yuh 
never  done,  Geraldine." 

When  she  had  dined,  Geraldine  swept  into  the 
parlor.  Fido,  the  poodle,  lolled  in  the  best  arm- 
chair, and  without  {he  slightest  hesitation  she 
dumped  him  out  of  it.  Mrs.  de  Shine  had  seen 
this  insult  to  her  pet,  who  snarled  as  he  retreat- 
ed under  the  sofa. 

"How  dare  yuh  lay  a  hand,  except  in  kind- 
ness, upon  my  baby  dawg?"  she  demanded. 
"Onct  fer  all,  miss,  them  things  will  not  be  stood 
fer!  Don't  yuh  come  into  my  house  upsettin' 
rules  an'  regulations,  an'  bein'  crool  to  Fido." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  excited.  She  had  girded 
herself  for  an  encounter  with  her  daughter,  who 
possessed  a  strong  will.  The  memory  of  past 
days,  when  Geraldine,  called  Mamie  then,  had 
hectored  her  parents  until  they  ceased  to  battle 
against  her  wishes,  was  upon  the  landlady.  She 
would  show  the  young  woman  that  it  were  best 
not  to  trifle  with  the  boss  of  the  Maison  de  Shine. 

"He  better  not  bark  at  me,  then,"  said  Ger- 
aldine spiritedly.  "I  got  no  use  for  poodles. 


62  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Whadda  you  mean  by  callin'  me  down  at  the  ta- 
ble in  front  of  them  dubs  1 ' ' 

"Dubs!"  Mrs.  de  Shine  glared  at  her. 
"Kin'ly  remember  that  the  guests  of  this  pen- 
shun  is  headliners,  an'  the  best  folks  in  vode- 
ville !  Yuh  come  back  here,  a  great  big  gell,  an' 
yuh  jest  keep  callin'  me  mawr,  so's  everybody '11 
know  I  got  a  ungrateful  serpent  of  a  child  yer 
age.  They  ain't  no  reason  fer  it  bein'  knowed 
who  yuh  are  if  you  hadn't  went  an'  hollered  it 
out." 

The  Mangles,  on  their  way  downstairs,  heard 
loud  voices  in  the  parlor.  The  Property  Man 
stopped  in  the  hall  to  listen  as  Mrs.  de  Shine  and 
her  offspring  exchanged  angry  words. 

"They're  tellin'  their  real  names,  all  right," 
said  William  Mangle.  "Did  you  see  how  the 
gal  was  framed  up  for  dinner?" 

"It  was  most  indelicate,  in  my  opinion,"  put 
in  Mrs.  Mangle.  ' '  Low  neck  in  a  boardin  '-house ! 
Some  have  no  sense  of  propriety  at  all. ' ' 

"I  want  a  suite  of  rooms  on  the  first  floor,  and 
that  goes!"  was  the  last  remark  which  the 
boarders  overheard. 

Thus  began  the  reign  of  Geraldine  in  the 
actors '  boarding-house. 

No  one  knew  the  exact  means  which  she  had 
used  to  subdue  the  usually  fearless  landlady. 
But  Geraldine  commanded.  Within  twenty-four 


A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  63 

hours  she  occupied  the  bridal  apartments,  re- 
served for  managers  and  their  wives,  or  female 
stars  who  could  afford  the  luxury  of  two  rooms 
next  the  bath. 

William  Mangle,  after  he  had  breakfasted 
each  morning,  assisted  in  arranging  a  battered 
tray  filled  with  eatables  for  Mrs.  Mangle,  who 
did  not  descend  for  the  meal.  There  was  but 
one  available  for  this  purpose.  On  the  day 
after  Geraldine's  homecoming  there  was  no 
tray  for  the  devoted  Mangle  to  carry  to  the  third 
floor  front.  It  was  already  in  commission, 
spread  with  eggs  and  toast  for  the  fair  Geral- 
dine. 

Trippit  had  dawdled  over  his  predigested 
breakfast  food,  wetted  with  canned  milk.  He 
had  swallowed  each  bite  of  ham  as  slowly  as 
he  might,  before  beginning  a  leisurely  attack 
upon  the  lone  egg  which  accompanied  it. 

Cautiously  he  addressed  Susy.  " Where's 
Miss  de  Harrington?"  he  inquired  with  well-as- 
sumed carelessness.  " Ain't  she  been  down?" 

He  was  informed  that  the  lady  would  not 
grace  the  public  dining-room  until  later,  where- 
upon he  bolted  the  egg  and  departed.  Susy  re- 
ported Trippit 's  conduct  to  Geraldine.  "He  ast 
me  last  night  if  you  was  a  married  pusson," 
said  the  slavey,  "an'  bein'  as  I  didn't  know,  I 


64  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

couldn't  say.  Him  an'  Mis'  Trippit  is  always 
fightin '.  He 's  champeen  buck  dancer. ' ' 

1  'I  never  had  no  use  for  dancers,"  said  Geral- 
dine  languidly.  "Most  of 'em  are  daffy."  But 
she  was  not  displeased  at  her  conquest. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  went  about  gloomily.  She  did 
not  relate  snappy  scandal  of  vaudeville  dress- 
ing-rooms, as  had  been  her  custom  for  many 
years,  to  her  intimates,  nor  did  she  trouble  to 
pin  on  her  curled  "front"  of  blond  hair.  Ger- 
aldine  soon  collected  the  bills  for  her  mother, 
and  she  made  dilatory  vaudevillians  pay  with 
a  promptness  which  caused  them  to  curse  the 
day  she  had  entered  the  house.  She  now  arose 
late  in  the  afternoon,  after  entertaining  friends 
from  various  burlesque  shows  playing  New 
York,  until  hours  which  caused  the  policeman 
who  paced  past,  and  noted  the  revelers,  to  wish 
he  might  be  an  actor  and  live  such  a  merry  life. 

The  Property  Man  was  Mrs.  de  Shine's  only 
refuge.  "Mista  Johnson,  she's  even  tuck  my 
own  boodwor,  where  onct  I  received  my  fr'en's," 
she  said  tearfully,  "an'  I  swear  to  heaving  ef  it 
ain't  the  truth  that  she  made  Susy  put  my 
dolling  Fido  in  the  yard  last  night,  an'  him  ust 
to  every  comfort  in  the  world.  Oh,  that  I  never 
seed  this  day ! ' ' 

"Ain't  she  go  in'  on  the  road  again?"  he  que- 
ried hopefully.  But  Geraldine  was  too  well  sat- 


A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  65 

isfied  where  she  was.  She  spoke  grandly  of 
a  forthcoming  tour  over  a  prominent  circuit, 
but  vouchsafed  no  details.  Mrs.  Trippit  re- 
quested a  private  interview  of  the  landlady  one 
evening. 

''Mis'  de  Shine,  I  guess  you  know  whether 
I've  done  my  duty  to  Johnny  Trippit,  or  wheth- 
er I  ain't,"  she  said.  "Well,  I'm  getting  a  deal 
what'd  make  my  poor  first  husband  turn  in  his 
grave  if  he  could  see  it.  John's  refused  six 
weeks'  work  at  good  money,  'cause  he  won't 
play  outside  Noo  York  no  more.  We're  layin' 
off  next  week  fer  that  reason.  An'  he's  hocked 
my  earrings.  An'  who  do  you  s'pose  is  respon- 
sible fer  it?" 

"Birdie,  yer  alludin'  to  Geraldine,"  said  the 
landlady  agitatedly.  "I  won't  pertend  I  ain't 
seen  the  play  she's  makin'  fer  him.  I  dunno 
what  I've  done  to  deserve  sich  a  fate  as  to  have 
her  camp  here.  It's  drivin'  me  to  the  buzzy 
house,  an'  that  ain't  no  joke.  But  yuh  know  it 
ain't  my  fault.  She  jest  bullies  me  until  I'm 
wore  to  a  shadder." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  still  a  substantial  figure, 
but  her  feeling  was  deep  and  sincere.  "What 
wouldn't  I  give  to  git  her  out?"  she  exclaimed 
with  a  sigh. 

The  ladies  talked  together  for  some  time.  Mrs. 
Trippit  desired  to  regain  a  husband,  Mrs.  de 


66  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Shine  the  former  proud  position  in  which  she 
had  controlled  the  destinies  of  her  own  home. 
"Then  if  I  think  up  some  scheme,  it  goes  with 
you?"  asked  Mrs.  Trippit,  when  it  was  time  for 
her  to  start  for  the  theater. 

Fervently  Mrs.  de  Shine  assured  her  young 
friend  that  no  stone  should  be  placed  in  the  way 
if  a  plan  were  formulated  through  which  Geral- 
dine  might  be  induced  to  permanently  return  to 
burlesque.  The  landlady  herself  was  most  thor- 
oughly cowed.  Geraldine  insisted  that  her  food 
be  served  in  courses,  and  insisted  upon  the  add- 
ed luxury  of  a  finger-bowl. 

The  Property  Man  hated  her  for  her  overbear- 
ing manner,  but  Trippit  and  the  other  male 
boarders  were  her  slaves.  If,  when  he  passed 
the  potatoes,  Trippit  received  a  smile,  he  danced 
at  his  next  show  with  a  grace  and  agility  which 
delighted  the  audience.  But  if  Geraldine  hap- 
pened to  feel  peevish,  neglecting  to  at  least 
glance  in  ordinary  friendly  fashion  at  him,  his 
performance  was  so  listless  that  the  musical  di- 
rector joked  him,  and  Mrs.  Trippit  saw  with  dis- 
may their  usual  three  bows  reduced  to  two,  and 
one  of  these  a  "forced  encore." 

"Have  some  sense,"  said  the  Property  Man 
one  afternoon,  as  they  smoked  cigarettes  on  the 
corner  nearest  the  house.  "Ain't  you  got  any 


'A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  67 

nnt  ?  I  never  seen  nothin '  in  them  big  battleaxes 
meself." 

"Battleax!"  said  the  infatuated  Trippit  in- 
dignantly. " Don't  use  them  words  about  a 
queen  like  her.  Why  didn't  I  meet  her  when  I 
first  broke  into  the  business?  We'd  been  on 
Broadway  now." 

"Look  a-here,"  remonstrated  the  Property 
Man;  "you'll  be  elopin'  with  this  frail,  next. 
Think  of  your  wife. ' ' 

"I  can't  think  about  nothin'  but  my  baby," 
declared  Trippit  shamelessly.  "Ain't  her  eyes 
sumpin'  beautiful?  Aw,  the  world's  all  wrong, 
pal.  She's  got  me  goin'.  Do  you  s'pose  she 
thinks  anything  of  me?  I  b'lieve  she  does.  A 
feller  kin  tell,  you  know." 

"You  talk  foolish,"  the  Property  Man  replied. 
"What's  the  use  gettin'  stuck  on  a  skirt  when 
you're  roped  an'  tied  already?" 

"Well,  I'll  git  unhitched,"  declared  Trip- 
pit.  "Say!  listen  here!  If  she  was  to  say  to 
me,  'G'wan  out  an'  git  under  that  car,'  why, 
I'd  let  it  run  over  me." 

"I  kin  see  your  finish  stickin'  out  like  a  bad 
dream, ' '  observed  his  companion,  * '  'cause  you 
sure  are  daffy  complete."  He  invited  Trippit 
to  partake  of  something  cheering,  but  the  lat- 
ter declined,  saying  he  wished  to  be  alone. 

Geraldine,   her  Junoesque   form  clad  in   a 


68  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

checked  suit  of  striking  design,  with  red  velvet 
trimmings,  and  a  large  picture  hat,  alighted 
from  a  car  as  rose-tinted  thoughts  of  love  jos- 
tled one  another  in  Trippit's  brain. 

"How  do?"  she  remarked  courteously.  Ger- 
aldine,  while  aware  of  Trippit's  passion,  did  not 
return  it. 

"How  about  havin'  a  little  drink  before  you 
go  in  f "  he  ventured.  ' '  We  kin  slide  in  here  and 
never  be  noticed." 

She  rapidly  surveyed  the  street.  It  seemed 
safe.  "Well,  I  don't  care  if  I  do,"  she  said. 

When  they  had  descended  the  steps  of  a  rath- 
skeller, Mr.  Trippit  conducted  his  inamorita  to 
a  table  in  the  corner  of  the  room.  Then  he  called 
the  waiter. 

' '  Bring  us  a  quart  of  wine,  ' '  he  ordered.  Ger- 
aldine  was  agreeably  surprised  at  this  display 
of  lavishness,  and  she  began  to  speculate  upon 
the  probable  size  of  the  salary  which  a  champion 
wooden  shoe  buck  dancer  would  draw. 

Trippit  became  desperate.  After  one  glass  of 
the  sparkling  juice  of  the  grape  he  daringly 
reached  across  and  laid  a  hand  upon  the  gloved 
hand  of  his  vis-a-vis.  *  *  Say !  you  're  a  wonder, ' ' 
he  said  huskily;  "a  peach,  that's  what.  A  guy 
that  could  win  you  out'd  be  a  lucky  slob,  all 
right.  I  never  see  such  a  pair  of  lamps  as  you 
got." 


A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  69 

"Mista  Trippit,  you  got  a  wife,"  reminded 
Geraldine  coldly.  '  *  Behave  now. ' ' 

1 1  She 's  a  lemon ! "  he  said  with  fervor.  '  *  Why, 
she  don 't  start  in  your  class.  If  you  was  to  hook 
up  with  a  good  wise  guy,  what  a  act  it'd  be." 

"Stop  this  minnit!"  warned  the  lady. 

"Baby,  I  love  you,"  continued  Mr.  Trippit, 
unabashed. 

Out  on  the  sidewalk  several  vaudeville  gen- 
tlemen were  standing.  They  were  joined  by 
Sammy  Gabble,  the  comedian.  ' '  John  Trippit 's 
settin'  downstairs  with  a  dame,"  said  he,  "and 
he's  openin'  wine." 

"Him?"  asked  Mr.  Mangle,  who  was  one  of 
the  group.  "Well,  I'm  blessed!"  He  carried 
the  tale  back  to  Mrs.  Mangle,  who  immediately 
found  occasion  to  call  upon  Mrs.  Trippit,  and 
after  retelling  the  horrid  news  condole  with  her. 

Trippit  recklessly  ordered  more  wine,  al- 
though he  had  no  work  booked  for  the  next  week. 
And  as  he  imbibed  it  his  notion  of  his  own  im- 
portance grew.  He  told  Geraldine  his  wage  was 
$250  a  week,  and  that  he  could  go  to  London 
any  old  day  and  get  $300  on  the  Moss-Stoll  tour, 
or  even  more.  Geraldine  was  aweary  of  run- 
ning the  boarding-house.  The  novelty  had  palled 
upon  her.  They  agreed  to  fly  away  together, 
to  where  British  audiences  impatiently  awaited 
the  coming  of  the  famed  Trippit. 


70  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

" Sunday  night,  after  I  get  my  money,"  he 
said,  "we'll  blow.  Then  I'll  divorce  her,  an' 
marry  you.  That 's  the  kind  I  am. ' ' 

As  Geraldine  left  the  table  the  next  evening 
the  slavey  presented  her  with  a  letter.  It  was 
from  Chicago.  A  burlesque  show's  manager  of- 
fered her  $200  a  week  to  be  his  leading  woman. 
It  was  an  unheard-of  price.  "Wire  answer," 
it  said.  With  a  trembling  hand  she  wrote  a  tele- 
gram, which  she  gave  to  Susy  to  take  to  the 
office.  It  was  carried  to  the  landlady  instead. 

At  midnight  Geraldine  started  for  the  West, 
heedless  of  Johnny  Trippit  and  his  broken 
heart.  The  dear  girl  knew  a  good  thing  when 
she  saw  it.  "Mebbe  I'll  be  back  when  the  sea- 
son's over,  mawr,"  she  said  in  parting. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  lowered  her  lashes.  There  was 
a  triumphant  gleam  in  her  eyes  which  Geraldine 
must  not  see. 

Mrs.  Trippit  met  the  landlady  in  the  hall  after 
Geraldine  had  gone. 

"It  worked,"  she  whispered.  "All  I  ast  is  to 
have  John  away  from  her  a  few  days.  I'll  get 
him  back.  Will  she  return  when  she  gets  next  ? ' ' 

"She  can't,"  replied  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "I  only 
give  her  carfare  one  way.  That  was  a  great 
ideer,  my  dear,  havin'  the  letter  mailed  from 
Chicago,  an'  coppin'  that  guy's  paper.  An'  ef 


A  LONG-LOST  DAUGHTER  71 

Trippit  gits  gay,  hand  him  a  clout.  Show  him 
who's  boss." 

"I'll  just  do  it,"  said  Mrs.  Trippit  deter- 
minedly. "I  kin  manage  him  now  she's  gone." 

"And  Maggie  de  Shine  will  onct  more  rule  in 
her  own  joint,"  said  the  landlady,  "  'cause  Ger- 
aldine  can't  never  come  back  no  more." 


AN  EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS 

THE  " Emery  Sisters,**  Goldie  and  Gertie,  had 
arrived  in  the  East  from  the  mining-camp  cir- 
cuits, and  found  the  agents  cold  and  hypercriti- 
cal. There  was  very  little  doing  in  the  way  of 
booking  for  an  unknown  " sister  act."  They 
owed  two  weeks '  board  at  the  Maison  de  Shine, 
and  the  landlady  was  already  assuming  an  un- 
pleasant air  when  they  passed. 

It  was  Gertie  who  did  the  business  for  the 
team.  She  returned  home  on  a  Friday  night, 
tired  and  hot.  "Nothin'  doin'  again?"  asked 
Goldie  dismally.  Gertie  sat  down  upon  the  bed 
and  took  off  her  shoes.  * '  I  'm  dead  on  my  feet ! ' ' 
she  exclaimed.  "Oh,  them  agents!  The  ones 
with  offices  in  elevator  buildin's  is  too  swelled  up 
to  notice  you,  and  the  little  ones  are  up  seven 
flights  of  stairs!" 

"I  wisht  we  never  left  Nevada,"  said  Goldie. 
"At  least  if  we  wasn't  headliners  we  allus  could 
cop  out  our  three  squares.  And  they  wouldn't 
hand  a  gell  a  smile  here."  The  team  sat  in  si- 
lence, thinking  of  the  dear  old  land  beyond  the 

72 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS  73 

Platte.  "If  I  could  get  back  to  Carson,  they'd 
never  pry  me  loose, ' '  said  Gertie.  * '  But  lookit 
the  fare  out  there.  If  we  was  a  couple  of  fellas 
we  could  ride  the  trucks." 

""Whatever  we  are,  we're  still  ladies,"  replied 
Goldie  reprovingly,  "so  don't  suggest  no  such 
a  thing.  It  does  seem  that  a  good  live  act  like 
ours  ought  to  get  a  chance  somewhere.  Are  you 
sure  you  found  out  about  all  the  beaches?" 

"Them  places  all  book  through  the  agents, 
my  dear,"  said  Gertie,  "and  if  you  ain't  got 
nobody  to  go  to  the  front  for  you  it's  a  dead 
bird.  What's  that?" 

"It's  me!"  said  a  voice  on  the  other  side  of 
their  door.  ' '  Open  this  door ! "  "  Now  it 's  corn- 
in'  off,"  whispered  Goldie  fearfully.  Mrs.  de 
Shine  entered. 

"I'm  a  little  short  to-day,  ladies,"  she  began, 
"an'  I'll  take  it  as  a  favor  if  yuh'll  kin'ly  lemme 
have  the  twenty-four  dollas  yuh  owe.  Two 
weeks  is  plenty  to  wait. ' ' 

"We  ain't  worked  since  we  come  East,"  an- 
swered Goldie,  "but  we  been  promised  an  en- 
gagement fer  next  week,  and  expect  to  get  the 
Poli  time  to  f oiler.  Now  if  you'd  trust  us  just 
a  day  or  so  longer " 

"That  stuff  has  all  been  did,  Miss  Emery," 
interrupted  the  landlady  impatiently.  "I  got 
forty-'leven  trunks  down  in  the  basement  now, 


74  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

left  by  sister  teams  fer  board.  Two  weeks  is 
the  extreme  limit,  an'  ef  the  Musical  Ziliphones 
hadn't  said  they  knowed  yuh  folks  I  wouldn't 
have  let  it  run  over  one  day.  So  I'll  ast  yuh  to 
hand  me  the  cash,  an'  no  more  foolin'.  Enough 
is  enough." 

' '  My  gracious !  What  shall  we  do  f  Say  sum- 
pin'  to  stall  her  off,"  whispered  Goldie.  Gertie 
spoke:  "All  we  kin  do  is  to  leave  our  trunk, 
then,"  she  said  sadly.  "If  they's  any  way  you 
kin  think  of  we  kin  do  any  better,  and  us  layin' 
off,  we'll  be  glad  to  do  the  best  we  kin."  The 
team  gazed  anxiously  at  her. 

From  the  hall  came  the  sound  of  voices  raised 
in  angry  argument.  "One  minnit,"  said  the 
landlady.  She  went  out  to  investigate.  The 
team  followed.  They  nudged  one  another  gloom- 
ily. If  parted  from  their  trunk,  in  which  their 
entire  possessions  were  stored,  what  would  hap- 
pen ? 

Sus\,  the  slatternly  slavey,  was  in  the  hall. 
Mrs.  Mangle,  of  the  Mangles  Three,  comedy 
sketch  artists,  with  Little  Minnie,  the  Child 
Wonder,  had  ordered  the  overworked  slavey  to 
dress  Minnie.  Then  Minerva  had  bitten  Susy 
upon  the  hand,  and  otherwise  shown  her  appre- 
ciation of  Susy's  efforts  to  assist.  "She  spanked 
my  child ! ' '  screamed  Mrs.  Mangle.  ' '  No  woman 
shall  live  who  strikes  my  tender  babe!" 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERTS  75 

"Then  you  hadn't  ought  to  keep  doggin'  me 
an'  gcttin'  me  to  dress  the  brat!"  yelled  Susy. 
She  raised  her  fist,  mingling  it  with  Mrs.  Man- 
gle 's  features.  ' '  Take  that ! ' '  she  screeched.  All 
the  ladies  joined  in  making  loud  outcry.  The 
landlady  laid  the  heavy  hand  of  authority  upon 
Susy. 

"Leave  my  house,"  she  hissed,  "and  leave  it 
quick ! ' ' 

' '  That 's  what  I  will, ' '  said  Susy.  ' ' Git  outer 
my  way ! ' ' 

Awed  by  her  fierce  expression,  the  bellipotent 
Mangles  stepped  back  as  Susy  made  her  way 
downstairs.  Mrs.  de  Shine  hurriedly  prepared 
to  descend  in  the  wake  of  her  servant.  "Don't 
be  a  fool,  Susy, ' '  said  she.  ' '  Here  yuh  got  a  good 
home,  with  a  boss  whose  heart  is  as  big  as  a  ox, 
an'  everythin'  homelike  an'  nice, so  why  leave  it? 
Yunno,  o'  course,  in  front  of  the  guests  I  gotta 
keep  up  discipline.  But  I'll  see  Mis'  Mangle, 
an'  Minnie  sha'n't  bother  yuh  again,  now  take 
it  from  me.  So  g'wan  up  an'  do  them  third-floor 
rooms,  'cause  a  hull  gang  of  burlesque  people  is 
comin'  in  to-day." 

1 '  Not  fur  mine, ' '  sullenly  replied  Susy.  '  *  All 
bets  is  off!" 

She  kept  her  word.  In  vain  the  landlady  of- 
fered an  alluring  increase  of  wage,  with  more 
leisure.  Susy  packed  her  two  valises,  and  in 


76  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

thirty  minutes  she  had  drawn  her  pay  and  de- 
parted, disdainfully  declining  speech  with  any 
but  the  Emery  Sisters,  who  had  always  spoken 
kindly  to  her. 

The  latter  were  relieved  that  the  incident  had 
removed  them,  at  least  temporarily,  from  the 
landlady's  mind.  They  retired  to  their  room, 
where  Goldie  unlocked  the  trunk.  "Here!"  she 
said  excitedly,  "let's  both  put  on  another  skirt 
over  what  we're  wearin*.  Then  we  kin  fill  up 
our  stockin's,  an*  even  if  it  is  hot  it  won't  kill 
us  to  put  on  our  winter  coats,  so  if  we  have  to 
vamp  we'll  have  a  few  things,  anyway." 

They  arrayed  themselves  rapidly.  While  en- 
deavoring to  stuff  three  shirtwaists  into  a  stock- 
ing well  filled  when  only  her  shapely  limb  was 
covered  by  its  length,  Goldie  had  an  idea.  * '  Lis- 
ten ! ' '  she  said.  ' '  Do  you  hear  her  yellin '  down 
in  the  hall?" 

Mrs.  de  Shine's  shrill  tones  could  have  been 
heard  much  farther,  as  she  alternately  reviled 
Susy  and  lamented  her  lack  of  servitors,  just 
when  they  were  most  needed.  "In  half  an  hour 
I  got  sixteen  people  gittin'  in,"  she  announced, 
"an'  the  dinner  dishes  to  be  helped  with." 

'l We've  tried  out  the  show  business,"  said 
Goldie  to  her  partner,  "now  I'm  game,  if  you 
are.  Let's  ast  De  Shine  for  a  job,  an'  work  out 
the  bill."  The  first  shock  over,  Gertie  began 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS  77 

to  think  well  of  the  scheme.  Together  they 
sought  the  landlady.  "  You  give  us  four  a  week 
each,  and  our  board  and  room,  and  we'll  go  to 
work  for  you,"  said  Gertie. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  reflected.  "I'll  make  it  six  an' 
a  half  a  week  fer  the  two,"  she  returned,  after 
serious  consideration,  "an'  of  course  yuh  gotta 
work  out  that  bill.  I'll  see  that  yuh  git  a  rull 
nice  room,  an'  the  work  ain't  hard.  One  gell  kin 
do  it,  but  I  don't  mind  doin'  yuh  a  favor  an' 
hirin'  the  two." 

The  deal  was  made.  Ten  minutes  later  the 
Emery  Sisters  were  busily  beating  pillows  upon 
which  the  heads  of  Bingo  and  Leo,  an  acrobatic 
team,  would  repose  later.  It  was  a  relief  not 
to  be  forced  to  tramp  from  one  agent  to  another, 
and  Gertie,  aside  from  a  slight  feeling  of  shame 
that  her  equals  in  the  profession  should  see  her 
engaged  in  menial  employment,  appeared  not  to 
mind  the  work.  Goldie  derived  real  pleasure 
from  it. 

Next  morning,  as  they  straightened  the  six-a- 
week  room  of  Arabella,  the  whirlwind  dancer — 
billed  as  Arabella  and  Her  Arabian  Whirlwinds 
— Goldie  picked  up  a  contract  from  Arabella's 
table. 

"This  says  ninety  for  the  turn!"  she  ex- 
claimed, "and  her  settin'  at  the  table  sayin' 
Morris  got  $200  fur  the  British- American  tour! 


78  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

Kin  you  beat  it  ?  These  dames  are  all  prevari- 
cators. My!  her  clothes  ain't  much,  either." 
They  examined  the  absent  Arabella's  wardrobe 
critically,  also  the  photos  of  her  friends,  which 
were  ranged  in  a  neat  row  along  the  dresser, 
and  did  it  as  thoroughly  as  a  maid  bred  to  the 
business. 

It  will  be  seen  that  coming  in  such  close  con- 
tact with  the  private  affairs  of  the  boarders 
offered  much  entertainment.  Goldie  and  Gertie 
were  not  troubled  by  finicky  notions  which  would 
prevent  their  investigating  anything  which  in- 
terested them.  It  was  delightful,  having  heard 
the  bragging  of  various  ladies  and  gentlemen  at 
the  dinner-table  as  to  their  salaries,  admirers, 
clothing,  and  so  on,  to  ascertain  whenever  pos- 
sible, just  how  much  of  it  had  been  a  truthful 
relation  of  facts. 

"Here's  a  letter  from  that  guy,  Sam,  that 
Maizie  Mullet  is  allus  sayin'  has  got  nothin'  but 
money,"  Gertie  remarked  one  afternoon,  "an' 
he  says  in  it  he  hopes  to  be  changed  from  night 
to  day  clerk  in  the  Turkish  bath.  Ain't  she  the 
bird?"  And  that  night,  while  Miss  Mullet  dis- 
coursed upon  the  wealth  and  social  position  of 
her  admirer,  two  mocking  giggles  were  heard, 
which  appeared  to  annoy  her.  Goldie  and  Ger- 
tie, waiting  upon  the  table,  noted  her  discom- 
fiture with  much  satisfaction.  Miss  Mullet  fell 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS  79 

silent,  saying  no  more  about  Sammy's  automo- 
bile— which  was,  alas !  a  trolley  car. 

It  was  early  on  Monday  morning.  Mrs.  de 
Shine  and  her  new  maids  were  eating  their 
breakfast  in  the  dining-room.  '  *  Would  yuh  pre- 
fer steak  or  aigs  ? ' '  asked  the  former.  Both  said 
they  would  like  eggs. 

The  colored  cook  presently  brought  the  food. 
There  were  two  fried  eggs,  with  some  crisp 
bacon,  for  the  landlady,  but  only  an  egg  apiece 
for  Goldie  and  Gertie,  with  a  strip  of  dark-gray 
bacon  curling  limply  around  them.  "I'd  like 
another  egg, ' '  Goldie  remarked  boldly. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  frowned.  * '  Parding  me,  gells, ' ' 
she  replied  coldly.  ' '  One  aig  is  suttenly  plenty. 
Aigs  are  dretful  dear,  in  the  fust  place,  an'  in 
the  seckind,  it's  flying  in  the  face  of  Heaving  to 
git  the  stummick  all  het  up  in  the  hot  weather, 
They's  plenty  breakfast  food,  an'  all  my  gells 
has  et  the  meals  set  before  them,  an'  done  no 
complaininV 

"Well,  we  ain't  regular  gells,  only  volun- 
teers," said  Gertie,  who  was  hungry.  "You  got 
two.  Why  ain't  we?" 

"I  do  twict  the  work  you  do,  as  fer  as  that 
goes,"  said  the  landlady,  "so  I  need  to  eat  to 
keep  up  my  strength. ' ' 

'  *  Another  egg,  or  I  won 't  clean  a  lick. ' '    Ger- 


80  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

tie's  tone  was  firm.  She  kicked  Goldie  under 
the  table. 

1  'An'  this  is  awful  coffee,"  put  in  the  latter. 

"It's  the  same  cawfee  as*  the  guests  drink!" 
cried  Mrs.  de  Shine,  exasperated.  "I  guess  in 
my  own  house  I  won't  be  told  what  I'll  do, not  by 
nobody!  They's  some  cold  stoo  left  from  last 
night,  out  'n  the  kitching,  an'  I  ain't  got  no  ob- 
jection to  bein'  a  good  feller  an'  havin'  it  brung 
in.  But  no  more  aigs." 

Gertie  usually  talked  for  the  team.  "All 
right,"  she  agreed  suddenly,  "that'll  do." 

Goldie  was  surprised  at  this  backing  down 
from  a  stand  once  taken.  Later  she  understood. 

The  manager  of  the  "Jolly  Home  Breakers" 
burlesque  troupe  had  written  for  the  second- 
floor  front  suite. 

"Git  the  soot  all  framed  up  nice,"  command- 
ed Mrs.  de  Shine.  "His  wife  is  comin',  too,  an' 
they  ain  't  been  married  long.  I  wisht  yuh  'd  git 
the  curtains  up  first,  an'  then  sweep  it,  an'  sweep 
good.  It  was  never  gave  nothin'  but  a  dustin' 
an'  a  promise  while  that  scalawag  Susy  was 
here." 

Arrived  in  the  front-floor  suite,  Gertie  locked 
the  door,  threw  her  broom  and  other  tools  upon 
the  floor,  and  seated  herself  in  a  rocker. 

"Sit  down,"  she  invited,  and  Goldie,  yawning 
sleepily,  found  a  comfortable  chair. 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS  81 

"If  she  does  twice  as  much  work  as  us,"  ob- 
served Gertie, ' '  she 's  a  wonder.  We  '11  just  take 
it  easy.  Let's  stick  in  here  till  she  hunts  us 
up,  and  then  hand  her  a  talk.  If  I  work  here  I'm 
goin'  to  get  enough  to  eat,  because  we  could 
go  and  be  some  other  party's  maids." 

This  had  not  occurred  to  Goldie  before.  She 
chuckled  joyously. 

"We  could  beat  it  an*  take  the  trunk  out  of 
hock  when  we  get  a  piece  of  change  saved  up, 
of  course,"  she  said. 

They  rocked,  conversing  cheerfully,  for  an 
hour.  Then  Mrs.  de  Shine  appeared. 

"Here!  it's  almost  time  to  set  the  table  fur 
lunch!"  she  shouted,  when  Goldie  had  opened 
the  door.  "What  yuh  been  doin'?  Oh,  am  I 
all  us  to  be  cursed  with  gells  too  blame  lazy  to 
stir  a  step?" 

"We  been  so  weak  since  havin'  only  that 
stingy  little  egg  this  mornin'  that  we  just  ain't 
able  to  move,"  explained  Gertie.  "I  couldn't 
ever  work  unless  I  was  treated  right,  and  had 
good  meals.  We  was  offered  a  dollar  more  each 
a  week  in  Miss  de  Gray's  place,  up  the  street. 
She  wants  us  to  come  right  off,  too. ' ' 

"And  she's  a  lovely  woman,"  added  Goldie. 
"I  s'pose  you  know  her?" 

"Yes,  I  suttenly  do,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine 
grimly,  "an'  of  all  the  cats,  Gawgie  de  Gray  is 


82  TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

the  limit!  As  fur  meals,  Maggie  de  Shine  sets 
a  better  table  than  she  ever  done  in  her  life,  an' 
where  she's  got  a  mob  of  medicine-show  an'  one- 
hoss  circus  folks,  I  git  the  topliners  of  vodeville 
an'  burlesque,  an'  that  ain't  no  kid. 

"Ef — ef  yuh  go  over  there,  it  ain't  treatin' 
me  right,"  she  went  on.  "Now,  I'm  willin'  to 
do  any  thin'  to  make  yuh  feel  better,  an'  yuh 
bein'  in  hard  luck,  I'd  do  even  more,  because  I 
was  onct  in  the  perfession,  an'  the  dear  knows  I 
got  a  feelin'  fur  them  what  gits  up  ag'in'  it. 
Yuh  go  down  and  tell  cook  to  git  yuh  up  a  nice 
meal  of  ham  an'  aigs,  an'  then  come  up  an'  do 
yer  work,  an'  hustle.  Yuh '11  git  jest  what  I  do 
in  future.  Kin  I  do  more?" 

Goldie  and  Gertie  scampered  downstairs. 
Three  eggs,  with  a  plentiful  supply  of  ham, 
slipped  into  the  empty  interior  of  each  young 
woman.  Eefreshed  and  strengthened,  they  re- 
turned to  work.  The  rooms  were  cleaned,  with 
all  in  order,  when  the  burlesque  manager  got 
in.  He  did  not  appear  at  dinner  that  evening. 

When  Gertie  rapped  on  his  door  the  following 
morning  she  was  requested  to  enter  by  a  statu- 
esque blonde  lady,  who  wore  a  flowing  blue  silk 
gown,  with  many  diamond  ornaments  strewn 
across  her  ample  chest.  "You  can  come  in," 
she  said  amiably.  It  was  the  manager's  wife. 
She  read  a  paper  as  the  maids  set  her  apart- 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS  83 

ment  to  rights.  On  the  mantel  was  a  photograph 
of  a  gentleman  with  a  large  black  mustache  and 
wavy  black  hair. 

Goldie  was  wiping  the  dust  from  the  mantel 
when  her  eye  fell  upon  it. 

"Oh!"  she  ejaculated,  staggering  back  in  dis- 
may. 

" Gracious!  Is  she  sick?"  inquired  the  large 
lady. 

Gertie  looked  at  the  picture.  It  was  of  Gol- 
die 's  divorced  husband. 

"Oh,  I  was  just  took  sick  for  a  minute,"  said 
Goldie  hurriedly.  "  It 's  the  heat. ' ' 

She  glanced  warningly  at  her  partner,  who 
smiled  knowingly. 

"So  that's  his  new  wife,  eh?"  said  Goldie 
later.  ' '  Did  you  pipe  the  rocks  she  had  on  ?  I  bet 
he  never  bought  'em  fur  her  less'n  he's  changed 
a  lot.  He  was  the  meanest  man  alive,  John 
Eockett  was.  I'd  like  to  know  how  he  got  to  be 
manager  of  any  thin*.  He  was  doin'  twelve  turns 
a  day  at  White  City  in  Chicago,  last  I  heard  of 
him." 

"This  blonde's  prob'ly  got  money,"  suggest- 
ed Gertie.  ' l  Say !  we  kin  make  him  like  it  here, 
dearie,  before  we  git  through.  You  do  the  room, 
see,  an'  make  cracks  at  him." 

They  arranged  an  enjoyable  stay  for  Mr. 
Eockett. 


84 

The  Rocketts  went  to  dinner  with  the  other 
boarders.  Mr.  Mangle  started  a  discussion 
about  second  marriages.  1 1  Both  my  wife  an '  me 
was  married  before,"  said  he,  "and  look  at  us. 
We  're  as  happy  as  the  day  is  long. ' '  The  board- 
ers giggled,  for  the  Mangles  battled  among 
themselves  from  dawn  to  eve. 

"It's  the  first  time  for  me,  and  for  John," 
said  Mrs.  Rockett  fondly. 

"Yes,  she's  my  first  and  only  love,"  remarked 
Mr.  Rockett.  Goldie  was  serving  him  with  meat 
at  this  moment.  Her  indignation  almost  mas- 
tered her.  As  it  was,  a  slice  of  beef  slid  from 
the  platter  and  down  Mr.  Rockett 's  natty  pink 
and  pleated  shirt-front,  whereat  he  cursed  furi- 
ously, and  Mrs.  de  Shine  spoke  bitterly  to  her 
careless  retainer. 

"I'm  ever  so  sorry,"  muttered  Goldie.  Mr. 
Rockett  turned  around.  He  saw  her. 

It  did  not  seem  to  please  him  that  the  ex-Mrs. 
Rockett  should  hear  his  loving  protestations  of 
affection,  made  for  the  benefit  of  No.  2.  He 
paled.  From  the  other  side  of  the  table  Gertie 
winked  roguishly  at  him.  Mr.  Rockett  sighed 
heavily.  He  knew  Gertie. 

Her  surmise  as  to  the  source  of  his  present 
prosperity  was  correct.  Mrs.  Rockett  was  well 
to  do,  and  she  knew  how  to  keep  her  money.  He 
regretted  that  he  had  foolishly  agreed  to  her 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS  85 

wish  to  see  the  place  where  actors  lived  and  had 
their  being.  But  she  had  insisted,  and  it  is  not 
always  policy  to  thwart  a  reasonable  desire  on 
the  part  of  the  goose  which  lays  the  golden  egg. 

He  finished  his  dinner  quickly,  but  Mrs.  Rock- 
ett  was  in  no  hurry.  She  proposed  to  remain 
and  observe  the  members  of  her  husband's  pro- 
fession, of  which  she  hoped  some  day  to  be  a 
member,  at  close  range. 

"Come  on,  angel;  it's  too  warm  in  here,"  he 
urged.  She  said  he  might  go,  if  he  wished.  Mr. 
Rockett  dared  not  leave  her  with  Goldie.  What 
awful  tale  might  not  that  young  woman  pour 
into  his  bride's  ear? 

Goldie  brought  up  a  pitcher  of  ice-water  later. 
Mr.  Rockett  took  it  from  her.  His  first  idea  was 
to  get  her  alone,  and  beg  her  to  keep  still.  This 
he  rejected,  because  it  might  put  him  in  a  worse 
position. 

Every  day  Gertie  and  Goldie  "did"  their 
rooms  and  waited  upon  them  at  table.  Mrs. 
Rockett  took  a  fancy  to  Goldie. 

' '  I  am  going  to  hire  her  for  my  maid,  ducky, ' ' 
she  told  him.  ' '  She  is  so  cute — and  oh !  she  says 
the  funniest  things !  She  was  telling  me  about 
coming  from  'Frisco,  and  once  she  was  a  per- 
former, too. ' ' 

"We  got  him  goin',"  said  Gertie  gleefully, 


86  TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

after  Goldie  had  accepted  the  place  as  maid. 
" Ain't  it  rich?" 

They  were  in  the  kitchen,  after  dinner,  one 
night,  when  Mr.  Rockett,  pale  and  excited,  found 
them. 

"Goldie,"  he  commenced  pleadingly. 

"G'wan  away  from  me,  before  I  tell  my  new 
boss,  your  wife,"  said  Goldie  crossly. 

* '  Listen !  "What  '11  you  take  to  skiddoo  and  cut 
this  maid  gag?"  he  asked  earnestly. 

They  had  not  expected  to  do  more  than  annoy 
him.  Both  ladies  had  seen  about  all  the  do- 
mestic service  they  cared  to  see. 

"Two  tickets  to  the  camp  of  Rawhide,  Ne- 
vada, and  the  price  of  grub  on  the  way. ' ' 

Goldie  was  shaking  with  awakened  hope. 

"Goldie,  you're  a  good  fellow,"  said  Mr. 
Rockett,  much  moved.  "You  bet  your  life  I 
will.  iWhat'll  it  come  to?" 

"It's  cost  us  over  a  hundred  apiece,"  said 
Goldie  thoughtfully.  "Gimme  $300,  and  you'll 
be  free  as  a  bird." 

Mr.  Rockett  was  counting  out  money  before 
she  finished. 

"If — if  you  could  beat  it  to-night,  now,  or  else 
early  in  the  morning,"  he  said,  "I'd  take  it  as 
a  favor.  Eva's  acting  to  me  as  if  she  had  an 
ace  in  the  hole,  an'  she  might  get  tipped  off;  but 
if  you're  not  here  I'm  safe." 


EX-HUSBAND  SAVES  THE  EMERYS  87 

He  handed  the  money  to  the  ex-Mrs.  Rockett 
and  hastened  out. 

"Let's  sit  up  all  night/'  said  Gertie,  when 
she  could  speak.  * '  The  honkatonks  back  in  camp 
are  good  enough  for  me.  "We'll  jump  this  burg 
to-morrow.  Are  you  willing?" 

"Am  I?"  breathed  Goldie  happily.  "Just 
try  me ! ' ' 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS 

' '  SUSY,  look  here  a  minnit !  I  wisht  yuh  'd  try 
an'  see  ef  yuh  notice  anything  on  this  envelope," 
said  Mrs.  de  Shine. 

She  sniffed  at  a  letter  which  she  had  taken 
from  a  pile  of  mail  intended  for  her  guests. 

The  slavey,  again  wearing  the  livery  of  the 
boarding-house,  and  obedient  always,  assumed 
a  thoughtful  air  as  she  took  the  missive,  which 
bore  the  name  of  Mr.  Johnson,  the  property 
man. 

"From  a  woman,  Mis'  de  Shine,"  she  said. 
"My!  yes.  I  kin  smell  new-mown  hay  perfume 
as  plain  as  ever  was." 

"I  knew  it!"  cried  the  landlady.  "Oh,  ain't 
he  the  liar?  He  swore  up  'n'  down  to  me,  only 
last  evening  that  he  never  got  no  letters  from 
wimeng  at  all.  It  seems  like  yuh  can't  believe 
nobody,  don't  it?  I  just  wonder  what's  in  it?" 

"We  could  steam  it  open  an*  shet  it  again' so 
he  couldn't  tell,"  suggested  Susy  delicately. 

"Yes,  an'  he'd  find  it  out,  sure."  The  land- 
lady, who  possessed  much  regard  for  the  mental 

88 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS  89 

activity  of  the  Property  Man,  shook  her  head 
sagely.  "He's  a  dretful  observin'  fella,  Susy. 
This  ain't  nothin'  short  of  a  blow  to  me." 

"Has  Mista  Johnson  ever  made  what  you 
could  call  a  proposal?"  asked  Susy. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  shrugged  her  stout  shoulders 
coquettishly. 

"Them  things  hadn't  oughta  be  hollered 
around,"  said  she;  "but  it's  a  fact  that  while  he 
never  come  out  an'  in  so  many  words  declared 
his  intentions,  they's  sutten  signs  that  no  lady 
kin  be  mistook  about.  Yuh  may  have  had  the 
same  experience  yerself." 

"The  party  who  owns  a  cab,  that  come  here 
when  he  wa'n't  sober  that  evenin',  he  done  the 
same  way,"  said  Susy.  "I'd  oughter  sued  him 
fur  breach  of  promise,  too,  fur  leavin'  me,  but 
still  a  lady  hates  to  be  doin'  them  indelikit 
things,  I  think,  don't  you,  mum?" 

"It  ain't  the  kinda  action  I  approve  of," 
agreed  the  landlady.  "No ;  if  they  got  no  more 
sense  than  to  blow  one  who's  everything  she 
should  be,  with  a  figger  which  win  a  medal  in 
Lydia  Thompson's  Blondes,  when  the  troupe 
was  fust  on  tower,  then  let  him  go." 

She  referred,  rather  bitterly,  to  the  star 
boarder.  The  print  of  her  agitated  thumb  was 
beginning  to  show  upon  his  letter,  for  the  day 
was  warm,  and  the  thumb  not  particularly  clean 


90  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

after  a  session  of  curtain  hanging  in  the  rooms 
of  the  Mangles  Three. 

"I'd  better  lay  it  back,'*  she  decided. 

Into  her  mind  crawled  a  sudden  suspicion, 
and  she  made  it  audible. 

"Ef  yuh  ever  dare  breathe  a  word  of  this  to 
him,  Susy,"  she  said  excitedly,  "I'd — I'd— well, 
anyway,  don 't  yuh ! ' ' 

"Lawsy!"  said  Susy  soothingly,  "I  got  too 
much  respeck  fur  my  sex,  I  hope,  to  go  givin' 
one  of  his  a  chance  to  git  stuck  up  'cause  some- 
body thinks  sumpin'  of  him.  Sho !  You  kin  git 
twenty  what's  better 'n  him,  Mis'  de  Shine. 
Don't  you  let  him  worry  you." 

Sighing,  Mrs.  de  Shine  nodded.  She  smelled 
once  again  of  the  scented  letter,  and  crinkled 
her  face  at  a  thought  which  her  mind  sent  forth 
into  a  joyless  smile. 

"She  kin  have  him!"  she  cried  fiercely. 
"Lord !  I  don't  want  him.  Yes,  yuh  bettcha  life, 
they's  jest  as  many  fish  in  the  sea  as  was  ever 
drawed  out  of  it. ' ' 

"That's  the  only  thing  that  sort  o'  consoles 
me  fur  losin'  the  cabman,"  said  the  slavey  hope- 
fully. '  *  Let  'em  all  go,  that 's  what  I  say.  They 's 
allus  others." 

With  rebellious  spirit,  Mrs.  de  Shine  greeted 
the  Property  Man  when  he  entered  the  front 
hall. 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS  91 

"Here's  some  mail  what  jest  arriv',"  she  ob- 
served. "I  perceive  yer  lady  fren  uses  the 
identical  same  kind  of  perfume  I  do.  New- 
mown  hay,  yunno.  I  think  it's  the  most  refined 
odor  in  the  world.  Is  she  light  or  dark?" 

The  Property  Man  pulled  at  his  cigarette 
meditatively. 

"As  to  that,  can't  say,"  said  he,  "seein'  as 
the  handwritin's  strange  to  me." 

"Oh!"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine  jealously. 

Her  tone  sounded  unfamiliarly  upon  his  ears, 
so  he  glanced  at  her  curiously.  Then  he  laughed 
an  irritating  laugh,  to  which  she  replied  with  a 
cold  look. 

"You  needn't  think  I  care  who  she  is,"  she 
said  defiantly,  and  turned  away. 

He  smiled  when  he  stood  alone  in  the  hall, 
dully  lighted  by  a  jumping  little  flame  from  one 
gas  jet.  He  put  the  letter  in  his  pocket  thought- 
fully. 

"I  didn't  s'pose,"  he  ruminated,  "that  she'd 
fall  for  it  the  first  crack  out  of  the  box.  Dogged 
if  she  ain't  the  curiousest  female  that  I  ever 
trun  a  lamp  on,  an'  at  that,  I've  knowed  a  few 
who  could  go  some,  too." 

The  landlady  was  in  the  dining-room,  assist- 
ing Susy  to  arrange  the  dishes,  for  it  was  almost 
time  for  the  clang  of  the  meal  gong  to  resound 
throughout  the  Maison  de  Shine. 


92  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

She  carefully  added  another  story  to  a  peril- 
ously high  structure  of  pickled  beets,  which  oc- 
cupied a  position  of  prominence  in  the  center  of 
her  table. 

Susy  set  forth  an  array  of  bread  and  butter, 
and,  with  a  tinny  clatter,  deposited  knives  and 
forks  at  the  places  of  her  guests. 

"He  won't  git  the  luxuries  he  does  here,  if 
he  marries  the  cat,"  said  the  landlady  acidly. 
"He's  been  give  sirloin  steak,  bought  a-pur- 
pose  by  me  jest  fer  him,  while  the  other  boarders 
tuck  round  steak,  an'  was  darned  well  pleased 
to  git  it,  an'  Heaving  only  knows  the  other  fa- 
vors that  has  been  heaped  on  him  in  a  bewilder- 
in'  shower — oh,  the  men  is  all  as  mean  as  kin 
be!" 

She  wiped  her  eyes  with  a  corner  of  the  side- 
board cover  and  gloomily  convoyed  a  dish  of 
stewed  prunes  to  the  table. 

"I  wish  her  a  hull  lot  of  joy  of  him,"  she 
said.  "He  won't  make  any  wonderful  hit  when 
she  finds  out  how  cranky  he  kin  be  'round  break- 
fast time,  but  the  dear  knows  it  suttenly  ain't 
none  of  my  affair." 

At  dinner  she  treated  the  Property  Man  with 
chill  hauteur.  His  soup  was  even  colder  than 
her  manner,  and  he  grabbed  vainly  at  the  roast- 
beef  platter  as  Susy  carried  it  past,  eluding  his 
grasp  with  ease  made  possible  by  long  practice. 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS  93 

There  were  other  troubles  to  be  aired  in  pub- 
lic that  night.  The  Mangles  Three  came  in  to- 
gether^ Mrs.  Mangle  sad-eyed  and  martyr-like 
of  mien,  her  husband  red-faced,  and  plainly  dis- 
playing signs  of  irritation. 

Little  Minnie  was  quite  loquacious  regarding 
her  parents. 

"Mommer's  goin'  to  the  bughouse,"  said  the 
Child  Wonder  cheerfully.  ' '  Her  an '  pop 's  fight- 
in',  an'  he  says  she's  gotta  go.  Didn'  you, 
pop?" 

"Coward!"  hissed  Mrs.  Mangle  at  her  hus- 
band.. "So  you  have  inundated  my  child's  in- 
fant brain  with  your  slanderous  accusations, 
have  you?" 

"Bully,  Minnie,"  said  the  landlady  severely, 
"sech  remarks  is  far  from  nice,  comin'  from 
little  gells.  You'd  oughta  ast  yer  monomer's 
parding.  I'm  suttenly  s 'prised  at  you." 

"It  is  her  father's  fault!"  cried  Mrs.  Mangle, 
"and  I  demand  a  hearing  from  those  present 
to-night." 

"Quit  yer  fussin'!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Mangle 
angrily.  "I'm  dogged  if  you  ain't  enough  to 
make  a  guy  decide  that  stranglin'  his  wife's  a 
lawful  way  to  behave !  Quit  it,  d  'you  hear  me  ! ' ' 

"You  forget  yourself,  sir !"  Mrs.  Mangle,  ges- 
ticulating majestically  with  a  dill  pickle  which 
she  was  in  process  of  eating,  glared  at  him.  "I 


94  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

am  a  free  white  woman,  and  not  a  slave,  and  I 
defy  you !  Yes,  defy  you ! ' ' 

"In  th'  name  of  Heck,  what's  comin'  off?" 
asked  the  Property  Man.  "What's  the  use  you 
people  rowin'f  It  don't  do  no  good." 

"Put  me  in  a  madhouse,  indeed!"  stormed 
Mrs.  Mangle,  slamming  the  pickle  upon  her 
plate.  "Oh,  the  villain!  the  ruffian!  How  I 
loathe  him!" 

"Madhouse?"  queried  Mrs.  Trippit,  wife  of 
the  buck  dancer.  *  *  Do  you  really  mean  it  I  Why, 
Mr.  Mangle!" 

Mr.  Mangle  blushed  at  her  shocked  tone.  The 
landlady  had  been  about  to  proffer  the  stewed 
tomatoes  to  him,  but  as  she  heard  the  accusation 
of  his  wife  she  jerked  the  vegetable  away. 

"Kin'ly  explain  jest  what  yuh  been  a-doin' 
to  yer  unfortunit  wife  now,"  she  said,  "an'  do 
it  immejut.  They  won't  be  no  man  startin' 
nothin'  like  that  in  the  penshun  conducted  by 
Maggie  de  Shine.  I'm  all  fur  family  relations 
bein'  cordial  an*  nice,  but  when  a  choice  has 
gotta  be  made  between  hushing  an'  wife,  I'm  fur 
her. 

"I've  suffered  too  much  at  the  hands  of  un- 
feelin'  dawgs  belongin'  to  yer  sex,  Bill  Mangle, 
an'  ef  yuh  think  yuh '11  git  by  with  any  sech  stuff 
as  that  in  a  house  run  solely  fur  refined  mem- 


TEE  SCENTED  LETTERS  95 

bers  of  the  perfession,  take  another  guess.  The 
ideerl" 

"Mommer  wouldn't  take  her  bow  to-day,  an' 
pop  says  he 's  goin'  to  git  her  put  in  Mattywon !" 
cried  little  Minnie  shrilly.  "Ef  he  does,  then 
it'll  be  the  Mangles  Two  in  our  act;  but  ef  pop 
don't  feature  me  in  the  bills,  I  ain't  goin'  to 
work  no  more  with  him,  'cause  I  could  do  a 
child  wonder  turn  by  my  lonely  now,  couldn't 
I,  mommer?" 

"Oh,  Minerva!  how  can  you?"  reproached 
her  mother.  "Have  you  no  heart,  that  you  can 
so  callously  refer  to  parting  from  your  mom- 
ma?" 

"If  parties  is  daffy,  they  can't  be  let  to  go 
'round  loose,"  said  little  Minnie,  with  her  usual 
engaging  candor,  * '  can  they,  Mis '  Trippit  f ' ' 

Birdie  Trippit  was  a  young  woman  whose  na- 
ture held  much  of  kindness  toward  all  those 
who  were  oppressed.  She  turned  upon  the 
Wonder  a  disgusted  eye,  then  grasped  the  hand 
of  Mrs.  Mangle. 

"You'd  be  doin'  right  to  cut  loose  from  both 
of  'em,  Louisa,"  she  said  warmly. 

"By  Heck,  her  friends '11  look  out  fur  her,  if 
Mangle  won't,"  declared  the  Property  Man. 
"That's  sure  the  limit,  that  kind  of  talk.  What 
ails  you?  Are  you  soused?" 

"No,  I  ain't,"  replied  Mr.  Mangle,  showing 


96  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

no  repentance,  "not  much.  I'd  like  to  git  a 
word  in  edgeways  'round  here  before  my  head 
gits  bit  off.  We  been  expectin'  to  git  booked 
over  the  United  time  fur  a  month,  an'  to-day  a 
feller  tells  me  to  g'wan  up  an'  see  a  certain 
party,  who'll  git  us  booked. 

"Well,  I  fix  it,  an'  the  best  I  draw  fur 
bringing'  this  here  dame  the  news  is  an  im- 
pident  answer  that  she  hopes  at  least  when  we 
git  into  advanced  vodeville  I'll  quit  boozin'  with 
the  stage-hands. 

"Kin  that  be  looked  on  as  a  wifely  greetin'? 
'Tain 't  no  more  'n  insultin ',  that 's  what.  Durin ' 
the  act,  when  she's  doin'  her  saxophone  solo, 
I  keep  workin'  up  the  comedy,  so  that  she  gits 
lair's  she'd  never  git  alone,  an'  that's  no  kid." 

"I  have  never  pretended,"  interrupted  Mrs. 
Mangle  haughtily,  "to  be  a  past  mistress  of  the 
art  of  buffoonery.  I  am  a  musical  artist,  not  a 
clown." 

"Well,  clown  parts  been  gittin'  me  a  livin' 
since  I  been  in  the  business,"  he  retorted,  "an* 
as  an  originator  of  tricks  I  got  few  equals,  an' 
that  goes  without  a  copper,  see  f  She  gits  a  big 
hand  on  the  solo,  an'  she  wouldn't  take  her  en- 
core, nor  even  show  herself  again.  Therefore, 
I  say  that  bein'  as  the  stage  damager  hands  me 
a  call  because  she  done  it,  they  ain't  no  place 
but  the  nut  factory  fur  her.  She  knows  it's  only 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS  97 

a  kid,  an'  here  she  has  to  bawl  me  out  in  front  of 
the  hull  bunch." 

"Then  yuh  was  but  jestin'?"  inquired  Mrs. 
de  Shine.  "A'  course,  that's  different.  All  of 
us  has  made  them  cracks  when  het  up.  I  hope 
yuh  folks '11  kiss  an'  make  up." 

"Ef  they  do  it  here,  when  mommer  gits  him 
upstairs  she'll  clout  him,  won't  you,  mommer?" 
prattled  little  Minnie. 

Mrs.  Mangle  smiled  in  a  satisfied  fashion. 
There  was  confidence  in  the  smile,  and  Mrs. 
Trippit  met  it  with  a  significant  glance. 

"I  hardly  think  that  Mr.  Mangle  will  raise  his 
hand  against  me,  being,  at  the  moment,  in  full 
possession  of  his  faculties,"  remarked  his  wife 
complacently. 

All  the  ladies  giggled.  The  Property  Man's 
sympathy  had  shifted  abruptly  to  his  fellow- 
man. 

"You  ain't  never  content,"  began  Mr.  Man- 
gle passionately,  "unless  you're  raggin'  me. 
Without  a  break,  it  keeps  on.  You've  told  me  I 
was  dippy  a  million  times,  an'  did  I  go  beefin'  it 
out  to  everybody?  You  ain't  a  good  feller,  an' 
never  was." 

"A  natural  knocker,  that's  what  she  is,"  pri- 
vately confided  Johnny  Trippit  to  his  neighbor, 
Mr.  Bounder,  of  the  Acrobatic  Bounders;  "see 
how  she  twists  things  around?  I  hate  to  have 


98  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Birdie  go  near  her,  'cause  she's  always  cookin' 
up  trouble." 

The  Mangles,  having  finished  the  fracas  with 
which  they  invariably  enlivened  dinner,  fed  in 
silence  for  a  few  moments.  Mrs.  de  Shine, 
making  a  round  of  her  boarders,  halted  beside 
Mrs.  Mangle. 

"How  pretty  that  there  white  waist  done  up, ' ' 
said  the  former  graciously.  "I  do  have  sech 
trouble  gittin'  lace  ironed  without  'em  simply 
puttin'  it  on  the  fritz." 

The  ladies  held  animated  converse  about  the 
evils  for  which  laundries  are  responsible.  Mrs. 
de  Shine  bent  closer  to  her  friend. 

"Do  yuh  use  new-mown  hay  perfume,  Lou- 
iser?"  she  asked. 

The  Property  Man,  during  a  sudden  pause, 
heard  her,  and  he  noted  Mrs.  Mangle 's  innocent 
gaze  as  she  replied  that  she  did  not,  because 
she  disliked  it. 

The  landlady's  eye  caught  his  at  that  moment. 
His  face  flushed,  and  although  he  grinned  fool- 
ishly, she  felt  certain  that  a  mystery  was  in  the 
air. 

"Do  yuh  use  it,  Mista  Johnson?"  she  demand- 
ed sharply. 

" Me ?"  he  stammered.  "No!  Course  not.  I 
got  no  use  fur  guys  who  put  that  junk  on  'em- 
selves," 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS  99 

"Why  do  you  ask,  dear  Mrs.  de  Shine?"  Mrs. 
Mangle's  tone  carried  curiosity. 

"I  jest  wondered,"  said  the  landlady,  "that's 
all." 

When  dinner  was  over  Mrs.  de  Shine  wound 
the  dining-room  clock  and  attended  to  her  other 
duties  about  the  house.  She  bade  Susy  leave 
the  wiping  of  the  dinner  dishes  to  the  cook. 

''I  want  yuh,"  said  she.  "Listen  here.  Has 
Mis '  Mangle  got  any  perfume  bottles  upstairs  ? 
Or  did  yuh  ever  notice  her  writin '-paper!" 

"Not  as  I  know  of;  She  ain't  got  no  perfume 
but  German  cologne  an'  appil  blossom,"  said 
the  slavey  thoughtfully.  "Lemme  see,  about  the 
paper.  Yessum,  I  have  saw  some.  It's  pale 
pink,  with  some  kind  of  flower  in  the  corner." 

"Yuh  don't  tell  me  it's  a  furgit-me-not!" 
asked  Mrs.  de  Shine. 

Susy  reflected  for  a  moment,  and  announced 
that,  were  she  apt  at  description  of  things  hor- 
ticultural, the  design  upon  Mrs.  Mangle's  pink 
stationery  could  be  called  a  forget-me-not. 

"Then  she's  the  devil  who  sent  him  that 
note,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine;  "it's  as  clear  as  glass 
to  me.  Yuh'd  oughta  seen  him  jump  when  I 
ast  that  question  about  it.  An'  there,  like  a 
pore  deluded  idjit,  I  stood  up  fur  her  to-night. 
It  makes  me  feel  like  stickin'  a  knife  into  both 
of  'em." 


100          TEE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

Susy's  mind  did  not  work  as  quickly  as  the 
busy  brain  of  her  employer.  She  requested 
more  information  on  the  subject  under  discus- 
sion. 

Mrs.  de  Shine's  opinion  was  that,  under  the 
very  eyes  of  every  one,  the  Property  Man  and 
Mrs.  Mangle  were  exchanging  sentimental  notes. 

"An'  her  the  mother  of  a  child  the  size  of 
Minnie — the  brat ! ' '  cried  Mrs.  de  Shine.  '  *  Ain  't 
it  enough  to  kill  yer  faith  in  anything?  An' 
yunno,  as  fur  as  kin  be  observed,  he  jest  detests 
her.  But  that's  his  cunnin'  way,  Susy,  an'  yuh 
kin  take  it  from  me  I've  hit  on  the  right  answer. 
She  wrote  that  letter." 

"I  don't  think  sech  goin's  on  is  very  ladylike 
fur  a  married  person,"  remarked  the  virtuous 
slavey.  * '  Hadn  't  her  husband  oughta  be  told  ? ' ' 

"As  to  that,  we  got  to  dope  it  out,"  said  the 
landlady.  "She'd  lie  out  of  it.  No.  In  the 
detective  stories  yuh  allus  git  a  sample  of  their 
handwritin',  an'  we'll  have  to  git  some  of  her's. 
Go  ast  her  to  write  down  the  name  of  the  place 
where  she  got  them  tan  shoes  I  was  astin'  about 
yestiddy." 

The  slavey  awaited  Mrs.  Mangle's  return 
from  a  Harlem  Theater.  When  she  appeared 
Susy  delivered  the  message. 

"It's  Brown's,  Third  Avenue  and  Sixteenth 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS    101 

Street.    You  can  remember  it,"  answered  the 
suspect  calmly.    * '  Tell  her  that. ' ' 

"It's  the  same  as  givin'  me  the  hoss  laff," 
said  Mrs.  de  Shine  angrily  upon  receipt  of  the 
address.  "She's  on  that  we  want  her  writin', 
an'  she's  too  darned  foxy  to  do  anything.  But 
she  better  have  a  care,  fur  I'm  on  guard  now, 
an'  I'll  git  her  yet — an'  Johnson,  too,  the  mis'- 
able  scoundrel!" 

As  the  week  went  on,  the  Property  Man  smiled 
to  himself  whenever  the  landlady  was  not  in 
his  vicinity.  No  one  mended  his  socks  now,  nor 
was  his  plate  freighted  by  delicacies  which  un- 
favored guests  might  not  obtain. 

Each  day  a  note  in  a  pale-pink  envelope,  with 
a  chaste  design  of  blue  flowers  in  the  corner, 
came  in  the  mail,  and  reposed  on  top  of  the 
steam-heater  in  the  hall,  where  the  mail  was 
deposited,  as  it  arrived,  by  Susy.  The  letters 
reeked  of  new-mown  hay,  and  the  fragrance 
maddened  Mrs.  de  Shine  when  her  fevered  gaze 
fell  upon  the  pink  mail  of  Mr.  Johnson. 

He  offered  no  comment  as  she  personally  con- 
veyed them  into  his  hands. 

"She's  a  rull  stiddy  writer,"  she  said,  when 
the  sixth  note  had  come.  "Are  yuh  engaged, 
Mista  Johnson?" 

"They're  from  a  pal  o'  mine  who's  in  the 


102          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

hospital,"  he  rejoined  easily.  "He's  lonesome, 
so  he  writes  me  a  letter  every  day,  an'  it  makes 
sumpin'  fur  him  to  do." 

"He's  got  lovely  taste  in  scent  an'  paper," 
she  said  sarcastically.  "Most  gents  don't  use 
sech  smart  writin'  materials." 

"Wai,  Joe  does.  He's  a  pertikler  guy,"  he 
informed  her. 

"Drat  him!  He  needn't  think  he's  foolin' 
me,"  she  ruminated,  when  he  had  departed. 
"Oh,  why  does  men  never  see  the  wimeng  clost 
to  home  who'd  cherish  'em  like  kings,  an'  in- 
stead, go  runnin'  after  some  hussy  what  cares 
nothin'  fur  'em  at  all?  I  wisht  I  knew." 

That  night  a  tenderer  feeling  for  him  grew 
into  full  flower  in  her  heart.  Perhaps  he  was 
not  in  love  with  Mrs.  Mangle.  He  might  be 
merely  finding  out  to  what  length  of  indiscretion 
she  would  go. 

"Here's  yer  letter,"  she  announced  at  dinner. 
"I  furgot  to  bring  it  in  before." 

Mrs.  Mangle  looked  up. 

"Somebody  has  paper  like  mine,"  she  said 
playfully.  "A  sweetheart,  Mr.  Johnson?" 

The  Property  Man  replied  with  an  evasive 
mumble.  Mrs.  de  Shine  sighed  heavily.  Mrs. 
Mangle's  treachery  toward  Mr.  Mangle  was  a 
horrid  sight  to  view. 

That  night  another  pink  note  lay  on  the  steam- 


TEE  SCENTED  LETTERS    103 

heater.  The  landlady,  passing  through  the  hall, 
glimpsed  it,  and  stopped,  with  a  thrill. 

"Two  in  one  day,"  she  whispered  tearfully. 
"Oh,  shame  on  her!  She's  makin'  some  sort 
of  date." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  very  fond  of  the  Property 
Man.  The  longer  she  looked  at  the  envelope 
holding  within  it  a  secret  which  she  yearned 
to  know,  the  more  determined  she  became.  It 
was  unfair  to  the  wronged  Mangle,  and  to  the 
Child  Wonder,  for  her  not  to  make  an  effort  to 
save  Mrs.  Mangle  from  the  dread  result  of  such 
folly. 

This  noble  resolve  was  a  prettier  reflection 
than  that  she  should  open  the  letter  to  satisfy 
her  own  anguished  mind.  Firmly  she  took  the 
note  and  fled  into  her  boudoir,  where,  with  only 
Fido,  the  poodle,  to  watch,  she  boldly  broke  the 
seal  of  pink  wax. 

"Dear  Maggie,"  was  written  in  a  large  hand, 
"if  you  don't  open  this  I  lose  ten  bucks  to  Trip- 
pit,  becos  he  bet  you  wouldn't.  If  you  do,  all 
right,  I  lose. 

"Your  friend, 

"C.  JOHNSON. 
"P.S. — Am  glad  you  like  new-mown  hay." 

She  stared  at  it  a  long  time  before  she  called 
Susy. 


104          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"That  raskil's  went  an'  stole  Mis'  Mangle's 
paper,"  said  Susy  excitedly;  " that's  it,  mum. 
Oh  Iain 'the  the  pig?" 

"An'  bein'  so  sure  I'd  open  it,"  wept  Mrs.  de 
Shine,  "that's  the  hard  part.  Cuss  him!" 

Susy  rushed  from  the  room  as  if  hit  with  an 
idea.  She  came  back  bearing  some  pink  paper, 
like  that  which  still  lay  upon  the  table  before 
the  landlady. 

"Let's  copy  that  envelope,"  said  the  enter- 
prising maid.  "I  believe  I  kin  do  as  good  as 
he  done,  'cause  it's  a  disguised  hand,  anyway. 
I  got  this  in  the  Mangles'  room." 

At  midnight  the  Property  Man  entered  the 
house  with  Johnny  Trippit. 

"Note  fur  you,"  said  the  landlady  indiffer- 
ently. 

Both  gentlemen  walked  toward  the  steam- 
heater.  Mr.  Trippit  took  out  his  watch. 

"Time's  up  on  that  bet.  Gimme  my  ten," 
said  he  exultantly.  "Ha!  ha!  That's  one  on 
you!" 

"Wai,  you  win,"  and  the  Property  Man 
pulled  a  bill  from  his  pocket. 

"What  yuh  boys  up  to?"  Mrs.  de  Shine  had 
joined  them,  and  she  spoke  cordially. 

"You  wouldn't  guess  in  forty  years,"  said 
the  Property  Man  gaily.  He  tore  the  pink  note 
into  little  bits  slowly.  "You're  the  best  feller 


THE  SCENTED  LETTERS    105 

goin',  Maggie,'*  he  said  affectionately,  "an* 
allus  was." 

"Oh,  behave!"  murmured  Mrs.  de  Shine 
coyly. 

As  she  made  ready  to  retire  she  laughed  hap- 


"I  don't  care  fur  his  old  bets,"  she  said  soft- 
ly. "  Men  are  all  silly,  anyway.  Jest  so  it  ain't 
no  female.  Mebbe  I'll  git  him  after  all  —  who 
knows  ?  '  ' 


THE  PROPERTY  MAN  FOILS  A  SUITOR 

MRS.  DE  SHINE  was  surveying  the  supply  of 
canned  vegetables  upon  her  kitchen  shelves.  "It 
does  seem  like  people  got  no  idee  that  these  here 
>- delicacies  cost  cash  money,"  she  observed. 
''Four  entire  cans  of  tuhmattas  used  at  dinner 
last  night  is  nothin'  short  of  imitatin'  the  feasts 
of  them  early  Roming  parties,  which  the  same 
et  a  hull  lot  too  much,  in  my  opinion." 

"B.  Algernon  Lafayette  had  three  helpuns 
of  'em,  Mis'  de  Shine,"  reported  Susy.  "He's 
a  hearty  feeder.  Will  I  tell  him  next  time  he 
can't  have  no  more?" 

The  landlady  simpered.  "Exceptions,  Susy," 
she  returned,  '  *  allus  gotta  be  made.  Mista  La- 
fayette's  a  gelmun,  an'  ust  to  the  best.  An' 
as  a  member  of  the  dramatic  perfession  he's 
entitled  to  the  respect  of  all  people  who  got 
brains." 

"Is  he  in  vodeville?"  asked  the  slavey.  "I 
ain't  never  seed  his  name  on  no  bills. 

"That  in  itself  kinnot  be  took  as  a  knock," 
explained  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "A'  course  I  was 

106 


PROPERTY  MAN  FOILS  A  SUITOR    107 

a  performer  onct  myself,  an'  done  livin'  pic- 
tures in  bronze  when  they  was  first  put  on,  an' 
I  have  never  forsook  what  yuh  might  call  my 
own  kind;  yet  say  what  yuh  will,  the  legits  is 
of  higher  class.  An'  he  was  a  legit.  That  man 
has  played  with  the  leadin'  comp'nies." 

"I  never  s 'posed  he  was  much,"  confessed 
Susy.  "Exceptin'  Andrew  Mack  an'  ' Young 
Buffalo,  King  of  the  Wild  West,'  I  ain't  hep  to 
them  people." 

" Don't  display  yer  painful  ignorance!"  ex- 
claimed Mrs.  de  Shine.  "With  Mista  Lafayette 
on  the  bill,  them  fellas 'd  be  closin'  the  show. 
Ah!  one  kin  tell  a  person  of  culture  by  their 
bearin'." 

She  counted  the  number  of  tins  of  condensed 
milk,  while  Susy  scoured  knives  from  a  pile 
upon  the  table.  l '  He  was  askin '  if  you  got  much 
money,"  remarked  Susjr,  "only  yestiddy.  He 
said  you  was  a  grand  woman. ' ' 

"Did  he?"  cried  Mrs.  de  Shine  vivaciously. 
"I'm  sure  I  dunno  why  he  should  compliment 
me  so,  seein'  as  I  haven't  done  nothin'  fur  him, 
except,  a'  course,  in  the  way  of  purvidin'  a  little 
extry  service  at  the  table." 

"Prob'ly  he  took  notice  of  your  figger,"  said 
Susy,  who  was  able,  upon  occasion,  to  adminis- 
ter flattery  pleasantly. 

"Susy!  how  kin  yuh?"  demanded  her  em- 


108  TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

ployer,  with  a  transparent  assumption  of  sever- 
ity. '  *  I  'm  sure  I  never  s  'much  as  looked  at  him. 
While  my  mind's  on  it,  yuh  kin  change  the  cur- 
tings  in  his  room  to-morrow." 

Accompanied  by  Fido,  the  waddling,  blear- 
eyed  poodle,  Mrs.  de  Shine  flicked  a  powdering 
of  flour  from  her  light  blue  kimono  and  pro- 
gressed to  the  front  hall.  A  man  with  long  and 
somewhat  frowsy  gray  hair  was  entering.  He 
seized  her  pudgy  hand,  saluting  it  ardently  with 
his  elderly  lips. 

"Dearest  madam!"  greeted  Mr.  Lafayette,  of 
the  "legitimate"  stage,  "I  knew  that  through- 
out all  the  dull,  drear  day,  some  one  thing  had 
been  lacking.  I  have  not  earlier  been  privi- 
leged to  caress  this  little  hand." 

"Oh,  rully,  Mista  Lafayette,  yuh  must  be- 
have!" coyly  bleated  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "Ain't 
the  wind  outside  dretful?  I  was  jest  sayin'  to 
Susy  that  we  got  to  put  an  extry  blankit  on  yer 
bed  to-night,  for  one  kinnot  be  too  careful  of 
ketchin'  cold." 

"Sweetest  of  creatures!"  murmured  Mr.  La- 
fayette gratefully.  "So  good,  so  thoughtful  of 
the  poor  player,  who  can  make  no  better  return 
than  to  swear  that  he  would  gladly  lay  down  his 
life  for  your  sake." 

The  landlady  dropped  her  eyes  in  confusion. 
"I'm  sure  I'd  never  ast  no  sech  sacrifice,  Mista 


Lafayette, ' '  she  replied.  * '  But  lemme  say  this : 
Consider  the  Maisong  de  Shine  yer  home  while 
in  Noo  Yawk.  They  may  be  sweller  penshuns, 
which  I  do  not  deny,  but  yuh  kin  allus  feel  that 
yer  among  yer  f  rens. ' ' 

Fido,  distressed  by  her  partiality  for  the 
boarder,  barked  sharply.  His  protests  received 
no  notice,  so,  piqued  at  such  unusual  treatment, 
Fido  circled  about,  growled  angrily,  and  unex- 
pectedly sank  his  teeth  in  Mr.  Lafayette's  leg, 
just  above  the  besmudged  gray  spats  which  cov- 
ered those  fat  ankles. 

When  Fido  had  been  pried  loose,  his  mistress 
whipped  her  treasure  until  his  howls  of  pain 
rang  through  the  house.  Mr.  Lafayette  fled, 
limping,  and  muttering  unkindly  about  the  pam- 
pered poodle. 

' '  Say !  where  does  Maggie  find  the  old  dope  on 
the  end?"  asked  the  Property  Man  at  dinner,  an 
hour  later.  "He's  gettin'  steak  while  we  got 
to  take  this  everlastin'  stoo  or  fried  fish.  That 
ain't  a  square  deal." 

Gertie  McNoodle,  of  De  Vere  and  McNoodle, 
trick  cyclists,  hurriedly  emptied  the  milk  pitch- 
er's contents  upon  her  bread  pudding,  employ- 
ing her  free  hand  in  reaching  for  the  butter. 
"It's  a  cinch  he  ain't  paid  a  cent  since  he's  been 
here,"  said  she.  "I  heard  him  gabbing  away 


110          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

about  being  too  good  for  vodeville,  and  her  tak- 
in'  it  all  in." 

"I  s'pose  he  considers  himself  above  reker- 
nized  performers,"  scornfully  intimated  Daisy 
Dubb.  "Well,  maybe,  but  I  guess  people  who 
are  always  workin',  an'  booked  ahead  a  year 
solid,  are  just  about  as  good  as  any  legit  that' 
ever  lived." 

Miss  Dubb,  whose  act  is  billed  as  "Daisy 
Dubb  and  Her  Dainty  Dumplings,"  sneered 
openly  at  Mr.  Lafayette,  who  complacently  de- 
voured a  succulent  doughnut.  "He's  tryin'  to 
grab  himself  a  meal  ticket,  that 's  what, ' '  insinu- 
ated the  Property  Man.  "He  sees  her  makin' 
good  money,  an'  she  falls  easy  fur  that  line  of 
con  he  deals.  She's  a  darned  good  win  fur  a 
guy  like  him." 

"Somebody  ought  to  talk  plain  to  her,"  whis- 
pered Mrs.  Coakley,  wife  of  "Splinters"  Coak- 
ley,  the  circus  clown.  ' '  She  '11  go  marrying  some 
no- 'count  fellow,  and  he'll  want  to  raise  the 
price  on  board.  It  always  happens." 

"I  don't  propose  to  be  shook  down  for  an- 
other dollar  more'n  I'm  paying,"  vehemently 
declared  Johnny  Trippit,  the  buck  dancer. 

His  voice  carried  further  than  the  ear  of  his 
immediate  neighbor,  whom  Trippit  had  confi- 
dentially addressed.  Mrs.  de  Shine  instantly 
moved  near  him. 


PROPERTY  MAN  FOILS  A  SUITOR    1111 

"Seein'  as  yuh  ain't  paid  nothin'  fur  five 
weeks,  durin'  which  I  notice  yuh  still  been  able 
to  make  bets  on  the  hosses, ' '  she  said  pungently, 
' '  I  fail  to  see  why  yuh  should  raise  yer  voice  on 
sech  a  subject,  Mista  Trippit.  Mebbe  yuh'd  pre- 
fur  to  make  a  change  at  onct?  I'm  sure  I'm 
agreeable,  an'  all  yuh  got  to  do  is  to  kick  in." 

"I  was  just  kiddin',  Mis'  de  Shine — honest,  T 
was, ' '  protested  Trippit.  ' '  As  for  settling  now, 
I'll  be  there  with  bells  on  Sat 'day,  sure.  If  I 
hadn't  been  runnin'  in  tough  luck  I  wouldn't 
kep'  you  waitin'  a  day.  I  lose  six  bets  in  a 
row. ' ' 

"I'll  be  obliged  to  you,  Mista  Trippit,"  she 
answered.  Her  attitude  was  so  frigidly  distant 
that  Trippit  dejectedly  refused  pudding,  of 
which  he  was  especially  fond,  and  departed  from 
the  table  without  permitting  another  word  to 
issue  from  his  indiscreet  lips. 

Mr.  Lafayette  fed  steadily  while  the  first  ta- 
bleful of  boarders  enjoyed  their  dinners.  He 
was  embarking  upon  a  third  supply  of  dessert 
when  the  "second  table"  reached  the  meat  stage, 
and  lingered  leisurely  over  his  fourth  cup  of  cof- 
fee as  these  last  hastened  away  to  the  theaters 
at  which  they  were  playing. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  joined  him  in  a  cup  of  coffee  as 
Susy,  assisted  by  the  cook,  removed  the  dishes 
and  the  cloth.  Such  was  the  thrift  of  the  land- 


112  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

lady,  that,  undesirous  of  wasting  a  room  which 
might  bring  in  a  financial  return  each  week,  the 
industrious  slavey  was  forced  to  make  her  bed 
upon  the  dining-room  table.  She  fetched  in  a 
bundle  of  quilts  and  pillows  and  an  alarm  clock. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  contended  that  slaveys  could 
not  possess  the  delicate  nerves  of  their  superi- 
ors, and  so  that  Susy  might  not  sleep  too  solidly 
the  clock  was  placed  upon  a  chair  just  beneath 
the  spot  upon  which  her  head  rested. 

Observing  her  minion's  restless  movements, 
Mrs.  de  Shine  affably  invited  Mr.  Lafayette  to  a 
chat  in  her  boudoir,  inside  which  only  preferred 
intimates  were  permitted.  * '  Do  you  not  at  times 
feel  lonely,  dearest  lady?"  he  queried. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  sighed.  "I  suttenly  do,"  said 
she.  "A'  course  durin'  my  life  with  De  Shine, 
they  was  little  hap 'ness  fur  me,  an'  yet  I  have 
looked  back  to  the  past  an'  wisht  even  fur  the 
sound  of  his  voice,  an'  the  dear  knows  of  all  the 
shiftless  souses  he  tuck  the  prize." 

"And  has  no  one  touched  your  heart,  dear 
friend?"  Mr.  Lafayette's  tone  was  soft  and 
gentle  as  light-falling  rain  upon  the  fragile  wild 
rose. 

The  landlady  glanced  coquettishly  at  him. 
Mr.  Lafayette  patted  her  hand.  "May  I — dare 
I — call  you  Maggie?"  he  pursued.  "It  is  my 
favorite  of  all  names." 


PROPERTY  MAN  FOILS  A  SUITOR    113 

Susy  abruptly  interrupted  a  scene  which 
might  have  terminated  in  a  proposal  from  the 
sagacious  Lafayette.  "Coppit  and  Blow's  let 
the  water  run  over  in  the  third-floor  bath ! ' '  she 
shouted.  "The  plaster's  a-fallin'  through !  An' 
I  hearn  the  Omaha  Comedy  Four  plannin'  to 
beat  it  without  payin'  up,  jest  a  minnit  ago." 

"Mercy  me!  if  this  ain't  the  extreme  limit!" 
exclaimed  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "Get  the  cook,  an' 
yuh  an'  her  sop  up  the  water  before  things  is 
completely  ruint.  It  seems  like  when  t 'ain't  one 
thing  it's  another.  I'll  see  that  quartet  in  pus- 
son,  an '  I  bet  I  make  'em  regret  it  ef  they  start 
gittin'  rough  house  with  me,  an'  them  stallin' 
me  off  fur  two  hull  weeks !" 

"Ah!  does  not  this  but  too  clearly  show  that 
a  strong  right  arm  is  needed  in  your  service?" 
demanded  Mr.  Lafayette.  '  *  Would  that  I  might 
be  the  fortunate  fellow. ' ' 

Agreeably  excited  by  such  plain  speech,  the 
landlady  bustled  upstairs,  with  Fido  panting  in 
the  rear.  Household  cares  employed  her  tune 
until  after  midnight.  Mr.  Lafayette,  weary  of 
awaiting  her  return,  assumed  his  outer  gar- 
ments and  left  the  house. 

He  turned  into  Fourteenth  Street  with  his 
thoughts  intent  upon  a  project  which  held  al- 
luring promise  of  languorous  days  of  easy  liv- 
ing. "It  can  be  done,"  he  reflected  cheerfully,, 


114          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"and  why  delay?  By  Jove!  it's  a  wonderful 
scheme,  and  worthy  of  me,  too." 

At  the  corner  of  Fourth  Avenue  he  met  a 
young  man  who  appeared  most  despondent. 
" Sidney,  how  do  you  do?"  asked  Mr.  Lafay- 
ette. 

Sidney  Hetherington,  mild-eyed,  brown- 
haired,  and  slim,  was  also  of  the  "legitimate," 
and  of  more  recent  connection  than  his  aged  ac- 
quaintance. He  explained  that  after  two  weeks 
of  playing  one-night  stands  in  New  Jersey  as 
leading  heavy  of  the  "Only  a  Bridge-Tender's 
Daughter"  company,  the  manager  had  disap- 
peared, and  the  show  was  no  more.  Mr.  Heth- 
erington urgently  requested  the  temporary  loan 
of  fifty  cents. 

Mr.  Lafayette  smiled.  He  produced  a  silver 
coin,  gave  it  to  his  companion,  and  inquired  if 
he  desired  to  make  five  dollars.  It  might  be  eas- 
ily earned,  and  on  the  next  day. 

"Five?"  responded  the  leading  heavy  long- 
ingly. "I'd  rob  a  bank,  Algie.  Just  tell  me 
what  you  want.  I'm  ready." 

Mr.  Lafayette,  having  closely  estimated  the 
profits  of  a  boarding-house,  had  decided  to  cap- 
ture Mrs.  de  Shine.  His  increasing  embonpoint, 
added  to  congenital  laziness,  helped  to  make  him 
less  anxious,  as  each  day  faded  into  the  shad- 
ows of  the  past,  to  again  engage  in  active  work. 


"A  man,  my  dear  boy,"  he  remarked  friskily, 
"is  as  old  as  he  feels.  I  believe  that  I  could 
cop  out  the  old  girl  alone,  but  with  your  help  I 
am  certain  that  within  a  brief  space  I  shall  be 
boss  of  the  boarding-house  operated  by  Mrs.  de 
Shine." 

"And  I  guess  she's  got  a  bunch  of  money," 
said  Mr.  Hetherington.  ' '  What 's  the  scheme  ? ' ' 

The  sanguine  suitor  wished  to  appear  as  a 
hero.  Mr.  Hetherington  must  arrange  himself 
to  look  the  part  of  a  ruffian.  As  Mrs.  de  Shine, 
carrying  her  leather  bag,  filled  with  money  and 
keys,  should  walk  past  the  alley  in  which  he  was 
to  hide,  the  ruffian's  business  was  to  seize  her 
with  brutal  violence,  wrest  the  bag  from  her, 
and,  with  a  heartless,  mocking  laugh,  flee. 

"Just  as  you've  gained  the  purse,"  said 
Mr.  Lafayette,  chuckling  at  his  own  inventive 
powers,  "I'll  dash  to  the  rescue,  knock  you  down 
and  recover  the  bag.  You  don't  need  to  be  a 
fortune  teller  to  see  the  finish." 

"But  don't  let  her  have  me  pinched."  Mr. 
Hetherington 's  tone  was  apprehensive  of  possi- 
ble evil  results.  '  *  Will  you  ? ' ' 

His  patron  assured  him  that  all  would  be 
schemed  out  so  well  that  unpleasant  conse- 
quences could  not  ensue.  They  took  a  glass  of 
beer  together,  and  as  the  young  man  thought 


116          THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

of  their  plot  lie  became  full  of  zeal  to  make  his 
portion  of  the  drama  realistic. 

"Of  course,"  confided  Mr.  Lafayette,  "I  could 
hang  around  and  fix  the  thing  up  before  long, 
but  delay's  bad.  And  this  is  simply  bound  to 
excite  her  admiration.  The  women  are  all  crazy 
over  a  man  with  enough  gumption  to  protect  'em 
in  time  of  danger," 

"I  wish  I  had  your  ability,"  lamented  his  ac- 
complice. ' '  It 's  a  great  idea.  Fine ! ' ' 

Satisfied  with  the  outlook,  Mr.  Lafayette  re- 
turned home.  In  the  hall,  Fido  darted  forth 
from  the  gloom,  lightened  by  the  faintest  flicker 
from  the  gas,  lowered  until  but  a  point  of  yel- 
low showed,  and  snarled  suspiciously.  "Oh,  I'll 
settle  your  hash  when  I  run  this  house, ' '  threat- 
ened Mr.  Lafayette.  "Get  away,  you  beast,  or 
I'll  kick  you  once  for  luck!" 

Fido's  intelligence  was  considerable.  He 
sniffed  a  foe  in  Mr.  Lafayette,  and  barked  nois- 
ily as  the  latter  tramped  upward. 

Daisy  Dubb,  in  her  room  on  the  second  floor, 
was  practicing  a  new  song  on  her  trombone, 
from  which  instrument  she  was  able  to  produce 
a  sound  resembling  a  cow  lowing  in  distress. 
Daisy's  music  was  frequently  halted,  because 
she  went  back  to  do  it  all  over  again.  "If  I  ever 
let  a  musical  act  board  here,  then  I  don't  know 


my  own  mind, ' '  he  thought.   ' '  Cuss  the  woman ! 
She  makes  a  horrible  row." 

Mrs.  de  Shine,  without  her  smartly  curled 
1  'front"  of  blonde  hair,  came  silently  down  the 
stairs  as  he  paused  to  inwardly  revile  the  me- 
lodious Daisy.  The  Omaha  Comedy  Four  had 
not  succeeded  in  eluding  the  landlady,  but  they 
might.  Seated  at  the  top  of  the  stairs,  she  had 
waited  during  a  long  hour  for  them  to  come  in. 
Their  doors.were  locked,  and  if  the  four  wished 
their  baggage  they  must  pay  their  board  bills. 
*  *  Oh,  heavings ! "  she  cried.  ' '  Why,  I  s  'posed 
yuh  had  retired  long  ago,  Mista  Lafayette.  An' 
me  in  this  here  neglijay  costume,  with  my  hair 
not  fixed.  I  feel  perf 'ly  foolish." 

"You  are  always  beautiful  to  me,  fairest 
soul, ' '  answered  Mr.  Lafayette  lovingly.  ' '  Best 
well,  dear  lady.  I  bid  you  good-night." 

"He's  suttenly  a  delightful  fella,"  mused  the 
landlady,  as  she  listened  outside  the  door  of 
Coppit  and  Blow's  room  for  evidences  of  the 
strife  with  which  this  amiable  pair  of  song-and- 
dance  artists  were  accustomed  to  end  their  eve- 
nings, "an'  so  diffrunt  from  common  trash, 
who  ain't  got  the  manners  to  treat  a  lady 
right." 

The  Property  Man  heavily  ascended  as  she 
started  down.  "Hello,  Maggie!  What's  new  I" 
he  inquired  amiably. 


118  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Yuh  been  smokin'  them  cigarettes  again, 
Mista  Johnson, ' '  she  rebuked.  ' '  Naughty !  Yuh 
know  yerself  they  ain't  nothin'  more  injurious 
to  the  health,  an'  yuh  sufferin'  from  dyspepsy 
the  way  yuh  do." 

"Aw,  they  don't  hurt  me  none,"  said  he. 
1 '  Say !  how  'bout  the  old  guy  in  twelve  I  Looks 
like  he's  tryin'  to  bust  up  our  home." 

"I  dunno  what  yuh  mean,"  sparred  the  land- 
lady, thrilling  with  pleasurable  excitement.  "As 
fur  me,  I  ain't  never  s'much  as  give  him  a  inch 
of  encouragement." 

The  Property  Man  was  seriously  disturbed. 
"Say,  don't  you  be  daffy  enough  to  let  that  guy 
get  you  goin',  Maggie,"  he  warned.  "He  ain't 
got  thirty  cents.  You  got  too  good  a  nut  to  fall 
for  that  there  mush  he  hands  out.  Ain't  you?" 

"Parding  me,  Mista  Johnson,  but  yuh  are 
usin'  langwitch  which  kinnot  be  called  gelmun- 
like,"  replied  Mrs.  de  Shine  coldly.  "Him  an' 
me  is  merely  fr'en's.  Yuh  act  like  it's  a  dretful 
happenm'  fur  sommon  to  think  in  more'n  a 
f  renly  way  'bout  me. ' ' 

"I  hate  to  see  you  goin'  bug  over  that  old  alli- 
gator," said  he.  "He's  a  dead  one,  a  lob.  I 
thought  you  was  a  wise  woman." 

"Good-night,"  remarked  Mrs.  de  Shine 
haughtily,  "an'  kin'ly  rememba  that  sutten 
limits  should  not  be  overstepped." 


PROPERTY  MAN  FOILS  A  SUITOR    119 

"Hoity-toity!"  murmured  the  Property  Man. 
"She's  sore.  That's  what  a  feller  gits  fur  tryin' 
to  tell  a  sldrt  anythin'.  It's  just  wastin'  time." 

"Drat  him!"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine  peevishly. 
"An'  drat  'em  all !  I  ain't  goin'  to  be  bullied  an' 
run  by  the  boarders,  an'  they'll  find  it  out." 

Mr.  Lafayette  briskly  finished  his  dinner  on 
the  following  night.  It  was  the  landlady's  habit 
to  visit  a  vaudeville  theater  on  each  Wednesday, 
and  when  she  appeared  in  a  red  silk  gown,  cut 
a  la  princesse,  instead  of  in  her  kimono,  Mr. 
Lafayette  was  pleased.  He  was  not  about  when, 
leaving  Fido  in  Susy's  charge,  she  started. 

The  upper  end  of  Irving  Place  was  not  well 
lighted.  Swinging  her  bag  with  girlish  aban- 
don, Mrs.  de  Shine  proceeded,  stepping  care- 
fully over  the  icy  spots,  quite  occupied  in  hold- 
ing her  silken  skirts  aloft  and  avoiding  a  fall. 

*  *  Hold  up  your  hands ! ' '  She  was  crossing  the 
mouth  of  an  alley  as  the  command  was  shouted. 
Trembling,  she  made  ready  to  fly,  but  a  strong 
grasp  restrained  her.  The  highwayman  had 
unkempt,  carroty  hair,  and  his  face  looked  quite 
without  pity.  He  held  a  knife,  poised  as  if  to 
strike  his  victim.  His  clothes  were  rough,  and 
he  wore  shiny  boots  which  reached  to  his  knees. 

1 '  Lemme  go ! "  shrieked  Mrs.  de  Shine.  ' '  Lem- 
me  go!" 


120  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

The  robber's  hand  caught  her  throat.  "Now 
I've  got  you!"  he  hissed. 

*  'Unhand  her,  you  devil ! "  It  was  Mr.  Lafay- 
ette, who  seized  the  villain's  arm.  But,  as  he 
gazed  at  the  ferocious  features,  the  red  locks 
of  the  bandit,  he  shrank  back. 

"Get  back!"  shouted  the  latter.  "I'll  cut 
your  heart  out,  old  man." 

Mr.  Lafayette  looked  once  more.  Could  this 
be  Hetherington?  If  so,  the  make-up  was  so 
excellent  that  it  frightened  him.  He  looked 
again.  No  reassuring  glance  replied.  This  was 
because  his  accomplice  happened  to  be  a  real 
actor. 

Lafayette's  knees  were  knocking  together 
from  fear.  "Don't  strike!"  he  squeaked,  and 
began  to  run. 

The  robber  loosened  his  hold  of  Mrs.  de  Shine. 
"Well,  what  the  dickens  ails  him?"  he  mut- 
tered. 

Mr.  Lafayette  was  pattering  toward  safety. 
He  did  not  even  stop  to  look  around. 

"Leggo  her  before  I  paste  you  one  in  the 
eye!" 

It  was  the  Property  Man's  voice.  He  had  been 
strolling  down  the  street.  Now  he  faced  her 
enemy. 

"Mista  Johnson,  save  me!"  Mrs.  de  Shine 
screamed  wildly. 


PROPERTY  MAN  FOILS  A  SUITOR    121 

The  highwayman  was  laughing.  "I  won't 
harm  yon,  madam, "  he  assured  her.  "I've 
been  made  a  fool  of.  Now  I'm  blessed  if  I  don't 
tell  on  the  old  idiot." 

The  Property  Man  put  a  protecting  arm  about 
the  landlady.  "It's  all  right,"  he  said  sooth- 
ingly. *  *  Nawtin '  doin '.  I  'm  here.  Well  ? ' ' 

Mr.  Hetherington  removed  the  red  wig  which 
his  art  had  bade  him  wear,  the  better  to  carry 
out  his  idea  of  the  part.  He  could  not  know 
that  Mr.  Lafayette,  failing  to  recognize  his  dis- 
guised friend,  had  run  away  because  he  dared 
not  remain.  Earnestly  he  explained. 

"And  I  regret  my  portion  of  it,"  he  added, 
"but  I  needed  money." 

The  Property  Man  laughed.  "Let  it  go  at 
that,"  he  observed.  "Come  on  back  to  the 
house,  Maggie.  I'll  help  you  throw  that  old 
slob's  stuff  out  'n  the  street." 

"Oh,  the  monster!"  bleated  Mrs.  de  Shine. 
"I'll  settle  him.  How  kin  I  thank  yuh,  Mista 
Johnson?" 

"Let's  have  chicken  dumplin's  to-morrow 
night, ' '  suggested  the  Property  Man. 

"I'll  cook  'em  myself,"  said  she. 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING" 

"BROUGHT  you  a  boarder,  Maggie,"  an- 
nounced the  Property  Man. 

He  closed  the  front  door  of  the  Maison  de 
Shine,  which  left  the  hall  so  dark  that  the  woman 
with  him,  slight  of  build  and  large-eyed,  found 
herself  temporarily  unable  to  see,  after  the 
bright  sunlight  of  the  outer  air. 

The  landlady,  who  had  emerged  from  her  pri- 
vate apartment  to  personally  welcome  the  old- 
est boarder  as  he  came  in  for  luncheon,  bowed 
coldly. 

"I'm  pleased  to  meet  yer  lady  fren,  Mista 
Johnson, ' '  she  said,  and  bowed  again.  *  *  I  didn  't 
ketch  the  name,"  she  reminded. 

"Mis'  Maizie  Collins,"  he  said.  "Maizie, 
shake  hands  wit'  Mis'  de  Shine." 

"Will  yer  hushing  desire  board,  also,  Mis' 
Collins?"  inquired  the  landlady. 

"I  haven't  any,"  replied  the  Property  Man's 
friend. 

"Oh!"  ejaculated  the  landlady. 

Mrs.  Collins  seemed  to  consider  discussion  of 

123 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING"    123 

her  family  history  unnecessary.  Therefore, 
Mrs.  de  Shine  looked  at  her,  and  received  in 
turn  a  glance  from  a  brace  of  fearless  brown 
eyes. 

"She'll  want  a  good  front  room,"  said  the 
Property  Man.  "That's  it,  ain't  it,  Maizie?  An' 
not  more'n  eight  or  nine  bucks  a  week,  she 
says." 

"As  to  the  rate,"  observed  the  landlady  some- 
what haughtily,  "a'  course,  as  yer  perf'ly 
aware,  Mista  Johnson,  it's  fur  purfessionals.  In 
fact,  my  penshun's  conducted  entirely  fur  par- 
ties in  the  business." 

"Whyfore  the  grouch,  Maggie?"  inquired  the 
property  man  jocularly.  "The  lady's  in  the 
perfesh,  see?  Be  nice,  an'  act  like  you  was  glad 
to  see  cash  money  comin'  in.  Remember,  this 
here 's  liable  to  turn  out  a  hard  winter. ' ' 

"I'm  sure  I  got  no  grouch,  Mista  Johnson." 
Her  tone  was  bitter,  for  the  landlady  felt  for 
the  star  boarder  a  very  considerable  fondness, 
which  she  hoped  he  might  return  some  day. 
Therefore,  commercialism,  in  such  circum- 
stances, became  of  secondary  importance  to  her 
own  feelings. 

"If  yuh'll  step  upstairs,  Mis'  Collins,"  she 
said,  "I'll  show  yuh  what  I  got,  an'  trust  it'll 
soot.  Mista  Johnson  can't  understand  how  a 
woming  who 's  been  on  her  feet  the  hull  livelong 


124          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

day  ain't  able  to  holler  an'  laff  at  a  momint's 
notice.  I'm  a  sick  woming." 

The  Property  Man  sneezed,  then  coughed,  be- 
ing desirous  of  effectually  interrupting  morbid 
thought. 

'  *  You  're  lookin '  great, ' '  he  said.  * '  Buck  up ! 
The  worst's  allus  ahead." 

Mrs.  Collins  laughed  gently  at  his  gay  good 
humor. 

The  landlady  sniffed  and  pointed  to  the  stairs, 
up  which  the  two  ladies  climbed.  The  Property 
Man,  with  unusual  delicacy,  remained  below.  He 
learned  within  a  few  moments  that  the  room 
suited  Mrs.  Collins. 

"You  haven't  one  with  a  private  bath?"  she 
asked  anxiously. 

"No,"  said  the  landlady,  "I  ain't.  Less'n 
yuh  desire  the  bridal  soot;  but  the  Jugglin'  Mc- 
Panns  is  in  that,  an'  as  they  don't  care  nothin' 
fur  what  they  spend,  it'd  be  hard  to  git  'em  out. 
She's  a  lovely  woming,  an'  never  complains, 
while  othas  who  ain't  got  her  position  in  the  pur- 
fession  is  furever  roarin'.  No  offense  meant,  as 
I  ain't  referrin'  to  parties  present." 

Mrs.  Collins  smiled  in  answer.  Her  air  bade 
the  landlady  speak  on.  It  was  but  infrequently 
that  the  latter  needed  inducement. 

"Mista  Johnson  didn't  mention  yer  pertic'ler 
line,"  she  reminded  the  latest  guest.  "I  guess 


yuh  won't  have  no  trouble  in  findin'  congenial 
sassiety  in  the  house,  fur  we  got  all  kinds.  It 
ain't  only  performers  stops  with  me,  yunno. 
They's  managers  an'  advance  men,  an'  ef  I'd 
take  'em,  the  legits  'd  be  here,  too,  but  vodeville 
folks  don't  git  on  with  'em,  an'  there  yuh  are. 
0'  course,  ef  they've  went  into  vodeville,  that's 
different.  I'd  take  it  yuh  prob'ly  work  in 
stock?" 

Mrs.  Collins  regarded  her  with  a  worried  air. 
The  landlady  had  conversed  herself  into  a  hap- 
pier frame  of  mind  than  had  been  her's  at  first. 

"Do  yuh?"  she  insisted. 

"Yes,"  replied  the  boarder  hastily.  "I  was 
— am,  I  mean.  That  is,  I  am — rehearsing.  I 
haven't  been  in  the  profession  long." 

"Well,  I'd  oughta  know  what  that  is,"  sighed 
the  landlady.  "I  'memba  when  I  signed  with 
Gus  Hill  one  season.  I  pursoom  Mista  John- 
son's told  yuh  that  I'm  a  retired  artist  myself? 
Oh,  yes,  indeed. 

"Well,  as  I  was  savin',  I  tuck  a  leadin'  part 
at  short  notice,  an'  rehearsed  fur  three  days 
without  stoppin'.  Ah,  me!  An'  then  to  play 
two  shows  a  day  on  the  road,  an'  no  chanct  to 
git  rested.  Character  work,  I  s'pose?" 

"Yes,"  responded  Mrs.  Collins;  "that's  it." 

"An'  it'll  gather  more  money  than  doin' 
dressed-up  parts,"  said  the  landlady  cheerfully. 


126  TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"I  allus  declare,  an'  will  to  my  expirin'  hour, 
that  ef  yuh  git  the  artistic  feelin'  make-up  don't 
worry  yuh  none.  What  comp  'ny  yuh  with  I ' ' 

Mrs.  Collins  hesitated.  After  a  brief  pause 
she  stated  that  the  play  was  not  in  active  gen- 
eral rehearsal  yet. 

"Certain  members  are,"  she  said,  "myself 
among  them.  We  will  not  open  for  some  time." 

"Well,  I  kin  be  made  to  take  a  coupla  box 
seats,"  observed  the  landlady  coyly,  "fur  dra- 
mer  is  my  delight. ' ' 

She  left  Mrs.  Collins  alone  in  the  "third-floor 
front"  because  Susy,  the  slavey,  had  panted  up- 
stairs to  inform  her  mistress  that  the  butcher 
bill  had  come,  and  its  bearer  was  insisting  upon 
a  cash  deposit. 

"Them  people 'd  drive  yuh  bug!"  cried  the 
landlady.  "Here,  Mis'  Collins  an'  me  was 
havin'  a  elegant  chat,  too.  I  s'pose  I  gotta  chase 
down  an*  see  him.  An'  he'll  wisht  he  never 
come  'round  tryin'  to  bawl  out  one  of  his  best 
customers  when  I  git  there." 

Mrs.  Collins  unpacked  her  bag.  She  removed 
certain  toilet  articles,  fashioned  of  ivory  and 
initialed  in  gold.  There  were  silk  pajamas, 
furred  mules  for  bedroom  wear,  and  various 
articles  of  clotEing  which  demonstrated  that  the 
owner  possessed  a  particular  and  expensive 
taste. 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING"    127 

The  room  was  cold.  A  radiator  stood  in  one 
corner.  It  occurred  to  her  to  turn  on  the  heat, 
but  this  had  already  been  done.  Yet  no  warmth 
came  from  the  chilled  pipes,  for  the  De  Shine 
hot-water  supply  only  lasted  as  far  as  the  sec- 
ond floor. 

Mrs.  Collins  knelt  beside  the  radiator  and 
thoughtfully  felt  about  the  bottom  of  it. 

"Not  even  a  sign  of  heat,"  she  said  shiver- 
ingly,  "and  if  I  say  anything  she'll  be  up  again. 
I'll  freeze  if  I  must." 

She  chuckled.    She  was  not  bereft  of  humor. 

"This  is  a  vaudeville  boarding-house,  sure 
enough,"  she  reflected,  "and  it's  what  I  re- 
quested, so  it  wouldn  't  be  grateful  to  complain, 
although  I  can  imagine  it  to  be  funnier  if  one 
were  thoroughly  warm." 

In  the  hall  below  a  group  of  boarders  awaited 
the  ring  of  the  dinner-gong.  By  being  early 
they  would  not  only  finish  first,  but  enjoy  the 
best  portion  of  such  viands  as  the  De  Shine 
larder  would  furnish  them.  Mrs.  Collins  was 
plainly  unused  to  the  ways  of  the  Maison  de 
Shine,  for  she  did  not  appear  until  all  places 
were  filled  and  another  hungry  crowd  massed  in 
the  hall. 

These  gazed  enviously  through  the  open  door 
at  the  gobbling  throng  within,  aiding  digestion 


128          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

on  the  part  of  the  feeders  by  loud  remarks  of  a 
comedy  nature. 

"Who's  the  noo  skirt  I  seen  walkin'  in  with 
you?"  asked  Mr.  Mangle  of  the  Mangles  Four. 

Baby  Theodore  Mangle,  who  had  been  recent- 
ly added  to  the  family 's  stage  ranks,  sat  beside 
his  parent,  slowly  absorbing  a  pickled  beet. 

"Pop,  gimme  'nother!"  he  shouted. 

The  Property  Man  kindly  assisted  Baby  Theo- 
dore to  a  second  section  of  beet  before  he  replied 
to  the  amiable  child's  father. 

"I  knowed  her  folks,"  he  said  shortly. 

"Quite  a  looker,"  observed  Mr.  Mangle.  He 
whispered  it,  that  his  wife  might  not  hear  him 
express  a  favorable  opinion  upon  the  beauty  of 
another  woman. 

The  Property  Man  silently  fed  the  gorged 
Theodore  with  another  pickled  beet. 

"She's  roomin'  next  to  us,"  said  Mr.  Mangle. 
"What's  her  name?" 

He  was  excessively  curious,  and  had  no  inten- 
tion of  being  thwarted  in  his  search  for  informa- 
tion by  ordinary  means. 

"I  see  where  Burns  is  gittin*  the  coin  over  *n 
England,"  said  the  Property  Man. 

"You  ain't  fallin'  fur  this  party  an'  don't 
want  no  one  to  mention  her,  are  you?"  went  on 
Mr.  Mangle. 

"He  better  git  all  he  can.    They'll  slip  it  to 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING"    129 

him  proper  when  he  blows  back  here."  The 
Property  Man  raised  his  voice  and  looked  at 
Mr.  Mangle  so  determinedly  that  he  shamed 
his  friend  into  quiet. 

"I  ain't  been  readin'  the  sportin'  news  since 
I  quit  playin'  the  hosses,"  said  Mr.  Mangle  in 
a  subdued  tone. 

He  was  disappointed.  Whereas  his  opening 
query  had  been  idly  made,  now  he  decided  that 
if  mystery  lurked  in  the  person  of  the  unknown 
woman  it  must  be  solved  immediately,  for  the 
sake  of  his  personal  peace  of  mind. 

"You  mark  me,  Burns '11  git  trimmed  plenty 
if  that  dinge  fights  on  the  level,"  pursued  the 
Property  Man.  "I'm  a  great  feller  fur  boxin'. 
Grandest  game  in  the  world,  all  right,  all  right. ' ' 

"I  think  it's  nice,  too,"  said  the  landlady, 
serving  him  with  canned  string  beans.  "A* 
course,  bein'  a  lady,  I  never  had  much  chanct 
to  go  to  no  affairs,  but  I  sawr  the  Rossow  Mid- 
gets, an*  they  was  too  killin'.  But  it's  mil 
rough,  ain't  it?" 

"'Tain't  what  you'd  call  a  tattin'  bee,  Mag- 
gie," rejoined  the  Property  Man  gravely.  "The 
Eossow  Midgets,  hey?  That  was  goin'  some." 

"The  sight  of  blood  would  positively  cause 
me  to  swoon,"  cried  Mrs.  Mangle.  "Oh,  how 
can  men  engage  in  such  degrading  physical 
struggle?" 


130          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"They  should  all  be  arrested, "announced The 
Ingenue  firmly.  "The  police  could  stop  it  if 
they  wished;  but  they  don't,  for  they're  worse 
than  the  horrid  prize-fighters." 

' l  Haw !  haw ! ' '  laughed  the  Property  Man. 

Baby  Theodore  cackled  joyously.  Little  Min- 
nie Mangle,  celebrated  as  the  Child  Wonder,  had 
no  shrinking  timidity  in  her  young  being. 

"Pop  swung  on  a  guy  an'  come  near  knockin' 
his  bean  offa  him,  didn't  you,  pop?"  she  called. 
"An'  pop  says  I'm  the  scrappin'  kid.  I  is,  too, 
an'  I  kin  jolt  any  child  wonders  what  starts 
doin'  my  stuff,  can't  I,  pop!" 

"You  bet  you  kin,"  agreed  Mr.  Mangle. 
"That's  the  spiel  to  be  makin'.  An'  any  time 
you  can't  finish  'ein  I'll  wade  in  an'  help." 

"Yuh  got  to  be  furever  battlin'  to  git  on  at 
all  on  this  earth,"  observed  the  landlady  wear- 
ily; "an' what  a  life  it  is!" 

"Minerva,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  "go  to  your 
room  at  once  after  that  disgusting  exhibition 
of  the  atrocious  teachings  of  your  poppa !  Do 
you  hear  me?" 

"I  ain't  a-goin'  till  I  git  my  puddin',"  said 
little  Minnie. 

The  rattle  of  cutlery  against  china  ceased. 
While  a  clash  between  the  Mangles  was  common, 
it  was  always  enlivening,  hence  the  "first  table" 


excitedly  laid  its  weapons  aside  temporarily  and 
listened. 

"She'd  go  if  she  was  mine,"  said  a  feminine 
voice. 

An  onlooker  from  the  door  had  spoken.  Mrs. 
Casino,  mother  of  Little  Casino,  a  male  child 
wonder,  and  a  rival  of  the  Mangle  prodigy,  thus 
voiced  her  views. 

"Maw,  that  kid's  a  slob!"  said  Little  Casino 
loudly. 

"The  effrontery  of  that  woman  in  making 
such  a  remark  is  but  a  further  proof  of  her  vul- 
garity!" cried  Mrs.  Mangle.  "In  the  circum- 
stances I  shall  permit  Minerva  to  remain,  for 
I  will  not  be  shrieked  at  by  insolent  inferiors 
such  as  the  Casinos." 

* '  Nix !  go  easy ! ' '  cautioned  Mr.  Mangle.  ' '  Ca- 
sino's  a  big  guy,  an'  a  scrapper.  What's  the 
use  of  gittin'  him  an'  me  in  a  hook-up?" 

Mrs.  Mangle  replied  to  this  effort  of  her 
spouse  to  avoid  active  defense  of  his  family 
honor  by  a  glance  of  ineffable  contempt. 

"Poltroon!"  she  hissed.  "Oh,  you  cringing 
coward!" 

"Now,  fur  goodness'  sake,  is  this  beginnin' 
onct  more?"  demanded  the  landlady;  "fur  it's 
nothin'  short  of  outrageous,  an'  I  make  the 
statement  to  yer  maps.  The  ideer !  Fur  shame, 
all  of  you  people !  Fight  them  things  out  in  the 


132  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

theaters  or  the  public  streets,  but  no  more  in 
the  Maisong  de  Shine  kin  quarrelin'  eternal  go 
on.  It's  gotta  quit." 

The  Property  Man  had  motioned  Mrs.  Collins, 
who  advanced  into  the  room  with  a  timid  bear- 
ing and  quietly  seated  herself  beside  him  on  the 
chair  just  vacated  by  The  Ingenue. 

"This  oughter  be  swell  fur  you,"  he  whis- 
pered. "Did  you  hear  them  dames?  That's  a 
good  sample,  but  they  kin  go  stronger  when  they 
warm  to  it.  That's  the  Casino  Family  an'  the 
Mangles  Four." 

She  selected  beef  stew  when  Susy  inquired 
her  preference. 

"The  stoo's  a  cheese,"  Be  warned;  "take  the 
corn  beef.  0 '  course,  we  git  it  all  the  time,  but 
it'll  be  noo  to  you,  I  expect,  an'  somehow  it's 
more  fillin'.  I  didn't  git  a  peek  at  you  in  the 
hall  till  the  noise  started." 

" I  was  enjoying  myself, ' '  she  returned.  l ' Do 
you  tip  this  girl  at  meals?" 

"Who?  Susy?"  he  queried  grinningly. 
"Say!  where  do  you  git  that  at?  You  don't 
tip  nobody  in  a  boardin '-house.  This  mob 
wouldn't  give  you  a  cracker  fur  a  barrel  o' 
flour." 

"Mommer,  I'm  stickin'  out  my  tongue  at  Lit- 
tle Casino!"  reported  little  Minnie  shrilly.  "I 
ain't  scared  o'  him,  is  I?  He  can't  do  no  imi- 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING"    133 

tations  like  me,  an'  his  act's  the  bunk.  Pop  says 
so." 

"Liar !"  bellowed  Little  Casino,  charging  into 
the  room. 

"Oh,  pop,  don't  let  him  git  me!"  shrieked  lit- 
tle Minnie  tearfully. 

The  Property  Man's  hand  fell  on  Little  Ca- 
sino as  that  talented  juvenile  was  loping  past. 
Held  securely  in  a  firm  clutch,  Little  Casino 
struggled  while  his  parents  hustled  to  the  res- 
cue. 

Mrs.  Mangle  intrepidly  raised  the  boiled  po- 
tato receptacle  and  poised  it  cleverly. 

"If  your  father  declines  to  revenge  insults 
thrust  on  us,  my  child,"  she  cried  resolutely,  "I 
am  still  here !  Do  not  touch  my  little  one,  wom- 
an, or  I  will,  as  Mr.  Mangle  inelegantly  observes, 
smash  this  upon  your  bean ! ' ' 

"Fine  fur  you!  That's  great  stuff!'  enthusi- 
astically encouraged  the  Property  Man. 

"Goodness!  Will  they  hurt  each  other?" 
asked  the  new  guest  shrinkingly. 

The  landlady  arose.  She  took  the  kicking 
Little  Casino  from  the  Property  Man  and  cuffed 
him  severely  on  one  ear. 

"Yuh  hateful  brat!"  she  said,  with  a  cuff  for 
each  word,  "does  the  Casiner  Family  think  they 
kin  boss  Maggie  de  Shine's  place?  Things  may 
be  bohemian  here  to  extremes  at  times,  but  as 


134          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

I'm  runnin'  a  square  drum,  I  won't  have  no 
bloodshed,  at  least  to  the  tabble  dotty.  The 
Mangles  an'  Casiners  gotta  retire  immejut  to 
their  own  rooms.  Vamp!" 

Mrs.  Mangle,  hectic-cheeked  and  haughty,  and 
still  bearing  her  weapon,  led  the  retreat  of  the 
Mangles,  *which  naturally  precipitated  that  in- 
teresting quartet  into  the  midst  of  the  equally 
belligerent  Casino  Family. 
.  The  hall,  filled  as  it  was  with  hungry  standees, 
became  a  stirring  scene,  for  the  two  ladies  met 
at  close  quarters,  and  the  gentlemen,  ashamed 
to  appear  as  less  than  their  respective  wives, 
dared  each  other  to  come  out  into  the  city's  wide 
thoroughfares  and  settle  the  matter  as  man  to 
man. 

The  landlady  followed  the  turbulent  factions. 
Meanwhile,  the  thinned  ranks  left  behind  at  the 
table  proceeded  to  completely  devastate  the 
available  food  supply.  Mrs.  Collins  was  helped 
to  an  enormous  quantity  of  the  succulent  corned 
beef  and  cabbage,  which  dish  was  of  ever-re- 
curring frequency  upon  the  De  Shine  menu. 

The  property  man  hastily  poured  the  contents 
of  the  general  milk  pitcher  into  his  coffee  cup, 
swallowing  the  cupful  at  one  able  gulp. 

Johnny  Trippit,  the  buck  dancer,  hoarsely  or- 
dered three  helpings  of  the  ' '  home-made ' '  mince 
pie  from  an  adjacent  bakery,  and  had  eaten  them 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING"    135 

by  the  time  that  the  sounds  from  the  hall  had 
stilled. 

Mrs.  Collins  had  laughed  until  she  gasped. 

"Mr.  Johnson, "  she  said  chokingly,  "you 
were  wonderful  to  find  it.  No  one  would  believe 
that  people  could  actually  do  such  things  unless 
they  saw  it  with  their  own  eyes.  It's  just  splen- 
did!" 

"Well,  I  knowed  it  wouldn't  never  be  a  wrong 
steer,"  he  said.  "Course,  you  can't  get  a  bat- 
tle every  meal.  That  ain't  to  be  expected.  But 
the  makin's  of  one  is  always  there,  an'  no  kid. 
You  ain't  saw  the  circus  bunch  yet.  Here's  one 
comin',  the  tall  guy — see?  He's  with  the  Wal- 
lace show,  an'  a  good  feller." 

"What  does  he  dor ' 

"Got  a  tumblin'  act,"  he  answered,  "an'  an- 
other troupe  besides  that's  out  with  a  Mexican 
show." 

The  meal  ended  without  further  strife.  Mrs. 
Collins  was  introduced  to  the  circus  man,  who 
kindly  told  her  several  stories,  all  tending  to 
prove  that  the  "Wallace  show"  would  be  an  or- 
ganization bereft  should  his  presence  be  with- 
drawn from  it. 

She  met  the  Property  Man  as  she  descended 
the  front  stairway  later. 

* '  Kin  you  stand  it  ? "  he  asked  quizzically. 


136          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

1 '  S-sh !  They  might  hear  you, ' '  she  returned. 
1 '  Oh,  it 's  great !  How  shall  I  ever  thank  you  ? ' ' 

A  sudden  diffidence  came  upon  him. 

"I — I  guess  it's  only  sumpin'  like  that  a 
rough  feller  like  me'd  ever  git  the  chanct  of 
doin'  fur  you,"  he  said  haltingly.  "But.listen 
here.  Any  time  you  want  me  I '11  be  there.  See?" 

She  held  out  a  hand,  encased  in  a  pretty 
French  glove,  which  he  took  and  gently  pressed. 

"Walk  to  the  corner  with  me,  won't  you?'' 
she  requested. 

He  blushed  with  pleasure. 

"Will  I?"  he  exclaimed.  "I'll  be  tickled  to 
deaf,  that's  all — tickled  to  deaf.  S'pose  you're 
goin'  uptown  to  see  if  they  changed  it  any  since 
you  moved  down  here  to-day,  hey?" 

"But  I  like  it  here,"  she  said,  "for  it's  real 
life,  you  know. ' ' 

"Sure,  it's  swell  fur  a.one-night  stand."  Here 
the  Property  Man  chuckled  grimly.  "  Wait  '11 
you  want  some  hot  water  fur  a  bath,  an'  git  that 
good  old  stoo  fur  a  coupla  mont's  steady.  Here's 
the  uptown  subway.  Well,  goo '-by.  I'll  see  you 
later." 

As  she  disappeared  he  stopped  at  the  edge 
of  the  curb  and  looked  at  Fourteenth  Street, 
alight  and  tawdry,  with  disfavor. 

' '  Oh,  prunes ! "  he  bitterly  exclaimed.  *  *  They 
ain't  no  use  me  turnin'  up  my  nose  at  it,  'cause 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING"    137 

it's  the  best  I'll  git.  But  it's  sumpin'  to  know 
one  like  her,  who  ain't  allus  hollerin'  about  the 
hit  she  was  last  week,  an'  how  the  manager  bust 
out  cryin '  when  she  'd  done  her  last  show.  She 's 
a  queen." 

Mrs.  Maizie  Collins  became  a  figure  of  inter- 
est in  the  Maison  de  Shine.  She  was  always 
pleasant,  could  converse  in  a  sprightly  fashion, 
and  there  was  about  her  a  dignified  friendliness 
which  charmed  both  men  and  women. 

The  acrobatic  circus  man  confided  to  the  prop- 
erty man  on  a  certain  evening  that  this  was  the 
woman  to  whom  he  could  render  a  devotion  such 
as  no  empress  of  the  circus  had  even  been  capa- 
ble of  inspiring  within  him. 

"She's  got  brains,  cul,"  said  he,  " an*  it's  the 
nut  that  wins  me.  Besides,  she's  a  swell  looker 
an'  a  grand  feller.  But  allus  a  lady,  an'  knows 
her  place.  I  wish  somebody 'd  say  sumpin'  to 
her  some  time  when  I  was  around." 

11  So  do  I,"  agreed  the  Property  Man  fervent- 
ly. "I'd  spread  him  out  till  the  cars  could  run 
over  him  wit 'out  bumpin'." 

"Seems  like  she  dresses  quiet,  but  I  bet  them 
rags  cost  a  chunk,"  observed  the  circus  man. 

1 1  That 's  what, ' '  responded  his  friend.  *  *  She 's 
there  four  ways  from  the  jack." 

"Do  you  s'pose  thene'd  be  an  outside  chance 


138          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

fur  me  to  cop  her?"  The  circus  man's  expres- 
sion was  artless. 

"Nope;  nawtin'  doin',  take  it  from  me," 
said  the  Property  Man  gloomily.  ' '  None  fur  you 
or  me,  or  any  lobsters  like  us." 

Both  sighed.  They  had  hitched  their  wagons 
to  a  star. 

"She's  gone,  an'  left  no  address!"  the  circus 
man  announced  on  a  day  three  weeks  afterwa»rd. 
The  Property  Man  displayed  no  emotion,  for  he 
had  assisted  at  her  flitting. 

"What  you  got  to  do  to-night?"  he  asked. 
"I'm  takin'  one  off.  Feel  like  goin'  to  a  Broad- 
way show?" 

The  circus  man  ardently  yearned  for  distrac- 
tion, so  he  accepted  gladly. 

"I'm  there  wit'  the  old  shroud  an'  boiler," 
remarked  the  Property  Man,  "are  you?  We'd 
oughta  fix  up.  It's  a  first  night." 

"Oh,  I  got  the  dress  clothes,  all  right."  The 
circus  man  grinned.  "We-'ll  show  them  babies 
that  they  ain't  got  nawtin'  on  us." 

They  pushed  into  a  big  Broadway  playhouse. 

"It's  a  three-act  show,"  said  the  Property 
Man.  "I'm  kinder  stuck  on  seem'  it." 

"Marian  Deming,  in  'A  Eomance  of  Vaude- 
ville,' :"  read  the  circus  man  from  the  program. 
"Say,  pipe!  What  do  you  know  about  this?" 


"THE  GIRL  WITHOUT  BOOKING"    139 

The  Property  Man,  very  good  looking  in  his 
Tuxedo  and  the  smart  black  bow  which  Mrs. 
Mangle  had  tied  for  him,  smiled  at  his  friend 
mysteriously.  The  drop  went  up. 

"Say!"  breathed  the  circus  man,  for  he  was 
gazing  at  the  hall  of  the  actors'  boarding-house 
in  Irving  Place. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  came  on,  accompanied  by  Fido, 
her  faithful  white  poodle.  Susy,  the  slavey, 
called  Jane  in  the  play,  as  slatternly  as  at  home, 
was  there,  with  the  Mangles  Four  and  the  Ca- 
sino Family,  under  different  names. 

But  the  circus  man  and  the  Property  Man  were 
absent.  These  two  were  too  real  for  the  star 
who  had  sojourned  briefly  in  vaudeville's  com- 
pany to  caricature.  Then  She  appeared,  as  the 
"Girl  Without  Booking,'*  who  could  sing,  if 
managers  would  but  listen,  and  dance  if  they 
would  let  her ;  but  they  wouldn  't. 

In  the  end  a  lover  of  olden  days  came  out  of 
Fifth  Avenue  and  took  her  away  from  vaude- 
ville. 

"I  knowed  it  all  the  time,"  said  the  Property 
Man,  "but  I  couldn't  tell.  You  see,  us  guys 
wasn't  wit'  that  bunch  o'  characters — she 
wouldn't  do  that.7' 

The  circus  man  watched  the  final  curtain  set- 
tle into  place  and  the  audience  leave.  The  play 
was  a  success. 


140          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"It's  all  right,  an'  she's  an  actress,  sure,"  he 
said,  "but  advertisin'  never  hurts,  an'  seein' 
as  us  two  done  all  we  could  fur  her,  the  least 
she  could  'a'  done  was  to  put  us  in,  too.  That's 
all  I  got  ag 'in  her.  Come  on  home." 


ME.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE 

ME.  MANGLE,  of  the  Mangles  Four,  was  pur- 
chasing a  celluloid  collar  in  a  Fourteenth  Street 
shop.  His  small  son,  Theodore  Eosseau  Man- 
gle, accompanied  him. 

As  his  father  chatted  about  the  President's 
message  and  the  recent  cold  snap  with  the  clerk, 
Baby  Theodore  endeavored  to  flatten  his  juve- 
nile nose  against  the  glass  of  a  showcase,  send- 
ing forth  drooling  remarks,  the  subject  of  which 
remained  his  private  affair. 

"Da — da,  gabble,  gabble — goo — oo,"  sang 
Theodore.  "Pop — pa!  Goo — oo!  Pop — pa!" 

"Hey?"  said  Mr.  Mangle,  ceasing  his  conver- 
sation. ' '  What 's  comin '  off  ? " 

"Mom — ma!"  cried  Theodore. 

Joyfully  he  pointed  to  a  young  woman  upon 
whose  head  was  massed,  in  tangled  profusion, 
a  pile  of  yellow  puffs  and  curls.  Mrs.  Mangle 
was  a  blonde,  but  she  was  no  such  beauty  as  this 
lovely  creature  in  a  scarlet  tailored  suit  and 
almost-ermine  stole  and  muff. 

Mr.  Mangle  had  been  imbibing  at  each  thirst- 

141 


142  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

quenching  establishment  from  Broadway  to 
Third  Avenue.  As  he  looked  upon  the  blonde 
damsel  whose  hair  his  child  recognized  as  re- 
sembling the  celebrated  pompadour  of  Mrs. 
Mangle,  he  smiled  jovially. 

"Hello,  pretty,"  said  he. 

The  lady  stared  coldly  at  him. 

Theodore,  bestowing  upon  her  his  whole  at- 
tention, cooed  seductively.  "Ha'o!"  he  said 
amiably.  "I  see  you." 

"There  ain't  nothing"  said  Mr.  Mangle  to 
the  clerk,  with  enthusiasm  which  he  made  no 
attempt  to  control, ' '  so  beautiful  as  blonde  hair, 
is  there?  That  fer  me,  every  time.  As  fer  a 
brunette,  I  wouldn't  give  her  a  pleasant  look. 
Gimme  one  o'  the  red  ties,  'long  with  the  collars. 
They're  real  tasty,  an'  red's  my  favorite 
shade." 

The  clerk  sought  the  rear  of  the  shop  that  he 
might  wrap  the  customer's  goods.  Mr.  Mangle 
smilingly  addressed  the  lady  of  the  golden  hair. 

"Ain't  we  met  somewhere?"  he  asked. 
' '  Seems  so  to  me.  Anyway,  I  'm  Mangle — Man- 
gle, of  the  Mangles  Four,  you  know." 

"I've  seen  your  act,"  said  she,  and  her  man- 
ner seemed  warmer. 

"I  guess  most  everybody's  saw  it,"  compla- 
cently observed  Mr.  Mangle.  "Are  you  in  the 
perfesh?" 


MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    143 

The  clerk,  coining  back  with  change  and  pack- 
age, handed  both  to  Mr.  Mangle,  and  snickered 
to  himself  as  he  withdrew  to  a  distance  whence 
he  might  overhear  the  talk  without  appearing 
to. 

"Well,  if  you  can  beat  a  vaudeville  perform- 
er!" he  ruminated.  "Why,  that  feller  never 
met  her  before,  that's  a  cinch." 

Within  ten  minutes  Mr.  Mangle  and  the  stran- 
ger walked  up  Fourteenth  Street  in  company. 
Each  held  a  hand  of  Baby  Theodore,  who  trotted 
along,  happily  prattling  to  his  innocent  self.  To 
the  unknowing  spectator  it  was  a  domestic-look- 
ing little  party. 

Their  stroll  ended  in  a  rathskellar,  where, 
vis-a-vis,  with  two  highballs  upon  the  table,  and 
a  mug  of  ginger  ale  with  a  pleasant  bite  to  it 
for  Theodore,  they  exchanged  confidences.  Mr. 
Mangle  convinced  her  that  a  more  formal  meet- 
ing had  occurred  between  them. 

The  readiness  with  which  she  agreed  to  con- 
sider this  a  fact  caused  Mr.  Mangle  to  applaud 
her  wisdom. 

"Fur  you  don't  run  into  an  old  pal  every 
day,"  said  he,  "an'  that's  no  dream.  Bring  a 
coupla  more  o'  the  same.  What  you  hangin' 
'round  fur,  anyway  ? ' ' 

The  German  servitor  looked  uncomfortable. 
Mr.  Mangle  repeated  his  query. 


144          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Your  wife's  settin'  up  in  front,"  said  the 
waiter  in  a  whisper,  "with  some  ladies.  I 
fought  you'd  yust  like  to  know." 

' '  She  is  ? "  Mr.  Mangle,  temporarily  agitated, 
wildly  glanced  behind.  The  lady  snatched  her 
purse  and  muff,  clearly  displaying  a  desire  to 
hasten  from  a  dangerous  situation.  She  evi- 
dently realized  that  excited  wives  are  prone  to 
believe  the  evidences  of  their  eyes  rather  than 
the  explanations  of  those  whom  they  unexpect- 
edly confront. 

* '  Ah — say — list  'n  here ! ' '  said  he.  '  *  Set  down 
again.  They  ain't  nothin'  to  be  scared  of.  If 
they  was,  I'd  tell  you." 

"Momma!"  said  Baby  Theodore  softly. 

Although  of  tender  years,  the  infant  already 
gave  promise  of  becoming  somewhat  of  a  men- 
tal hurdler,  as  this  remarkable  utterance  proved. 

"What'd  you  say,  kid?"  asked  his  parent. 

"Mom — ma  tummin',"  said  Theodore  dis- 
tinctly but  quietly. 

"Hully  gee!"  Mr.  Mangle  gasped.  The  lady 
paled  beneath  the  vivid  flush  of  chemical  origin 
which  burned  upon  her  cheek. 

"Leave  it  to  me,"  he  said  rapidly.  "If  you 
weaken  she's  liable  to  rough  house  the  joint, 
'cause  she's  got  one  tough  temper  if  she  starts. 
Stick.  It'll  be  all  right." 

Mrs.  Mangle,  majestically  leading  Little  Min- 


MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    145 

me  Mangle,  the  Child  Wonder,  was  at  the  table 
a  moment  later. 

"William  Mangle,"  she  cried,  "who  is  this 
woman  ?  Answer  me,  you  ruffian !  Who  is  she  ? ' ' 

"Now,  Louiser,"  Mr.  Mangle  assumed  a 
pleasant  smile,  "hold  on.  Don't  holler  out 
sumpin'  you'll  have  to  apologize  fer.  This 
young  lady " 

1 1  Young ! ' '  said  his  wife  in  a  high,  angry  voice. 
"Young?  Really!  Ho!  ha!  That's  good!" 

She  laughed  unpleasantly.  Mr.  Mangle  kicked 
his  friend  under  the  shelter  of  the  table,  to 
reassure  her.  Baby  Theodore  gurgled  at  his 
mother. 

"Can't  you  wait  a  second?"  inquired  Mr. 
Mangle  warmly.  "What's  the  ideer  of  flyin'  at 
a  man  like  he 's  actin '  wrong,  or  some  such  thing 
as  that?  This  here  is " 

"She  is  a  shameless,  brazen-face,  peroxide 
battle-axe ! ' '  shouted  Mrs.  Mangle. 

"Nix  crackin',"  warned  Mr.  Mangle,  while 
she  whom  he  so  ably  championed  began  to  cry, 
or  at  least  to  make  a  creditable  pretense  of  doing 
so.  "Be  a  lady,  can't  you?" 

"A  horrible,  faded-out,  bold-faced  thing!" 
continued  the  fearless  wife  bitterly. 

"Nix  crackin',"  again  admonished  Mr.  Man- 
gle. "Why,  you're  dippy.  This  is  Theodore's 
noo  governess." 


146  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Every  one,  including  the  speaker,  was  sur- 
prised. Mr.  Mangle  had  not  made  this  asser- 
tion as  the  opening  fire  of  a  planned  course  of 
action.  It  catapulted  from  his  lips  and  he  was  in 
grave  doubt  as  to  what  he  should  follow  it  with. 

"A  governess!"  Mrs.  Mangle  ceased  for  an 
instant  her  contemptuous  scrutiny  of  the  blonde. 
"And  when  have  I  told  you,  pray,  that  Theo- 
dore has  arrived  at  an  age  when  the  services 
of  an  instructress,  if  I  may  use  that  word,  are 
necessary?  Although  I  will  add  this :  No  child 
of  mine  lives,  who,  at  the  age  of  three,  cannot 
easily  digest  the  studies  of  the  average  child  of 
ten.  Your  name,  please  I ' ' 

Whether  overcome,  as  the  enormity  of  the 
task  to  be  undertaken  in  training  the  abnormally 
developed  mind  of  the  gurgling  Theodore  was 
thus  pointed  out,  or  merely  embarrassed  at  her 
distressful  plight,  Mr.  Mangle's  companion 
stammered  a  reply  which  no  one  could  under- 
stand. 

"Her  name's  Mis'  Jones,"  said  Mr.  Mangle 
loudly,  "a  widder,  an'  seein'  as  Henry  Jones 
was  an  old  pal  o'  mine,  in  the  circus  line,  it 
ain't  no  more'n  proper  fer  her  to  git  the  chance 
of  learnin'  the  kid  sumpin'.  He'd  have  to  be 
startih'  soon." 

"It  would  seem,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  using 
extreme  care  in  enunciation,  "that  his  mother, 


'ME.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    147 

who  is,  at  least,  not  entirely  a  fool,  should  be 
judge  of  what  he  should  or  should  not  have. 
May  I  ask  if  his  new  governess  considers  it 
seemly  to  imbibe  liquor  before  a  mere  babe?'* 

"Mis'  Jones  got  a  faint  feelin',  an'  I  brung 
her  in  here  to  revive  her,  Louiser,"  said  the 
agile-brained  Mr.  Mangle.  "Set  down  an'  let's 
all  have  a  nice  visit." 

"Not  in  a  beer  saloon,  I  thank  you,"  said  Mrs. 
Mangle  haughtily.  "Kindly  escort  the  lady  to 
our  home,  where  I  will  grant  her  a  private  in- 
terview. Minerva,  bring  your  brother.  If 
aught  but  the  truth  has  been  told  here,  some 
one  will  regret  it." 

The  new  governess  finally  regained  control  of 
herself  sufficiently  to  smile. 

"I  think  I'd  better  telephone  first,"  she  said 
timidly. 

Mr.  Mangle  pushed  his  foot  against  hers. 

"Come  right  along  now,  Mis'  Jones,"  said  he. 
"I'll  do  all  that  fur  you  from  the  house.  You'n 
my  wife '11  git  on  swell  soon's  you  git  acquain- 
ted." 

Mrs.  Jones  murmured.  Her  eyes  supplicated 
him,  but  with  the  edifice  of  his  conjugal  happi- 
ness swaying,  almost  ready  to  topple  upon  and 
bury  him,  he  intended  to  get  himself  out  of 
difficulty  before  arranging  a  convenient  means 
of  escape  for  her. 


148  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

The  party  went  into  the  street.  Mrs.  Mangle 
led  them,  but  a  capable  guard,  in  the  person  of 
little  Minnie,  escorted  Mr.  Mangle  and  the  lady. 
Neither  addressed  the  other,  except  when  Mr. 
Mangle  observed  that  the  wind  was  somewhat 
colder,  and  Mrs.  Jones  rather  petulantly  replied 
that  she  had  never  felt  warmer  in  her  whole  life. 

Baby  Theodore  hustled  along  beside  his  sis- 
ter, whose  mien  was  important.  A  clash  was 
due,  and  little  Minnie  awaited  it.  She  had  seen 
her  parents  in  hectic  dispute  before.  The  con- 
flict which  the  Child  Wonder  made  certain  would 
soon  occur  would  be  an  affair  to  stir  the  blood 
of  the  most  unemotional,  for  Mrs.  Mangle  was 
much  enraged. 

Little  Minnie  pondered  the  affair.  Would  the 
strange  lady  fight  back  when  attacked,  or  merely 
submit  meekly  to  the  coming  onslaught? 

' '  Say,  Teddy, ' '  said  she  in  an  undertone, ' l  did 
pop  kiss  this  party?" 

"Ga-ga.  Bab-by,"  chanted  Theodore  smi- 
lingly. 

Impatiently  little  Minnie  framed  her  query 
differently.  Still  Baby  Theodore  lisped  foolish 
answers.  There  were  times  when  the  smallest 
Mangle  reverted  entirely  to  "baby  talk."  At 
others  his  remarks  were  quite  intelligible. 

The  recent  scandal  was  not  made  worse  or 
better  by  the  cautious  probing  of  little  Minnie. 


MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    149 

Theodore  maintained  a  bland  front  and  declined 
to  be  interviewed. 

Mr.  Mangle  held  open  the  front  door  of  the 
Maison  de  Shine  for  Mrs.  Jones'  entrance,  Mrs. 
Mangle  having  slammed  it  upon  them. 

Wearily  they  climbed  two  flights  to  the  Man- 
gles'  apartment.  Mrs.  Jones  began  to  show  in- 
dignation. 

"I  won't  stand  much  more  of  this!"  she 
hissed,  as  she  plodded  behind  Mr.  Mangle. 

He  looked  around  at  her  imploringly. 

"If  a  dyin'  man  ast  you  fur  a  drink,  an'  you 
was  carryin'  a  pail  o'  water,"  he  whispered, 
"you  wouldn't  grudge  him  a  sip?  Then  stick 
a  little,  an'  I'll  reward  you.  It  means  bustin'  a 
home  if  you  don't." 

Her  womanly  sympathy  was  stirred. 

"I'll  do  what  I  can,"  she  said,  "but  you  sure 
got  me  in  fine." 

In  the  Mangles'  sitting-room  Mrs.  Mangles 
waved  her  to  a  seat.  Little  Minnie  Mangle 
moved  to  a  point  where  a  fine  view  of  the  guest 
might  be  had  with  the  least  strain  upon  her  op- 
tics. Baby  Theodore,  unable  to  unbutton  his 
rabbit-skin  coat  without  help,  rolled,  without 
ostentation,  upon  the  floor,  thence  beneath  the 
sofa,  where  he  grunted  happily. 

"He's  playin'  he's  a  Teddy  bear,"  explained 
the  Child  Wonder  to  Mrs.  Jones.  "If  he  bites 


150          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

your  ankle  you  got  to  holler  'Help!'  and  *  Po- 
lice!' or  he'll  git  sore  an'  go  on  awful." 

"  Woo-oo-oo !'  emitted  Theodore  from  his  lair. 

Mrs.  Jones  jumped  up  with  a  dismayed  face. 
Theodore  had  apparently  proceeded  as  per  his 
accustomed  schedule. 

"Here,  cut  that  out!"  ordered  Mr.  Mangle, 
"an'  come  out  o'  there  before  I  wallop  you 
good!  See?  Come  on!" 

"The  child  must  have  some  amusement,  Mr. 
Mangle,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle  as  she  parted  from 
her  wraps,  "and  it  is  certainly  less  harmful  than 
teaching  him  the  habit  of  drink." 

"He  seems  quite  playful,"  said  Mrs.  Jones 
hesitatingly.  "I — I  like  'em  to  be  cheerful." 

Mrs.  Mangle  dragged  a  creaking  chair  near  to 
her  intended  victim.  Seating  herself,  she  raised 
her  gold-plated  lorgnette,  which  is  one  of  the 
most  celebrated  features  of  the  act  of  the  Man- 
gles Four,  and  looked  at  Mrs.  Jones  over  it. 

"Of  course  you  speak  the  Greek  language?" 
she  said. 

Mrs.  Jones  wore  a  defiant,  untroubled  smile, 
for  she  had  swiftly  reviewed  the  matter  in  hand 
and  concluded  that  no  crime,  even  by  the  most 
cunning  jurist,  could  be  fastened  upon  her  be- 
cause Mr.  Mangle  had  convinced  a  casually  met 
female  that  it  was  a  second,  and  not  the  first, 
social  collision. 


MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    151 

"I  guess  I  can  talk  Greek's  well  as  you  can," 
she  retorted  easily. 

" Kindly  furnish  me  with  a  few  examples," 
pursued  Mrs.  Mangle,  steadily  gazing  at  her 
husband's  employee;  ''also  some  Latin." 

'  *  Somebody  at  the  door ! ' '  exclaimed  Mr.  Man- 
gle. 

Mrs.  de  Shine,  keeper  of  the  actors'  boarding- 
house,  entered. 

"Howdy,  folks?"  she  greeted  affably. 
' '  What 's  doin '  I  I  was  passin ',  jest  havin '  fin  'ly 
ketched  the  Boundin'  Bananas  in,  an'  made  'em 
pay  what  was  owin '.  Parding  me,  I  s  'posed  yuh 
was  alone." 

1 1  Same  thing,  Mis '  de  Shine, ' '  said  Mr.  Man- 
gle, with  a  theatrical  smile.  "Jest  the  family. 
This  here's  Mis'  Jones,  Teddy's  governess." 

"Yuh  suttenly  are  gittin'  tony!"  commented 
the  landlady  after  bowing.  "An'  what's  he  to 
be  studyin'?  I'm  sure  the  public  schools 'd  be 
good  enough  fur  my  children." 

"He  will  take  the  regular  courses,"  an- 
nounced Theodore's  mamma.  "I  am  now  at- 
tending to  it.  Did  you  say  you  were  familiar 
with  Latin,  madam?" 

"Us  gells  ust  to  talk  hog  Latin  to  school,"  gig- 
gled the  landlady.  "We  was  allus  kiddin'  the 
teachers,  too.  I  dunno's  I  kin  rememba  any, 


152          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

though  a'  course  it  ain't  got  nothin'  to  do  with 
the  real  kind,  I  pursoom." 

"Did  you  say  you  do?"  Mrs.  Mangle  demand- 
ed. 

Mrs.  Jones  answered  with  a  spirit  which  de- 
lighted Mr.  Mangle  that  Latin  was  not  a  proper 
study  for  the  juvenile  mind.  Neither,  she  opined, 
was  algebra  or  chemistry,  two  other  subjects 
which  Mrs.  Mangle  insisted  Theodore  must  be- 
gin on. 

"At  least  you  speak  French?" 

' '  Oui, ' '  responded  Mrs.  Jones  calmly.  *  *  Com- 
maw  see  vaw?" 

"Great  Scott !"  thought  Mr.  Mangle,  in  relief, 
1 1  she  does,  too. ' ' 

"An'  speaks  it  elegant,"  he  said.  "That's 
goin'  some,  Louiser.  Why  don't  you  come  back 
at  Mis'  Jones?  You're  there  with  the  polly 
voo." 

"Honey  swoy  quee  molly  pants,  sivoo  play," 
said  Mrs.  Jones  resolutely. 

Her's  was  a  high  courage.  Mrs.  Mangle's 
French  was  most  limited.  A  morning  and  eve- 
ning salutation  was  all  that  she  knew,  and  be- 
fore this  linguist  she  felt  suddenly  at  a  loss. 

"Yes,  that's  all  right,"  she  concluded;  "but 
grammar?" 

"He  hadn't  oughta  be  learned  no  grammar 


MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    153 

yet,"  said  Mr.  Mangle.  "I  kin  learn  him  that 
myself. ' ' 

"I  never  was  learned  none,  an'  I  kin  tell 
whether  contracts  is  traps  fur  the  performers 
an'  the  manager  gittin'  it  all,  can't  I,  pop?" 
shrilled  little  Minnie. 

''Sure  you  kin,"  said  her  father,  "an'  so '11 
he  before  long." 

"I  may  decide  on  physics  alone,"  remarked 
Mrs.  Mangle  vaguely. 

"Louiser,  don't  yuh  do  it!"  protested  the  in- 
terested landlady.  "I've  seen  allapaths  an' 
homeypaths,  Christian  Science,  an'  all,  an'  with- 
out reserve  I  state  that  the  less  drugs  give  a 
young  child  the  better  they  be.  Don't  be  mis- 
led." 

"It  is  Theodore's  mind,  not  his  physical  be- 
ing, which  is  under  discussion  now,"  said  Mrs. 
Mangle,  loking  about  in  search  of  him. 

Theodore,  out  of  his  rabbit-skin  coat,  lolled 
upon  a  trunk,  and  waggled  a  frayed  Teddy  bear 
by  one  leg. 

"Get  down!"  she  called. 

"Bab — by,"  said  Theodore  engagingly. 
'  *  Mom — ma !  Yah — yah — yah ! ' ' 

"Shut  up,  foolish!"  cried  little  Minnie,  "or 
I'll  slap  you!" 

"Will  not!"  said  Theodore  plainly. 


154          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"You  leave  him  alone,"  warned  Mr.  Mangle. 
"Set  down,  an'  don't  be  makin'  so  much  noise." 

The  examination  of  Theodore's  governess 
progressed  with  irritating  slowness,  but  Mrs. 
Mangle  persevered. 

"He  must  be  thoroughly  grounded  in  mental 
telepathy,"  she  said. 

"As  long  as  he's  goin*  into  vodeville,  what's 
the  ideer  of  him  bein'  an  operator?"  objected 
Mr.  Mangle. 

"Good  heavens!  I  do  not  refer  to  telegra- 
phers," said  his  wife  peevishly.  "Kindly  be 
silent  until  I  find  out  just  what  this  lady  does 
intend  to  teach  my  loved  one." 

"Kindergarten  work,"  said  Mrs.  Jones  un- 
expectedly; "for  very  young  ones  is  cutting 
flowers  out  of  tissue-paper  and  discovering  the 
relation  of  the  first  letter  of  the  alphabet  to  the 
last." 

Mrs.  Mangle  was  astonished. 

"Well,  suppose  it  is?"  she  parried.  "Theo- 
dore is  no  ordinary  infant." 

"Sure!  I  was  tellin'  Mis'  Jones  so  when  I 
engaged  her,"  put  in  Mr.  Mangle,  "an'  she  says 
to  me,  'now  leave  him  to  me,  fur  I've  had  plenty 
experience,  an'  I'll  figure  out  Hs  game,'  so 
that's  the  way  it  is." 

"I  do  not  believe  Mrs.  Jones  is  a  governess 


MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    155 

at  all!"  With  this  Mrs.  Mangle  arose  and 
angrily  shook  her  fist  at  the  self-contained  guest. 

"Louiser,  be  careful!"  said  Mr.  Mangle. 
"Don't  you  go  callin'  me  a  liar!  Here  I  go 
spend  a  whole  day  huntin'  somebody  to  bring 
him  up  decent,  an'  all  I  kin  git,  or  the  party  kin 
git,  is  insults.  I'm  tired  of  it,  an'  if  you  keep 
on  raggin'  me  this  way  I'll  jest  take  the  kid  an' 
git  out!" 

"You  will  never  wrest  my  offspring  from 
me!"  said  his  wife  hysterically,  "never!  never! 
you  cruel  monster !  She  is  not  a  governess,  for 
she's  too  good-looking!" 

This  involuntary  compliment  caused  Mrs. 
Jones  to  laugh  coldly.  Mrs.  Mangle  scooped 
Theodore  up  from  the  floor  and  held  him  to  her 
panting  bosom. 

"Come  to  me,  Minerva,"  she  said.  "Come 
hither,  and  show  the  world  that  even  should 
your  heartless  father  depart,  as  he  has  threat- 
ened, the  act  can  still  be  called  'The  Mangles 
Three.'  " 

"  Sha 'n't,  neither !"  said  little  Minnie,"  'cause 
if  pop  beats  it,  I'm  gointer  be  a  star,  an'  git 
out  of  vodeville.  Mista  Dillingham'll  star  me. 
He  says  I'm  the  goods." 

The  landlady  interposed.  She  besought  both 
sides  to  have  recourse  to  common  sense,  and  to 


156  TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

recollect  that  it  was  a  hard  winter,  and  not  over 
yet. 

"Well,  I  wouldn't  take  your  old  job  of  gov- 
erness for  a  million !"  declared  Mrs.  Jones  heat- 
edly. "I'm  a  little  too  particular  about  whose 
children  I  teach." 

"It's  a  pity  you're  not  as  careful  about  try- 
ing to  steal  other  women's  husbands!"  Mrs. 
Mangle  breathed  heavily. 

Theodore  set  up  a  bawling  which  drowned  all 
other  sounds.  Mrs.  Jones,  seeing  her  chance, 
signaled  Mr.  Mangle,  who  replied  with  a  thank- 
ful wink. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  opened  the  door. 

"Mis' Jones  an'  me '11  wait  below  till  yuh  folks 
settle  yer  little  affair,"  said  she.  "Yuh '11  find 
us  in  my  bowdor.  Come  on,  Mis'  Jones." 

Mrs.  Jones  quickly  took  advantage  of  this 
hint.  Passing  by  little  Minnie,  she  bowed  coolly 
to  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Mangle,  and  walked,  without  a 
backward  look,  out  of  the  lives  of  the  Mangles 
Four. 

In  the  entrance  hall  Mrs.  de  Shine  paused. 

"I  ain't  a  curious  woming,"  she  said,  "an* 
never  was,  I  thank  Heaving  above.  But  may  I 
ast  what  in  time  all  that  was  about?" 

Mrs.  Jones  coughed  delicately.  The  ladies  re- 
garded each  other  intently,  then  Mrs.  Jones 
smiled,  and  so  did  Mrs.  de  Shine. 


MR.  MANGLE  SIDESTEPS  TROUBLE    157 

' l  In  the  business  ? ' '  questioned  the  latter. 

"Soubrette  in  Tannehill's  Pittsburg  Divor- 
cees," replied  the  other;  "we're  playin'  the 
Dewey  this  week.  Seen  the  show?" 

"No,"  regretted  the  landlady,  "I  ain't.  But 
I  was  onct  in  burlesque  myself.  I  thought  yuh 
never  was  no  teacher." 

"We  were  having  a  little  drink,  and  she  came 
in."  The  confidence  came  abruptly. 

"Then,  knowin'  Louiser,  yuh  suttenly  got  off 
lucky,"  said  the  landlady,  "but  I'm  glad  to  see 
her  git  bunked  fur  onct,  fur  she's  druv  him 
pretty  near  dippy,  an'  the  hull  house  besides. 
S-sh!  Here  they  come  downstairs." 

"Good-by!"  called  "Mrs.  Jones."  She  fled 
into  Irving  Place  as  the  Mangles  Four  trooped 
down. 

"I  have  reconsidered  my  decision,  and  we  will 
hire  the  governess,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle.  "Where 
is  she?" 

"Tore  off  in  a  tantrum  soon's  she  got  outside 
yer  door,"  said  the  landlady,  "an'  no  wonder, 
with  the  langwitch  throwed  at  the  pore  gell !  I 
was  shocked  myself." 

Mrs.  Mangle  rushed  outside  in  a  vain  en- 
deavor to  discern  the  fair  one  who  would  never 
guide  her  Theodore. 

1 1  That 's  a  shame ! ' '  said  Mr.  Mangle.  ' '  She 's 
a  fine  teacher,  but  you  know  Louiser." 


158  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

The  landlady  grinned.  Observing  it,  he 
flushed,  fidgeted,  and  finally  bent  an  imploring 
glance  upon  her. 

"Louiser  thinks  she's  a  teacher,"  he  supple- 
mented weakly;  "you — wouldn't ' 

"Me?"  the  landlady  gaily  interrupted  him. 
"I  been  keepin'  boarders  too  long.  I  ain't  no 
knocker,  Bill  Mangle,  but  lemme  jest  slip  juh 
this:  Next  time  ye 're  buyin'  a  lady  a  drink  git 
further  from  home.  It's  safer." 

"You  bet  I  will !"  said  Mr.  Mangle  fervently. 
"Here's  Louiser  back,  an' — an'  I'm  much 
obliged  to  you." 

The  landlady  giggled. 

"Don't  mention  it,"  said  she.  "I  gotta  help 
my  boarders  when  I  kin." 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD 

"WE  got  news,  fur  onct,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine. 

The  boarders,  embarked  upon  their  evening 
meal,  uttered  such  comment  as  seemed  proper. 

"Well,  out  wit'  it,  Maggie,"  said  the  Prop- 
erty Man  jovially.  "You  skirts  allus  gotta 
work  up  your  entrances,  ain't  you?  What's  do- 
in'!" 

"You  ain't  goin'  to  marry  nobody,  Mis'  de 
Shine  ? ' '  Susy,  the  faithful  slavey,  stopped  her 
pleasant  toil  of  pyramiding  succulent  pickled 
beets  upon  a  large  plate  and  looked  at  the  land- 
lady in  alarm. 

"Fur  the  land's  sake,  Susy,  how  yuh  talk!" 
exclaimed  Mrs.  de  Shine.  Her  manner  showed 
that  she  felt  no  anger  toward  Susy  for  suggest- 
ing the  possibility  of  a  nearing  alliance  of  a  mat- 
rimonial character.  "No,  it  ain't  about  me. 
Since  I  retired  permanent  from  the  show  busi- 
ness it's  the  truth  that  they  ain't  been  no  great 
tidin's,  not  at  no  time,  to  be  gave  out  about  me." 

"Ef  I  thought  they  was  a  chanct  not  to  git 

a  plate  wore  into  my  map,  I'd  ast  you  to  double 

159 


160          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

up  wit'  me  quick,"  said  the  Property  Man  very 
gaily,  "but  I  know  you  wouldn't  never  fall." 

"Yuh  raskil!"  said  she  delightedly,  "ain't 
yuh  ashamed,  Mista  Johnson?  I  bet  yuh'd  be 
the  fust  to  beat  it  ef  I  said  I'd  take  yuh.  So 
there  now !  I  know  yuh  men,  an'  one  o'  yuh's  as 
bad  as  the  otha.  But  here's  what  I  was  startin' 
to  tell:  Johnny  Trippit's  had  a  special  part 
wrote  into  the  big  show  on  the  roof,  an'  he's 
leavin'  vodeville  fur  musical  comedy." 

"Has  Trip  got  a  contract?"  asked  Mr.  Man- 
gle suspiciously.  "He  better  git  one,  if  he  ain't. 
Them  managers '11  rehearse  you  three  or  four 
weeks  an'  then,  like  as  not,  write  the  part  out 


again." 


He's  to  git  five  hunderd  a  week,"  said  the 
landlady.  "Ain't  that  grand?  Oh,  when  one  o' 
the  payin'  guests  what  has  boarded  at  the  Mai- 
song  de  Shine  as  long  as  Johnny  has  does  well, 
rully  it's  the  same  to  me  as  a  pers'nal  triumph. 
His  part's  mostly  dancin'  an'  one  song.  It  sut- 
tenly  will  git  Birdie  Trippit's  goat  fur  fair  when 
she  hears  of  it,  fur  she  ain't  doin'  so  good  her- 
self." 

The  wife  of  Trippit,  the  "World's  Champion 
Buck  Dancer,"  had  left  his  bed  and  board  many 
months  before.  The  Trippits  were  unable  to 
agree,  because  each  considered  that  their  act 
would  be  but  a  mediocre  attraction  with  the  oth- 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD         161 

er  the  only  feature,  and  demanded,  on  vaude- 
ville theater  programs,  to  be  "billed"  over  the 
other. 

Such  strife  is  very  common  in  vaudeville. 
Where  pairs,  trios,  quartets  and  sextets  of  one 
family  all  draw  salary  for  appearing  in  com- 
pany it  is  usual  for  their  smiling  faces,  turned 
audienceward,  to  hide  a  hundred  biting  aches, 
produced  by  jealousy. 

But  there.  Did  not  each  artist  privately,  and 
often  publicly,  deem  themselves  superior  to  their 
fellows,  they  might  not  maintain  that  high 
standard  of  excellence  which  caused  such  an 
opinion  to  form  within  their  various  minds.  So 
let  them  fight  and  hinder  them  not.  Often  argu- 
ment makes  for  improvement. 

Birdie  Trippit,  billed  as  "Birdaline  Trippit, 
Champion  Lady  Buck  Dancer,"  etc.,  was  head- 
ing a  second-class  road  company,  presenting  a 
third-season  success.  Birdie  was  not  yet  on 
Broadway.  The  aggregation  had  played  New- 
ark and  Jersey  City,  a  popular-price  downtown 
house,  a  similar  one  uptown,  and  would  end  the 
season  at  an  Eighth  Avenue  house,  where  the 
patrons  got  "a  two-dollar  Broadway  show  for 
one,"  and  by  merely  waiting  a  year  for  it. 

Johnny's  plunge  into  what  may  be  termed 
sustained  effort,  after  capsulic  performances, 
given  twice  daily,  would  be  in  higher  class  wa- 


162  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

ters  than  those  into  which  his  Birdie  had  made 
her  modest  splash.  Wherefore,  the  landlady, 
being  quite  fond  of  him,  was  openly  glad. 

Those  boarders  who  had  not  received  offers 
to  quit  the  varieties  were  unable  to  speak  with 
much  warmth  of  their  associate's  luck. 

"I  could  'a'  went  with  K.  and  E.  an'  never 
a  beef  about  the  salary  I  stuck  out  for,"  said 
Charlie  Corke,  end  man  of  Smoke  and  Smudge's 
Mastodonic  Minstrels;  "but  nix,  I  wouldn't, 
though  both  of  'em  came  an'  almost  got  down 
on  their  knees  astin'  me  to." 

"He  never  drawed  higher 'n  thirty  a  week  anf 
cakes  in  his  life,"  observed  Mr.  Mangle  to  Pro- 
fessor Lashem,  of  Lashem's  Performing  Dogs 
and  Monkeys ;  "an'  take  it  from  me,  he  was  only 
leadin'  comejian  with  Smoke  an'  Smudge  'cause 
he  could  lead  the  parade  mornin's  an'  do  good 
twirlin'." 

"He's  always  pullin'  those  pipe-dreams," 
agreed  the  professor.  * '  I  know  him  from  'way 
back." 

"Anyway,  Johnny's  tuck  it,  an'  I'm  goin'  to 
wear  my  noo  bloo  taffety  the  fust  night,"  said 
the  landlady.  * '  Susy,  serve  them  beets  at  onct, 
an'  cease  stallin'  'round  doin'  nothin'  at  all." 

"Pitattas?"  inquired  the  slavey. 

"Gimme  a  few  o'  them  spuds,"  called  the 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD         163 

Property  Man.  " Hello!"  he  added,  as  a  dog's 
shrill  barking  sounded.  "What's  that?" 

"It's  Fido,  an'  I  can't  do  a  thing  with  him," 
said  the  landlady.  "I  dunno  ef  I  told  yuh  how 
Florine  de  Foly-Bergere,  who  give  out  she'd 
been  headlinin'  at  the  Empire  in  London,  takin' 
the  bridal  soot  on  the  seckind  floor,  an'  waited 
on  hand  an'  foot  every  minnit  she  was  here, 
turned  out  to  be  but  a  chorus  woming  from 
Scully  an'  Hood's  Big  Burlesque,  an'  all  she  left 
fur  a  week's  bill  was  two  pair  o'  cotton  tights, 
some  wore-out  symmetricals,  an'  a  young  poll 
parrot." 

The  boarders  not  in  arrears  laughed.  Those 
who  owed  put  on  faces  of  sympathy  and  uttered 
shocked  murmurs. 

"An*  where's  the  bird?"  asked  Mr.  Mangle. 

"Oh,  pop,  I  wanna  have  it!"  shouted  little 
Minnie  Mangle.  "Kin  It  I  wanna  parrot,  'cause 
parrots  kin  talk." 

"Is  he  a  gween  parrot?"  anxiously  piped 
Baby  Theodore  Mangle. 

"Yes,  dolling,  green  an*  yella,"  replied  the 
landlady;  "but  he  b 'longs  to  the  house,  yunno. 
Yuh  an'  Minnie  kin  play  with  him  ef  yer  well 
behaved,  an'  don't  hurt  him.  I  got  him  shet  in 
my  own  bowdoor,  an'  Fido's  goin'  almost  dippy, 
he's  that  put  out  about  me  payin'  attention  to 
the  parrot." 


164          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

' '  What  words  does  it  say ? ' '  Professor  Lash- 
em,  as  a  student  of  natural  history,  felt  curious. 

1 '  That 's  jest  the  trouble, ' '  said  she.  ' '  Eully, 
it  won't  say  a  single  one,  an'  yet  when  that  there 
deceitful  hussy  was  here  I  wisht  yuh  could  heard 
it.  I  never  see  a  more  chatty  parrot." 

"Changin'  owners  done  it,"  said  Lashem 
wisely.  ' '  That 's  what  ails  Polly.  Better  lernme 
take  a  peek  at  him." 

The  juvenile  Mangles  instantly  protested 
against  the  professor's  viewing  Polly  without 
the  aid  of  their  presence.  Dinner  was  over,  be- 
cause all  food  supplies  were  gone.  While  any- 
thing remained  for  the  boarders  to  absorb  into 
their  systems  they  kept  their  seats. 

"Everybody  kin'ly  vamoose!"  commanded 
the  landlady  brisHy.  "Them  what  desires  kin 
see  the  parrot,  but  I  gotta  ast  that  no  party  puts 
a  finger  on  him,  fur  the  darned  critter's  wilder 'n 
a  hawk  as  it  is." 

The  Mangles  Four  went  ahead,  and  the  prop- 
erty man  came  last.  They  massed  in  the  hall. 
where  Fido,  the  poodle,  temporarily  weary  of 
barking,  lolled  beside  the  door  of  his  mistress' 
boudoir. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  unlocked  her  apartment  and 
produced  the  parrot.  Its  abode  was  a  white- 
painted  cage,  and  as  she  lifted  it  the  bird  emif- 
ted  an  offended  cluck. 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD         165 

"Say  'monomer,'  Polly,"  requested  the  land- 
lady. 

"Polly  wanna  cracker?"  hopefully  asked 
Baby  Theodore.  ' '  Teddy  wants  to  hold  him. ' ' 

"Nothin'  doin',"  said  his  father,  "an'  don't 
be  hollerin'  an'  scarin'  it." 

"I  think  it  is  one  of  a  South  American  spe- 
cies," observed  Mrs.  Mangle.  "We  had  an  avi- 
ary in  my  poppa's  home  in  dear  old  Dakota,  and 
this  parrot  is  most  like  a  bird  which  I  owned 
as  a  small  girl." 

"Say  'mornmer,'  Polly,"  repeated  the  land- 
lady. 

Polly  was  not  to  be  wheedled.  Proffers  of 
crackers  and  other  delicacies  of  which  its  kind 
are  supposed  to  approve  received  only  a  cold 
glare  from  Polly's  beady  eyes. 

"I  tell  you  what, ' '  said  Lashem,  "in  the  morn- 
in*  set  him  in  the  back  yard,  where  the  sun '11 
come  on  him.  It's  too  dark  in  here." 

The  parrot  gave  forth  sounds  indicative  of 
inward  disturbance.  Baby  Theodore  pleaded  to 
be  allowed  the  privilege  of  holding  it,  but  this 
was  refused.  Polly  must  not  be  irritated. 

1 1  Sometimes  they  won't  talk  ever  again  if  they 
git  a  grouch  on, ' '  averred  Lashem.  ' '  A  parrot 's 
funny  that  way.  You  mustn't  git  'em  sore  on 
you." 

"TEe  dear  Knows  I  been  like  a  mother  to  him 


166          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

so  far,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine,  "an'  I  must  say  it 
sorta  makes  a  party  feel  slighted  to  be  doin' 
all  they  kin  an'  not  git  even  a  pleasant  word 
fur  it." 

The  parrot,  with  a  flutter  of  his  plumage, 
turned  and  regarded  her  intently. 

'  *  Yuh  mean,  ornery  thing ! ' '  she  exclaimed  ac- 
cusingly. 

Polly  fluttered  one  wing  indifferently. 

' '  Ain  't  he  cunnin ' ! "  cried  little  Minnie.  ' l  Oh, 
mommer,  why  can't  we  have  him?" 

' '  Peace,  my  child, ' '  chided  Mrs.  Mangle, ' '  and 
leave  the  room.  We  are  going  upstairs." 

"Teddy  wants  to  tiss  Polly  goo '-by!" 
mourned  Baby  Theodore. 

He  burst  into  sobs.  The  parrot  was  already 
creating  woe  in  the  actors '  boarding-house. 

When  Johnny  Trippit,  rather  important  with 
his  new  contract  safely  signed  and  sealed,  en- 
tered his  home  at  midnight  a  throaty  croak 
startled  him.  Johnny  gazed  about,  and  in  the 
shadows  around  the  hatrack  he  discovered  Polly 
in  his  cage.  The  landlady  had  hung  the  pet 
there  for  some  reason. 

"Well,  where 'd  you  drop  from?"  Trippit 
tapped  lightly  on  the  cage.  f '  Hello,  sport ! ' ' 

"Drunk  again!"  said  the  parrot  moodily. 

Trippit  chuckled.   * '  Which  of  us,  me  or  you  f ' ' 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD         167 

he  pursued.  "I  only  had  a  few  beers  all  night. 
I  guess  you're  nothin'  but  a  plain  souse." 

"Skiddoo!"  said  Polly. 

"I'm  goin',"  answered  the  buck  dancer  cheer- 
fully. "Well,  so  long,  old  pal.  See  you  later." 

He  was  at  the  top  of  the  stairs  before  he 
looked  down.  The  parrot  clung  to  the  front  of 
the  cage,  looking  after  the  ascending  Trippit. 

"Ah,  there !"  he  croaked  in  response  to  John- 
ny 's  farewell  wave.  '  '  Drunk  again ! ' ' 

At  breakfast  Trippit  narrated  this  experi- 
ence. Immediately  the  landlady  ordered  Polly 
brought  to  the  dining-room  and  the  cage  placed 
upon  the  sideboard. 

"Make  him  do  it  again,"  she  said. 

The  Mangles  Four  and  the  property  man  wait- 
ed expectantly.  But  Polly  was  in  a  sullen  mood. 
Despite  Trippit  's  duckings  and  gay  bantering 
Polly  stayed  silent. 

"Are  yuh  abs'lutely  sure  he  talked?"  Mrs. 
de  Shine  evinced  suspicion. 

* '  Sure  he  did, ' '  said  he.    "  P  'raps  he 's  sick. ' ' 

The  parrot's  cage  was  carried  to  the  yard 
and  there  hoisted  to  an  old  table.  Sun  and  air 
made  no  difference. 

"Say  'mommer,'  that's  a  nice  Polly,"  begged 
the  landlady.  1 1  Pretty  Polly. ' ' 

Polly  put  its  feathers  tightly  into  place  and 
gave  no  sign  of  life. 


168  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHIN.E 

A  week  had  faded  into  the  past.  Polly  had 
yet  to  address  the  landlady  or  her  guests.  At 
intervals  they  gathered  in  the  yard  and  worked 
at  the  job  of  trying  to  make  the  green  bird  con- 
verse. 

"Say  'monomer,'  drat  it!"  once  screeched 
Mrs.  de  Shine,  exhausted  by  much  petitioning  of 
Polly,  "an*  either  do  it,  or  I'll  wring  yer  un- 
grateful neck!" 

Polly  clucked  loudly.  A  raucous  squawk  fol- 
lowed. But  that  was  not  the  intelligible  speech 
which  was  so  fervently  desired  of  him. 

Fido,  the  poodle,  angered  and  mortified  by  the 
neglect  to  which  he  was  being  subjected  by  an 
erstwhile  loving  mistress,  moved  his  fat  self 
about  uneasily,  and  eyed  the  parrot  evilly. 

Once  Fido  rushed  at  the  cage  as  the  slavey 
conveyed  it  to  the  house,  and  growled  so  threat- 
eningly that  Mrs.  de  Shine,  for  the  first  time  in 
her  existence,  slapped  Fido  until  he  yelped. 

"Now  I  got  a  swell  plan,  ladies  an'  gents," 
she  declared  that  evening  at  dinner,  "an'  here 
'tis :  To  the  party  who  kin  git  that  parrot  to 
say  three  plain  words  will  be  gave  a  week 's  room 
an'  board  free  of  any  charge.  An'  I  make  no 
reservations.  Them  what's  shy  a  few  chips  in 
the  pot  at  the  present  writin'  kin  also  compete." 

This  was  really  necessary,  as,  with  two  or 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD         169 

three  exceptions,  every  one  owed  something  to 
the  management. 

Soubrettes  and  ingenues,  imitators,  jugglers, 
hoop  rollers,  acrobats,  and  those  engaged  in 
minstrelsy,  had  a  try  at  Polly.  The  prize,  with 
summer  at  hand,  and  bookings  in  vaudeville 
scarce,  was  worth  obtaining. 

When  breakfast  was  over,  and  until  matinee 
time,  they  cajoled  and  bellowed,  whispered  and 
scolded.  The  rear  windows  of  houses  fronting 
on  the  next  street  filled  as  soon  as  Polly's  out- 
raged squawk  was  heard. 

"Say  'mommer' — pretty  Polly!"  was  Mrs.  de 
Shine's  modest  request. 

Polly  refused. 

Fido  snarled  ferociously  at  the  parrot,  which 
croaked  back  at  him  with  the  same  hostile  man- 
ner. Fido's  cream  was  often  not  renewed  un- 
til the  indignant  beast  had  whined  and  growled 
about  the  kitchen  for  an  hour. 

"Ef  she  keeps  on  overlookin'  Fido,  he  won't 
be  treated  no  better  than  us  guys  before  long," 
remarked  the  Property  Man.  "I  don't  believe 
he's  as  fat  as  he  was." 

"I  hate  that  mutt,"  said  Trippit;  "he's  no 
'count  on  earth.  He  went  an'  put  a  new  benny 
on  the  cheese  fer  me  once,  an'  they  ain't  been 
a  day  since  I  couldn't  have  slipped  him  a  swift 
kick." 


170          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

' '  I  'm  gettin '  sick  o '  the  parrot, ' '  the  Property 
Man,  hearing  the  accustomed  racket  of  compet- 
ing boarders  and  Polly's  enraged  cries,  sighed. 
"Gee!  I  can't  git  no  sleep.  They  take  him  out 
there  soon's  it's  light,  an'  it's  kep'  up  till  bed- 
time. You  kin  git  a  lot  too  much  of  animals. ' ' 

Mrs.  de  Shine  had  developed  a  real  love  for 
the  parrot.  It  was  impossible  to  make  Fido 
adopt  her  view  of  the  matter  of  introducing  a 
feathered  member  into  the  happy  family. 

"He's  been  like  an  only  child  so  long,"  said 
she,  "that  a'  course  he  feels  hurt.  But  they's 
sumpin'  about  Polly  that  I  simply  kinnot  help 
likin'." 

Lashem's  Performing  Dogs  and  Monkeys  had 
left  New  York,  played  two  weeks  outside,  and 
returned,  and  still  Polly  was  obdurate.  He  ate 
his  food  with  fair  appetite,  and  displayed  no  dis- 
satisfaction at  his  surroundings.  The  landlady 
bore  the  expense  of  having  an  expert  on  the 
ways  of  parrots  appear  and  render  an  opinion 
as  to  Polly. 

The  expert  said  that  Polly  could  talk  if  he 
wanted  to,  and  if  he  did  not,  then  doubtless  the 
parrot  had  his  own  excellent  reasons.  This  was 
not  helpful. 

Little  Minnie  Mangle  and  Baby  Theodore 
were  striving  for  the  prize.  Polly  had  nipped 
the  fingers  of  the  infant  prodigy  at  one  time 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD         171 

and  ripped  out  a  chunk  of  his  sister's  hair  at 
another  when  little  Minnie  leaned  her  head 
against  the  cage.  With  the  young  Mangles  came 
the  disconsolate  Fido,  who  had  no  one  to  cherish 
him  while  his  successor  reigned. 

"Don't  never  tech  him,"  warned  the  land- 
lady. " That's  liable  to  keep  him  still  furever, 
while  as  it  is  he's  liable  to  quit  feelin'  like  this 
at  any  minnit.  Say  'mommer,'  won't  yuh,  pret- 
ty Polly?" 

"I  betcha  he  oughta  be  licked,"  said  little 
Minnie  thoughtfully,  when  the  landlady  had  re- 
tired. * '  If  he  was  whipped  then  he  'd  act  right. ' ' 

"Teddy  wanna  whip  him,"  said  Theodore, 
with  a  male  creature's  lust  for  bloodshed  and 
riot.  l  *  Thay,  Minnie,  le  's — will  we  ? " 

"Not  if  anybody's  pipin'  us  off,"  replied  the 
prudent  Minerva,  "an'  we  gotta  take  him  out 
careful,  so  he  won't  be  settin'  up  a  beller." 

Cautiously  she  surveyed  the  yard.  The  cook, 
Susy,  and  the  landlady,  were  in  the  kitchen,  busy 
over  some  intimate  details  of  dinner. 

Little  Minnie  fumbled  at  the  door  of  the  cage. 
Baby  Theodore  assisted  by  holding  his  intrepid 
relative's  arm. 

* '  Come,  Polly, ' '  they  invited.  ' '  Pretty  polly. '  > 

Polly,  with  dignity,  issued  from  the  cage. 

"Oh,  you  kid!"  said  the  parrot  distinctly. 
"Oh,  you  kid!" 


172  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

In  ecstasy  the  small  Mangles  giggled  at  each 
other.  They  had  won  a  week's  free  board! 

With  a  stately  waddle  Polly  adventured 
around  the  yard.  Little  Minnie  and  Baby  Theo- 
dore marched  on  either  side,  admiring  Polly, 
and  congratulating  themselves  on  their  acumen. 
They  decided  to  take  the  parrot  to  Mrs.  de 
Shine.  Her  pleasure  would  indeed  be  extreme, 
and  the  young  Mangles,  being  at  heart  kindly  lit- 
tle souls,  joyed  in  the  happiness  which  it  was 
to  be  their  part  to  bestow  upon  her. 

' '  Pretty  Polly, ' '  encouraged  Theodore ; ' '  ain  't 
he  cute?" 

"Oh,  you  kid!"  said  Polly  swaggeringly. 
' '  Oh,  you  kid !  Drunk  again ! ' ' 

' '  Thay  thorn  more, ' '  urged  Theodore.  ' '  Nice 
Polly.  Teddy  loves  Polly. ' ' 

'  *  The  divil  you  say, ' '  said  Polly  affably.  ' '  Oh, 
you  kid!  Polly!  Polly!  Who's  a  fake?  Drunk 
again !  Oh,  you  kid ! ' ' 

They  were  near  the  kitchen  door.  Little  Min- 
nie was  stooping  to  scoop  up  Polly  and  bear  him 
in  triumph  to  Mrs.  de  Shine.  A  fat,  white  form 
emerged. 

It  was  Fido,  and  his  dull  eyes  glistened  as 
he  saw  Polly  freed  from  prison  and  strutting 
pridefully  along. 

One  longing,  gleeful  bark  left  Fido.  His  pink 
tongue  showed  between  his  sharp  white  teeth. 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD          173 

He  darted  forward,  knocked  aside  the  fright- 
ened Theodore,  and  snapped  at  the  parrot. 

"Oh,  you  kid!"  called  Polly  derisively. 

Horrified,  little  Minnie  clutched  at  Fido.  She 
caught  a  hind  leg,  which  slipped  from  her  ineffi- 
cient grasp.  Baby  Theodore  was  in  a  heap  on 
the  damp  bricks.  The  carnage  began. 

When  it  was  ended,  in  a  corner  of  the  yard 
lay  a  few  green  feathers.  Fido  was  gone. 

Fearsomely,  little  Minnie  and  her  brother, 
thinking  themselves  the  only  witnesses  of  a  hor- 
rid murder,  collected  this  bright-hued  evidence 
and  hid  them  deep  in  an  ash  can  which  was  in 
the  shed. 

Solemnly,  and  pale  of  countenance,  the  Child 
Wonder  and  Infant  Prodigy,  clasping  hands, 
entered  the  house,  then  fled  to  the  upper  floors. 

The  Property  Man,  grinning,  drew  back  from 
his  window,  whence  he  had  viewed  the  scene. 

"Well,  I'm  durned,"  said  he,  "if  that  ain't 
rich !  It  spoke,  all  right,  'cause  I  heard  it.  So 
all  the  time  it's  been  kiddin'  us,  hey  I" 

In  five  minutes  he  looked  out  to  observe  the 
further  progress  of  Polly  and  the  Mangles  chil- 
dren. Therefore,  he  saw  the  assault  of  Fido 
and  the  burial  of  the  last  of  Polly.  He  medi- 
tated upon  it.  Certainly  the  children  were  much 
worried.  His  impulse  was  to  find  them  and  as- 
sure them  that  he  wouldn't  tell.  But  again,  they 


174          THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

were  not  aware  that  he  had  seen  anything.  Then 
it  were  best  not  to  agitate  them. 

"So  I  don't  know  nawtin',"  he  concluded, 
"  'ceptin'  that  I  sure  do  wish  some  guy  with  a 
gun  had  dropped  Fido  when  the  doin's  was  on. 
But  one  of  'em's  out  of  the  picture.  That's 
sumpin '. ' ' 

Professor  Lashem  was  also  gazing  out,  at  the 
hour  of  Polly's  finish.  He  watched  longer  than 
did  the  Property  Man,  saw  the  landlady  appear, 
note  the  empty  cage  and  vacant  yard,  and  dash 
madly  inside. 

The  professor  owed  two  weeks.  He  figured 
that  silence,  in  the  circumstances,  was  his  best 
policy.  It  would  not  help  for  him  to  turn  in  a 
report.  Instead,  he  would  not  encounter  her, 
if  that  were  possible,  until  her  first  grief  was 
over,  for  it  might  turn  to  anger. 

And  folk  usually  vent  anger  on  the  first  per- 
son they  meet.  *  *  Nuff  said, ' '  he  remarked,  smi- 
ling. 

Mr.  Mangle  had  been  on  his  way  to  his  rooms 
when  he  heard  the  bark  of  Fido,  the  murderous 
poodle. 

He  stopped,  put  up  the  shade  of  a  hall  window 
on  the  third  floor,  and  peered  down.  He  stared 


FATE  FINDS  FIDO  FOOD         175 

until  his  children  had  secreted  the  green  feath- 
ers. 

"Hully  gee !"  he  breathed.  "Less  said  soon- 
est mended.  I  '11  keep  still. ' ' 

Johnny  Trippit  was  a  spectator.  He  had  re- 
turned with  sad  tidings,  for  they  had  "cut  him 
out'7  of  the  musical  comedy,  and  he  was  going 
back  into  vaudeville.  Meanwhile,  he  had  to  live, 
and  on  credit,  too. 

"It  won't  be  me  that'll  crack  about  it,"  he 
thought;  "not  much.  Me  to  lay  low,  and  let 
other  folks  git  'emselves  in  Dutch.  I  won't, 
you  bet!" 

It  was  dinner  time. 

"Polly's  dead!"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine. 

Her  mien  was  tragic.  She  was  gowned  in 
black,  and  held  Fido,  once  more  restored  to  her 
affections,  in  her  arms. 

"Ef  he'd  only  spoke  onct,"  she  said,  "I'd 
felt  different.  He  got  out  of  that  cage,  Heaving 
alone  knows  how,  an'  he  flew  away.  I  jest  do 
feel  tur'ble." 

Little  Minnie  was  silent.  So  was  Baby  Theo- 
dore and  the  other  witnesses. 

"How  in  the  world  do  you  suppose  he  did  it?" 
asked  Mrs.  Mangle. 

Fido,  the  poodle,  suddenly  licked  his  chops. 


176          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

A  green  feather  was  in  the  corner  of  his  mouth. 
The  Property  Man  reached  up  and  fondled  Fido. 
When  his  hand  was  removed  a  green  feather  was 
in  it,  and  the  Property  Man  grinned  at  the  young 
Mangles,  who  looked  at  him  bulgy-eyed  with 
fear. 

"The  dear  only  knows,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine. 
"Iwishtldid." 

Fido  growled  as  if  pleased.  He  was  again 
the  favorite  child. 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY 

MBS.  DE  SHINE  knocked,  with  a  firmness  indic- 
ative of  a  set  purpose,  upon  the  door  of  the 
Mangles'  sitting-room.  There  was  no  answer, 
whereupon  she  opened  the  door  and  entered. 

A  scent  of  coffee  was  in  the  hall  outside  their 
rooms. 

The  expert  nose  of  the  landlady  had  discov- 
ered the  origin  of  a  forbidden  odor,  for  "cook- 
ing, washing  and  ironing  and  loud  talking  in  the 
rooms  will  not  be  tolerated" — thus  read  a  warn- 
ing placard,  conspicuously  posted  in  each  room 
of  the  actors'  boarding-house. 

A  pretty  scene  of  domestic  happiness  was  be- 
fore the  landlady.  Little  Minnie  Mangle,  the 
Child  Wonder,  was  not  permitted  to  riot  away 
her  days  in  the  pursuit  of  idle  pleasure.  Minnie 
was  a  lusty  young  female,  who  by  spiteful  per- 
sons in  the  profession  had  many  times  been  ac- 
cused of  bearing  years  considerably  in  excess 
of  the  twelve  claimed  by  her  parents. 

She  was  industriously  washing  her  papa's 
blue  tights,  in  which  Mr.  Mangle,  making  his 
stage  entrance  in  " clown"  costume,  was  under- 

177 


178  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

dressed,  so  that,  tastefully  and  appropriately 
clad,  he  might  join  in  the  musical  finish  which 
was  one  of  the  hits  of  the  Mangles  Three  act. 
Her  back  was  to  the  door.  Little  Minnie  sang 
as  she  pursued  the  soiled  tights  up  and  down 
a  little  board  set  in  the  washbowl. 

About  her  were  pitchers  and  pails  of  steam- 
ing water,  evidently  heated  on  an  oil  stove,  the 
fragrance  of  which  joined  the  coffee,  giving  un- 
mistakable signs  of  that  sort  of  housekeeping 
called  in  the  want  columns  i  '  light. ' ' 

Mrs.  Mangle,  in  a  green  kimono,  the  sleeves 
pinned  securely  to  a  height  where  they  should 
not  interfere  with  her  labors,  was  in  the  bed- 
room, stirring  a  saucepan  full  of  oatmeal,  which 
she  had  just  removed  from  the  oil  stove.  The 
sunlight  glinted  upon  a  diamond  frog  sparkling 
in  her  blond  hair,  which  had  not  yet  been  coiffed 
for  public  inspection. 

A  diamond  and  ruby  turtle  kept  the  kimono 
clinched  at  her  well-nourished  bosom. 

Mr.  Mangle  lolled  upon  the  bed,  reading  the 
morning  prints.  He  was  smoking  a  cigarette. 
So  was  his  wife. 

Beside  him,  in  a  pink  flannel  nightshirt,  with 
his  round  face  smudged  with  oatmeal,  was  little 
Theodore  Mangle. 

"  Da-da,  hi-ji!"  cried  Theodore  cheerfully. 
"Pop-pa!  Da-da-da-da!  YiJ" 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         179 

"Shut  up !"  shouted  Mr.  Mangle  reprovingly. 
"Ain't  I  told  you  onct  to  stow  that?" 

"Gimme  a  match,  and  throw  them  cig-rettes 
over,  Louiser,"  he  continued,  while  Theodore 
brazenly  stuck  out  his  youthful  tongue  at  his 
parent. 

"Mis'  Mangle,  are  yuh  aware  that  this  here's 
the  seckind  time  it's  been  necessary  fur  me  to 
make  a  holler  to  yuh  folks  ? ' ' 

The  stern  voice  belonged  to  their  landlady. 
The  Mangles  were  startled.  The  serenity  which 
had  been  upon  all  of  them  evaporated  like  mist 
before  a  warming  sun.  Little  Minnie  stood  in 
the  midst  of  her  pitchers  and  pails,  the  stream- 
ing tights  held  aloft.  She  was  a  guilty  figure. 

Mrs.  Mangle,  with  immediate  self-possession, 
pushed  the  oatmeal  receptacle  under  the  bed  and 
facedTVlrs.  de  Shine.  Mr.  Mangle,  a  man  who 
felt  unable  to  bear  unpleasant  conflict  such  as 
this  promised  to  be,  pretended  to  be  asleep, 
emitting  a  theatrical  snore. 

Even  Theodore  felt  the  chill  in  the  air.  Ho 
began  to  howl,  a  dismal  look  upon  his  small 
features. 

"Why,  really,  we — I  am  sure  I  was  not  aware 
that  rules  were  being  broken,"  said  Mrs.  Man- 
gle bravely.  "Minerva  is  merely  amusing  her- 
self, as  I  am  sure  you  will  observe,  dear  Mrs. 


180  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

de  Shine.    She  is  washing  her  dolly's  things, 
playing  at  keeping  house." 

The  landlady  regarded  the  dripping  length 
of  blue  leg  which  Minnie,  hearing  her  mother's 
remark,  hastily  dropped  back  into  the  soapy 
water. 

"I  purceive,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine,  "that  the 
doll's  life  size!  The  ideer  o'  handin'  me  that 
stall,  Mis'  Mangle,  when  yunno  I've  sawr  Bill 
Mangle's  legs  covered  by  them  tights,  goodness 
knows  how  often!" 

Mr.  Mangle  snored  loudly,  following  the  sound 
with  a  contented  groan,  to  give  the  impression 
that  he  was  greatly  enjoying  a  needed  rest. 

"Well,  one  little  pair  of  tights  isn't  much," 
said  Mrs.  Mangle,  abandoning  excuse. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  sat  down,  removing  a  pile  of 
wet  handkerchiefs  reposing  upon  a  newspaper 
which  covered  the  seat. 

"If  a  pusson's  old  frens  is  goin'  to  be  the 
fust  to  deliberately  bust  every  rule  what's  made 
fur  the  sole  benefit  of  my  payin'  guests,  Lou- 
iser,"  said  she  sorrowfully,  "kin  any  thin'  better 
be  expected  of  strangers?  The  answer  is,  no, 
suttenly  not." 

"Aw,  what's  the  use  of  old  pals  like  us  chaw- 
in*  the  rag?"  demanded  Mr.  Mangle,  suddenly 
awaking.  "The  kid '11  cut  that  out,  an'  no  hard 


TEE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         181 

feelin's  on  either  side.  Ain't  that  right?  You 
ain't  goin'  to  be  sore  on  your  best  friends?" 

"William,  I  never  was  no  grouch,  as  yuh  got 
doggone  good  reason  to  know,"  said  the  land- 
lady, "but  jest  the  same  I  repeat  that  it  ain't 
right.  Ain't  the  cawfee  downstairs  made  to 
soot?  An'  kin  it  be  that  ten  minutes  before 
lunch  the  Mangles  is  gotta  be  cookin'  oatmeal? 
Sech  actions  would  be  considered  insultin'  by 
the  most  liberal  minded. ' ' 

Mrs.  Mangle  sighed.  It  would  not  be  politic 
to  inform  her  that  the  scanty  dejeuner  served  in 
the  Maison  de  Shine  was  insufficient  to  sustain 
them  during  two  shows  a  day. 

"I  kin  furgive  yuh  this  time,"  the  landlady 
finally  decided,  "an'  that  brings  me  to  another 
point  what  had  best  be  settled  right  here.  When 
the  rate  fur  board  was  made,  I  gotta  remind  yuh 
that  it  was  fur  three — not  fur  four." 

The  original  Mangles  Three  looked  at  little 
Theodore,  prattling  to  himself  as  he  waggled 
a  diminutive  Teddy  bear  by  one  leg.  Theodore 
was  a  non-producer,  and  He  cost  money. 

"You  ain't  figgerin'  on  soakin'  us  extry  fer 
a  little  bit  of  a  baby's  board?"  Mr.  Mangle 
was  injured  in  his  most  vulnerable  spot.  That 
was  his  pocketbook. 

"Board '11  be  charged,  fur  he  eats  more'n  a 
full-growed  man  now,"  replied  Mrs.  de  Shine 


182  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

resolutely.  "In  these  here  times,  with  banks 
smashing  an'  all  that,  people  gotta  be  more  care- 
ful than  ef  money  was  layin'  'round  loose." 

"What's  the  damage?"  asked  Mr.  Mangles 
sadly. 

"Six  bucks  per  week,  same  as  yuh  folks,"  she 
announced,  "an'  I'll  have  to  ast  yuh  to  come 
acrost  with  sumpin'  to-day,  seein'  as  my  own 
rent's  due,  an'  collection  agents  won't  wait." 

There  was  a  long  discussion  bearing  upon 
financial  affairs,  and  finally  Mrs.  Mangle  re- 
moved from  a  secret  cache  $20,  which  she  paid 
to  their  creditor,  with  a  gloomy  air,  for  of  all 
the  things  that  the  Mangles  most  shrank  from 
doing,  it  was  to  pay  the  board  bill. 

"With  a  triumphant  air  Mrs.  de  Shine  called 
Fido,  the  poodle,  who  lolled  along  behind  her, 
and  descended  to  the  hallway,  where  she  found 
a  grimy  transfer  man  slamming  a  trunk  about. 

"Don't  yuh  come  knockin'  plaster  off  my 
walls!"  she  menaced,  "an'  don't  yuh  fergit  it! 
Lookit  what  yuh  done ! ' ' 

The  expressman  muttered  at  her,  whereat 
Mrs.  de  Shine  advanced  upon  him,  daring  him 
to  repeat  his  defiance.  He  dropped  the  trunk. 

"Take  it  up  yerself,"  said  he  sourly;  "not 
me.  I  won't  tech  it." 

"Yes  yuh  will,  too!"  cried  she.  "Yuh  was 
paid  by  the  Stringer  Sistahs,  an'  that  trunk  is 


TEE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         183 

not  goin'  to  set  in  the  hall.  Third  floor,  rear. 
Take  it  up  there. ' ' 

* '  I  won 't ! "  declared  the  man  sullenly.  *  *  You 
can't  come  hollerin'  at  me." 

After  angry  speeches  had  passed  between 
them,  he  flung  out  of  the  door,  having  left  the 
trunk  to  block  the  stairway. 

Fido  barked  shrilly,  and  his  mistress  reviled 
the  deserter  in  plain  language,  then  dragged  the 
obstruction  to  one  side.  The  Property  Man 
found  her  at  this  labor. 

"What's  doin',  Maggie?"  he  asked. 

"Drat  that  guy!"  she  answered  crossly. 
"Ain't  them  expressmen  tur'ble?  Oh,  dear!  it 
does  appear  like  I  got  more  trouble  than  any 
livin'  woming,  an'  yet  what  have  I  did  to  de- 
serve it?  Jest  pipe  that  wall,  Mista  Johnson, 
an'  it  done  over  fresh  only  six  years  ago !" 

"Well,  it's  tough,  but  roarin'  over  it  won't 
help  none,"  said  the  Property  Man  soothingly. 
"How  near's  dinner  ready?  I  hope,  for  onct, 
you  got  chicken." 

"There  is  chicking,  so  there,  yuh  knocker!" 
said  the  landlady  gaily.  "Now  are  yuh  satis- 
fied?" 

The  Property  Man  chuckled,  for  he  was  very 
fond  of  chicken.  Mrs.  de  Shine  hurried  to  the 
kitchen,  where  she  bade  Susy,  the  slavey,  see 
that  the  star  boarder  received  the  breast  of  the 


184          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

chicken,  no  matter  who  went  without  that  deli- 
cacy. Then  she  returned  to  the  hall,  where  the 
Property  Man  sat  upon  the  Stringer  Sisters '  ho- 
tel trunk. 

"Did  yuh  find  yer  invite  to  the  party  to- 
night?" she  asked. 

"Why,  no,"  said  he.    "What  sort  o'  party?" 

"Us  gells  that  has  had  the  same  load  to  bear," 
said  the  landlady,  "are  givin'  a  divorcees'  par- 
ty. I  got  mine  from  Bill  de  Shine,  an'  Birdie 
Trippit's  free  from  Johnny.  Hattie  Hayman's 
quit  Frank,  an'  while  she  ain't  divorced  yet,  she 
will  be,  an'  she's  a  lovely  gell,  too.  We're  sim- 
ply meetin'  to  celebrate,  an'  I  told  Susy  to  no- 
tify all  the  guests  that  we  expect  'em.  Will  yuh 
come?" 

He  promised  to  be  present.  As  soon  as  din- 
ner was  well  over  Mrs.  de  Shine,  assisted  by 
Birdie  Trippit,  formerly  of  * '  The  Dancing  Trip- 
pits,  World's  Champion  Buck  Dancers,"  but 
now  a  free  agent,  having  been  legally  severed 
from  Johnny  Trippit,  began  to  prepare  for  the 
party. 

Birdie  was  not  working,  because  she  intended 
to  re-enter  musical  comedy,  from  which  con- 
genial field  she  had  departed  at  the  fervent  so- 
licitation of  Trippit.  But  now  the  brief  dream 
of  team  happiness  was  ended.  Trippit,  being  a 
matter-of-fact  young  man,  still  resided  in  the 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         185 

house,  although  Birdie  had  formally  left  his  bed 
and  board,  and  had  her  judgment  legally  rati- 
fied. They  met,  exchanging  humorous  quips  on 
the  situation,  in  the  halls  and  at  meals. 

Johnny  was  successfully  booked  as  a  single 
act  in  vaudeville,  and  Birdie  was  engaged  at  a 
good  salary,  so  both  were  satisfied. 

Johnny  had  even  accepted  an  invitation  to  the 
party  which  the  emancipated  ladies  were  giv- 
ing, laughing  noisily,  and  with  apparent  pleas- 
ure in  the  coming  function.  Privately,  he  con- 
sidered that  the  least  his  ex-wife  could  do  would 
have  been  not  to  flaunt  her  independence  in  his 
face. 

"Let  him  stick  away  if  he  don't  like  it,"  said 
Birdie. 

"If  she  thinks  it's  the  part  of  a  lady  to  be 
doin'  the  Wilful  Pansy  stuff,  let  her,"  remarked 
Johnny.  "The  day '11  come  when  she'll  be 
'round  wishin'  she  was  back  playin'  two  easy 
shows  a  day,  with  me  doin'  all  the  work  in  the 
act.  But  it's  all  right.  I  don't  care." 

At  11.30  the  boarders  met  in  the  parlor.  It 
was  prettily  decorated,  and  in  a  unique  fashion, 
for  on  the  wall  hung  two  decrees  of  absolute  di- 
vorce, and  one  which  gave  a  decree  of  separation 
to  the  fair  Mrs.  Hayman,  who,  after  ten  years 
in  comedy,  was  about  to  do  a  sketch  in  vaude- 
ville "on  her  own." 


186          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

An  empty  champagne  bottle,  a  beer  stein,  a 
pool  cue,  two  wigs,  one  a  curly  blonde,  the  other 
a  wavy  brunette,  a  form  chart  of  the  races,  and 
a  baseball  score-card,  were  conspicuously  clus- 
tered on  a  table.  Above  them  a  home-painted 
sign  read : 

"Some  of  the  reasons  why  we'd  rather  be  sin- 
gle." 

"Draw  your  own  salary  at  the  box  office  Sat- 
urday night,"  was  another  insulting  sign. 

The  Property  Man,  being,  as  far  as  any  one 
knew,  clear  of  all  entanglements,  laughed  up- 
roariously at  the  display. 

"Birdie's  gittin'  back  at  John  about  the 
blonde  he  fell  fur  out  in  Chicago,  hey?"  said 
he  appreciatively.  "Great!  You  gals  are  a 
hard-hearted  proposition,  all  right." 

"We  ain't  no  different  than  any  other  gells, 
ef  we'd  been  treated  decent,"  exclaimed  Mrs.  de 
Shine  hotly.  "Only  yuh  men  think  yuh  kin  jest 
use  us  fur  reg'lar  drudges,  while  yuh  go  out  an' 
enjoy  yerselves.  Nix  fur  us — that's  the  Divor- 
cees' Association  motto,  an'  I'm  president." 

"An'  too  good-lookin'  to  be  president  long," 
said  the  Property  Man  gallantly.  "Say,  Mag! 
is  they  goin'  to  be  drinks  at  these  doin's?" 

'  *  Suttenly, ' '  answered  the  president ;  ' '  drinks 
an'  sandwitches,  an'  a  swell  vod'ville  program 
cooked  up.  We  got  the  Coney  Island  Comedy 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         187 

Four,  an'  Clarice  Vance  give  her  word  as  a  lady 
to  appear,  but  I  dunno  ef  her  husbing'll  let  her 
—men  is  so  mean  that  way,  an'  he's  wuss'n 
most." 

"You  can't  blame  him."  The  star  boarder  lit 
a  cigar  thoughtfully.  "How's  he  know  that 
you  won't  be  puttin'  notions  in  her  head?" 

1 1  As  fur  that,  we  're  pledged  to  bust  up  homes 
wherever  it  kin  be  done,"  said  she,  "fur  we've 
came  to  the  conclusion  that  wimeng  kin  be  better 
off  livin'  alone." 

"A  guy's  got  a  swell  chanct  if  he  lets  you 
people  mix  in  his  fam'ly  business,"  he  chuckled. 
"Well,  here  comes  your  gang,  ain't  it?  Some- 
body's in  the  hall." 

The  slavey,  obviously  perturbed,  entered  the 
room,  and  whispered  grave  tidings  to  the  land- 
lady. 

"He  is?"  cried  the  latter,  greatly  agitated. 
"Did  yuh  see  the  villain  in  pusson,  Susy?  An' 
was  he  soused?  Though  goodness  knows  it 
wouldn't  be  De  Shine  ef  he  was  sober.  He  kin- 
not  attend  these  here  festivities,  an'  that  ends 
it!" 

"I  told  him,  mem,"  said  Susy  excitedly,  "but 
he  kep'  a-laffin  in  my  very  face,  which  the  same 
ain't  gent 'manly,  an'  you  bet  I  jest  told  him 
so.  He  says  he  wants  to  be  merry  with  the 
bunch — them  was  his  words." 


188          THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

"Mista  Johnson,  ain't  I  never  to  lose  that 
there  guy?"  asked  the  landlady.  Under  her 
black  and  white  striped  silk  gown  tumult  raged. 

The  Property  Man  made  a  few  inquiries  of 
Susy. 

"I'll  go  tell  this  sport  to  hotfoot  out  of  here," 
said  he.  "You  g'wan  an'  have  your  party,  see? 
If  he  don't  blow  quiet  an'  in  order,  I'll  jolt  him 
a  coup! a  times." 

"But  no  bloodshed!  I  ast  it  fur  my  sake!" 
pleaded  Mrs.  de  Shine.  * '  Bill  ain  't  above  hittin ' 
a  gelmun  on  the  back  o'  the  knob  ef  he  sawr  a 
opportunity,  an'  I'd  never  furgive  myself." 

She  advanced  upon  Mr.  Johnson  and  laid  a 
jeweled  hand  upon  his  wrist. 

"Yuh  suttenly  are  good  to  me,"  said  she,  in 
simply  phrased  but  sincere  tribute. 

The  gladiator  left  the  room,  while  Mrs.  de 
Shine  and  Susy  waited  shrinkingly  for  the 
noise  of  warfare.  The  sound  of  men's  voices 
came  from  the  hall,  but  not  the  ungentle  tones  of 
enemies  just  meeting. 

Mrs.  Mangle,  followed  by  little  Minnie  car- 
rying Baby  Theodore,  came  to  the  party.  Mr. 
Mangle  had  been  detained,  but  would  shortly  ar- 
rive, Mrs.  Mangle  reporting  that  she  had  passed 
him,  conversing  pleasantly  with  the  Property 
Man  upon  the  propriety  of  adjourning  to  the 
corner  for  a  drink. 


TEE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         189 

The  front  door  slammed.  It  meant  that  the 
crafty  Johnson  had  decoyed  the  disturber  into 
the  outer  darkness.  With  the  only  offensive  fea- 
ture of  the  friendly  gathering  removed  the  par- 
ty could  begin,  and  it  did. 

Johnny  Trippit,  with  Hugo  Holler,  of  Holler 
and  Killum,  the  singing  comedians,  got  in  with 
the  first  batch  of  arrivals.  He  bowed  courte- 
ously to  Birdie,  who  tossed  her  head  with  some- 
what of  hauteur  in  her  manner. 

"Oh,  very  well,"  said  Johnny  to  Mr.  Holler. 
"It  serves  me  right  fur  noticin'  her  at  all." 

"You  always  was  too  amiable  to  her,"  re- 
marked Mr.  Holler.  "You'd  oughta  give  her  a 
good  lickin'.  Then  you  wouldn't  have  had  no 
trouble.  I  done  that  to  Flossie,  an'  we  git  on 
grand  now.  Women  gotta  be  handled  rough  at 
times,  so's  to  keep  'em  in  their  place.  That's 
my  system." 

"Birdie  ain't  the  kind  to  stand  fur  it,"  said 
Johnny  confidentially.  "She'd  bat  me  in  the 
lamp  in  a  jiffy  if  I  ever  sprung  any  o'  that  stuff. 
Let  her  go.  She  ain't  anything  to  me,  an'  I'm 
glad  I'm  free." 

"Mis'  Trippit 's  goin'  to  give  us  her  solo  soft- 
shoe  buck,  ladies  an'  gents,"  called  Mrs.  de 
Shine.  "She'll  be  accompanied  on  the  pianner 
by  Burt  La  Mutte.  Where  is  Mista  La  Muttef 
I  don't  see  him." 


190          THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

Mr.  La  Mutte,  who  performed  upon  the  piano 
while  his  wife  worked,  in  their  sketch,  arose 
and  bowed.  Mrs.  La  Mutte  had  auburn  hair 
and  a  passionate  temperament,  and  as  she  was 
the  third  wife  of  her  husband,  whose  custom 
was  to  jump  one  meal  ticket  for  a  better  one 
when  he  could,  she  fretted  whenever  his  calcu- 
lating, commercial  glance  fell  upon  a  strange 
female.  He  had  not  won  in  her  that  income 
which  he  considered  due  his  talents,  hence  the 
La  Muttes  were  not  always  friendly. 

" Never  mind  turnin'  'round  an'  goo-gooin' 
Birdie  Trippit,"  warned  Mrs.  La  Mutte  as  the 
pianist  passed  her.  "Remember,  if  you  git  gay 
here  to-night  I'll  cut  your  heart  out." 

Thus  encouraged,  Mr.  La  Mutte  approached 
the  instrument. 

"He's  a  lovely  fella,"  said  the  landlady  en- 
thusiastically, "ef  he  didn't  booze.  But  yuh 
can't  git  everythin'.  Where  kin  Mista  John- 
son be?" 

And  why  did  Mr.  Mangle  not  appear?  Anoth- 
er guest  lingered  away  from  the  scene.  This 
was  Birdie's  new  conquest,  the  manager  of  the 
show  she  had  signed  with.  As  she  nimbly  went 
through  the  "soft-shoe  buck"  her  mind  was  on 
the  absent  one.  She  planned  a  few  things  to  say 
to  him  which  would  singe  him. 

Prolonged  applause  greeted  her  efforts. 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY          191 

"I  taught  her  all  them  steps,"  said  Johnny 
Trippit  morosely.  "Why,  she  knowed  jest  one 
when  she  hooked  up  with  me,  an'  that  was  the 
old  'fallin'  off  the  roof  burlesque  step.  Now 
pipe  her.  At  that,  I  give  her  credit." 

Little  Minnie  Mangle,  not  yet  a  divorcee,  but 
already  qualified  for  the  part  in  later  years,  such 
was  the  Child  Wonder's  explosive  temper,  next 
rendered  her  well-known  imitation  of  Eddie  Foy 
and  Oscar  Hammerstein. 

When  they  were  done  clapping  Minnie  in- 
quired : 

I  'Say,  monuner,  where 's  pop?    Mebbe  he's 
hittin'  it  up  again.    Wharjer  s'pose  he's  went, 
mommer?" 

' '  Minerva,  do  not  refer  to  your  paternal  rela- 
tive in  that  disrespectful  manner,"  rebuked 
Mrs.  Mangle  severely.  "Your  poppa  will  be 
here  soon.  He  is  attending  to  business." 

I 1  Oh,  you  story ! ' '  shrilled  little  Minnie.    ' '  He 
ain't  not,  neither!    Pop's  over  to  the  s'loon, 
'cause  I  hearn  him  astin'  Mista  de  Shine  did  he 
wanna  swig,  an'  I  know." 

"Ef  he  ain't  got  no  better  business  than  galli- 
vantin'  with  De  Shine,  he's  a  pretty  fella,"  said 
the  landlady.  "The  very  ideer !  They're  a  fine 
pair,  both  of  'em." 

"I  do  not  desire  to  discuss  the  qualities  of 
either  the  unspeakable  De  Shine  person  or  of 


192  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

my  own  beloved  life  partner,"  said  Mrs.  Man- 
gle. 

Much  whispering  followed  her  speech,  for  she 
was  not  wont  to  openly  express  her  regard  for 
Mr.  Mangle. 

In  the  midst  of  the  general  conversation  Baby 
Theodore  was  missed.  No  one  knew  whence  the 
Mangle  olive  branch  had  gone. 

The  vaudeville  program  was  suspended  while 
a  consultation  was  held.  Couriers  speeded  to 
the  upper  floors  and  to  the  kitchen,  but  they  did 
not  find  Theodore. 

Mrs.  Mangle  forgot  her  feeling  against  the 
landlady  and  forgave  her  the  denunciation  of 
Mr.  Mangle,  when  she  noted  the  landlady's 
hearty  co-operation  in  the  hunt.  Birdie  Trip- 
pit's  beau  came  in,  flushed  and  apologetic,  as 
the  boarders  were  trooping  upstairs  to  search 
beneath  the  beds. 

"Birdie,  I'm  late,  but  I  guess  it  don't  mat- 
ter," he  remarked,  after  the  tailenders  in  the 
ascending  procession  had  been  introduced  to 
him.  "How  are  you,  dearie1?" 

"Where  do  you  get  that,  about  a  man  being 
an  hour  late,  an'  it  not  mattering?"  demanded 
Mrs.  Trippit  coldly. 

They  were  standing  just  outside  the  parlor 
door.  Behind  it,  inside  the  room,  was  Johnny, 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         193 

listening  to  his  successor's  lovemaking,  and 
scowling  with  bitter  hatred  of  that  individual. 

"You're  kiddin',  ain't  you?"  she  pursued. 
"It'd  be  a  little  more  becomin'  if  you  wasn't 
quite  so  sure  o'  me,  y'  know." 

He  bowed  low,  in  token  of  his  humility. 

" Birdie,  I  love  you,"  said  he  warmly,  endeav- 
oring to  possess  himself  of  her  unoccupied  hand. 
The  other  held  "lead  sheets"  used  for  the  buck 
dance,  and  they  were  still  marked  in  Johnny's 
writing,  a  relic  of  other  days. 

"This  ain't  the  time  to  be  talkin'  about  it," 
said  the  adored  one  sharply.  "Now  quit  it! 
Where  was  you,  that  you  come  marchin'  in  here 
at  nearly  one  in  the  morning  ?  I  want  to  know. ' ' 

"I  was  rescuing  a  little  human  being  from 
kidnappers,  if  you  must  know,"  he  replied. 
"Found  a  fellow  carrying  a  baby,  and  he  was 
drunk.  He  acted  so  queer  that  I  called  a  cop, 
and  then  this  duck  dropped  the  kid  and  ran. 
Two  men  rushed  up,  began  to  yell  at  me,  and  we 
all  got  in  a  fight.  That's  why  my  eye's  black. 
But  I  lammed  him  once." 

1  *  Where  was  the  cop  T ' '  Birdie  showed  a  live- 
ly interest. 

"Oh,  he'd  gone  on  with  the  kid  to  the  sta- 
tion, ' '  explained  the  manager.  '  *  They  asked  me 
about  it,  and  that  made  the  row,  for  when  I 
told  'em  that  the  cop  had  the  kid  one  called  me 


194          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

a  liar.  I  won't  lake  that  from  any  one,  so  I 
pasted  him.  They  were  a  hard-looking  outfit. ' ' 

Mrs.  Mangle,  weeping  distractedly,  had  joined 
them.  Little  Minnie,  lugging  Fido,  the  poodle, 
brought  up  beside  her  mother. 

' '  I  am  half  wild ! ' '  cried  Mrs.  Mangle.  ' '  What 
shall  I  do,  Birdie  ?  My  child !  oh,  my  child ! ' ' 

"Has  she  lost  a  baby?"  asked  Birdie's  victim 
abruptly. 

"Gracious !  do  you  think Oh,  it  couldn't 

be,  could  it?"  Birdie  caught  his  arm. 

"What  is  it?  Do  not  keep  it  from  me,  but 
give  me  back  my  tiny  babe ! ' '  shrieked  Mrs.  Man- 
gle. * '  My  child !  my  child ! ' ' 

Little  Minnie  set  up  a  doleful  yodeling.  Fido 
barked  angrily.  Mrs.  La  Mutte,  bearing  the  La 
Mutte  heir,  a  lusty,  pug-nosed  infant,  wept  snif- 
flingly  in  sympathy.  She  knew  what  it  was  to  be 
a  mother. 

"Now,  Mis'  Mangle,  calm  yerself,"  urged  the 
landlady.  "We'll  git  him.  An'  listen  here! 
Let  it  never  be  said  that  Maggie  de  Shine  ain't 
a  good  fella.  When  he's  found  I'm  willin'  to 
waive  half  of  the  six  bucks  fur  his  board,  an' 
call  it  three.  That  oughta  hearten  yuh  a  bit." 

Johnny  Trippit,  with  his  friend,  Mr.  Holler, 
alone  remained  in  the  parlor.  The  former  si- 
lently signaled  Mr.  Holler,  and  they  started  to 
absorb  the  contents  of  a  bottle  of  gin  and  one 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         195 

of  whisky.  There  were  seltzer  and  tall  glasses 
for  highballs,  but  the  two  dispensed  with  them, 
and,  alternating  the  liquors,  drank  theirs 
straight. 

In  thirty  minutes  Johnny  was  not  in  a  fit  con- 
dition to  seek  the  society  of  ladies,  for  these 
drams,  added  to  a  substantial  foundation  laid 
earlier  in  the  night,  had  seriously  affected  him. 

' '  I  want  my  Birdie, ' '  he  said  hopelessly.  '  *  My 
little  kiddo,  that's  all  I  want,  an'  she  d'want  me 
no  more.  I  wisht  I  was  dead." 

*  *  Buck  up.  Be  a  game  guy, ' '  said  Mr.  Holler. 
"Come  out  and  let's  do  the  town." 

Johnny  assented.  They  slipped  out  while  the 
council  over  Theodore  went  on  in  the  rear  of 
the  wide  hall.  They  disappeared  through  the 
door  of  a  bar  whose  owner  seemed  in  no  fear  of 
the  excise  law. 

Inside  they  found  the  Property  Man,  Mr. 
Mangle,  Bill  de  Shine  and  Baby  Theodore,  the 
latter  crowing  cheerfully  from  where  he  sat, 
waving  his  legs  languidly,  upon  the  edge  of  the 
bar.  Johnny  received  a  warm  welcome. 

"Had  the  time  of  m'  life,"  said  Mr.  Mangle 
indistinctly.  "M'  Tad  loses  himself,  an'  De 
Shine  foun'  him — see?  Then  ki'nappers  ap- 
pear— nozzer  drink,  'cause  it  gits  me  cryin'  to 
tell  it,  an'  one  ki'napper's  dresshup  as  a  cop, 
see?" 


196  THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

"They  git  the  kid,"  interrupted  the  Property 
Man,  who  was  unsober,  but  able  to  make  himself 
understood,  "an*  just  then  me  an'  Bill  Mangle, 
on  our  way  to  the  station  to  send  out  an  alarm, 
meet  this  guy,  an'  he's  hurryin'  too  fast  not  to 
be  up  to  sumpin'.  Had  a  tough  face,  too." 

"Wai,  they  give  me  a  battle,"  said  Mr.  de 
Shine,  cutting  in,  "an'  when  he  beats  it  he's 
busted  Mangle's  beak,  but  I  got  the  kid  from 
him.  I  know  we  had  a  lot  o'  drinks,  an'  got  to 
the  station-house  some'ow — an'  there's  the  kid, 
so  we  're  takin '  him  home  by  easy  stages.  How  *s 
the  party  goin '  T  I  got  throwed  out. ' ' 

Johnny  Trippit  and  Mr.  Holler  gladsomely 
bought  and  drank  more  liquids  with  this  lively 
trio.  It  was  3  A.M.  when  a  disreputable  party, 
carrying  a  slumbering  child,  zigzagged  up  to  the 
front  steps  of  the  Maison  de  Shine. 

"My  child!  my  child!"  It  was  Mrs.  Mangle, 
and  she  darted  out  to  snatch  the  snoozing  Theo- 
dore from  his  odorous  protectors.  Birdie  Trip- 
pit,  Hattie  Hayman  and  Mrs.  de  Shine  had  not 
retired.  They  rushed  down  at  sound  of  the 
racket. 

"What  does  it  mean?"  cried  Mrs.  Mangle. 
"Speak,  sir!  speak!" 

"Aw,  don'  answer  her,"  advised  Mr.  de 
Shine. 

"Oh,  there  yuh  are,  eh  I"    Mrs.  de  Shine  had 


THE  DIVORCEES'  PARTY         197 

discovered  her  ex-mate.  She  went  inside,  emer- 
ging an  instant  later  with  a  slapstick,  left  in  lieu 
of  currency  by  a  comedy  acrobatic  team  in  hard 
luck.  With  it  she  swatted  Mr.  de  Shine,  and 
when  the  Property  Man  protested  he  got  a  swat 
for  himself.  Mrs.  Mangle  tenderly  conveyed 
Theodore  inside,  then  returned  to  stand  beside 
her  sister  women.  Birdie  Trippit  ran  to  the 
hatrack,  where  her  befeathered  hat  was  hang- 
ing. She  distributed  weapons,  in  the  shape  of 
pins. 

" Charge,  gells!  charge!"  ordered  the  land- 
lady. "Keep  them  loafers  out!" 

Scattering  wildly,  and  unable,  in  their  enfee- 
bled condition,  to  make  rapid  headway,  the  gen- 
tlemen were  routed.  Some  got  scratched  worse 
than  the  rest,  but  all  of  them  joined  in  a  mad 
flight  down  Irving  Place  and  back  to  the  shelter 
of  another  bar. 

Birdie  Trippit  locked  the  door  securely.  Mrs. 
de  Shine  made  fast  the  parlor  windows.  No  in- 
toxicated boarder  should  enter.  Mrs.  Mangle, 
holding  Theodore,  arose  majestically. 

"I  desire  to  join  the  association,"  she  an- 
nounced, "and  I  invite  you  ladies  to  a  party  to- 
morrow night  in  celebration  of  the  severance  of 
domestic  and  vaudeville  relations  of  the  Man- 
gles Three — no !  I  am  wrong,  for  with  my  babes 
I  will  make  a  new  act,  and  even  with  the  handi- 


198  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

cap  of  Theodore's  tender  years  you  shall  still 
find,  headlining  bills,  the  Mangles  Three. ' ' 

A  latchkey  sounded  in  the  door.  Mr.  Mangle, 
as  they  stared,  came  in.  The  rest  were  with  him, 
depending  on  their  numbers  to  overawe  the  en- 
emy. 

' '  Git  to  bed,  yuh  wretches ! ' '  shouted  the  land- 
lady. Birdie  Trippit  stood  aside  to  let  them 
pass.  Heavily  the  shamed  band  tramped  up- 
stairs. The  ladies  gathered  close  to  talk  it  over. 

"I  shall  let  it  pass  this  time,"  concluded  Mrs. 
Mangle,  one  foot  upon  the  stairway,  "but  if  he 
does  it  again  I'll  leave  him." 

Birdie,  Hattie  Hayman  and  the  landlady 
sighed.  They  had  no  one  now  to  threaten.  Such 
is  the  fate  of  divorcees. 


THE  Maison  de  Shine  rocked  with  the  violence 
of  its  emotion. 

The  Mangles  Four  were  no  longer  four,  but 
three,  because  of  the  desertion  of  Louisa  Man- 
gle. She  was  one  of  the  various  "Salomes"  in- 
festing the  habitat  of  vaudeville  adherents. 

Bessie  Banana,  of  the  Bounding  Bananas,  bet- 
ter known  to  middle  and  far  Western  audiences 
than  to  effete  New  York,  receiving  an  alluring 
offer  to  give  her  interpretation  of  the  admired 
of  Herod  for  the  enlightenment  of  burlesque 
patrons,  accepted. 

This  left  her  husband,  Bill  Banana,  without  a 
partner,  and  where  two  Bananas  had  been 
booked  by  discriminating  agents  and  managers, 
one,  and  that  a  male,  would  not  suffice.  The 
fair  Bessie's  part  in  their  act  was  to  swiftly  dis- 
associate herself  from  a  very  decollete  evening 
frock,  piece  by  piece. 

When  a  black  satin  corset  and  black  garters 
had  apparently  been  unhooked  from  her  un- 

199 


200          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

draped  pink  skin,  an  all-eyed,  loud-breathing 
public  learned,  to  its  disgust,  that  dear  Bessie 
was  completely  clad  in  fleshings.  Still  the  effect 
was  magnificent.  And,  really,  there  is  little  dif- 
ference. 

Therefore,  Bill  Banana,  not  quietly  and  sadly, 
but  noisily,  asked  of  heaven  and  all  the  stations 
between  its  cerulean  expanse  and  hades'  storied 
fires,  if  female  mind  could  so  betray  him. 

Mr.  Mangle  joined  with  him.  They  wailed  to- 
gether. The  boarding-house  ranged  itself  in 
two  sections,  which  engaged  in  tumultuous  con- 
versations in  rooms,  halls,  and  at  the  table. 

Mrs.  de  Shine's  money  had  "put  on"  the 
Salome  of  Mrs.  Mangle.  Imogen  Montagu,  the 
ingenue  of  an  uptown  stock  company,  had  as- 
sisted in  the  production. 

"At  last,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  at  a  conference 
in  the  front  parlor,  "I  have  found  myself,  and 
never,  while  life  endures,  will  I  so  demean  my- 
self as  to  become  once  more  a  mere  figurehead 
with  a  solo  on  a  double  bass  saxophone  in  the 
Mangles  Four.  Minerva  is  of  an  age  to  make 
good  as  a  single  act.  Mr.  Mangle  can  go  back 
and  do  blackface  comedy.  Why  should  I  lie  su- 
pine upon  the  altar  of  self-sacrifice  ? ' ' 

"The  hull  ideer  to  me  is,  that  after  sendin' 
in  a  good  piece  of  change,  which  the  same  I 
swore  after  retirin'  from  the  purfession  I 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          201 

wouldn't  never  do,"  said  the  landlady,  "is  to 
grab  sumpin'.  S'lomes  is  the  rage  at  present, 
an'  nobody  but  a  plain  mark  kin  deny  it.  Bill 
Mangle 'd  be  kickin',  no  matta  what  come  off, 
that  bein'  his  nature.  Us  wimeng  got  jest  as 
much  rights  to  our  chanct  as  the  men.  I 
wouldn't  discuss  it  with  him  at  all." 

""Well,  Bill's  bawled  me  out  tur'ble  fur  even 
mentionin'  that  I'd  like  to  take  up  the  new 
field,"  observed  Mrs.  Banana;  "but  let  him 
keep  on.  I  know  when  I'm  right,  an'  when  I 
am  I  go  ahead,  an'  alms  have.  I  was  a  fool  to 
ever  git  married;  but  now  that  I  done  it  I  ain't 
goin'  to  be  tripped  up  at  every  step." 

"A  little  nip  won't  hurt  none  o'  us  gells," 
said  the  landlady,  bringing  out  a  bottle  of  shop- 
made  cocktails.  * '  Drink  hearty,  Bessie  an '  Lou- 
iser,  an'  let  the  toast  be  *  Woming's  Eights.'  We 
got  a  few,  but  it's  a  case  of  keep  on  scrappin' 
or  yuh  ain't  got  nothin'  fur  long." 

"Do  you  have  your  skirt  made  of  very  heavy 
net?"  asked  Mrs.  Banana. 

Mrs.  Mangle  flushed  and  evasively  answered 
that  some  persons  might  consider  the  material 
heavy,  while  others  would  be  quite  as  likely  to 
pronounce  it  light  in  weight. 

"Of  course,"  said  the  late  queen  of  the  slack 
wire,  "you  got  fleshin's  under?" 

"Heavings!     None  o'  the  othas  has,"  said 


202          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Mrs.  de  Shine.  "Why  should  Louiser?  Sut- 
tenly  it'd  be  plum  dippy  to  be  so  darned  prudish 
when  every  S  'lome  in  the  entire  burg  is  in  com- 
plete accord  on  the  subject." 

"I've  got  a  lot  of  original  ideas,"  said  the 
latest  recruit.  "Of  course,  I  haven't  told  Mr. 
Banana,  because  he'd  be  only  too  glad  to  git  a 
chance  to  interfere.  Can  a  man  lawfully  stop 
his  wife  from  doin'  what  he  don't  want  her  to?" 

"I  never  let  none  of  'em  stop  me,"  observed 
the  landlady,  "an'  they  betta  never  try  it." 

"We  are  no  longer  in  the  middle  ages,"  re- 
marked Mrs.  Mangle.  "But  even  at  present  I 
don't  think  it's  always  wise  to  show  open  defi- 
ance. For  instance,  William  does  not  know  that 
I  perform  'Salome'  minus  fleshings." 

All  the  ladies  giggled  delightedly. 

* '  Teddy  muth  tell  pop, ' '  said  a  little  voice. 

"Good  land !  Theodore  Mangle,  have  you  been 
behind  me  all  this  time  ? ' ' 

The  landlady,  visibly  excited,  moved  her  wick- 
er armchair,  disclosing  Baby  Theodore  Mangle, 
comfortably  squatted  beside  Fido,  the  poodle. 

Mrs.  Banana  giggled  again.  She  was  not 
aware  of  the  youngest  Mangle 's  mental  activity. 
His  mother  and  Mrs.  de  Shine  were. 

Baby  Theodore  slowly  arose,  settled  his  Rus- 
sian blouse,  pulled  up  a  rumply  stocking,  and 
smiled  artlessly  upon  them. 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          203 

"Little  pitchers  has  got  big  ears,"  said  the 
landlady  rapidly. 

With  an  innocent  stare,  Baby  Theodore  felt 
of  each  of  his. 

" Teddy's  got  thmall  oneses,"  he  lisped 
gravely. 

The  ladies  sighed,  but  the  landlady  was  think- 
ing of  a  means  to  defeat  the  garrulous  child. 

"A'  course,  even  ef  a  party  desired  to,  the 
p'leece  wouldn't  allow  'em  to  appear  on  no  stage 
in  sech  a  undressed  state,"  said  she,  "but  yuh 
said  it  so  cool,  Louiser,  that  rully  yuh  'most 
fooled  me." 

Mrs.  Mangle  aided  by  laughing  theatrically, 
as  did  Mrs.  Banana. 

"It  was  just  my  joke,"  said  the  former,  "for 
you  are  quite  right.  One  can't  go  on  a  stage 
without  wearing  plenty  of  clothes.  Would  you 
like  a  nickel  to  run  out  and  buy  some  candy, 
loveyl" 

"Yeth,"  replied  Theodore  briefly. 

He  took  the  coin  and  progressed  to  the  door. 

"Here's  another  from  me,  dolling,"  called 
the  landlady. 

She  tossed  a  nickel  at  him,  which  Theodore 
deftly  caught  on  the  fly.  Mrs.  Banana  also  con- 
tributed. 

"If  you  see  your  poppa,  inform  him  that  I 


204          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

am  home,"  said  his  mother  softly,  "and  be  a 
good  boy." 

Theodore  jingled  his  three  nickels. 

"I'll  thay  thumpin'  else,  too,"  said  he,  and 
rushed  for  the  front  door. 

"I — I  fear  the  worst,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle  dis- 
tressfully. "If  he  gets  an  idea  in  his  head  it's 
next  to  impossible  to  dislodge  it.  And  when  he 
repeats  anything  to  my  husband  he  distorts  it 
frightfully." 

"Whyn't  yuh  jest  git  that  kid  back  here  an' 
lick  all  the  ideers  outa  him?"  This  was  the 
landlady's  counsel. 

Mrs.  Banana  nodded  approvingly. 

"I  would  if  he  b 'longed  to  me,"  she  said. 

"And  if  I  half  killed  him,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle, 
"it'd  be  just  the  same.  He's  awful.  iWhatever 
he  hears  he  rushes  off  to  his  father.  And  Min- 
erva is  as  bad.  No  one  except  a  parent  can  re- 
alize the  cares  of  one  who  has  given  a  lifetime 
of  devotion,  only  to  be  repaid  by  plain  disloy- 
alty! What  has  he  ever  done  for  them?  Noth- 
ing! And  yet  they  cleave  to  him." 

Her  friends,  although  keeping  a  sympathetic 
silence,  conveyed  the  impression  that  her  sor- 
row was  theirs.  Mrs.  Banana  speculatively  eyed 
the  other  two. 

"Say!  he's  liable  to  tip  my  mitt  to  Banana, 
ain't  he?"  she  began.  "Now  lemme  tell  you,  in 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          205 

all  kind  feeling  ef  he  does  he  gits  a  whaling 
an'  I'll  be  the  whaler.  I  won't  stand  fur  havin' 
my  career  mint." 

Mrs.  Mangle  was  silent. 

''Do  yuh  s'pose  he  would?"  The  landlady 
was  not  particularly  interested  in  the  troubles 
of  the  Bounding  Bananas,  but  she  garnered  in- 
formation of  all  kinds  and  at  all  times.  She 
liked  to  ascertain  the  point  of  view  of  every  one. 

Mrs.  Mangle  truthfully  replied  that  it  was  no 
use  in  wasting  guesses  upon  Theodore's  prob- 
able course.  To  plead  with  him,  or  to  command 
silence,  would  only  mean  that  he  would  retail 
much  more  to  his  father. 

While  they  discussed  the  matter  a  gong 
clanged  in  the  hall.  Dinner  was  ready. 

Mrs.  Mangle  hastened  to  her  place  at  the 
"first  table."  Little  Minnie  Mangle,  the  Child 
"Wonder,  was  already  in  the  dining-room,  sam- 
pling such  viands  as  she  found  unprotected. 

"I  seen  pop  when  I  was  comin'  along  Four- 
teenth Street,  mommer,"  said  she  between  bites 
of  a  pickled  beet,  "an'  I  hearn  him  tell  a  guy 
how  he  had  two  pails  o'  suds,  a  absinthe  frap' 
an'  four  gin  rickeys,  an'  he  was  goin'  to  git 
another  before  he  beat  it  home,  'cause  you'd 
jawr  the  life  outa  him  anyway." 

' '  So, ' '  said  Mrs.  Mangle  tragically.   "  He  is  in 


206  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

his  cups  again !  It  is  monstrous !  Horrible !  Oh, 
why  am  I  tied  to  one  so  vile?" 

More  of  the  paying  guests  arrived.  Mrs.  Man- 
gle stopped  her  comment  upon  the  head  of  the 
family. 

The  Property  Man  kindly  furnished  those 
present  with  the  scores  of  that  day's  ball  games. 

1  'Where's  Mangle?"  he  inquired. 

"Carousing  in  a  corner  groggery,  I  pre- 
sume, ' '  said  Mrs.  Mangle  bitterly.  '  *  He  prefers 
that  to  remaining  with  me  and  his  children,  like 
a  decent  man." 

"Aw,  he  only  takes  a  nip  now  an'  then,"  said 
he  easily.  "You  weemen  git  a  feller  sore  by 
doggin'  at  him  if  he  bats  a  lamp.  Now  if  I 
was  a  frail,  an'  my  old  man  come  rollin'  in  with 
an  edge  on,  I'  be  there  strong,  tellin'  him  what 
a  grand  guy  he  was.  See?  The  impression 'd 
git  under  his  skin,  even  if  he  was  a  little  bunned, 
an' " 

"When  pop  gits  his  pots  on  he's  dead  to  the 
world,  ain't  he,  mommer?"  interrupted  little 
Minnie  shrilly.  "The  stage  manager  over  to 
the  Family  Theater,  in  Hoboken,  he  said  a  agent 
couldn't  slip  pop  twenty  weeks  on  the  K.  an'  P. 
cirkit  when  he  was  full. ' ' 

1  *  Minerva !  How  dare  you  ? ' '  cried  her  moth- 
er. "It  is  he  who  has  taught  my  tender  babes 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          207 

to  sully  their  pure  lips  with  such  disgusting  lan- 
guage, Mr.  Johnson.  Pray  excuse  her. ' ' 

"Heavings!  I  didn't  hear  her  crackin'  noth- 
in'  out  o'  the  way,"  said  the  landlady  mildly. 
"She  was  merely  talkin'  or 'nary  English,  what 
we  all  speak." 

Mrs.  Mangle  looked  at  Mrs.  de  Shine  toler- 
antly. At  that  moment  William  Mangle,  enter- 
ing with  a  jovial  salutation,  took  his  chair.  His 
odorous  presence  caused  Mrs.  Mangle  to  twist 
her  lips  into  a  sneer  of  such  malignance  that  the 
Property  Man  was  really  in  fear  for  the  safety 
of  his  friend's  life. 

"So,"  she  said  with  a  regal  manner,  "you 
have  finally  condescended  to  put  in  an  appear- 
ance!" 

"Knocked  down  a  bird  with  your  first  shot, 
kiddo,"  answered  Mr.  Mangle.  "Here  I  am. 
Slam  a  few  of  those  putatters  on  my  plate,  Susy, 
an'  gimme  whatever  chuck  you  got." 

"They's  chicking  dumplin's  an'  fried  fish," 
said  the  slavey. 

"Well,  I'll  gamble  on  the  dumplin's,  then," 
said  he  gaily;  "if  I  croak,  blame  'em." 

"I  beg  that  you  will  not  be  so  brutally  vul- 
gar," requested  Mrs.  Mangle. 

"Why,  Bill's  only  got  his  kiddin'  clothes  on," 
said  the  landlady.  ' '  Quit  bawlin '  him  out,  can 't 
yuh,  Louiser?" 


208          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

" You've  been  at  it,  too!"  Mrs.  Banana  unex- 
pectedly accused  Mr.  Banana.  "I  smell  you!" 

"Hully  chee!  Can't  a  man  take  a  flat  o'  beer 
wit  'out  gittin '  the  razoo  I ' '  The  Property  Man 's 
sense  of  justice  was  strong,  and  the  attitude  of 
the  ladies  was  offensive  to  him. 

"S 'long's  the  boys  carry  on  in  a  gelmunly 
fashing,  who  they  harmin"?"  defended  the  land- 
lady. "A'  course,  ef  it  was  wife-beatin',  or  some 
o7  them  crimes,  I'd  be  the  fust  to  lift  my  voice 
fur  my  sex.  But  I  do  not  b'lieve  in  chasm'  a 
fight." 

Johnny  Trippit,  the  world's  champion  buck 
dancer,  applauded  these  sentiments  in  behalf  of 
his  sex. 

"If  more  skirts 'd  feel  the  same  I'd  be  a  happy 
married  gent  to-day,"  said  Trippit.  "It's  that 
me  an'  Birdie  split  over,  an'  while  o'  course 
when  she  wanted  a  divorce  I  was  the  goat,  an' 
let  her  git  it,  yet  just  that  same  thing  busted  us 
an'  put  a  topline  act  on  the  fritzsky." 

Affected  by  the  sad  memories  with  which  his 
speech  had  filled  his  mind,  the  buck  dancer  has- 
tily drank  a  glass  of  water. 

"It's  a  mighty  rough  row  all  o'  us  gotta  hoe, 
lemme  tell  you  people  them, ' '  he  concluded  ear- 
nestly. 

Mr.  Mangle  emphatically  pounded  on  the  edge 
of  his  plate  with  a  knife. 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          209 

'  *  You  bet, ' '  he  agreed.  * '  If  she  '11  quit  pickin ' 
on  me  an'  naggin'  me  so's  I  git  where  I  rather 
be  dead,  then  nix  on  that  booze  game  fer  me. 
I'm  a  reasonable  feller,  an'  have  been.  All  I 
ast  is  an  even  break." 

A  tear  hit  the  plate.    Another  pursued  it. 

"Pop  allus  gits  a  cryin'  jag  after  four 
drinks, ' '  said  little  Minnie. 

"See!  Turnin'  my  kid  ag'in  me,  are  you?" 
Mr.  Mangle,  much  incensed  at  the  observation 
of  his  critical  daughter,  resentfully  addressed 
Mrs.  Mangle. 

"Nobody's  turnin'  no  one,"  said  the  landlady. 
"Susy,  bring  on  the  puddin'  an'  cawfee.  Why 
kinnot  folks  purceed  pleasant  like?  Quarrelin' 
won't  help  it." 

"He  is  a  villain!"  said  Mrs.  Mangle  stonily. 

"An'  you're  the  devil  himself!"  shouted  Mr. 
Mangle. 

"Oh,  isn't  that  tur'ble?"  Bessie  Banana's 
shocked  exclamation  was  the  first.  Then  Miss 
Montagu  pronounced  Mr.  Mangle 's  treatment  of 
his  wife  as  unworthy  of  a  murderer. 

Tessie  Tossem,  of  the  Tossems,  comedy  jug- 
glers, unhesitatingly  agreed  that  the  last  insult 
was  certainly  ample  provocation  for  a  divorce 
on  the  grounds  of  cruel  and  inhuman  treatment. 

Mr.  Mangle  whispered  with  the  Property  Man, 
who  occupied  the  next  chair.  Trippit,  Tossem 


210          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

and  J.  Parrington  Pounder,  pianist  at  Smudge's 
189th  Street  Theater,  rallied  at  last,  conversa- 
tionally, to  the  side  of  Mr.  Mangle. 

"All  right,  I  wisKt  you  would  sue,"  said  the 
accused.  "I'd  be  tickled  to  death.  No  kiddin', 
I  would.  Then  I  might  grab  off  a  little  peace. 
I  can't  git  none  this  way.  Whyn't  you  start? 
I'll  pay  fur  it." 

"Git  the  same  lawyer  who  framed  mine," 
suggested  Trippit.  "He's  ust  to  fixin'  'em  up 
fur  purfessionals,  an'  he  don't  soak  you  like  the 
swell  ones." 

Mr.  Mangle  wrote  the  attorney's  name  and  ad- 
dress upon  a  card,  swearing  that  he  would  visit 
him  before  noon  of  the  next  day.  Mrs.  Mangle 
seemed  calm. 

"  It  is  as  well, ' '  said  she.   * '  I  have  my  art. ' ' 

"An'  when  them  there  S'lome  dances  are  run- 
nin'  fur  the  end  book,"  said  Mr.  Mangle,  "you 
won't  find  art  sech  a  fine  affair.  You'll  be  stick- 
in'  'round  agents'  offices  searchin'  fur  a  hand- 
out. You'll  wisht  you  stuck  to  the  Mangles  Four 
'stead  o'  droppin'  the  act  that  made  you  like 
you  would  a  hot  brick." 

"Louiser,  rememba  that  they  may  be  hoss 
sense  in  what  Bill  says,"  pleaded  the  landlady. 
"While  per'snally  I  don't  go  much  on  a  man's 
opinion,  still  onct  in  a  while  they  git  off  sumpin' 
that  ain't  half  bad," 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          211 

"We  git  as  many  encores  without  her  in  the 
act,"  said  little  Minnie  loudly.  "I'm  the  one 
who  drawrs  the  salary.  Ain't  I,  pop?" 

"You  stow  that  gas  o'  yours  before  I  do  it 
fur  you!"  said  her  father.  "Mis'  Mangle  has 
quit  us.  All  right.  Now  I  order  you  to  cut  out 
usin'  the  name  of  Mangle  in  your  billin'  mat- 
ter!" 

"I  will  not  do  it!"  screamed  Mrs.  Mangle. 
"Dog!  Wretch!  Coward!" 

' '  He  behaves  like  a  dawg,  darned  if  he  don 't ! " 
The  landlady  was  now  for  Mrs.  Mangle. 

"As  others  are  settlin'  things,  here's  where 
I  inform  Mr.  Banana  that  the  Bananas  are  now 
parted  in  a  purfessional  sense."  Thus  Bessie 
Banana  bravely  faced  fate.  "I've  signed  to  do 
S'lome." 

It  was  boldness  indeed,  for  the  team  had  been 
bossed  since  its  beginning  by  the  male  member. 
The  fair  Bessie  had  hearkened  to  his  orders  and 
apparently  obeyed  them.  When  the  burlesque 
manager  had  made  his  offer  for  a  further  un- 
dressing than  Bessie  so  artistically  accomplished 
twice  a  day  upon  the  slack  wire,  Bill  Banana's 
gruff  voice  bade  him  get  hence  and  come  no 
more. 

Privately,  Bessie  communicated  with  the  man, 
accepted  his  terms,  and  gave  her  confidence  to 
every  one  but  Bill,  who  supposed  she  had  gone 


212  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

no  further  than  to  talk  of  it.  And  as  is  custom- 
ary in  the  circumstances,  the  man  most  con- 
cerned was  the  last  to  learn  of  the  blow  about 
to  descend. 

For  half  a  moment  he  was  stunned,  and  looked 
it. 

* '  Susy,  clear  off  every  dish  yuh  kin  lay  a  fin 
on,"  whispered  the  landlady  to  her  minion. 
' '  Things  is  due  to  fly  here,  or  I  'm  a  hull  lot  more 
mistuck  'n  I  think.  Hustle,  too.  It's  startin' 
now!" 

"All  you'll  do,"  said  Bill  Banana  suddenly, 
"is  to  let  your  burlesque  man'ger  know  that  he 
better  stake  out  another  S'lomy.  You  ain't 
goin'  to  be  doin'  no  hoochee  dance  behind  any 
row  of  foots  ever  was  turned  on.  Do  you  git 
me?" 

"I  ain't  scared  of  you,"  said  Bessie  quakily. 

But  she  was.  Under  her  make-up  she  paled. 
Mrs.  Mangle,  embroiled  in  her  own  family  woes, 
could  render  small  assistance. 

The  Property  Man  laughed. 

"He's  got  the  Injun  sign  on  that  dame,"  said 
lie  after  a  prolonged  survey  of  Bessie's  fright- 
ened countenance.  ' '  She  ain  't  got  a  chance. ' ' 

"Bessie,  be  strong!"  advised  Mrs.  Mangle 
hysterically.  "Do  not  be  ruled  by  him.  You 
are  a  free  woman.  Eemember  it.  Sign  the 
contract." 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          213 

"One  time  we  was  playin'  Amuricun  Falls, 
Idaho,"  said  little  Minnie,  who  was  unimpressed 
by  the  prospect  of  a  severance  of  amicable  rela- 
tions between  her  parents,  "an'  mom  an*  pop 
split.  Then  mommer  took  a  big  fire  axe  out  'n 
the  hall  in  the  Merchants  Hotel  an'  busted  his 
door.  She  'd  snagged  pop  a  coupla  times  on  the 
bean  with  it,  only  he  punched  her.  I  was  only 
a  little  gell  then." 

"She's  dangerous,"  opined  Trippit,  shaking 
his  head.  "No  female  with  the  axe  habit  could 
live  in  my  wigwam.  I  got  too  much  regard  fer 
my  health." 

"A  fine  sight  you'd  be,  dancin'  without  a 
stitch,  'ceptin'  a  veil  an'  some  clinkin'  brass 
junk  fur  a  waist!" 

This  was  a  portion  of  Bill  Banana's  scathing 
rebuke. 

"That's  right,"  said  Trippit.  "They  don't. 
Ef  one  of  'em  was  mine,  I'd  S'lome  her,  believe 
me.  Fleshin's  are  all  right,  an'  good  stuff,  but 
when  they  begin  takin'  even  them  off " 

"Mista  Trippit,  seein'  as  this  is  not  yer  argy- 
ment,  why  add  fuel  to  the  flame?"  demanded 
the  landlady. 

"Whatever  you  done,  at  least  you  stuck  to 
fleshin's,"  said  Mr.  Mangle.  "I'll  give  you 
credit  fur  that.  It's  blame  lucky  you  did,  too." 

Baby  Theodore  Mangle  had  eaten  his  fill,  com- 


214          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

mencing  with  soup  and  pickled  beets,  and  ending 
with  stewed  prunes  and  milk.  Although  busy 
with  his  meal,  he  had  not  been  inattentive.  Now 
he  whacked  his  fork  against  a  knife  held  in  the 
other  hand  and  addressed  his  father: 

"Teddy  knows  thumpin',  pop,"  said  he. 

The  landlady  coughed  meaningly.  Mrs.  Man- 
gle flushed. 

"Theodore,  that  will  do!"  Mrs.  Mangle  threw 
him  a  menacing  glance. 

Little  Minnie  Mangle  chuckled. 

"He  let  me  inter  it,  too,  pop,"  said  she,  as  if 
amused  at  the  recollection. 

"Well,  what  is  it?  Out  with  it,  or  you'll  git 
yours!"  threatened  Mr.  Mangle. 

* '  Nunno ! ' '  shouted  his  wife.  ' '  William,  I  for- 
bid you  to  listen!" 

"Out  with  it!"  repeated  Mr.  Mangle  angrily. 
* '  Come  on !  D  'you  hear  me  f ' ' 

"Mommer  never  wored  no  fleshin's.  She 
thaid  tho,"  said  Baby  Theodore. 

Mr.  Mangle  emitted  a  howl  of  rage  and  sprang 
to  his  feet.  The  ladies  screeched,  and  the  men 
roared.  The  Mangles  Four  mingled  in  battle, 
during  which  Mrs.  Mangle  bit  Mr.  Mangle's  arm 
and  he  slapped  her  violently.  It  was  a  horrid 
scene. 

But  out  of  the  clash  and  crash  issued  Mr. 
Mangle,  clothing  pulled  awry,  face  scratched, 


TWO  SALOMES  RETURN          215 

and  one  eye  blackened.  Yet  triumph  was  in  his 
bearing. 

"Banana,"  he  panted,  "I've  been  a  weak 
mark  too  long !  You  got  the  correct  dope.  Mis' 
Mangle  closes  her  S'lomy  engagement  to-night, 
an'  then  she'll  be  onct  ag'in  booked  with  the 
Mangles  Four." 

*  *  But  my  contract  ? ' '  Mrs.  Mangle,  indignant 
but  cowed,  asked  it  appealingly. 

"Don't  annoy  me,"  said  he  grandly.  "Tell 
these  people  who's  your  boss." 

All  the  ladies  wept. 

"Good  eye,  Bill,"  said  the  Property  Man. 
"You're  only  purtectin'  your  home." 

"Heavings!"  breathed  the  landlady. 

"Mangles  Four '11  open  Monday  mat 'nee,  on 
my  bookin'  fur  the  Mangles  Three,"  said  Mr. 
Mangle.  "Tell  'em  who's  your  boss!  G'wan, 
'fore  I  git  het  up  ag'in !" 

"Well — you — you  are!"  sobbed  Mrs.  Mangle. 
Mrs.  Banana  wept  with  her,  for  both  knew  it 
was  the  end  of  two  Salomes. 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING 

* '  THE  hall 's  fuller  gelmun,  mum, ' '  said  Susy. 
"They're  all  wantin'  board  an'  room,  an'  told 
me  to  sprint  up  an'  call  you." 

* '  Dear  me !  An '  jest  when  I  was  deplorin '  the 
state  o '  business, ' '  said  Mrs.  de  Shine,  hustling 
for  the  stairway. 

She  descended,  smiling  a  welcome,  into  the 
midst  of  a  dozen  men  and  as  many  suit-cases. 

"In  the  purfession,  I  pursoom,  gents  I"  she 
inquired  affably. 

A  stout  man  answered  first. 

"That's  what  we  are,"  said  he.  "I  see  you 
know  your  book,  ma  'am.  A  guy  named  Johnson 
^ive  your  address  to  one  o'  my  men,  an'  here 
we  are.  How 'bout  baths  ?" 

"One  on  each  floor,"  said  she,  "an*  guests  is 
gave  every  encouragement  to  use  'em.  As  fur 
the  table,  they  could  stack  the  Sant  Wreckus  an' 
them  joints'  manyoos  agin'  mine,  an'  I  got  no 
fear  of  the  result.  I  trust  they's  no  objection  to 
goin'  two  in  a  room?" 

The  party  of  homeseekers  consulted. 

216 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING       217 

"Well,  the  way  things  are  breaking  Bill," 
said  a  tall  young  fellow,  "we  better  grab  what 
we  can.  It'd  been  nothing  less  than  two  rooms 
and  bath  last  week,  but  anything 's  pretty  sweet 
now." 

His  words  made  the  landlady  uneasy.  She  de- 
cided that  frankness  would  be  best. 

"I'll  have  to  ast  each  fur  a  week  in  advance," 
she  announced.  "A'  course,  where  people's 
knowed  to  me,  the  rule  ain't  so  strict,  but  a 
woming  alone  has  gotta  purtect  herself." 

"What's  your  terms?"  inquired  the  stout 
man. 

"Ten,  eight  an*  six,  accordin'  to  room,"  she 
replied. 

"She's  layin'  liberal  odds,"  said  a  voice. 

Many  chuckles  followed. 

"I'll  take  six,  on  the  limb,  lady." 

The  stout  man  handed  her  six  dollars. 

"I'll  string  with  you,"  said  another.  "It's 
a  bad  day  for  long  shots." 

"I  may  be  playin'  'em  closer  next  week,  but 
mine '11  go  on  the  nose  now,"  called  the  tall 
boarder.  "Here's  your  ten." 

A  short  youth  proffered  his  six. 

"Couldn't  hunch  the  price  a  point,  just  once," 
he  asked  gaily,  "for  a  good  feller?" 

"Rully,  I  guess  yer  kiddin'  me,  but  I  don't 
git  yuh  boys  at  all,"  giggled  the  landlady. 


218          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Whatever  do  yuh  mean?  Ef  that's  show  talk, 
it's  noo  stuff  to  me." 

* '  What  'd  you  take  us  for,  actors  ? ' '  The  stout 
man  guffawed  delightedly.  "Nix!  You  got 
your  money  on  a  dead  card.  We  follow  the 
horses. " 

"An'  I  thought  yuh  was  a  stranded  minstrel 
troupe, ' '  said  she.  "  I  do  declare !  I  hope  some 
one  o'  yuh  kin  gimme  a  winner.  I  was  onct 
forty  bones  ahead,  but  a  coupla  acrobats  what 
lived  here  got  me  to  put  the  hull  roll  on  some  old 
plug,  an'  it  never  did  come  in." 

Optimistically  they  promised  that  she  should 
have  an  opportunity  to  regain  that  forty. 

With  Susy's  assistance  as  guide  they  were  led 
to  the  apartments  they  were  to  occupy.  As  the 
stout  man  climbed  sweatingly  to  the  top  floor 
rear  a  door  on  the  fourth  landing  opened  and  a 
lovely  picture  met  his  eyes. 

Upon  a  low  rocker  sat  a  bepuffed  and  bewaved 
blonde.  Bountiful  as  was  the  supply  of  yellow 
glory  already  piled  high  upon  her  head,  it  was 
evident  that  the  structure  was  incomplete.  She 
was  combing  and  rolling  more  puffs,  adding 
these,  one  by  one,  and  with  much  care,  to  the 
rest. 

In  the  doorway  stood  a  lady  in  a  bright  ki- 
mono. She  held  some  long,  limp  article,  made 
of  yellowish  silk,  in  one  hand. 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING      219 

"I  s'pose  these  tights  got  to  do  me  another 
week,"  she  said,  while  the  climber  stopped  to 
stare  admiringly  from  the  gloomy  obscurity  of 
the  stairs,  "fur  since  we  lose  that  Park  date  at 
Jamestown  I  gotta  clip  the  corners  an  awful 
lot.  My,  ain't  it  hot?  I'm  roastin'.  Oh!  it's 
a  man ! ' ' 

She  shut  the  door  upon  him.  Mournfully  he 
plodded  upward  after  Susy. 

' '  Who 's  the  gal  in  the  green  wrapper,  kiddo ? ' ' 
he  asked. 

The  unconventional  address  charmed  the  sla- 
vey so  that  she  snickered  delightedly. 

''Them's  the  De  Gash  Sisters,"  she  respond- 
ed. "Emma's  the  one  just  got  a  divorce  from 
her  husband.  He's  in  vod-veel,  too,  an'  does 
a  act  under  the  name  of  De  Vere,  though  the 
divorce  brung  out  that  his  real  name's  Lezin- 
sky." 

' '  Give  her  a  tough  deal,  eh  ?  "  he  asked.  ' '  An ' 
the  one  with  all  the  store  hair's  her  sister?" 

"Jest  in  the  business,"  explained  Susy. 
"They  ain't  reg'lar  sisters." 

"Say!  no  bath  towels?"  he  asked. 

"The  guests  gits  a  towel  twict  a  week,"  said 
Susy.  "They  kin  take  a  bath  with  'em  if  they 
wanter.  Dinner's  when  I  ring  the  bell." 

* '  Gee ! "  he  ejaculated  ruefully.  ' '  Listen  here. 
Susy 's  your  monaker  f  Then  here 's  half  a  bone. 


220          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Slip  me  some  towels  an*  you'n  me '11  be  good 
friends .  How 's  the  f eedin '  below  ? ' ' 

"Well,  don't  never  take  fish,  stoo,  nor  pud- 
din',"  warned  the  unfaithful  minion.  "Corn' 
beef  an'  cabbitch,  an'  pie  an'  the  vegitabbles, 
they're  all  right.  I'll  kick  your  foot  when  I'm 
passin'  'em." 

"Susy,  you  got  a  great  head,"  he  said,  "and 
I'll  tell  you  how  you  can  grab  yourself  another 
half.  When  you  git  a  chance,  let  Miss  Emma 
know  that  a  party  who  owns  a  lot  o'  racehorses 
is  livin '  here.  See  ?  I  sort  o '  like  her  looks. ' ' 

The  alert  slavey  promised.  As  she  went  down 
the  De  Gash  Sisters '  door  permitted  interested 
spectators  the  knowledge  that  Birdie  de  Gash 
had  finished  her  hair. 

"Who's  that  mob,  Susy?"  the  ladies  queried. 

The  slavey,  in  a  cautious  tone,  repeated  the 
rotund  stranger's  words. 

"I  hate  fat  people,"  said  Birdie  querulously. 
"Are  they  all  sloppy-figgered  like  him?" 

Emma  de  Gash  protested. 

"Fat  men  have  kind  hearts,  Birdie  Smith," 
said  she  warmly,  "an'  he  had  a  real  nice  face." 

Within  the  brief  space  of  five  minutes  Susy 
secured  her  reward  and  hurried  blithely  to  at- 
tend the  housing  of  more  boarders,  hoping  fer- 
vently that  all  of  them  might  be  smitten  with 
Emma  or  a  capable  substitute. 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING       221 

1 1  The  house  is  full  up,  I  thank  Heaving ! ' '  said 
the  landlady  gladly.  '  *  It  suttenly  is  a  providen- 
tial thing  that  they  come  as  they  done,  ain't  it? 
Yuh  betta  beat  it  to  the  kitching  an'  explain  how 
we  got  extry  fur  dinner. ' ' 

The  stout  man  called  at  the  room  of  two  of 
his  friends  at  five-thirty. 

"Well,  I  win  out  a  swell  gal  already,"  he 
said,  with  honest  pride.  " She's  a  dancer,  an' 
a  queen,  boys.  It  won't  be  so  bad  here." 

Jack  and  Frank,  one  a  sheetwriter,  the  other 
cashier  in  the  speaker's  book,  observed  him  cu- 
riously. 

"Just  been  divorced,"  he  added.  "I  let  the 
servant  shoot  a  little  salve  about  me  bein'  one 
of  the  real  guys  an'  all  that." 

The  clang  of  the  dinner-bell  interrupted  him. 
Swift-rushing  footsteps  outside  notified  them 
that  it  were  best  to  rapidly  reach  the  lower  hall. 
The  racing  gentlemen,  who  had  appeared  before 
the  regular  dwellers  in  the  Maison  de  Shine, 
formed  themselves  into  a  solid,  three-by-three 
wedge,  and  advanced  to  the  dining-room. 

"Everybody  snatch  a  seat!"  shouted  Jack. 

The  Property  Man  and  the  Mangles  Four, 
leaping  after  the  leaders,  squeezed  into  their  ac- 
customed places,  but  Johnny  Trippit,  the  buck 
dancer,  and  Miss  Montagu,  the  ingenue,  were 
left  chairless. 


222          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

1 '  What  horrible  coarse  men ! "  the  blondest  De 
Gash  Sister  thus  voiced  her  angry  feelings, 
"crowdin'  out  ladies  an'  children  like  a  lot  of 
beasts!" 

Mrs.  de  Shine,  excited,  but  in  full  control  of 
events,  declined  to  hearken  to  such  plaints. 

"Them  what  gits  in  fust  eats  fust,"  said  she 
loudly.  "Sutten  parties  has  got  a  habit  of  ar- 
rivin'  to  meals  when  they  git  a  mind  ter,  an'  the 
gelmun  is  entirely  within  their  rights." 

But  the  stout  man  had  risen.  His  name  was 
Black. 

"Tell  Miss  Emma  that  her  seat's  waitin',"  he 
whispered. 

The  slavey  importantly  delivered  the  mes- 
sage. 

"Set  right  down,"  he  begged.  "Say!  can't 
you  guys  move  up  t " 

Miss  Emma,  declaring  that  he  was  too  awfully 
kind,  was  persuaded  to  accept  his  courteous 
offer. 

Her  professional  relative  displayed  chagrin, 
but  this  faded  almost  immediately,  because 
Jack,  as  gallant  as  his  employer,  was  beckoning 
to  her.  And  Jack  was  not  of  that  hefty  build 
which  she  had  said  was  not  to  her  taste.  He  was 
slim,  and  quite  handsome. 

' '  Those  De  Gashes  are  a  pair  of  forward  hus- 
sies!" said  Mrs.  Mangle  indignantly. 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING       223 

"Mommer  says  you  had  a  husbing,  an'  he 
quit  yer  'cause  he  was  sick  o'  bein'  bawled  out," 
observed  little  Minnie  Mangle. 

This  candid  criticism  from  the  Child  Wonder 
was  heard  by  all. 

* '  Hey !  Cut  that  out ! ' '  commanded  Mr.  Man- 
gle. 

Emma  de  Gash  was  a  woman  of  spirit.  More- 
over, ensconced  as  she  was  between  a  round 
dozen  of  male  persons  who  showed  appreciation 
of  her  vivacious  presence  quite  as  frankly  as 
little  Minnie  narrated  the  maternal  sentiments, 
felt  reasonably  safe. 

"Louisa  Mangle  is  a  liar!"  she  exclaimed. 

' '  Mommer !  Mith  de  Gath  thays  you 's  a  liar ! ' ' 
howled  Baby  Theodore  Mangle,  the  Infant 
Prodigy. 

"Kough  house  comin',  sure,"  said  the  Prop- 
erty Man,  shielding  his  features  with  his  arm. 
"Low  bridge!" 

Mrs.  Mangle,  with  eyes  glinting  fire,  raised  a 
large  bowl  of  pickled  beets.  Emma  snatched 
the  filled  plate  which  Black  had  relinquished  to 
her.  In  all  previous  warfare  small  talk  of  a 
bright,  personal  character  had  been  hurled  be- 
fore heavier  missiles. 

The  coonful  Emma  figured  that  Mrs.  Mangle 
expected  this  verbal  sparring  and  the  consequent 
interference  of  friends  on  both  sides.  Mrs. 


224          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Mangle  prefaced  what  was  intended  for  an  able 
attack  by  hissing  ' 'Hussy  I" 

"I  am,  am  I?"  shrieked  Emma,  and  sent  the 
plate  to  finish  the  sentence.  Mr.  Mangle  clasped 
his  wife  to  prevent  further  carnage. 

"I  knowed  it  was  due,"  said  the  Property 
Man.  "It's  the  weather.  I  feel  ornery  myself." 

The  grinning  racing  faction  was  holding  Em- 
ma back,  but  whispering  secret  applause.  Mrs. 
Mangle,  deprived  of  her  rights,  gave  a  doleful 
scream,  and  sank  inertly  upon  the  property 
man. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  rushed  toward  her. 

"Louiser,  quit  four-flushin'  an  set  up!"  she 
said.  "Oh,  is  this  yer  boasted  frenship,  what 
does  its  best  to  put  a  respectable  penshun  on  the 
slide  fur  fair?" 

"That  dame  done  the  first  throwing "  began 
Mr.  Mangle,  "an'  now  she's  laffin  like  it's  a  good 
joke." 

"And  with  a  pack  of  men  she  never  saw  be- 
fore," spitefully  cried  Miss  Montagu  from  the 
door. 

The  latter  had  not  been  requested  to  give 
some  courtly  gentleman  the  privilege  of  vacat- 
ing his  place  for  her,  so  her  rancor  was  natural 
in  the  circumstances. 

The  landlady  began  to  weep. 

"I  earnestly  apologize  fer  the  actions  o'  some 


TEE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING       225 

o*  the  ladies  resident  in  the  Maisong  de  Shine," 
she  said  sniffingly.  "What  yuh  gelnran  will 
think,  the  dear  knows,  but  at  least  I  trust  yuh '11 
believe  that  these  here  run-ins  is  not  did  every 
ineal." 

Mrs.  Mangle,  after  being  scraped  by  her  at- 
tentive family,  resumed  her  chair. 

"If  you  dare  to  attack  me  again,  madam," 
she  said  passionately,  "I  will  swear  out  a  war- 
rant and  have  you  bound  over  to  keep  the  peace. 
You  had  best  recollect  that  there  is  a  law  in  the 
land." 

"She'll  be  sickin'  Hughes  on  you."  said 
Black. 

Emma  scornfully  tossed  her  head;  Birdie 
laughed  shrilly. 

"She  prob'ly  won't  git  no  further 'n  she  did 
the  time  the  Mangle  Four  was  goin'  to  sue  a 
Cincinnaty  manager  fur  closin'  'em  at  the  first 
show,  'cause  their  act  was  a  bunk, ' '  said  Birdie. 

"Mommer,  I  ain't  no  bunk!"  squealed  little 
Minnie.  "She's  a  story,  an'  the  De  Gash  Sis- 
ters never  was  good  artists,  was  they?" 

"Teddy  thaw  her  makin'  her  hair  yellow," 
prattled  Baby  Theodore  eagerly,  "f'om  a 
p  'woxide  bottle. ' ' 

"This  here  must  quit,"  said  the  landlady  au- 
thoritatively. "It  shall  not  be  kep'  up,  an'  the 
fust  guest  to  start  sumpin'  else  is  goin'  to  be  in- 


226          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

formed  polite  that  they  kin  tear  fur  pastures 
noo  an'  fresh — an*  all  arrears  gotta  be  settled 
before  leavin'." 

It  was  the  threat  which  could  produce  peace 
when  all  else  failed  of  result. 

The  belligerent  De  Gashes,  the  Mangles  Four, 
even  the  racing  men — for  these  latter,  although 
solvent  at  the  moment,  realizing  that  a  day 
might  arrive  when  the  same  harsh  words  might 
chill  their  enthusiasm — grew  silent. 

The  Property  Man  laughed  once,  but  he  al- 
ways paid  in  advance,  and  could  afford  to  pub- 
licly exhibit  his  mirth. 

"How  'bout  a  latchkey?"  one  of  the  newest 
boarders  asked. 

"Four  bits  deposit,"  said  the  landlady,  "on 
all  keys.  It's  gave  back  when  the  pusson  de- 
parts, an'  bein'  as  the  entire  purfession'd  have 
keys  ef  it  wasn't  did,  I  trust  yuh  understand." 

A  clink  of  silver  was  heard,  then  a  jangling 
of  baser  metal,  as  Mrs.  de  Shine  reached  down, 
first  requesting  them  to  kindly  withdraw  their 
attention,  and  took  from  her  stocking  a  suffi- 
cient number  of  keys. 

"An'  I  hope  yuh  boys  will  all  be  as  happy  as 
ef  yuh  was  in  yer  own  home, ' '  said  she.  * '  The 
rest  is,  an'  we  live  care  free  an'  pleasant,  like 
one  large  fam'ly." 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING      227 

' '  I  see  you  do, ' '  said  Frank.  ' '  Do  they  mix  it 
often?" 

The  landlady  giggled. 

"To  tell  the  hull  truth,"  she  said,  "it  didn't 
do  Louiser  no  harm  to  git  hit,  fur  she  suttenly 
is  a  ravin'  bug  when  she  begins.  Them  affairs 
is  deplorable,  but  where  is  they  that  yuh  won't 
find  friction?" 

The  racing  dozen  went  out  and  walked  to  the 
subway.  Although  forced  through  a  cut  in  their 
incomes  to  dwell  on  Irving  Place,  they  returned 
to  Broadway  to  spend  their  evenings.  They 
agreed  that  life  in  the  actors'  boarding-house 
might  be  lacking  in  certain  comforts  obtainable 
in  the  best  hotels,  but  it  was  not  dull.  And  that 
made  up  for  much. 

"He  thinks  he  can  win,  sure,"  said  Bob. 

They  were  at  dinner,  and  even  Mrs.  Mangle 
was  amiable. 

"Heavings!  I  lose  ten  on  that  last  one,"  said 
the  landlady  ruefully.  "Now,  do  yuh,  honest 
Injun,  think  it's  perf'ly  safe?" 

"Wai,  be  game,  Maggie,"  advised  the  Prop- 
erty Man.  "Gamblin's  allus  a  lottery,  but  the 
best  people  fall  fur  it,  an'  if  you  bet  your  jingle 
straight  then  you  get  sumpin'." 

"Mommer,  I  wanna  make  a  bet,"  said  little 
Minnie  loudly.  "Kin  IT" 


228  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"You're  too  young, "  rebuked  her  father. 
"Shut  up  that  noise!" 

"I  ain't  too  young  to  be  drawrin'  all  the  coin 
our  act  gits,"  retorted  the  Child  Wonder,  "an' 
the  stage  man'ger  said  yestiddy  that  I  got  a 
darned  old  head  on  my  shoulders.  I'm  goin'  to 
bet  on  him  ef  I  wanna. ' ' 

' '  Oh,  Minerva !  will  you  not  endeavor  to  de- 
port yourself  as  a  lady?"  pleaded  Mrs.  Mangle. 

"If  she  was  brung  up  right  she  would,"  ob- 
served Mr.  Mangle  sourly;  "'tain't  me  that's 
learnin'  her  to  be  so  impident." 

"Fur  gracious  sakes!"  interposed  the  land- 
lady, "kin'ly  reserve  the  washin'  of  fam'ly  lin- 
ing fur  yer  own  rooms,  fur  with  all  in  good  hu- 
mor, they  kin  be  no  excuse  fur  pickin'  on  no- 
body. As  I  was  tryin'  to  observe,  we  oughta 
make  a  pool." 

"Don't  go  in,  dearie.  It  ain't  got  a  chance 
on  earth." 

Black  had  spoken  quietly  to  Emma  de  Gash, 
but  others  caught  it. 

"It  ain't?  Is  that  so?  You're  a  smart  guy, 
you  are,"  excitedly  remarked  Bob;  "worked  a 
half  in  fifty-nine,  in  the  mud,  to-day." 

"That's  goin'  some!"  exclaimed  the  buck 
dancer.  "Who'll  ride  him?" 

"I  don't  believe,"  said  Black,  forced  to  reply 
to  such  an  assertion,  "that  he  ever  done  it." 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING      229 

"In  other  words,"  said  Bob  heatedly,  "I'm 
tippin '  'em  wrong,  is  that  it ? " 

*  *  Nope,  I  dunno  's  it  is. ' '  Black  was  not  easily 
disturbed,  and  he  smiled  upon  the  younger  man. 
"I  mean  you've  been  badly  steered.  His  last 
race  was  bad." 

"Here  I  was  all  set  to  git  even  on  him,  an' 
now  it's  all  broke  up,"  complained  the  landlady. 
"Then  what  are  we  goin'  to  play?" 

"Well,  Birdseed's  got  a  pull  in  the  weights," 
said  Black  reflectively;  "he'll  be  as  good  as 
eight  to  five." 

"But  the  other  is  ten  to  one!"  cried  Emma. 
"Which  is  the  most  for  us?" 

"We  gotta  put  up  eight  to  git  five,"  said  the 
landlady.  "Ain't  that  correct?" 

"Can't  a  frail  never  git  nawtin'  right?" 
fretfully  demanded  the  Property  Man.  "They 
lay  eight  agin'  your  five.  See?  An'  winnin' 
eight's  better 'n  losin',  any  day." 

It  did  not  appear  that  the  ladies  thought  so. 
They  argued  until  Black  said  he  would  take  back 
all  he  had  said  about  Birdseed. 

"Then  yuh  jest  been  foolin'  us?"  asked  the 
landlady.  "Fur  ef  he  could  win  before,  why 
can'tEenow?" 

"I  just  mean  that  I'm  sorry  I  butted  in," 
wearily  shouted  Black.  "Take  whatever  you 
want.  These  guys  know  so  much  about  hosses 


230          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

that  they're  all  broke — let  'em  dope  a  few.  I 
tried  to  do  something  fur  you,  and  all  I  get  fur 
it  is  to  be  hollered  at" 

"When  we  were  playin'  Buffalo  last  season, 
before  Emma  an'  me  started  as  a  team,"  said 
Birdie  de  Gash,  "a  feller  gimme  a  tip  on  the 
Fort  Erie  races,  an'  I  win  sixty  dollars.  But 
can  you  bet  if  you  go  to  the  track  ? ' ' 

"I  know  a  coupla  people  who  are  doin'  busi- 
ness," assured  Bob. 

The  landlady  suddenly  beat  upon  the  table 
with  a  knife. 

"Listen,  folks!"  she  began.  "Let's  all  go  to 
the  track  to-morra  in  a  big  machine.  By  club- 
bin'  in  the  cost  is  light.  It  seems  like  a  swell 
ideer. ' ' 

The  paying  guests  clapped  their  hands. 

"A  pal  of  mine  will  rent  one  at  half  price," 
said  Black,  again  friendly.  "I'm  in." 

"Me,  too,"  said  the  rest. 

"An'  ef  any  old  bull  tries  to  stop  me  makin' 
a  wager,"  said  the  landlady  bravely,  "I'll  poke 
my  yella  parasol  in  the  slob's  lamp,  an'  make 
him  wisht  he'd  left  me  be." 

Two  automobiles  of  the  rubberneck  brand  ran 
slowly  into  the  line  of  parked  cars  at  the  Sheeps- 
head  Bay  track  next  day.  With  gleeful  cries  the 
female  boarders  climbed  down  into  the  arms  of 


their  escorts.  Mrs.  de  Shine  panted  beside  the 
Property  Man  into  the  grandstand. 

11  Don't  be  crackin'  loud  about  bettin',"  all 
the  ladies  were  told  by  Bob.  "Be  careful.  These 
fresh  plain-clothes  boys  are  snoopin'  around 
every  place. ' ' 

"I  hope  that  lobster  up  to  Albany  swallers  a 
nail,"  viciously  declared  the  landlady. 

"I  s'pose  he  lose  a  coupla  bets,  an'  done 
this  to  git  hunk, ' '  opined  the  Property  Man. 

"Gee !  there's  Johnny  Rafferty — of  Hines  an* 
Rafferty.  They  do  a  dancin'  act, ' '  said  the  buck 
dancer. 

He  rushed  off  to  confer  with  this  celebrated 
artist. 

"This  is  sumpin'  like  Parus,"  said  Emma; 
"not  so  swell,  you  know,  but  it's  pretty  good." 

"  Yes,  I  love  Paree, ' '  replied  Black.  * '  Go  ra- 
cin'  much  when  you  was  there?" 

"Every  day  we  didn't  have  a  matinee,"  said 
she. 

"If  I  ever  get  married,"  said  he  significantly, 
"  I  'm  going  back  there  on  my  wedding  tour.  Do 
you  get  seasick  much?" 

It  was  as  good  as  an  offer  of  his  hand  and 
heart,  but  Emma  was  coy,  and  again,  her  inter- 
locutory decree  had  yet  to  be  handed  down  by 
a  justice  who  declined  to  hurry  with  other  per- 
sons' divorces. 


232  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"When  was  you  to  Parus  last?"  she  inquired. 

"Been  over  every  year,"  said  Black. 

He  had  really  never  journeyed  farther  into 
foreign  lands  than  Chicago,  but  conversed  so  flu- 
ently of  European  customs  that  he  fooled 
Emma. 

She  also  had  limited  her  travels  to  her  native 
country,  but  one  must  at  times  assume  knowl- 
edge. 

"I  don't  see  no  bulls,  pop,"  said  little  Minnie, 
who  was  arrayed  for  this  day  in  the  befrilled 
red  silk  dancing  frock  which  she  had  worn  in 
the  act  of  the  Mangles  Four  when  doing  her  imi- 
tation of  Genee. 

"They're  piroutin'  'round  all  right,"  said  the 
Property  Man.  "Don't  let  one  of  'em  ketch  you. 
Bulls  are  awful  attracted  by  red." 

Little  Minnie  chortled  at  the  excellent  jest. 

"Mommer's  bettin'  our  last  week's  board," 
she  confided,  "'cause  pop  says  we  might's  well 
be  cleaned  as  the  way  we  are." 

"Teddy  wants  to  wide  a  hossy!"  exclaimed 
Baby  Theodore,  "an'  Teddy's  firsty." 

"If  he  goes  agin'  this  track  booze,  he'll  die 
on  you,  sure,"  said  Black.  "Will  you  drink 
water,  kid?" 

"Pop  don't,"  replied  Theodore  frankly. 

The  racing  gentlemen  supplied  their  charges 
with  programs,  penciled  the  jockeys'  names 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING       233 

upon  them,  and  furnished  all  information  de- 
sired. 

"Gells,  do  take  a  flash!"  said  the  landlady. 
"Ain't  that  Bessie  Banana,  of  the  Boundin'  Ba- 
nanas, settin'  over  there  in  the  big  green  Merry 
WiddeH" 

"Yes,  it  is.  And  the  Bananas  stole  our  fin- 
ish," said  Mrs.  Mangle.  "I  wonder  that  she 
has  the  effrontery  to  look  at  me  and  bow.  The 
two-faced  cat!" 

"Per'snally  I  got  nothin'  agin*  her,"  said 
Mrs.  de  Shine,  "though  I  hearn  that  both  her 
an'  Bill  done  a  hull  lot  o'  knockin'  concernin* 
the  chuck  served  by  me,  which  the  same  was  bad 
taste,  seein'  as  they  owe  me  this  seckind." 

"Oh!  what's  that?"  Birdie  de  Gash  arose, 
pointing  to  a  hurrying  crowd. 

"Pinchin'  some  poor  dub  fer  bettin',"  said 
the  Property  Man.  "Now  you  gals  see  how  it 
ain't  no  joke." 

"His  name  will  get  in  the  papers  and  it'll  be 
a  nasty  muss, ' '  explained  Black.  ' '  They  're  only 
too  glad  to  grab  any  one  these  times.  It's  a 
shame  and  an  outrage!" 

"Will  they  take  you  fur  just  handin'  summon 
a  piece  o'  money?" 

"Sure!"  said  he.    "In  a  minute." 

Birdie  whispered  to  Emma,  and  at  the  same 
moment  Mrs.  Mangle  drew  little  Minnie  to  her, 


234          THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

held  private  speech  with  her  child,  and  the  intel- 
ligent Wonder  nodded  comprehensively. 

"It  may  mean  an  engagement  on  the  roof, 
Minerva,"  she  counseled,  "and  I  rely  upon  you 
to  do  your  best." 

Little  Minnie  whispered  back: 

"I'm  hep,  mommer.  I  ain't  scared  o'  nothin' 
that'll  help  the  act." 

' '  My  noble,  self-sacrificing  babe ! ' '  Mrs.  Man- 
gle's  emotion  was  such  that  she  dropped  a  tear 
upon  the  curled  head  of  little  Minnie. 

Black  and  his  friends  went  to  the  ring  in 
search  of  tidings  straight  from  the  barn.  They 
were  not  making  book  until  some  sort  of  order 
had  been  brought  from  the  chaotic  state  in  which 
racing  was  at  the  moment.  So  every  day  was 
a  holiday  for  them,  whether  they  wished  it  to 
be  one  or  not. 

Black  desired  ardently  to  assist  Emma  to  an 
increase  of  money.  Bob  felt  an  equal  interest 
in  the  bepuffed  Birdie.  Miss  Montagu  had  won 
the  admiration  of  Jack,  who  had  sat  up  until 
four  of  that  morning  earnestly  conning  the 
"past  performances"  of  the  horses  entered. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  intent  upon  winning  a 
month's  rent  for  the  boarding-house.  Every 
one  wanted  money,  and  meant  to  get  it,  if  they 
could.  The  Property  Man  went  to  the  ring  with 


TEE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING       235 

the  others.  Mr.  Mangle  and  the  buck  dancer 
followed. 

Little  Minnie  darted  after  them.  As  abruptly 
Miss  Montagu,  Emma,  Birdie,  the  landlady  and 
Mrs.  Mangle  got  up  and  hastened  to  the  lawn. 

Each  seemed  anxious  to  quit  the  immediate 
vicinity  of  her  friends. 

1 '  Where  yuh  gells  bound  fer ?' '  asked  the  land- 
lady suspiciously. 

Mrs.  Mangle  was  straining  her  eyes  after  lit- 
tle Minnie,  behind  whom  Baby  Theodore  hus- 
tled, his  abbreviated  legs  finding  her  swift  pace 
too  fast  for  comfort. 

"I  merely  walked  down  to  look  around,"  said 
Emma.  "I'll  see  you  in  a  little  while." 

"With  vague  and  insufficient  excuses  they 
parted. 

What  were  the  ladies  of  the  Maison  de  Shine 
about  to  do? 

A  wild  scream  attracted  the  Property  Man, 
rushing  about  in  a  vain  endeavor  to  find  6  to  5 
on  a  4  to  5  shot.  Then  another  sounded. 

Black  caught  his  arm. 

"That's  Emma!"  he  roared.  "Come  on, 
Johnson!  If  any  one's  harmed  a  hair  of  that 
dear  head  I'll  have  his  life!" 

"Gee!  it  won't  hurt  the  hair  none,"  soothed 
the  more  experienced  Property  Man.  "  I  'm  wit ' 
you.  I  dunno  what  kin  be  comin'  off." 


236  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

1 '  Help !  help !  help !   Help !  help ! '  ' 

In  the  center  of  the  ring  little  Minnie  Mangle 
stood.  A  bewildered  policeman  tugged  at  her 
red  skirt. 

"He  hit  me,"  squalled  Minnie,  "fur  makin' 
a  dollar  bet !  Help !  help !  help !  I  'm  little  Min- 
nie of  the  Mangles  Four  in  vod'veel,  an'  I'm 
bein'  arrested." 

"Aw,  you  ain't,  neither,"  said  the  embar- 
rassed cop.  "I  just  told  the  brat  to  beat  it  out 
o'  here.  G'wan,  now,  or  I  will  pinch  you !  This 
ain't  no  place  fur  little  gals.  Somebody  take  her 
out." 

"Unhand  my  babe!" 

Mrs.  Mangle,  her  picture-hat  awry  upon  her 
artistically  disheveled  locks,  flung  herself  at  the 
policeman. 

Mr.  Mangle  dashed  toward  her. 

Baby  Theodore,  seeing  his  parent  entangled 
with  a  surprised,  blue-coated  stranger,  cunning- 
ly prostrated  his  small  form  and  violently 
kicked  the  enemy  upon  a  fat  ankle.  A  wild  scene 
followed. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Mangle,  the  latter  hysterically 
shrieking  that  she  would,  if  she  must,  be  one  of 
the  test-case  martyrs,  were  finally  brought  to 
the  lawn  by  two  policemen.  Some  uncertainty 
prevailed  as  to  whether  little  Minnie  was  under 


THE  BOARDERS  GO  RACING       237 

arrest  or  not.  The  Mangles  chose  to  consider 
that  she  was. 

On  the  way  to  the  gate  two  other  crowds 
joined  the  one  which  trooped  behind  the  snared 
bettors.  Mrs.  de  Shine  and  Miss  Montagu,  un- 
der police  escort,  formed  the  fair  magnet  for 
one.  The  Sisters  de  Gash,  proudly  marching 
side  by  side,  came  in  the  next  throng.  All  had, 
by  almost  incredible  effort,  succeeded  in  proffer- 
ing money  to  an  unclassified  bookmaker  in  the 
person  of  the  buck  dancer,  who  noisily  pro- 
claimed the  fact  that  he  had  accepted  their  bets. 

A  patrol  wagon  arrived  after  a  wait,  during 
which  people  forgot  the  races  and  watched  only 
the  vaudeville  prisoners.  Eeporters  gathered 
names,  and  the  Property  Man  was  bidden  break 
in  doors  at  the  boarding-house  and  seek  out  pho- 
tographs of  the  victims  for  quick  publication. 

The  Bounding  Bananas,  who  had  not  thought 
of  this  novel  means  of  advertising,  came  to  look 
with  the  rest.  Their  chagrin  was  distressing. 

"Tell  Susy  to  git  dinner,  an'  ef  the  house 
can 't  be  tuck  fur  bail  in  Brooklyn,  go  fur  Magis- 
trate Corrigan,"  commanded  the  landlady. 
"We'll  git  out  by  mornin',  sure.  Farewell  all, 
an'  say  how  Maggie  de  Shine  went  to  the  hoodie- 
hoodie  waggin  like  Mary  Queen  o'  Scots  to  her 
finish!" 

"Kemember,    Mangles    Four — not    Three," 


238          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

hurriedly  reminded  Mr.  Mangle,  "an*  ast  the 
reporters  to  git  our  names  right,  an'  tell  them 
guys  not  to  be  kiddin',  'cause  this  here's  a  seri- 
ous matter." 

The  Property  Man,  holding  Baby  Theodore 
aloft,  grinningly  promised. 

The  patrol  wagon  was  loaded  with  its  talented 
freight.  The  big  automobiles  moved  out,  in 
close  pursuit,  with  Black  and  his  friends  and 
other  boarders  jammed  into  the  seats. 

"Say!  Birdseed  won  in  a  walk,  Emma!"  he 
bellowed.  "Your  five  was  on  at  three  to  one." 

"An'  I  bet  ten  a  place  for  you  at  even  money 
on  Morning  Glory,  Birdie!"  called  Bob.  "He 
was  second  by  a  nose ! ' ' 

"Then  I  win  the  rent  on  the  two  of  'em!" 
screeched  the  landlady  from  the  wagon  ahead, 
'  *  'cause  I  bet  on  'em  both  I ' ' 

"What  the  dickens  did  they  do  it  for?"  Black 
demanded. 

Gladsome  yells  from  the  vaudevillians  rose  to 
the  skies.  The  Property  Man  laughed. 

"You  tell  him,  kid,"  he  urged. 

The  smallest  member  of  the  Mangles  gravely 
eyed  those  nearest  him. 

"Advertisin'  makes  thuccess,"  lisped  Baby 
Theodore.  "Pop  thays  so." 


MRS.  TRIPPIT  GETS  BACK  AT  JOHNNY 

"FuR  mercy's  sake,  Mis'  Trippit,  what's  hap- 
pened?" asked  Mrs.  de  Shine.  The  guests  were 
at  dinner,  and  between  the  buck  dancer  and  his 
wife,  who,  once  separated  by  the  divorce  courts, 
had  forgiven  each  other  and  married  again,  no 
word  had  passed.  This  was  such  a  departure 
from  the  usual  custom  of  the  pair  that  the  land- 
lady was  moved  to  comment  upon  the  silence. 

"Ast  Mr.  Trippit,"  said  the  buck  dancer's 
wife  coldly.  '  *  I  guess  he  kin  tell. ' ' 

"If  I  done  wrong  by  astin'  a  civil  question, 
the  dear  knows  I  regret  it, ' '  said  Mrs.  de  Shine 
with  hauteur.  "It  ain't  my  wish,  as  them  what 
is  acquainted  with  me  knows,  to  pry  into  fam'ly 
matters." 

Mr.  Trippit  cut  his  portion  of  steak  viciously. 
All  the  boarders  looked  at  him  expectantly. 

"She's  sore  because  I'm  goin'  on  Broadway, 
that's  all,"  he  remarked,  with  a  laudable  en- 
deavor to  appear  quite  at  ease. 

There  was  a  hum  of  surprised  comment  from 
the  table  in  general.  *  *  Broadway ! '  observed  the 


240  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Property  Man.  "Where  do  you  get  that  staff 
at!" 

Johnny  Trippit  smiled.  "It  ain't  no  fairy 
pipe,  old  pal,"  he  remarked.  "I'm  engaged  as 
special  feature  with  *  The  Artist 's  Model. '  See  ? 
I  do  my  dance  an'  play  a  part." 

Mrs.  Trippit  sniffed  scornfully.  The  landlady 
leaned  over  her  shoulder.  "Are  yuh  goin'  with 
'em,  my  dear?"  she  queried. 

"No,"  said  Mrs.  Trippit  loudly,  "I  ain't. 
John  Trippit 's  wife,  what  could  have  her  own 
act — an'  it'd  be  a  knockout  screech,  too — ain't 
classy  enough  to  be  ast  to  play  on  Broadway. 
But  it's  all  right.  It  don't  make  no  difference 
to  me." 

' '  Aw,  let  up ! "  growled  her  husband.  * '  Seems 
to  me  we  argyed  enough  about  this  gag,  ain't 
we?  You  said  onct  you  was  satisfied." 

* l  Oh,  I  'm  satisfied.  Don 't  worry  about  that, ' ' 
said  Mrs.  Trippit  bitingly.  "G'wan  an'  suit 
yourself.  I  wouldn't  care  if  you  went  in  forty 
swell  productions." 

"There  she  goes,"  began  Mr.  Trippit,  appeal- 
ing to  the  other  boarders.  "Her  an'  me  has  all 
this  fuss  once,  an'  now  she  starts  it  over  ag'in. 
Here  a  fine  offer's  made  to  git  into  the  legit,  an' 
she's  beefin'  'cause  I  take  it.  It  ain't  right." 

"Is  they  a  part  in  the  show  fur  her?"  de- 
manded the  landlady  judicially. 


MRS.  TRIPPIT  GETS  BACK       241 

Mr.  Trippit  maintained  a  sullen  silence. 

"No!"  shouted  his  wife,  so  abruptly  that 
Maizie  Montgomery,  the  singing  soubrette, 
dropped  a  pickled  beet  which  she  was  in  process 
of  conveying  to  her  ruby  lips. 

"That  ain't  no  way  to  do,"  said  the  landlady 
in  a  tone  of  rebuke.  "Ef  any  one  knows  the 
show  business,  an'  knows  it  root  an'  branch,  that 
pusson  is  me.  I've  seen  teams  split  before,  an' 
no  good  come  of  it." 

"I  always  did  say  that  he  was  the  whole  act," 
said  Henry  Bender,  of  Twister  and  Bender,  the 
acrobats,  who  were  playing  a  week  in  dear  old 
New  York  again. 

His  partner  assisted  Henry  to  another  wafer- 
like  slice  of  roast  beef  before  he  replied.  "I 
don't  see  where  you  get  that  dope  from,"  said 
he.  "Bertha  Trippit 's  a  swell  little  dancer,  but 
he's  all  the  time  hoggin'  the  center.  I  knew 
John  when  he  was  scrappin'  around  for  a  dollar. 
It  was  her  made  him." 

Opinion  differed  as  to  the  relative  profes- 
sional value  of  the  Dancing  Trippits.  Back  of 
the  scenes  of  various  vaudeville  stages  that  eve- 
ning the  news  that  Johnny  Trippit  had  been  se- 
cretly rehearsing  his  new  part  for  three  weeks, 
and  was  now  ready  to  plunge  into  musical  com- 
edy, was  discussed  exhaustively. 

His  wife  packed  her  theater  trunk  in  their 


242          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

dressing-room  on  the  Saturday  night  which 
ended  their  career  as  a  vaudeville  attraction. 
Hot  tears  dripped  from  her  blue  eyes  upon 
the  chiffon  frills  of  the  orange  gown  which  she 
had  worn  for  her  opening  song.  From  the  lively 
life  of  the  varieties  Mrs.  Trippit  must  begin  an 
enforced  retirement.  Her  husband  endeavored 
to  cheer  her  by  mention  of  the  long,  delightful 
days  of  rest  that  were  to  be  hers.  "You  kin  go 
an'  see  all  the  shows,"  he  promised.  "I  think 
you  got  a  cinch. ' ' 

"I'd  rather  be  working"  she  said  gloomily. 
"Do  you  s'pose,  after  playin'  two  shows  a  day 
for  five  years,  I  can  just  sit  down  and  do  noth- 
in'?" 

Mr.  Trippit  said  she  was  a  most  unreasonable 
woman.  On  the  opening  night  she  went  to  the 
theater  with  him.  As  he  dressed  with  another 
male  member  of  the  company  she  had  to  roam 
around,  standing  in  entrances  until  stage  hands 
or  others  crowded  her  out.  She  found  a  clear 
space  between  a  property  mantel  and  a  "set" 
rock,  used  in  the  second  act,  and  leaned  against 
the  mantel  forlornly. 

"Look  out!"  shouted  some  one.  She  dodged 
scenery  until  it  became  necessary  to  seek  an- 
other spot  in  which  to  stand.  The  chorus,  in 
spangled  green,  came  hustling  down  the  narrow 
stairs  from  their  dressing-rooms. 


MRS.  TRIPPIT  GETS  BACK       243 

No  one  knew  her,  nor  did  they  know  Johnny 
Trippit.  The  stage  manager  did. 

"Who's  this  fellow  Trippit  that's  down  for 
a  dancing  specialty?"  asked  a  slim  young  man 
in  evening  dress. 

He  was  with  the  stage  manager.  Neither  of 
them  noticed  her.  '  *  Oh,  he 's  a  hick  who 's  been 
in  vaudeville,"  answered  the  latter.  "You  can 
see  the  hay  on  him  yet,  but  he  sure  can  dance. 
A  wonder,  that's  what.  He's  got  it  on  all  o' 
them,  and  as  soon  as  we  tip  him  to  get  some 
decent-looking  clothes  made,  he'll  do." 

So  they  didn't  approve  of  Johnny's  wardrobe, 
made  by  Fourteenth  Street's  smartest  tailor? 
Mrs.  Trippit  sighed.  Then  she  looked  at  the 
slim  young  man.  There  was  about  him  a  de- 
cided air  of  class.  His  shirt  buttons  were  black 
pearls,  and  very  small.  Johnny  wore  large  eye- 
compelling  studs  of  imitation  pearl,  and  a  ring 
with  a  huge  diamond  of  disreputable  origin.  He 
had  bought  it  cheaply  from  a  man  who  preferred 
not  to  say  from  whence  it  came,  but  he  intimated 
that  had  it  been  come  by  more  honestly  the  price 
might  have  been  higher. 

The  slim  man  wore  no  diamond  ring.  Johnny 
also  sported  another  neat  ring.  It  bore  a  large 
black  onyx  shield,  on  which,  in  diamond 
' '  chips,  "was  the  letter  "  T. "  The  Trippits  ad- 
mired this  ring  greatly. 


244  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Speculating  upon  the  stranger's  attire,  Mrs. 
Trippit  began  to  ponder  certain  matters.  Pos- 
sibly Johnny's  display  of  mineral  wealth  was 
too  profuse  to  accord  with  strict  good  taste. 

"Will  you  not  permit  me  to  offer  you  a 
chair?"  asked  the  young  man.  "I  can  find  one 
at  once." 

Mrs.  Trippit  started  when  she  realized  that  he 
was  addressing  her.  It  was  the  first  note  of 
friendliness  which  she  had  met  there.  Before 
she  could  answer  he  disappeared,  returning  in 
a  moment  with  a  chair. 

"Please  do,"  he  said,  smiling. 

' '  Thank  you  ever  so  much, ' '  she  returned  po- 
litely. The  stage  manager,  after  a  brief  ab- 
sence, returned,  and  seeing  her  in  the  first  en- 
trance was  about  to  inform  Mrs.  Trippit  that 
visitors,  especially  on  a  premiere,  must  not  im- 
pede the  way  of  art. 

"It's  a  friend  of  mine,"  remarked  the  young 
man. 

"Oh!"  said  the  stage  manager  expressively. 

Johnny  was  on  but  once  in  the  first  act,  and 
he  was  very  nervous,  so  much  so  that  when  she 
greeted  him  as  he  came  off  he  passed  by  unheed- 
ing. In  the  second  act  he  had  a  song,  with  the 
chorus  and  the  Six  Imperial  Show  Girls  assist- 
ing. 

iWhen    Johnny    got    the    stage    alone,    his 


MRS.  TRIPPIT  GETS  BACK       245 

"spesh"  once  begun,  he  forgot  that  a  sated 
Broadway  audience  watched.  As  the  familiar 
melody  to  which  he  danced  his  famous  "wooden 
shoe  buck"  reached  her  ears  his  wife's  heart 
leaped.  She  knew  just  at  what  instant  they 
would  applaud,  and  whereas  once  she  might 
have  glided  on,  snatched  up  her  fluffy  skirts,  and 
finished  the  act  with  him,  to-night  she  must  look 
on,  a  mere  spectator  of  his  triumph. 

There  was  a  buzz  of  approbation  and  a  furious 
clapping.  Those  on  the  stage  murmured  praises. 

"Didn't  I  tell  you?"  asked  the  stage  manager 
of  the  slim  young  man. 

Johnny  took  his  encores,  trying  to  hide  his 
gratification.  There  were  many  vaudeville  top- 
liners  in  front.  Every  performer  not  working 
that  week  had  come  to  watch  his  debut. 

"Johnny!"  exclaimed  his  wife  sharply,  as  he 
started  for  his  dressing-room.  A  statuesque 
creature  in  a  pink  gown,  wondrously  molded  to 
her  curves,  had  laid  a  hand  upon  his  sleeve. 
Mrs.  Trippit  saw  the  little  cloud  of  powder  left 
upon  the  black  of  his  coat. 

"You  were  splendid!"  said  the  pink  lady  en- 
thusiastically. "Fine  for  you!  Mr.  Brooks 
wants  you  to  come  to  the  supper  afterward. 
[Will  you — for  me?" 

"You  bet  I  will!"  he  replied,  with  unre- 
strained fervor. 


246          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Mrs.  Trippit  shrank  back  so  that  he  might  not 
see  her,  grinding  her  pretty  little  teeth.  "The 
pig ! ' '  she  hissed.  '  *  Pig !  pig !  pig ! ' ' 

She  hated  all  of  them,  and  Johnny  Trippit 's 
pink  admirer  more  than  any  one. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  was  helping  the  slavey  impart 
flea  powder  to  Fido,  the  poodle,  as  Mrs.  Trippit 
entered  the  hall  of  the  boarding-house. 

1 1  Hearings !  What 's  wrong  ? '  cried  the  land- 
lady shrilly. 

Mrs.  Trippit  flung  herself,  a  sobbing  heap  of 
furs  and  silks  and  picture-hat,  upon  the  stairs. 
Burrowing  her  face  in  the  prickly  carpet,  she 
wept  out  her  woe. 

"Susy,  git  some  booze  this  instant!"  com- 
manded Mrs.  de  Shine  authoritatively.  "The 
blame  show's  been  a  frost,  or  he  crabbed  the 
hull  thing.  Now  yuh  see  ef  I  ain't  right.  It'd 
be  jest  like  John  Trippit  to  ruing  the  hull  af- 
fair." 

The  amiable  Susy  dashed  into  the  landlady's 
boudoir.  "Gimme  a  swig,  too,"  said  her  em- 
ployer. "The  sight  of  pore  Berther  takin'  on 
so  has  jest  upset  me  dretful." 

Gently  they  raised  Mrs.  Trippit.  "An'  was 
he  a  frost,  my  dear?"  queried  the  landlady. 
"Take  the  licker;  it'll  do  yuh  a  world  o'  good." 


MRS.  TR1PPIT  GETS  BACK       247 

' '  Frost ! ' '  wailed  the  sufferer.  < '  The  lobster 
was  a  hit!" 

Susy  nodded  to  her  mistress.  The  latter  re- 
turned a  glance  which  said  plainly  that  some- 
thing was  very,  very  wrong. 

Having  gulped  down  the  invigorating  whisky, 
Mrs.  Trippit  righted  her  hat,  settled  her  skirts, 
and  sat  comfortably  upon  the  first  step  of  the 
stairs.  Mrs.  de  Shine  and  Susy  gathered  about 
her. 

"He  was  the  big  scream  of  the  piece,"  she  be- 
gan slowly.  "Tuck  six  bows.  An'  he's  won 
out  the  leadin'  woman,  too!  Oh!  it's  great  to 
be  on  Broadway  and  forget  your  own  wife,  Mis ' 
de  Shine!" 

"What'd  he  do!"  The  listeners  spoke  to- 
gether. 

She  told  of  the  pink  person,  and  how  Johnny 
had  ignored  her. 

' '  Berther,  ef  yuh  let  him  git  away  with  them 
plays  yuh  ain't  the  womin  I  think  you  are," 
advised  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "Them  uptown  hussies 
has  turned  his  head,  that's  all.  An'  he  never 
was  strong  on  hoss  sense." 

"That's  true,  an'  no  mistake,"  said  Mrs. 
Trippit  dejectedly. 

"Yer  place,"  continued  Mrs.  de  Shine,  "is 
by  his  side  at  their  bum  old  supper.  But  don 't 
yuh  care.  Wait '11 1  git  out  my  dimings  an'  slap 


248          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

on  my  pompadour,  an'  us  gells  will  jest  go  up 
to  Churchill's  an'  have  a  supper  of  our  own." 

"I  feel  too  mean  to  go  anywhere,"  sobbed 
Mrs.  Trippit.  She  could  not  be  persuaded  to 
join  the  expedition,  so  the  three  ladies  made  tea, 
and  over  it,  with  a  plate  of  sandwiches  flanked 
by  a  pie,  they  spoke  of  the  dangers  of  musical 
comedy,  and  of  Johnny.  Out  of  the  drear  recol- 
lections of  the  night  Mrs.  Trippit  was  enabled 
to  pluck  forth  one  pleasant  incident,  in  which 
the  slim  young  man  figured. 

"Yuh  should  have  copped  him  out,"  declared 
the  landlady,  "an*  I  guess  yuh  could  quick 
enough,  with  yer  face  an '  figger.  Them  Broad- 
way dames  ain't  got  nothin'  on  yuh  at  no  time, 
my  dear." 

The  last  boarder  had  clumped  up  the  creaking 
stairway  when  Johnny  Trippit  got  out  of  a  cab 
at  the  door  of  the  Maison  de  Shine.  He  stag- 
gered as  he  set  a  course  for  the  steps,  but  that 
he  still  retained  somewhat  of  discretion  was  evi- 
denced when  he  searched  carefully  in  all  his 
pockets,  bringing  forth  at  last  a  lady's  long 
white  glove,  which  he  dropped  into  a  soot-crust- 
ed bank  of  snow  with  a  low  chuckle. 

' '  Wunnerf ul  woman ! "  he  said,  holding  to  the 
knob  for  support.  * '  Wunnerf  ul ! ' '  And  it  need 


MRS.  TRIPPIT  GETS  BACK       249 

not  be  inferred  that  it  was  of  Mrs.  Trippit  that 
he  muttered. 

There  was  a  chill  silence  as  he  stumbled  up- 
ward, once  inside  the  house.  The  door  of  his 
room  was  locked.  Mrs.  Trippit,  who  had  been 
weeping  into  a  writing-desk,  admitted  him.  Her 
hair  was  not  in  curl-papers,  as  usual.  She  had 
decided  that  as  Mr.  Trippit  and  herself  were 
no  longer  so  closely  associated  as  of  yore,  it 
were  undignified  to  appear  before  him  in  such 
a  frank  state  of  undress.  Therefore,  her  brown 
hair  was  waved,  and  coiled  at  the  top  of  her 
head. 

"What  do  you  want?"  she  inquired  harshly. 

"Wanner  go  t 'sleep,"  said  Johnny  sociably. 
"Wha's  madder?" 

Not  a  word  of  her,  or  how  she  had  arrived 
home !  Although  aware  of  the  absolute  futility 
of  wasting  speech  upon  a  vineleaf-crowned  hus- 
band, she  raised  her  voice  and  conversed  with 
such  strength  and  fluency  that  even  if  Johnny 
disregarded  it,  the  Omaha  Comedy  Four,  near 
by,  could  hear  every  word,  and  that  consoled 
a  bit. 

The  tale  of  Johnny's  misconduct  was  carried 
hither  and  thither  throughout  the  establishment 
before  breakfast  next  morning.  The  slavey 
eagerly  prattled  of  Mrs.  Trippit«s  lonely  home- 
coming, and  the  subsequent  arrival  of  Johnny 


250          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

in  a  shocking  condition.  The  pair  treated  each 
other  with  distant  courtesy.  Mrs.  Trippit  was 
pale  and  cold,  while  Johnny  wore  an  air  of  pre- 
tended gaiety  as  he  tried  to  eat. 

Although  it  had  seemed,  with  the  crowded 
house  and  the  cordial  welcome,  that  "The  Art- 
ist's Model"  was  a  success,  the  newspapers 
gave  it  scant  consideration.  The  dancing  of 
Johnny  Trippit  was  commended,  but  the  learned 
gentlemen  who  wrote  of  the  production  re- 
marked that  one  bright  spot  was  not  sufficient  to 
carry  a  show.  Mrs.  Trippit  had  watched  her 
Johnny  snatch  at  the  papers  when  Susy  brought 
them,  by  request,  to  his  couch,  but  she  refrained 
from  displaying  the  slightest  interest  in  the  cri- 
tiques. 

"Gee!    They  roast  it!"  he  groaned. 

' '  Well,  it 's  nothin  'tome!"  she  retorted.  ' '  I 
don't  care.  Tell  your  troubles  to  your  lady 
friend. ' ' 

The  Trippits  clashed  again.  Johnny  had  been 
pondering  as  to  what  he  might  safely  say  to  es- 
tablish himself  on  a  friendly  footing  once  more. 
1 1  When  I  seen  that  you  'd  went  home  I  got  sore, ' ' 
said  he,  "and  that's  why  I  went  to  supper  with 
the  backer  and  that  mob.  Honest,  dearie,  it 
was." 

Mrs.  Trippit  laughed  contemptuously.  "In- 
deed?" she  responded.  "You  wasn't  frettin' 


MRS.  TEIPPIT  GETS  BACK       251 

much  over  me  when  that  minx  was  pawin'  at 
your  arm!" 

He  subsided.  His  worst  surmises  were  cor- 
rect, for  she  had  apparently  seen  the  glorious 
vision  which  had  appealed  so  irresistibly  to  him. 
"You're  talkin'  foolish!"  he  exclaimed  boldly. 

Mrs.  Trippit  arose,  walked  over  to  where  he 
sat,  upon  their  hotel  trunk,  and  slapped  his  face 
with  violence.  "Take  that,  you  lyin'  beast!" 
she  shouted,  and  burst  into  tears  of  pique  and 
wretchedness. 

If  she  would  but  let  the  matter  rest  at  chastis- 
ing him  thus,  he  felt  he  was  escaping  easily,  and 
Mr.  Trippit  could  not  strike  a  lady  had  he  de- 
sired to  do  so.  "All  right,  sweetie,"  said  he 
peaceably.  "Just  as  you  say." 

"Don't  call  me  no  pet  names !"  threatened  his 
wife.  ' '  Keep  them  for  your  Broadway  actresses. 
I  don't  want  to  hear  'em!" 

Mrs.  de  Shine  declined  to  notice  Johnny  at 
all.  She  eyed  him  coldly,  treating  Ms  wife, 
meanwhile,  with  exaggerated  politeness.  Dur- 
ing the  day  the  angel,  the  manager  and  the  sev- 
enteen men  whose  names  were  upon  the  program 
as  co-authors  and  composers  of  the  musical 
comedy,  foregathered  and  made  plans  toward 
the  bolstering  up  of  it.  It  was  too  long,  and  it 
dragged  at  intervals. 

Some  bright  new  "business"  was  needed  and 


252          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

the  cutting  out  of  two  songs  must  follow.  They 
were  sure  it  could  be  whacked  into  shape  for  a 
long  run.  There  was  an  all-night  rehearsal 
after  the  regular  performance  Tuesday  night. 
Mrs.  Trippit  sat  in  a  box  with  the  slim  young 
man,  to  look  on,  when  the  audience  had  filed  out. 
"Are  you  not  Mrs.  Trippit?"  he  inquired. 

Then  he  introduced  himself.  He  was  Mr. 
Brooks.  She  was  unable  to  place  him  in  her 
mind,  although  Johnny  had  mentioned  a  Brooks 
once  or  twice. 

"What  do  you  think  of  it?"  he  asked. 

"That  leadin'  woman  ought  to  be  canned,  first 
of  all, ' '  she  said.  ' '  She  has  no  magnetism,  and 
she  can't  sing." 

"But  pretty,  eh?"  he  put  in. 

Mrs.  Trippit  giggled.  It  was  a  relief  to  be 
able  to  speak  about  the  pink  person.  "  I  Ve  seen 
burlesques  that  wouldn't  give  her  a  job  in  the 
back  row,"  she  said.  "And  look  at  the  salary 
list  these  people  have!  They  couldn't  win  out 
if  it  was  a  hit ! " 

Mr.  Brooks  discoursed  at  length  upon  the 
show  business,  marveling  at  her  intimate  knowl- 
edge of  it.  "It's  a  pity  you  never  went  on  the 
stage  yourself,"  he  remarked. 

"Me?"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Trippit.  "I've  been 
in  the  business  seven  years!  Two  playin'  sou- 
brette  parts  in  John  G.  Dusenberry's  Palace 


MRS.  TR1PP1T  GETS  BACK        253 

Theater  Stack  in  Seattle,  an'  five  in  vodeville. 
Didn't  you  ever  hear  of  the  Dancin'  Trippits?" 

"No,"  answered  Mr.  Brooks  humbly,  "I  nev- 
er did.  And  you  dance,  also?" 

"I'm  just  as  good  a  dancer  as  John  Trippit 
ever  dared  to  be !"  she  said.  "But,  say !  where 
do  you  come  in  on  this  thing?  I'm  mixed  about 
you." 

"I'm  rather  confused  myself,"  confessed  Mr. 
Brooks  sadly,  "but  if  you  put  me  down  as  the 
angel  I  think  that's  my  title  around  here." 

And  then  Mr.  Brooks  was  certain  that  she 
must  be  hungry.  Why  couldn't  they  go  out  and 
get  a  little  supper  while  the  actors  worked? 
Mrs.  Trippit  accepted,  and  for  the  first  time  in 
her  existence  she  rode  in  a  private  automobile 
and  supped  in  a  smart  Long  Acre  Square  restau- 
rant. Fourteenth  Street  seemed  afar  back  as 
she  returned  the  angel's  glances  across  the  ta- 
ble. There  was  champagne  and  a  supply  of 
dainties  which  she  ate  with  pleasure. 

With  the  third  glass  of  wine  she  told  him 
about  Johnny  and  the  pink  woman.  The  angel 
laughed  merrily.  "Let  'em  both  go,  little  one," 
he  said.  "Why,  I  only  put  the  show  out  to 
gratify  her  whim,  and  she's  a  sad  affair.  I'm 
going  to  give  the  lot  their  two  weeks'  notice,  be- 
cause I'm  sick  of  it  all." 

Mrs.  Trippit  stared  at  him.    "Honest,  are 


254          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

you  I ' '  she  queried.  Mr.  Brooks  did  not  answer. 
He  was  intent  upon  something  else.  "I  think 
you  Ve  got  the  sweetest  eyes  I  ever  looked  into," 
he  whispered.  Mrs.  Trippit  blushed.  She  was 
beginning  to  like  Broadway. 

The  affair  of  Johnny  Trippit  and  the  leading 
woman  was  the  gossip  of  the  Maison  de  Shine. 
Mrs.  Trippit  left  him  and  took  apartments  in 
an  uptown  hotel.  A  charming  auto  brougham 
waited  for  her  at  the  ladies '  entrance  each  day. 
She  seemed  very  busy  visiting  music  publishers 
for  new  songs  and  consulting  with  stage  man- 
agers and  others.  Mr.  Brooks  was  present  at 
all  interviews.  He  bought  the  rights  of  a  new 
comedy,  "with  musical  interpolations,"  and 
gleefully  reported  his  purchase  to  Mrs.  Trip- 
pit. 

"You'll  make  'em  sit  up.  It's  got  just  the 
part  for  you — not  too  much  for  you  to  handle," 
he  observed. 

Mrs.  Trippit  had  finished  dinner  on  the  same 
evening  when  Mr.  Trippit 's  card  came  up.  Al- 
though but  ten  days  from  his  side,  she  shuddered 
as  she  gazed  at  his  hopelessly  vaudeville  card, 
"John  Trippit,  champion  wooden  shoe  buck 
dancer. ' ' 

"Tell  the  person,"  she  said  with  dignity,  "to 
come  up. ' ' 


MRS.  TRIPPIT  GETS  BACK        255 

She  leaned  back  in  a  luxurious  chair.  It  was 
pleasanter  here  than  in  the  actors'  boarding- 
house. 

''Hello,  kid!"  said  Johnny,  entering  hur- 
riedly. 

His  wife  waved  him  a  languid  greeting.  "Do 
sit  down, ' '  she  said  coolly.  '  *  What  is  it  1 " 

"Oh,  I  been  a  darn  fool!"  said  he  bitterly. 
"I  s'pose  you  know  the  show's  closin'.  So  it's 
back  to  vodeville.  I  don't  understand  how 
you're  puttin'  on  all  this  dog,  but  what's  the 
use  of  us  keepin'  it  up?  I  kin  git  a  year's  solid 
bookin '  fur  us  in  vodeville. ' ' 

"That's  nice,"  commented  Mrs.  Trippit  af- 
fably. 

"But  I  want  you  in  the  act,"  he  proceeded, 
growing  more  hopeful.  "Why,  say !  I  can't  get 
along  without  my  little  gal ! ' ' 

"Why  don't  you  get  the  leadin'  woman  fer  a 
partner?" 

"She  can't  dance!"  he  said.  "She  don't  be- 
long beside  of  you !  Come  on  an'  be  friends. ' ' 

Mrs.  Trippit  got  up,  gracefully  trailing  her 
silken  skirts.  "I'm  going  out  at  the  head  of 
my  own  comp'ny  in  two  weeks,"  she  said  dis- 
tinctly, " so  I  can't  accept.  You  see,  I  Ve  signed 
a  contract  with  Mr.  Brooks.  Good-evenin'!" 

Johnny  Trippit 's  mouth  opened  in  astonish- 


256          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

merit.    "So  you  busted  us  and  nailed  the  an- 
gel!" he  gasped. 

Mrs.  Trippit  opened  the  door  for  him.  "You 
always  were  good  at  guessin',"  she  said. 
"That's  what  I  did!" 


THE  DANCING  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM 

' '  MINERVA,  where  are  you  going  f ' '  Mrs.  Man- 
gle, mother  of  the  Child  Wonder,  grasped  her 
pride  and  joy  by  the  rearmost  pleat  of  the  lat- 
ter's  red  gown. 

Little  Minnie  Mangle  reluctantly  halted. 
"Answer  me!"  admonished  Mrs.  Mangle. 
"What  are  you  hiding  under  your  jacket, 
miss?" 

She  struck  a  sharp  blow  upon  the  Wonder 's 
stomach.  A  hollow,  tinny  sound  resulted,  and 
Mrs.  Mangle  drew  forth  a  bucket,  while  Minnie 
bawled  lustily. 

"It's  Mista  Johnson's  growler,  mommer," 
she  sobbed.  "He's  to  gimme  a  nickel  fer  fillin' 
it!" 

Her  parent  hurled  the  pail  to  the  floor,  just 
as  the  landlady  of  the  Maison  de  Shine,  attract- 
ed by  the  noise,  issued  from  her  own  chamber. 
They  were  in  the  entrance  hall. 

"What  on  earth  is  comin'  off?"  demanded 
Mrs.  de  Shine.  She  saw  the  growler  as  she 
spoke. 

357 


258  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"It's  a  fine  thing  if  my  infant  child  must  be 
initiated  into  sinful  practices  by  your  disgusting 
boarders ! ' '  cried  Mrs.  Mangle.  ' '  Are  you  aware 
that  those  ruffians  on  the  third  floor  have  bribed 
her  to  go  to  saloons  for  them?" 

"Pop's  up  there,  too!"  said  Minnie  muti- 
nously. "He  said  I  could  go,  so  there!  Leggo 
my  arm,  mommer !  You  hurt  me ! " 

"I  overlook  yer  harsh  words,  Mis'  Mangle," 
said  the  landlady,  "realizin'  that  Heaving 
knows  yuh  got  provocation.  Now,  that  carous- 
in  's  a-goin '  to  stop,  an '  imme jut,  too.  Susy ! ' ' 

"Ma'am?"  returned  Susy,  the  slavey,  appear- 
ing from  the  dining-room. 

"G'wan  up  to  seventeen,"  said  her  mistress, 
"an'  inform  the  Omaha  Comedy  Four  that 
either  they  cut  out  their  disgraceful  actions 
or  leave  this  house,  an'  that  this  ain't  no  kid." 

"I  was  there  onct,  an'  they  cussed  at  me," 
remarked  Susy.  "I'm  scared  to  keep  knockin' 
on  the  door  after  the  awful  way  they  yelled  last 
time. ' ' 

Mrs.  de  Shine  whistled  to  Fido,  her  beloved 
white  poodle.  She  raised  her  skirts,  displaying 
considerable  of  a  pair  of  stout  legs,  covered  by 
stockings  smartly  striped  in  black  and  yellow. 

"They'll  quit  when  I  git  there,"  she  said 
loudly,  "or  I'll  have  a  coupla  cops  in  here  to 
help  quell  'em.  Folia  me,  Susy,  an'  bring  yer 


THE  TR1PPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    259 

broom!  Wait!  Where's  the  mop?  I  may 
need  it." 

Mrs.  Mangle,  holding  Minnie,  watched  the 
landlady  as  she  slowly  progressed  up  the  stairs. 
Susy  went  after  her,  carrying  a  broom.  It  was 
seven  o'clock,  and  dinner  was  over,  for  the 
vaudeville  performers  who  resided  in  the  house 
must  reach  the  theaters  at  which  they  played 
at  an  early  hour. 

All  day  a  merry  company  had  foregathered 
in  room  seventeen.  The  Mangles  Four  were  ap- 
pearing at  a  Fourteenth  Street  "continuous" 
house.  Mr.  Mangle  had  contributed  his  part  to 
the  comedy  act  which  the  family  presented  twice 
a  day.  At  nine  they  were  again  due  to  delight 
the  public.  Since  reaching  his  home  Mr.  Mangle 
had  remained  immured  in  the  midst  of  the  aban- 
doned Omaha  Comedy  Four.  They  were  ' '  rest- 
ing" for  the  week,  hence  they  had  leisure  to  in- 
dulge in  vinous  pleasures. 

Outside  the  door  of  seventeen,  on  the  third 
floor,  a  trembling,  auburn-haired  damsel  in  a 
green  kimono  stood.  It  was  Bertine  Mulliga- 
tawny, of  the  Jolly  Blonde  Divorcees  Burlesque 
Company. 

Her  fiance,  J.  Mclntyre  Mugg,  second  tenor 
of  the  quartet,  was  inside  among  the  revelers. 
At  the  moment  he  was  caroling  that  beautiful 
ballad,  "Love  Me  and  the  World  Is  Mine." 


260  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Oh,  Heavings!"  said  Bertine,  sighting  the 
warlike  countenance  of  the  landlady,  "listen  to 
Mac!  His  pipes '11  be  ruined  singin'  in  all  that 
smoke,  an'  he  can't  stand  more'n  two  drinks 
without  goin' bug!  Oh !  what  shall  I  do  I  He's 
got  a  manager  to  see  in  the  mornin'  too !" 

"Stand  aside,  Bertine!"  ordered  Mrs.  de 
Shine. 

She  advanced  upon  seventeen,  dealing  the 
door  panel  a  blow  with  the  mop  handle. 

"It's  the  kid  with  the  beer,"  said  a  voice. 
The  door  opened  and  J.  Mclntyre,  the  singer, 
looked  out. 

"Mac,  come  away!  Don't  you  love  me  any 
more  ? ' '  pleaded  the  excited  burlesque  lady. 

"Yuh  let  me  in!"  shouted  Mrs.  de  Shine. 
"Whadda  yuh  gents  think  this  here  place  is? 
Yuh  kin  carry  on  like  this  in  some  low  honka- 
tonk,  but  not  in  the  refined  home  of  Maggie  de 
Shine!" 

"Aw,  beat  it  before  the  stairs  get  slippery!" 
replied  Mr.  J.  Mclntyre  Mugg  coarsely.  *  *  We  '11 
do  as  we  like !  We  paid  in  advance !" 

He  slammed  the  door. 

Again  his  voice  soared  forth.  Miss  Mulliga- 
tawny leaned  upon  the  stair-rail,  weeping  for- 
lornly. Mrs.  de  Shine  beat  upon  the  door. 

1 1  Yuh  did,  eh  I "  she  called.  ' '  Mebbe  yuh  think 


THE  TEIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    261 

I'll  stand  fur  this  here  kind  o'  impidence !  Well, 
I  won 't !  Unlock  that  door,  yuh  loafers ! ' ' 

Susy  whispered  to  her  chief. 

" That's  a  darned  good  ideer,"  said  the  land- 
lady. "Go  find  Mista  Johnson.  He'll  make 
that  there  mob  behave,  an'  it  won't  take  him 
long  to  do  it.  Thank  mercy  yuh  thought  of  it, 
Susy!" 

Mrs.  Mangle*  had  arrived  at  the  third  floor, 
lured  on  by  lively  curiosity. 

"But  he's  in  there,  too!"  she  exclaimed. 
"Just  fancy!" 

Suddenly  the  door  knob  rattled.  A  gust  of 
cigarette  smoke  blew  into  the  faces  of  the  ladies. 
The  Property  Man,  holding  to  the  inner  knob, 
observed  them,  grinning  cheerfully.  His  face 
was  strangely  flushed. 

* '  Whusher  wan '  ? "  he  asked  gravely. 

'  *  Tell  my  husband  to  come  out  to  his  wife  and 
babes,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  controlling  her  emo- 
tion by  a  noble  effort. 

"Whud  you  do  wish  the  beer!"  he  queried. 
"Whusher  kid  doin'  with  the  bucket?" 

"Mista  Johnson,  are  yuh  a  man  or  a  mouse, 
that  yuh  kin  stand  there  conversin'  in  sech  a 
dretful  fashing?"  cried  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "Never 
did  I  think  to  see  the  day  when  yuh  would  face 
me  in  this  condition!" 

"Whud  you  do  with  the  suds?"  repeated  the 


262  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Property  Man.  Mr.  Mangle's  head  peeped  out 
from  behind  his  shoulder. 

1 '  William ! ' '  screamed  Mrs.  Mangle.  ' '  I  want 
you!" 

"Go  out  an'  hand  her  one  while  you  got  your 
nerve  up,  Mangle!"  came  in  chorus  from  the 
room. 

Mrs.  Mangle,  being  gifted  with  extraordinary 
conversational  powers,  which  she  exercised  too 
frequently  for  the  general  peace,  was  not  overly 
popular  among  the  male  boarders.  Mr.  Mangle, 
whose  mind  failed  to  work  with  sufficient  rapid- 
ity to  enable  him  to  think  of  stinging  replies  to 
her  attacks,  found  solace  in  narrating  his 
wrongs  to  his  friends.  Their  party  had  been 
organized  with  a  definite  object. 

When  he  seemed  brave  enough  from  many  po- 
tations, he  was  to  descend  upon  his  life  part- 
ner and  "get  hunk,"  as  the  Property  Man 
phrased  it,  for  the  myriad  indignities  he  had 
suffered.  A  store  of  various  liquors  was  under 
Mr.  Mclntyre's  bed.  The  beer  was  merely  to 
add  variety  to  the  liquid  menu.  It  had  not  come. 
Therefore  they  would  drink  whisky. 

Silently  the  Property  Man  shut  out  the  an- 
gered females.  The  tumult  inside  began  with 
renewed  vigor. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  called  a  council.  "Rully,  I'm 
that  upset  I  kinnot  think  straight,"  she  said. 


THE  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    263 

"Now,  they  ain't  no  man  with  enough  sand  to 
tackle  them  dawgs  but  Johnny  Trippit,  an'  he's 
went  out." 

' '  But  if  William  does  not  do  his  turn  to-night 
we'll  be  canceled,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle.  "Oh, 
what  shall  we  do?" 

They  sorrowfully  descended  to  the  lower  hall. 
Little  Minnie  was  not  there,  but  no  one  noticed 
her  absence,  so  engrossed  were  all  of  them  in  a 
discussion  of  ways  and  means.  Craftily  the 
Child  Wonder,  bearing  a  pail,  foam-topped, 
crept  up  the  stairs,  having  successfully  skirted 
the  backs  of  her  mother  and  the  landlady. 

Room  seventeen  greeted  Minnie  with  ap- 
plause. Mr.  Mangle  had  reached  a  point  where 
he  was  easily  affected.  He  wiped  a  tear  from 
his  eye  as  his  daughter  delivered  the  growler 
and  collected  her  nickel. 

"Ain't  she  a  world  beater?"  he  queried. 
"Grandest  kid  that  was  ever  born.  She'll  be 
headin'  her  own  comp'ny  some  day,  gents." 

"I'm  the  hull  act  now,  ain't  I,  pop?"  said 
little  Minnie.  "Mommer  an'  him  an'  Teddy 
couldn't  git  no  bookin'  if  I  wasn't  in  the  act." 

At  8.10  Mrs.  Mangle,  having  vainly  endeav- 
ored to  bring  forth  the  recreant  Mangle,  went 
to  the  theater,  accompanied  by  her  offspring. 

In  place  of  the  "clown"  turn  proffered  by  her 
father  Minnie  gave  her  imitation  of  Richard 


264          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Mansfield,  while  Mrs.  Mangle  furnished  three 
selections  on  the  saxophone  instead  of  the  one 
she  usually  played.  Baby  Theodore  performed 
his  dance. 

"Well,  we  took  three  bows,  and  I  fail  to  see 
that  your  father  not  being  in  the  act  lost  us  as 
much  as  one  hand,"  observed  Mrs.  Mangle. 
''He'd  better  have  a  care.  We  can  play  our 
dates  without  him." 

"Pop's  a  reg'lar  stew,  ain't  he?"  said  little 
Minnie  brightly.  "I  hearn  one  o'  the  Dancin' 
Davises  say  he  bet  pop  'd  drink  gas  'lene.  Would 
he,  mommer?" 

"Minerva,  be  silent,"  said  her  mother,  "and 
in  future  do  not  converse  about  your  father  with 
any  person. ' ' 

They  returned  to  the  boarding-house.  The 
hall  was  full  of  vaudevillians.  Mrs.  de  Shine, 
her  hair  in  curl-papers,  begged  her  paying 
guests  to  assist  her  in  restoring  order  to  the 
place. 

The  racket  on  the  third  floor  continued.  It 
was  suggested  by  Mabel  Morphine,  of  the  Six 
Musical  Morphines,  that  a  committee  should  be 
appointed  to  reason  with  the  drunkards. 

"They're  doin'  buck  dances  an'  singin',  an' 
it's  been  kep'  up  since  early  afternoon,"  de- 
clared Mrs.  de  Shine.  "I  jest  dunno  what  to 
do." 


THE  TRIPP1TS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    265 

" Here's  Johnny  Trippit!" 

The  buck  dancer  came  in.  He  was  invited 
to  invade  seventeen  and  to  do  what  he  might  to 
bring  the  quartet  and  their  friends  to  their 
senses. 

Mrs.  Mangle  had  been  growing  more  wrath- 
ful as  she  reflected  upon  her  woes.  She  an- 
nounced that  she  would  go  with  Mr.  Trippit  and 
drag  Mr.  Mangle  out  by  the  hair,  if  necessary. 
The  buck  dancer  displayed  a  gratifying  degree 
of  eagerness. 

"Leave  it  to  me,  gals,"  he  said.  "I'm  the 
fixin'  kid.  I'll  bust  the  gang  up.  They're  prob- 
ably ready  to  cut  it  out  now." 

Hopefully  they  saw  him  go.  Twenty  minutes 
slipped  away,  and  he  did  not  reappear. 

"They're  making  him  drink!  Oh,  the 
wretches !"  said  Mrs.  Mangle.  She  bounded  up 
the  stairs,  stepping  on  Fido  in  her  angry  haste. 

"You  come  out  here  before  I  go  in  after  you, 
Bill  Mangle!"  she  screeched.  "Do  you  hear 
me?" 

Mr.  Mangle  joined  her.  He  was  disheveled 
and  mottled  of  face. 

"Well?"  he  said  heavily. 

"You  wretch!"  retorted  his  wife  bitterly. 
"Oh,  you  loathsome,  drunken  brute!" 

"At  it  again,  are  you!"  said  he. 

"Go  on,  Bill!    Be  game!"  came  from  seven- 


266          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

teen.  The  encouragement  was  all  that  Mr.  Man- 
gle needed. 

"G'wan  to  bed,  before  I  wallop  you!"  he 
roared.  "I've  had  enough  o'  bein'  bullyragged 
by  you ! ' ' 

4 'Why  don't  you  strike  me,  you  coward?"  she 
inquired. 

"Well,  I  guess  I  will,"  said  he,  and  with  a 
sure  aim  he  slapped  her  cheek.  Those  gathered 
below  heard  the  smack  and  Mrs.  Mangle 's  shriek 
at  its  reception. 

"Don't  kill  me,  Willie!" 

"Vamoose,  an'  don't  bother  me  none,  or  I'll 
hurt  you  some  more!"  menaced  Mr.  Mangle. 
"They  ain't  no  skirt  goin'  to  come  hollerin' 
'round  me  to-night,  an'  don't  you  furgit  it. 
Hey!" 

"Yes,  dear,"  replied  Mrs.  Mangle,  trembling. 

'  *  Send  the  kid  up.  She 's  gotta  git  some  beer, ' ' 
said  he  authoritatively. 

Little  Minnie  resumed  her  duties  as  courrier 
des  bois,  pouching  a  gratuity  of  silver  with  glee, 
but  at  the  bottom  of  the  stairs  her  maternal 
parent,  bearing  a  serviceable  slipper  in  one 
hand,  awaited  her,  the  latter  having  hurriedly 
descended  before  Mr.  Mangle  got  down  to  a  real 
war  basis. 

Mrs.  de  Shine,  Fido  clasped  in  her  arms, 
moaned  through  the  halls  like  a  mournful  phan- 


THE  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    267 

torn.  With  Johnny  Trippit  among  the  enemy, 
the  ladies  were  bereft  indeed.  No  champion  re- 
mained to  them. 

"Bertine,  whadda  yuh  think  about  callin'  a 
coupla  good  strong  bulls  an'  fixin'  this  outfit?" 
she  inquired,  coming  upon  a  group  of  female 
boarders  where  they  were  huddled  together. 

Miss  Mulligatawny  was  a  woman  of  much  re- 
source, usually,  but  the  rude  repulse  by  her  be- 
loved had  saddened  her  greatly. 

"Don't  you  see  that  we  can't  do  that?"  she 
argued  spiritlessly;  ''they'll  all  be  sober  to- 
morrow, and  if  the  cops  come  in  they'll  be 
pinched  sure.  Oh,  it'd  be  a  terrible  scandal,  and 
no  matter  with  what  cruelty  Mclntyre  has  treat- 
ed me  I  cannot  steel  my  heart  against  him." 

"The  dear  knows  we  all  got  sumpin'  to  bear, 
us  pore  wimeng,"  said  Mrs.  de  Shine;  "that 
Trippit 's  a  devil  when  he  gits  lit  up,  an'  I  ain't 
got  a  doubt  in  my  mind  but  what  he'll  jest  put 
'em  up  to  fresh  deviltry." 

There  was  silence,  for  the  minds  of  all  were 
busily  engaged  in  reflecting  upon  what  the  roys- 
terers  above  might  do.  "He'd  set  fire  to  the 
house  in  a  second,"  said  Mabel  Morphine,  of 
the  Musical  Morphines,  "Trippit  would." 

Something  came  bumping  down  the  stairs  to- 
ward them.  It  was  an  empty  bottle,  and  it  lit 
upon  Mrs.  de  Shine's  foot,  causing  her  to  send 


268          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

forth  a  cry  of  pain.  Another  followed  it,  hurled 
by  the  unsteady  hand  of  J.  Mclntyre  Mugg,  who, 
with  wild  laughter,  offered  to  lick  any  lady  in 
the  bunch  if  she  would  but  venture  into  close 
proximity. 

On  the  fourth  floor  two  sister  teams  were  ma- 
rooned, afraid  to  dash  past  the  door  of  seven- 
teen, and  equally  timid  about  staying  where  they 
were.  They  must  be  rescued. 

The  door  bell  rang. 

"Who  kin  it  be?"  wondered  the  landlady. 
"Everybody's  got  keys,  ain't  they,  Susy?" 

The  slavey  opened  the  door.  A  glorious  vi- 
sion met  the  eyes  of  those  present.  A  young 
woman,  garbed  in  much  splendor,  smiled  at 
them.  She  was  a  pretty  brunette.  A  big  dia- 
mond heart  sparkled  at  her  throat,  and  there 
were  rings  on  all  her  fingers,  which  seemed  to 
light  the  dimness  of  the  hall. 

"Birdie  Trippit,  or  I'm  losin'  my  head  com- 
plete!" exclaimed  Mrs.  de  Shine. 

"How  d'ye  do?"  greeted  she  of  the  rustling 
silk  raiment,  on  which  lace  and  velvet,  and  what- 
not, artfully  mingled  in  its  decoration.  The 
ladies  stared  enviously. 

It  was  the  ex-wife  of  the  buck  dancer,  for  the 
Trippits  were  again  divorced.  Birdie  had  gone 
into  musical  comedy,  flouting  vaudeville  and  its 
restricted  opportunities. 


THE  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    269 

"You  seem  prosperous,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle. 
"Really,  I  scarcely  knew  you,  my  dear  Mrs. 
Trippit.  What  a  change  clothes  do  make." 

"Yes;  you'd  oughta  git  some,"  retorted  Mrs. 
Trippit;  "but,  of  course,  some  persons  look  like 
thirty  cents,  an'  it  don't  matter  what  you  put 
on  'em." 

"I  assume  that  your  observation,  madam,  is 
directed  at  me,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  her  bosom 
heaving,  * '  you — you  hussy ! ' ' 

"Let  her  keep  it  up!"  cried  Mrs.  Trippit, 
waving  her  lily  hands  that  the  effect  of  their 
jeweled  burden  might  not  be  missed.  "If  she 
makes  a  pass  at  me  I'll  settle  her  hash!  How's 
that  old  souse,  your  husband?" 

"Oh,  gells,  cut  it  out !"  groaned  the  distressed 
landlady.  "Birdie,  shame  on  yuh!  An'  as  fur 
yuh,  Louiser,  it  seems  like  we  got  trouble  enough 
without  yuh  pickin'  on  Birdie  when  she  ain't 
done  nothin'  to  yuh.  I'm  jest  sick  to  death  over 
this  dretful  night!" 

"Mista  Trippit 's  bunned,  too,  ain't  he,  mom- 
merl"  piped  little  Minnie.  "All  the  gelmun's 
as  full  as  goats,  Mis'  Trippit !  Ain't  they,  mom- 
mer?" 

"You  don't  say!"  Mrs.  Trippit  forgot  her 
little  difference  with  her  old-time  enemy  of  the 
days  when  she  dwelt  in  the  actors'  boarding- 


270          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

house  and  became  at  once  good-natured.  So  did 
Mrs.  Mangle. 

In  fact,  when  the  former  noticed  the  tear- 
spotted  cheeks  of  the  other  she  went  over  and 
kissed  her,  with  a  smack  which  evidenced  her 
good  feeling. 

"I  didn't  mean  to  be  ugly,  Louiser,"  said 
Birdie  contritely.  "Has  Bill  been  actin'  up 
ag'in?  He's  pure  dawg,  he  is,  to  go  drinkin' 
when  he  shouldn't.  I've  often  thanked  my  stars 
that  I  lose  Trippit.  You  know  that  ain't  my 
monaker  any  more.  I'm  Vivienne  Vane,  the 
girl  in  the  diamond  cloak,  and  I'm  starrin' 
in  my  own  show.  We're  playin'  Brooklyn 
this  week,  an'  I  come  in  to  say  *  howdy'  to  you 
folks." 

"Oh,  bury  me  out  on  the  lone  prayer-ee! 
Where  the  coyotes  howl  and  the  wind  blows  free!" 

The  quartet  were  singing  again.  Their  ad- 
mirers in  the  gay  crowd  on  the  third  floor  joined 
in  at  intervals.  Flora  Flitter  and  her  stage  sis- 
ter, Rosa  Flitter,  rushed  down  from  the  top  of 
the  house  like  two  frightened  antelopes  fleeing 
from  the  covetous  eye  of  man. 

A  volley  of  bottles  and  glasses  followed  them. 

"They're  comin'  down,  and  Johnny  Trippit 's 
got  a  gun!"  shrieked  Flora.  "We'd  better  run 
before  he  shoots!" 


THE  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    271 

Mrs.  de  Shine  sank  to  her  knees,  mutely  im- 
ploring aid  of  Heaven  by  her  uplifted  hands. 
Mrs.  Mangle  glanced  around,  then  scurried, 
dragging  little  Minnie,  into  the  parlor,  where 
they  hid  behind  the  sofa. 

"Lesh  clean  up  the  joint!"  It  was  the  Prop- 
erty Man,  bent  on  ending  fittingly  a  delightful 
session. 

" Wheel  Look  out  fur  me,  I'm  a  bad  man!" 
shouted  J.  Mclntyre  Mugg,  of  the  Omaha  Com- 
edy Four. 

Billie  Bingo,  who  sang  baritone  in  the  quar- 
tet, playfully  dropped  a  few  more  bottles  into 
space.  They  crashed  against  the  banisters. 

"Why  don't  you  make  'em  quit?"  asked 
Birdie. 

Despondently  the  landlady  arose  from  her 
supplicating  attitude.  She  explained  the  cir- 
cumstances briefly. 

' '  Bats ! ' '  said  Birdie  valorously.  '  *  Hold  on  a 
minute !  Is  Trippit  there  ? ' ' 

' '  Yes  he  is, ' '  replied  Mabel  Morphine.  * '  He 's 
as  bad  as  any  of  'em." 

"Have  you  got  a  good  thick  club?"  asked 
Birdie  anxiously.  "I've  been  punchin'  the  bag 
all  winter,  an'  I'll  take  a  chance  on  trimming 
him." 

"I'd  just  like  to  give  George  one  whack,"  said 


272          TEE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Mabel  Morphine;  "he's  up  there,  too,  an*  I've 
stood  just  about  all  I  shall.  He  went  an'  blowed 
our  entire  salary  last  week,  and  I  kin  go  without 
things  that  I  need  while  he  carouses." 

Shouts  indicated  that  the  gentlemen  were  ex- 
ploring the  third  floor,  having  wearied  of  the 
confines  of  seventeen.  Another  bottle  rolled 
down. 

Mrs.  Mangle  emerged  from  the  parlor,  inquir- 
ing if  it  were  safe  to  venture  out.  Birdie  mo- 
tioned to  her.  In  whispers  they  planned  an  as- 
sault. 

Susy  was  sent  to  search  for  weapons.  She  re- 
turned with  a  varied  assortment  of  iron  frying- 
pans,  brooms,  hammers  and  hatchets. 

"Lemme  take  a  hatchet,"  ordered  Birdie, 
"an'  if  Trippit  gives  me  any  sass  I'll  bust  him 
once  with  it,  now  you  just  see  if  I  don't." 

Her  valiant  bearing  inflamed  her  friends  with 
courage.  Mabel  Morphine  took  a  broom  and  a 
heavy  fork.  Susy  bore  the  mop. 

The  rest  armed  themselves  as  fancy  dictated. 
They  were  ready  to  move  at  the  word  of  com- 
mand, and  Birdie  softly  issued  it. 

1 1  Ready ! ' '  she  hissed.    ' '  Come  on ! " 

She  dashed  upward.  Scornful  hoots  met  the 
invaders  as  they  progressed  toward  the  scene 
of  action.  Finding  that  the  ladies  were  in  ear- 


THE  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    273 

nest,  J.  Mclntyre  Mugg,  who  was  not  famed  for 
bravery,  advised  a  retreat. 

When  Birdie  and  her  Amazons  arrived  no 
sound  came  from  seventeen  until  one  joyous 
person  snickered.  The  transom  was  open,  and 
Birdie  recognized  its  source. 

11  John  Trippit,  you  get  out  in  this  hall  in  one 
minute,  or  I'll  be  in  there  after  you!"  she 
screamed.  " Don't  you  laugh  at  me,  you  no- 
account  vodeville  hick ! ' ' 

"It's  Birdie!"  Johnny  Trippit  had  spoken, 
and  in  his  tone  dwelt  fear.  The  rest  looked  at 
the  daring  Birdie  for  further  instructions. 

' '  Do  you  hear  me  I ' '  she  proceeded. 

In  defiance  of  her  threats  the  quartet  began  to 
sing  "The  Bird  on  Nellie's  Hat." 

Mrs.  Mangle  possessed  a  smart  toque  which 
bore  a  green  bird  rakishly  set  athwart  its  front. 

"Bill  got  them  to  do  that,"  she  announced 
angrily ;  ' '  that 's  meant  as  a  personal  affront  to 
me.  He  won 't  bluff  me  this  time. ' ' 

Birdie's  foot,  hidden  in  a  patent-leather  boot 
with  a  red  suede  top,  kicked  the  lower  panel  of 
the  door. 

"Open  it!"  she  called.  The  song  continued. 
She  consulted  Mrs.  de  Shine,  who  hysterically 
bade  her  do  anything  that  seemed  best.  Birdie 
raised  her  hatchet  and  in  a  minute  she  had 
hacked  a  hole  in  the  door. 


274          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"Come  on,  gells!"  Mrs.  de  Shine,  no  longer 
trembling,  dealt  a  vigorous  blow  with  her  ham- 
mer against  the  look.  The  door  gave. 

"If  it  ain't  Birdie !"  said  Johnny  Trippit,  en- 
deavoring to  placate  her  with  a  friendly  smile. 
"I'm  awful  glad  to  see  you,  dearie.  How  you 
been?" 

1 '  Come  out ! ' '  said  his  wife  coldly.  ' '  G  'wan  to 
your  own  room  and  go  to  bed,  you  shameless 
thing!  You're  a  pretty  lot  of  men,  ain't  you? 
Bill  Mangle,  here's  your  wife!  It's  about  time 
for  you  to  cut  this  business." 

Miss  Mulligatawny  confronted  her  fiance  with 
a  stern  face.  She  plucked  at  his  sleeve. 

' ' Come, ' '  she  said  authoritatively.  " I've  had 
enough  of  this  stuff.  You're  a  fine  sight." 

"Don't  start  nothin'  in  front  of  this  whole 
mob, ' '  begged  J.  Mclntyre.  "  Be  a  lady. ' ' 

"Do  you  mean  to  say  I  ain't?"  she  demanded 
haughtily. 

"  No, "  said  he.    ' '  No,  baby,  no ! " 

Miss  Mulligatawny's  features  softened  some- 
what at  his  tenderness.  She  led  him  out. 

Meanwhile  the  four  Mangles — for  little  Min- 
nie was  still  at  her  mother's  heels — were  re- 
united. "With  startling  abruptness  the  party  was 
broken  up. 

The   quartet,   considerably   sobered,   ceased 


TEE  TRIPPITS  AGAIN  A  TEAM    275 

their  merry  lay  and  looked  ashamed  of  them- 
selves. 

"Well,  yuh  boys  are  sure  a  lot  of  idgits,"  said 
Mrs.  de  Shine.  "I  never  see  such  a  time  as 
we  Ve  had.  Yuh  done  wrong,  an'  summon '11  set- 
tle fur  that  door.  Yuh  kin  decide  who  shall  do 
it.  This  drinkin'  must  stop  right  now." 

The  Property  Man  slunk  out.  His  reputation 
as  a  decent  citizen  was  gone. 

"I  s'pose  you're  through  talkin'  to  me  now," 
he  remarked  sullenly,  "an'  I  don't  blame  you, 
Maggie.  I'm  a  sad  affair." 

"Oh,  every  gelmun  gits  a  bun  on  onct  in  a 
while, ' '  returned  the  landlady  graciously ;  *  *  only 
don't  do  it  no  more." 

Johnny  Trippit  was  observing  the  wife  who 
no  longer  named  him  lord  and  master  of  her 
fate.  He  noted  her  jewels,  her  clothes  and  her 
animated  countenance. 

' '  Gee,  kid,  you  got  'em  all  beat ! "  he  exclaimed 
in  honest  admiration.  "You  look  like  a  three- 
time  winner!" 

Slowly  Mrs.  Trippit 's  fair  cheeks  grew  scarlet 
under  his  wistful  scrutiny.  He  saw  the  flush. 
The  assembled  company  of  victors  and  van- 
quished watched  the  meeting  of  the  Trippits. 

"I  s'pose  you  wouldn't  never  give  a  pleasant 
look  to  a  guy  like  me,  now  you're  a  star?"  said 
he.  "Well,  you're  right,  I  guess.  I  don't  be- 


276          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

long.  I  ain't  in  your  class.  But  I  wisht  I 
was. ' ' 

Through  the  cigarette  smoke  her  eyes  gazed 
into  his.  "Yes,  you  do,  too,"  said  Birdie  husk- 
ily. "I  just  come  back  to  see  you,  Johnny.  I 
got  a  swell  dancin'  part  for  you  in  the  show — 
don't  you  want  it?" 

"I  want  you,"  replied  Johnny  Trippit.  His 
voice  steadied.  "I  kin  work  single  an'  get  the 
money,  as  fur's  that  goes.  Do  you  go  with  the 
job,  Birdie?" 

Mrs.  Trippit  boldly  stepped  closer  to  him. 
She  reached  up  and  kissed  him. 

"How  'bout  it,  kid!"  he  asked.  "I  can't 
stand  no  foolin'  now.  Do  I  get  a  new  deal  if  I'm 
a  good  boy?" 

4 '  You  get  me, ' '  said  Mrs.  Trippit.  She  began 
to  sob  into  his  coat,  oblivious  to  the  interested 
spectators.  He  held  her  tightly,  stroking  her 
hair  with  a  gentle  touch. 

The  Trippits  were  a  team  again. 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT 

"You  could  git  it  if  I  had  it,  Mis'  de  Shine, 
but  I  just  ain't  got  it."  Bill  Banana,  of  the 
" Bounding  Bananas,"  who  perform  many  as- 
tounding feats  on  the  slack  wire,  long  celebrated 
in  vaudeville,  looked  entreatingly  at  the  land- 
lady. "I  admit  we  been  workin'  for  three 
weeks,"  he  continued,  "but  what  with  Bessie 
bein'  took  sick,  an'  us  havin'  to  lay  off,  you  got 
no  conception  of  how  the  salary  melts  away." 

Acrobatic  rather  than  oral  exertion  was  Ba- 
nana's familiar  line  of  effort.  He  dabbed  at 
his  flushed  brow  with  a  dingy  handkerchief,  be- 
cause the  speech  which  he  had  delivered  was  the 
result  of  prolonged  reflection,  and  he  felt  a  glad 
and  perspiring  relief  that  it  was  done  with. 

"An'  yet,"  replied  Mrs.  de  Shine  coldly,  "I 
see  yuh  flashin'  'round  in  a  swell  noo  gray  soot, 
an'  Mis'  Banana's  able  to  purchase  clothes  bet- 
ter'n  I  kin  afford." 

He  was  at  the  moment  inside  of  the  suit  to 
which  she  referred.  "Well,  performers  are  dead 
ones  if  they  can't  keep  a  front  up,"  said  the  de- 

277 


278  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

linquent  boarder  uneasily.  "You  know  how  it 
is." 

"An*  I  know  it's  nothin'  less  than  a  scandal 
an'  a  shame  how  yuh  people  hand  me  leming 
after  leming ! ' '  cried  Mrs.  de  Shine.  * '  It  seems 
like  yuh  give  yer  money  to  everybody  before  I 
git  s  'much  as  a  pleasant  smile. ' ' 

Bill  Banana  again  obscured  his  features  with 
the  handkerchief.  He  saw  that  she  was  about 
to  yield. 

"People,"  she  exclaimed  passionately,  "is 
havin'  benefits  all  over  the  layout,  an'  who  is 
worryin '  over  Maggie  de  Shine  I  Nobody.  I  kin 
run  fur  Sweeney,  Mista  Banana,  an'  be  lucky 
thatl'mlivin'atall!" 

Banana  realized  that  it  was  a  time  for  diplo- 
macy of  the  most  delicate  sort.  "You  bet  yer 
sweet  life  the  Boundin'  Bananas '11  be  there  with 
bells  on  if  a  benefit's  started  fer  you,"  he  said. 
"An'  that  goes,  too." 

"Thank  yuh,"  she  answered  gloomily,  "but  I 
never  got  nothin'  easy  yet,  an'  don't  fur  a  seck- 
ind  expect  it  now.  An'  yet  ev'ry  ball  an'  benefit 
gave  fur  parties  in  the  perfession  I  git  boned 
fur  a  contribution.  Things  is  simply  most  un- 
ekil,  an'  them  with  kind  an'  tender  hearts,  like 
myself,  allus  suffers." 

"That's  right,"  he  assented. 

The  dinner-bell,  vigorously  swung  by  Susy, 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      279 

the  slavey,  in  the  lower  hall,  made  it  possible  for 
Banana  to  escape  before  the  landlady  could  en- 
ter upon  a  further  discussion  of  her  wrongs. 
He  rejoined  Mrs.  Banana  and  their  partner, 
who,  though  not  a  regular  Banana,  except  for 
photographic  display  in  theater  lobbies  and 
general  stage  purposes,  yet  felt  an  eager  inter- 
est in  all  that  concerned  the  act. 

"What'd  she  say?"  asked  Bessie  Banana  anx- 
iously. She  was  a  sturdily  built  young  woman, 
with  blond  hair,  burnt  to  a  rich  tan  in  front  by 
frequent  application  of  the  curling-tongs. 

She  was  assured  that  Mrs.  de  Shine,  although 
naturally  peevish,  had  consented  to  a  delay  in 
payment  of  their  overdue  board  bill.  The  Ba- 
nanas, cheered  by  the  news,  went  down  to  din- 
ner. The  landlady  personally  watched  the  prog- 
ress of  this  meal,  supplying  pickled  beets  to 
those  who  liked  the  dish,  and  taking  an  active 
part  in  the  conversation.  She  appeared  dis- 
traught. 

1  'You  ain't  feelin'  very  chipper,  hey,  Mag- 
gie?" asked  the  Property  Man.  "If  I  had  your 
money  I'd  be  there  with  the  grin  all  the  time." 

"It  would  take  a  microscope  to  find  a  bank- 
roll on  me,  Mista  Johnson,"  replied  Mrs.  de 
Shine.  "Heaving  alone  knows  how  little  I  got. 
An'  yet  ef  parties  would  settle  what's  owin'  to 
me  I'd  have  plenty." 


280          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

The  boarders  were  embarrassed.  They  ate 
hurriedly,  because  most  of  them  were  behind 
with  their  bills.  The  Property  Man,  who  paid 
in  advance  every  Sunday  morning,  laughed. 
"Make  'em  come  in,  that's  the  ticket,"  said  he. 
"You're  too  easy." 

"It  kin  be  quicker  said'n  done/'  observed 
Mrs.  de  Shine  pensively.  "I  was  tellin'  Mista 
Banana  to-day  that  haff  Noo  York  has  its  bene- 
fits, but  none  comes  my  way.  Susy,  git  the  meat, 
d'yuh  hear  me?" 

"Let's  get  up  a  benefit,  then,"  suggested  the 
Property  Man.  "Why  not?  You  got  plenty  good 
fre'n's  in  the  bisness." 

"I  am  sure,"  said  Mrs.  Mangle,  of  the  Man- 
gles Four,  "we  should  be«delighted  to  volunteer 
for  dear  Mrs.  de  Shine." 

"I  wanna  bennyfit,  mommer!"  cried  little 
Minnie  Mangle.  "Ef  she  has  one  I  gotta* have 
one !  Kin  I?  Yes,  I  kin,  so  there,  now,  an'  I'm 
a-goin'  to  have  a  bennyfit!" 

Baby  Theodore  Mangle  lifted  his  young  voice. 

"Teddy  muth  have  hith,  too,"  he  reminded, 
"'n  I  wanna  dimon'  wing  like  the  stage  man'- 
ger's  dot,  pop!" 

"Shut  up  that  noise!"  ordered  their  father. 
"Don't  lemme  have  to  speak  to  you  ag'in, 
either!  Quit  it!" 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      281 

"Sha'n't!"  retorted  little  Minnie,  undaunted. 
"Sha'n't!  sha'n't!  sha'n't!" 

Baby  Theodore  sent  forth  a  hissing  noise,  ob- 
viously meant  for  defiance. 

The  benefit  idea  was  received  with  approba- 
tion by  all  the  paying  guests,  who  deemed  it  a 
safe  subject.  No  one  expected  to  do  more  than 
join  in  the  preliminary  conversation  which  is  so 
prominent  a  feature  of  all  benefits. 

"Why,  I  jest  dunno  what  to  say,"  observed 
the  landlady.  "A'  course,  ef  it's  rully  tuck  up 
I  should  suttenly  never  insult  my  fr'en's  by  de- 
clinin'  to  accept  sech  a  flatterin'  testymonyal. 
Of  my  own  accord,  I  wouldn't  have  brung  the 
matta  up,  as  I  hope  them  what  know  me  will  be- 
lieve. ' ' 

"Listen  here!"  Johnny  Trippit,  the  buck 
dancer,  arose,  waving  his  knife,  which  he  used 
to  the  exclusion  of  all  other  table  implements 
throughout  a  meal.  "Benefits  ain't  the  ideer. 
They're  all  right  in  their  way,  but  a  ball's  the 
real  cheese  if  you  want  to  get  the  money.  We 
kin  get  up  a  swell  ball  an'  pull  it  off  in  Tammany 
Hall,  an'  give  a  show  before  the  dancin  V 

' '  Sure ! ' '  agreed  the  Property  Man.  ' '  Tha  t  's 
talkin',  John.  Us  guys  could  take  a  bunch  o' 
tickets  at  a  half  a  buck  apiece  an'  sell  'em  all 
over  town.  I'll  handle  the  stage,  and  Jimmy 


282          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

Dorrity  can  get  the  music  publishers  to  buy 
boxes." 

Mr.  Dorrity,  famed  as  the  best  pianist  of 
1  'Melody  Lane,"  by  which  that  portion  of 
Twenty-eighth  Street  occupied  by  the  music 
trade  is  known,  was  a  newcomer,  but,  like  the 
rest,  he  was  in  arrears;  therefore,  he  feared  to 
refuse  his  aid. 

"I  don't  get  no  time,"  said  he,  "but  if  some- 
body else  will  get  'em  to  kick  in  I'll  play  the 
show." 

"Minnie  will  give  her  imitations,"  said  Mrs. 
Mangle  graciously,  "and  of  course  the  Omaha 
Comedy  Quartet  will  assist?" 

Henry  Boom,  now  singing  bass  in  the  quartet, 
was  willing  to  lend  his  presence  and  that  of  his 
partners  to  the  entertainment,  but  they  were 
booked  for  concerts  on  each  Sunday,  when  he 
supposed  the  benefit  would  be  given. 

"No,  indeed!"  cried  Mrs.  de  Shine.  "I  got 
few  scruples,  but  dancin'  on  Sundays  is  sumpin* 
I  kinnot,  nay,  will  not — stand  fur!  Besides 
which,  performers  has  gotta  be  up  fur  ten 
o'clock  Monday  rehearsals,  an'  othas  leavin' 
town.  It  oughta  be  on  a  week  night. ' ' 

"Here's  the  gag!"  exclaimed  the  interested 
Trippit.  "Show  begins  at  eleven.  That  gives 
the  acts  who  go  on  late  a  chance  to  play  their 
shows,  an'  they  can  come  on  later  on  our  bill. 


TEE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      283 

An*  we  oughta  have  buck  dancin'  contests.  I'll 
give  a  medal." 

' 'If  you  do,  I  ain't  goin'  to  enter  unless  you're 
barred,"  said  Dan  Dooley,  of  the  Dancing  Doo- 
leys.  He  was  a  rival  of  Johnny  Trippit.  A 
stinging  memory  of  a  contest  in  which  the  medal 
had  been  won  by  the  latter  was  still  green  within 
his  mind. 

1  'Are  you  accusin'  me  o'  wantin'  to  frame  it 
so's  I'd  cop  the  prize?"  shouted  Trippit. 

"No,  I  ain't,"  replied  Mr.  Dooley,  "but  ef 
you're  huntin'  a  scrap,  come  on  out  'n  the  street 
an'  your  wish '11  come  true.  You  ain't  got  nothin' 
on  me ! '  * 

"Boys,  behave!"  admonished  the  landlady. 
"The  dear  knows  yer  both  as  elegant  dancers 
as  ever  shook  a  laig,  but  argyin'  o'  this  kind  kin- 
not  be  kep'  up,  not  ef  I  never  got  no  benefit." 

Miss  Imogen  Montagu,  ingenue  of  a  Harlem 
company  which  interpolated  vaudeville  attrac- 
tions between  the  stirring  acts  of  its  stock  pro- 
ductions, had  cherished  for  many  months  a  fond 
desire  to  advance  in  her  profession.  She  felt 
competent  to  play  "leads"  instead  of  the  girlish 
roles  now  allotted  to  her.  Therefore,  she  an- 
nounced that  with  the  assistance  of  her  com- 
pany's juvenile,  also  ambitious,  she  would  pre- 
sent a  one-act  drama  of  early  Greece. 

"Yuh  suttenly  treat  me  grand,  Imogen,"  re- 


284          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

plied  Mrs.  de  Shine  gratefully.  ' '  While  my  lang- 
witch  kinnot  express  my  feelin's,  my  heart's 
overflowin'  with  gratitude  to  all  o'  yuh,  an' 
that's  no  kid." 

"We'll  pull  this  thing  off  quick."  The  Prop- 
erty Man  was  too  energetic  to  counsel  delays. 
"You  people  are  all  playin'  'round  here  fer  a 
coupla  weeks,  an'  they  ain't  any  use  lettin'  the 
scheme  git  cold." 

A  committee  on  arrangements,  upon  which 
Mr.  Mangle,  Mr.  Trippit,  the  Property  Man  and 
Mr.  Dorrity  were  prominent,  was  formed.  There 
was  also  an  entertainment  committee  and  a  floor 
committee. 

Many  gentlemen  employed  at  the  same  theater 
as  the  Property  Man  patronized  the  Maison  de 
Shine  for  their  daily  luncheon.  Urged  by  him, 
they  bought  tickets,  and  advertised  the  Maggie 
de  Shine  ball  as  if  promoting  an  affair  arranged 
for  the  personal  gain  of  each.  Performers 
who  had  ascended  to  the  greater  elegance  of 
Broadway  hotels,  having  risen  in  the  profes- 
sion, proved  that  they  still  remembered  their 
Irving  Place  days  by  purchasing  tickets. 

A  neat  program  was  blocked  out  by  Mrs.  Man- 
gle, who  possessed  much  taste  in  such  matters. 
It  was  only  when  one  of  the  various  committees 
discovered  that  little  Minnie  Mangle's  name  was 
inserted  at  least  twice  on  every  page,  to  the 


TEE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      285 

exclusion  of  other  stars,  that  they  insisted  upon 
changes. 

The  music  publishers  were  invited  to  adver- 
tise in  the  program,  and  the  enterprising  com- 
mittee attending  to  this  part  of  the  business 
explained  that  as  a  medium  for  bringing  their 
songs  to  the  notice  of  the  theatrical  profession 
it  couldn't  be  beaten. 

If  they  took  a  $10  advertisement  they  got  a 
$3  box  free.  The  orchestra  engaged  for  the  dan- 
cing demanded  real  money  for  their  work,  al- 
though Johnny  Trippit  boldly  endeavored  to 
make  them  volunteer.  As  they  refused,  he  pared 
the  number  of  musicians  until  there  were  but 
seven  left,  thus  avoiding  a  large  expense. 

The  medal  was  bought,  and  ready  for  be- 
stowal. It  was  even  hinted  by  Mr.  Dooley,  in 
whose  system  suspicion  continually  lurked,  that 
its  recipient  had  already  been  decided  upon  by 
the  donor  and  those  who  were  to  judge  the  mer- 
its of  the  buck  dancers.  But  he  did  not  with- 
draw his  name  from  the  contest.  Trippit,  hear- 
ing of  Mr.  Dooley 's  comments,  smiled  coldly, 
and  said  that  he  was  above  noticing  them. 

"Wednesday  was  the  night  of  the  ball.  At  din- 
ner the  boarders  cackled  merrily.  Mrs.  de  Shine 
anxiously  besought  Susy  to  listen  for  the  door- 
bell. Her  beauteous  blonde  "front,"  sent  to  a 


286          THE  MA1SON  DE  SHINE 

hairdresser  for  renovation,  and  much  waving, 
was  late. 

"Oh,  thank  mercy!"  she  cried  when  Susy  tri- 
umphantly appeared  with  the  artificial  hair. 
"Now  I  kin  breathe  in  peace." 

Little  Minnie  Mangle  wore  a  new  frock  of 
red,  with  red  silk  stockings  and  delightful  car- 
mine shoes  to  match.  Her  maternal  parent  was 
regal  in  light  blue,  somewhat  soiled  by  constant 
wear  on  the  road,  but  still  a  garment  of  class. 

In  Mrs.  Mangle's  yellow  locks,  curled  crisply 
and  fuzzily,  a  diamond  snake  gleamed. 

Mr.  Mangle  had  on  his  Tuxedo,  which  was 
somewhat  too  snug  of  fit,  but  the  smartest  a 
Fourteenth  Street  tailor  could  produce. 

Baby  Theodore  proudly  pranced  before  the 
company  clad  in  a  new  suit  of  blue  velvet.  His 
fat  legs  were  hidden,  to  a  point  below  the  knee, 
by  pale  blue  socks.  Above  it  they  disappeared 
in  trousers  so  tiny  as  to  be  almost  invisible.  A 
"roundabout"  jacket,  wide  bow  tie,  white- 
topped,  buttoned  shoes,  and  a  leather  sailor  hat, 
completed  his  costume. 

"Blamed  ef  you  ain't  a  three-time  winner, 
kiddo ! ' '  applauded  the  Property  Man.  '  *  Ef  they 
made  them  things  fur  big  guys,  I'd  git  one  me- 
self." 

The  Property  Man  had  deliberated  cautiously 
before  attiring  himself.  As  one  of  the  promot- 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      287 

ers,  he  desired  to  conform  to  the  proprieties  in 
every  way.  Therefore,  he  encased  his  husky 
length  in  the  light  trousers  and  black  frock  coat 
which  he  used  for  weddings  and  funerals  of 
friends  in  vaudeville,  adding  a  pale  lavender 
bow  tie. 

Susy,  the  slavey,  wore  a  cerise  waist  above 
a  natty  green  skirt.  The  first  displayed  a  re- 
luctance to  remain  closely  attached  to  the  skirt, 
and  a  near-gold  belt  failed  to  quite  bridge  the 
gulf.  Susy  held  an  invitation  to  a  seat  in  the 
box  reserved  for  the  beneficiary.  Her  impor- 
tance excited  her  so  that  she  forgot  the  standing 
rule  about  only  one  portion  of  pudding  or  pie 
to  each  guest,  and  fetched  generous  reinforce- 
ments. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  did  not  rebuke  her  minion.  "I 
ain't  been  so  darned  worked  up  since  I  made  my 
stage  dabut  in  'Frisco,"  she  confided  to  the 
boarders.  "I  pursoom  a  time  sech  as  this  conies 
in  the  lives  of  all,  but  I  rully  dunno  ef  I'm  afoot 
or  hossback." 

All  was  well  except  for  one  small  rift  within 
the  lute.  Fido,  the  poodle,  must  not  be  left  at 
home  alone  and  uncared  for.  All  the  committees 
united  in  requesting  that  he  be  kept  from  the 
ball.  "He'll  bite  some  party  sure  as  shootin'," 
argued  Johnny  Trippit,  magnificent  in  full  eve- 
ning regalia,  "an'  we  don't  want  no  rough 


288  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

houses  like  would  come  off  then.  It's  gotta  be 
refined,  so  Fido  better  stick  to  home." 

"I'm  scared  the  dolling  will  grieve  himself 
sick,"  said  the  landlady.  "He  ain't  usta  bein' 
alone,  an'  yuh  never  see  a  enfant  more  sensitive 
than  him.  Mebbe  we  kin  hush  him  to  sleep  be- 
fore leavin',  seem'  as  yuh  folks '11  all  be  gone 
long  before  me  an'  Susy  starts." 

The  unusually  gorgeous  raiment  of  the  board- 
ers caused  them  to  unconsciously  assume  an  air 
of  hauteur.  They  addressed  one  another  with 
careful  courtesy,  which  differed  from  their  ha- 
bitual informality.  The  Property  Man  and 
Johnny  Trippit  whispered  together  about  cer- 
tain small  details  which  must  be  attended  to. 

"I  want  a  hull  lot  o'  them  programs  fur  sou- 
venirs," declared  Mrs.  de  Shine,  "fur  it's  the 
proudest  evenin'  o'  my  career,  an'  I  take  no 
shame  in  comin'  out  an'  admittin'  it." 

The  boarders  departed  for  the  theaters  where 
they  were  playing. 

"I'm  goin'  to  clean  my  dimings,  an'  yuh  put 
a  fresh  blue  ribbing  on  Fido,  an'  his  blanket," 
directed  Mrs.  de  Shine. 

"But  the  committees  said " 

"Susy,"  said  her  employer  austerely,  "kin'ly 
keep  yer  place.  Not  fur  gold  an'  precious  jools 
would  I  leave  my  baby  dawg  Fido  at  home. 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      289 

He'll  go  under  my  fur  cape,  an'  not  disturb  no- 
body." 

Susy  retired  to  assist  the  cook.  From  secret 
recesses  Mrs.  de  Shine  drew  forth  little  chamois 
bags.  Diamond  horseshoes  and  crescents,  sun- 
bursts and  rings  glistened  upon  the  bared  din- 
ing-table  when  she  had  emptied  the  proceeds 
of  many  profitable  years  in  the  Maison  de  Shine 
into  a  heap. 

With  a  soft  brush  and  some  alcohol  she  pol- 
ished the  jewels  until  they  sparkled  brilliantly 
under  the  flaring  gaslight. 

"I  guess  they  won't  have  nothin'  on  me  to- 
night," she  ruminated. 

A  yellow  silk  gown,  marvelously  decollete, 
confined  those  curves  which  in  adolescent  days 
had  charmed  burlesque  audiences  from  Cape 
Cod  to  Seal  Rock. 

"You  cert'nly  do  look  grand,  Mis'  de  Shine," 
commented  Susy  when  she  viewed  the  mineral 
splendor  of  her  mistress,  "but  when  benefits  is 
give,  ain't  the  folks  who  it's  give  fur  s 'posed 
to  be  broke?" 

"Oh,  them  ideers  are  passy,  Susy,"  replied 
the  landlady  easily.  "As  fur  as  that  goes,  the 
ones  what  need  'em  don't  git  'em,  anyway.  It's 
merely  a  delikit  fashing  o'  yer  fr'en's  showin* 
yuh  what  they  think  o '  yuh. ' ' 


290          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

"I  heard  all  the  burlesque  man'gers  in  town 
are  goin',"  reported  Susy,  awed  by  the  thought. 

"An'  several  more  from  the  legit,  too,"  said 
Mrs.  de  Shine  complacently.  "  They  '11  be  a  hull 
mob  down  from  Broadway." 

At  eleven  the  first  ticket  was  handed  to  the 
doorkeeper  at  the  hall  in  which  the  ball  was  to 
be  given.  Mrs.  de  Shine,  with  Susy  and  Miss 
Daisy  Dubb,  who  was  "resting,"  having  failed 
to  book  the  week,  entered  half  an  hour  later. 
They  were  escorted  to  the  box  reserved  for  the 
former. 

The  Mangles  Four  arrived  early.  "You  folks 
better  open  the  show,"  said  the  Property  Man, 
"  so  we  kin  git  things  warmed  up  before  the  con- 
tests." 

Mrs.  Mangle  sneered.  "And  do  you  for  a  sin- 
gle instant  imagine  that  artists  of  our  repute 
will  do  such  a  thing?"  she  exclaimed.  "No,  in- 
deed !  The  Mangles  must  top  the  bill,  Mr.  John- 
son. We  have  nothing  further  to  say. ' ' 

"Aw,  let's  go  on  now,"  pleaded  Mr.  Mangle, 
who,  having  surrounded  many  liquid  potations, 
was  willing  to  waive  his  rights.  "What's  the 
odds?" 

"Sure!  Somebody's  gotta  begin,"  said  the 
Property  Man  persuasively. 

"Never!"  cried  Mrs.  Mangle  firmly.  "As 
long  as  I  live  and  breathe,  my  Minnie  shall  never 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      291 

be  placed  in  the  odious  position  of  having 
opened  a  show.  Let  the  acrobats  begin.'* 

Twister  and  Bender,  whose  act  is  celebrated 
upon  many  stages,  offered  to  sacrifice  them- 
selves. They  were  jovial  young  men,  and  when 
the  audience  of  professional  persons  audibly 
and  humorously  remarked  upon  their  tumbling 
they  replied  with  loud  jibes  and  bumped  each 
other  with  increased  vim. 

Miss  Montagu  and  her  partner,  J.  Mercutio 
Stratford,  were  requested  to  follow  Twister  and 
Bender.  "What!"  shouted  Mr.  Stratford, 
"come  after  an  acrobatic  team?  In  the  name 
of  Miss  Montagu  and  myself,  I  reiterate  that 
either  our  place  upon  the  bill  shall  be  commen- 
surate with  the  dignity  of  our  offering,  or  we 
beg  leave  to  retire." 

"Now  don't  you  legits  come  bellerin'  to  me," 
said  the  Property  Man  authoritatively.  "I'm 
runnin'  this  stage,  an'  I  don't  want  no  back 
talk." 

"This  is  an  outrage!"  declared  Miss  Mon- 
tagu. ' '  I  would  not  play  now,  if  they  paid  me ! " 

Johnny  Trippit  tried  to  effect  a  reconciliation 
between  the  property  man  and  the  exponents  of 
the  Grecian  drama,  and  partially  succeeded. 

"I  will  go  on,"  said  the  lady,  "if  I  am  treat- 
ed respectfully.  Where  do  I  dress?" 

The  caucus  had  taken  place  in  the  rear  of  the 


292  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

yery  small  platform.  There  were  no  dressing- 
rooms.  The  other  perf onners,  aware  of  the  fact, 
had  worn  elaborate  "street"  clothes,  in  which 
they  * '  appeared. ' '  Miss  Montagu  haughtily  de- 
sired to  know  how  she  was  to  perform  as  a  maid 
of  early  Thessaly  in  a  shirtwaist  gown  of  green. 

As  for  J.  Mercutio,  he  sarcastically  referred 
to  the  whole  proceeding  as  a  ' '  snide  aff air. ' ' 

Meanwhile,  the  Bounding  Bananas  leaped  into 
the  gap  and  spiritedly  rendered  their  act.  The 
applause  was  so  great  that  when  she  heard  it 
Miss  Montagu  regretted  her  latest  decision  not 
to  perform  at  all.  Several  ladies  promised  to 
shield  her  with  their  fair  forms  from  the  pub- 
lic eye,  so  she  hurriedly  assumed  her  Grecian 
costume,  while  J.  Mercutio,  who  had  possessed 
the  forethought  to  wear  his  fleshings  under  his 
ordinary  clothes,  found  a  cubbyhole  in  which 
he  belted  himself  into  his  chaste  white-skirted 
tunic. 

Mrs.  de  Shine,  leaning  over  the  box-rail, 
waved  her  fan  at  the  assemblage  generally.  Old 
boarders  jested  with  her,  and  the  burlesque 
managers,  present  in  force,  left  their  boxes  to 
shake  her  hand. 

The  Mangles,  watching  their  props  anxiously, 
awaited  their  turn. 

Mrs.  Mangle's  objection  had  prevailed.  They 
were  to  be  number  three.  Little  Minnie  Mangle 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT       293 

was  in  the  midst  of  her  notable  imitation  of 
Bichard  Mansfield  as  Peer  Gynt,  when  a  rau- 
cous voice  sounded  high  above  the  shrill  tones 
of  the  Child  Wonder. 

* '  Take  her  off !  She  shall  not  speak  another 
line!" 

Mrs.  Mangle,  her  saxophone — billed  as  the 
11  World's  Largest  Double-bass  Saxophone" — 
in  one  hand,  screamed.  The  audience  climbed 
upon  the  seats  and  gazed  at  the  Gerry  Society's 
man  with  its  collective  mouth  agape. 

11  She's  over  sixteen,  you  mutt!"  roared  the 
Property  Man. 

"My  Minnie  has  played  since  her  baby  days 
without  let  or  hindrance!"  shrieked  Mrs.  Man- 
gle. 

The  performance  ceased  while  the  difficulty 
was  adjusted.  The  crafty  Gerry  man  had  bought 
a  ticket,  purposing  the  vaudeville  undoing  of 
the  mainstay  of  the  Mangles.  "How  old  is  she, 
then  ?  "  he  asked  truculently.  ' '  Show  me ! " 

"Brute!"  cried  Bessie  Banana.  "His  map 
oughta  be  slapped  good,  the  meddlin'  lobster!" 

For  a  long  time  Mrs.  Mangle  had  averred  that 
the  tender  Minnie  was  of  the  juvenile  age  of 
seven.  From  her  stocking  the  overwrought 
mother  pulled  certain  documentary  evidence, 
which  she  permitted  the  Gerry  man  to  peruse. 


294          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

".Well,  that's  satisfactory,"  said  he,  mollified. 
"  She  can  pi  ay." 

Did  this  mean  that  Minnie  was  "over  six- 
teen?" 

The  claim  had  been  made  in  the  past  by  her 
rivals  of  riper  years.  "We  just  had  that  paper 
framed  up  about  her  age,  see,  to  stall  'em  off,  in 
case  of  a  thing  like  this  ever  happenin',"  ex- 
plained Mr.  Mangle. 

But  vaudeville  would  always  doubt. 

Entries  to  the  buck  dancing  contest  were 
pleasingly  numerous.  There  was  a  medal  for 
ladies,  donated  by  a  music  publisher,  and  the 
Trippit  trophy  for  the  gentlemen.  The  judges 
were,  at  the  last  minute,  selected  from  among 
celebrated  vaudevillians  in  the  audience,  who 
filed  upon  the  stage. 

The  pianist,  Mr.  Dorrity,  dashed  into  "Tur- 
key in  the  Straw."  Mr.  Dooley  was  first. 

"Good  boy,  Dooley!"  yelled  his  supporters. 
The  partisans  of  other  dancers  hissed  him. 
"Harry  McGinty  an'  Okey  Slavin's  got  him 
skinned!"  bellowed  an  enthusiastic  spectator. 

"Charlie  Cobb's  the  boy  kin  put  'em  all  to 
sleep!"  Friends  of  Mr.  Cobb  who  were  pres- 
ent cheered  madly  at  the  mention  of  his  name. 

"Oh,  you,  Dooley!"  Mr.  Dooley,  thus  encour- 
aged, danced  on.  "Hear  how  plain  his  taps 


are,"  said  the  judges  to  unclassified  judges  who 
crowded  near,  kindly  offering  suggestions. 

Mr.  Dooley  ceased,  and,  gracefully  bowing, 
retired  to  one  side,  whence  he  glowered  suspi- 
ciously at  other  contestants. 

Mrs.  de  Shine  sat  in  her  box  until  the  people 
climbed  upon  their  chairs.  Then  she  grew  im- 
patient to  be  down  among  the  happy  souls,  who, 
too  eager  to  sit,  had  arisen  that  they  might  miss 
no  part  of  the  dancing. 

"I'm  goin'  on  the  floor,"  she  said.  "Heav- 
ings !  We're  so  fur  off  here  that  we  can't  hear 
nothin'.  Yuh  kin  remain  ef  yuh  wish,  Daisy 
an'  Susy,  but  I  sha'n't." 

She  took  her  fur  cape  over  her  right  arm. 
Something  warm  and  heavy  nestled  snugly  in- 
side the  cape.  It  was  Fido,  drowsing  content- 
edly. Mrs.  de  Shine  pushed  through  the  crowd 
to  a  spot  near  the  stage,  where  she  paused.  She 
laid  Fido  upon  a  vacant  chair  and  forgot  him. 

The  ladies'  contest  was  on.  A  chubby-legged 
young  woman  got  most  of  the  applause.  Pansy 
De  Vere,  the  singing  and  dancing  soubrette, 
stepped  to  the  center  as  the  chubby  one  gave 
way  to  her.  The  pianist  roused  himself  to 
greater  effort  as  Pansy's  feet  flew  swiftly 
through  the  intricacies  of  her  "original  buck." 

She  was  in  the  last  wild  moment  of  terpsicho- 
rean  abandon,  when  a  little  more  steam  can  al- 


296  THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

ways  be  expected,  because  the  end,  and  rest, 
are  near.  A  white  poodle  darted  across  the 
stage,  barking  angrily.  He  snarled  as  he  reached 
the  lovely,  panting  Pansy,  and,  poising  his  body 
for  a  jump,  hurled  his  pink-bellied  self  at  Pan- 
sy's left  leg. 

"Ouch!  Help!"  Pansy's  free  foot  smacked 
Fido  upon  his  nose.  "Take  him  away!  I'll  git 
the  hydrophoby ! ' ' 

The  Property  Man  rescued  the  useful  leg, 
which  was  responsible  for  half  of  Pansy's  week- 
ly salary.  Fido  was  yanked  in  among  the 
judges,  and  every  member  of  their  party  re- 
lieved himself  by  kicking  the  poodle. 

"My  baby  dawgie!  Don't  yuh  tech  him!" 
wailed  Mrs.  de  Shine.  In  two  minutes  she  was 
upon  the  stage  seeking  her  treasured  pet.  ' '  Call 
yerselves  men,  an'  mistreat  a  little  poodle 
dawg?"  she  called  scornfully.  "Gimme  my 
Fido!" 

"Here,  now,  Maggie,  cut  it  out!"  advised  the 
Property  Man.  Pansy's  friends  rallied  about 
to  her  aid.  "She  was  distinctly  forbidden  to 
bring  that  beast  here,"  said  one  of  the  commit- 
tee, "and  yet  here  he  is  trying  to  murder  peo- 
ple." 

"An'  me  performin'  at  her  old  benefit!" 
yelled  Pansy  tearfully.  "An'  then  the  best  I 
draw  is  to  be  bit  up  and  put  on  the  cheeserine 


THE  LANDLADY'S  BENEFIT      297 

until  I  prob'ly  won't  be  able  to  work  fur  a  year ! 
But  I'll  sue  somebody  fur  it!" 

Pansy's  grief  was  finally  assuaged.  She  re- 
ceived the  ladies '  medal,  whereupon  the  chubby- 
legged  lady  dared  her  to  another  combat,  either 
with  hands  or  feet,  recklessly  proclaiming  her 
belief  in  her  own  prowess. 

"I  was  done  out  of  it  by  favoritism,"  she 
remarked,  "but  if  ever  she  wears  it,  an*  I'm 
around,  I'll  tear  it  off  her !" 

Fido,  under  convoy  of  Susy,  was  spirited  from 
the  scene.  Mrs.  de  Shine  made  suitable  amends 
to  Pansy  by  a  whispered  proffer  of  the  bridal 
suite  at  any  time  for  the  price  of  a  hall  bed- 
room. "An'  ef  a  huming  bein'  kin  do  more  to 
show  how  they  feel,  name  it,"  she  added.  "I 
kinnot  say  how  dretf ul  this  has  been  to  me. ' ' 

The  lacerated  leg  was  bandaged,  and  Pansy 
limped  to  a  seat  in  the  De  Shine  box.  The  ball 
began,  but  not  until  the  presentation  to  Mr. 
Dooley  of  the  glorious  Trippit  trophy  had 
caused  the  winner  to  seek  out  the  donor  and 
tender  the  handshake  of  complete  confidence 
and  admiration. 

"You're  a  square  guy, Trippit, "he  said,  much 
affected,  "an'  I  done  you  wrong.  Gimme  your 
mitt  an'  let's  be  fr'en's." 

Johnny  Trippit  complied.  The  ball  lasted  un- 
til an  hour  so  late  that  breakfast  was  on  the 


29S          THE  MAISON  DE  SHINE 

table  in  the  Maison  de  Shine  when  the  regular 
boarders  returned  to  their  abode.  It  had  been 
a  wondrous  gathering. 

A  week  afterward,  the  committees,  having  set- 
tled outstanding  accounts  and  arranged  the  bus- 
iness details  of  the  De  Shine  benefit,  gazed  at 
thirty  dollars,  in  bills,  which  the  property  man 
held.  '  *  We  took  in  seven  hundred, ' '  said  John- 
ny Trippit.  " Where 'd  it  go  to?  There's  only 
thirty  left." 

The  committees  did  not  know.  "Well,  that's 
better 'n  some  benefits,"  remarked  Mr.  Mangle. 
1 ' She's  in  luck.  Why,  at  lots  of  'em  the  folks 
that  have  'em  owe  themselves  money  afterward, 
an'  she  had  a  good  time,  an'  wins  thirty." 

Mrs.  de  Shine  received  the  gift  of  currency  in 
chill  silence.  "Done  the  best  we  could,"  said 
the  Property  Man,  sighing. 

The  landlady  sighed  with  him. 

"I  guess  I'll  stick  to  keepin'  boarders,"  said 
she ;  *  *  they 's  more  in  it. ' ' 


THE   END 


B.  W.  DODGE  <$  COMPANY 

"Touches  a  New  Corner  of  the  World''' 

THE 

MAROONERS 

A  ROMANCE  BY  CHARLES  FREDERICK  HOLDER 


"The  Marooners"  is  set  in  a  hitherto  unex- 
ploited  corner  of  the  world,  the  lonely,  surf-swept, 
sun-flooded  coral  keys  of  the  Florida  "East 
Coast."  The  author  is  well  known  as  a  writer  of 
sea  stories,  his  "Life  in  the  Open'*  and  books  on 
deep-sea  fishing  having  been  widely  popular.  But 
this  thrilling  adventure  tale  of  wreckers  and  Key 
West  society,  of  international  yachting  and  real 
twentieth-century  pirates,  is  far  and  away  his  best 
book. 


12mo.  Cloth         .       .        $1.50 


B.  W.  DODGE  $  COMPANY, 

BRIDGET 

BY  MRS.  HERMAN  BOSCH 

Drawings  by  Amy  E.  Hogeboom 

In  this  rosy-cheeked,  warm-hearted,  impulsive  Irish  im- 
migrant girl  Mrs.  Bosch  has  created  one  of  the  most  genu- 
ine and  attractive  characters  in  recent  fiction.  The  story  of 
Bridget's  varied  career  in  the  family  of  the  East  Side  saloon 
keeper  and  the  uptown  apartment  house  is  full  of  action  and 
humor.  Bridget's  life  history,  as  sane,  breezy  and  human 
as  she  is  herself,  deserves  and  has  received  wide  popularity. 

"Well  worth  reading." — Detroit  Times. 
"Interesting  and  pleasing." — New  Yorker Staats-Zeitung. 
"Refreshing  in  its  departure  from  the  lines  of  the  con- 
ventional novel." — St.  Louis  Mirror. 

"A  story  of  Irish  men  and  women  that  is  one  of  the 
best.  .  .  .  Bridget  Burke  is  a  heroine  worth  knowing, 
from  the  time  of  her  desolate  landing  on  Ellis  Island  to  her 
triumphant  culmination.  A  beautiful,  wonderful  Bridget, 
who  is  Irish  and  proud  of  it." — Cleveland  Plain  Dealer. 


12mo.  Cloth       .        .        $1.50 


B.  W.  DODGE  $  COMPANY 


THE  SEA  ROVERS 


BY  RUFUS  ROCKWELL  WILSON 

Author  of  "4  Noble  Company  of  Adventurers" 

With  8  half-tone  drawings  by  May  Fratz 

Some  grown-ups  will  find  this  book  as  interesting  as  will 
the  youngsters,  for  landlubbers  as  a  whole  know  little  of  the 
various  seafaring  professions.  Here  we  learn  all  about  the 
lives  of  those  who  wrest  pleasure  or  profit  from  old  ocean. 


The  Deep  Sea  Diver 
An  Ocean  Flyer's  Crew 
The  Man-of-Warsman 
Soldiers  Who  Serve  Afloat 
The  Police  of  the  Coast 


The  Ocean  Pilot 
Gloucester  Fisher  Folk 
The  Lighthouse  Keeper 
Life-Saving  Along  Shore 
Whalers  of  the  Arctic  Sea 


Their  everyday  life  is  stirring  enough,  and  the  author 
inserts  true  anecdotes  of  their  heroism  and  adventures 
which  are  more  exciting  than  any  fiction. 


12mo.  Cloth 


$1.00 


B.  W.  DODGE  $  COMPANY 

WOLF: 

THE  MEMOIRS  OF  A  CAVE-DWELLER 
BY  P.  B.  McCORD 


A  vivid  picture  of  primeval  humanity  translated 
from  an  imaginary  record  discovered  in  the 
Central  West.  To  our  modern  eyes  the  story 
may  seem  brutal,  but  the  passions,  blood-lust 
and  cunning  of  primitive  man  continue  to-day 
under  a  control  of  habit  and  convention.  The 
portrayal  of  the  lives  and  feelings  of  these  an- 
cient ancestors  reveals  influences  still  powerful 
in  molding  our  own  conduct. 

Illustrated  with  unusually  powerful  drawings 
by  the  author. 


12mo.  Cloth        .        .        $1.00 


E.  W.  DODGE  <§  COMPANY 
"How  Wall  Street  Manufactured  the  Panic  of  1907" 

THE 

Moneychangers 

A  New  Novel 
BY  UPTON  SINCLAIR 

Author  of  "The  Jungle,"  "The  Afetropolit," 
".Jfanasscw,"  etc. 

The  second  volume  of  the  startling  tragedy  descriptive  of 
the  social  and  financial  life  of  the  metropolis,  a  real  story, 
too,  not  merely  the  introduction  to  one. 

The  titanic  struggle  for  the  possession  of  the  "Mississippi 
Steel,"  the  raid  on  the  "Gotham  Trust  Co.,"  the  battleship 
armor  contracts,  made  at  Pittsburg  and  played  at  Newport, 
the  momentous  conference  that  planned  the  "panic" — all 
these  are  incidents  in  a  story  breathless  in  interest,  epic  in 
power,  terrible  in  the  ruthlessness  of  its  sincerity. 

"Again  appeals  to  the  reading  public  with  another  novel 
in  denunciation  of  the  money  power  in  this  country." — 
Boston  Herald. 

"As  complete  a  harvest  of  Dead  Sea  fruit  as  ever  was 
garnered  between  the  covers  of  a  novel." — New  York  Press. 

"  Possesses,  as  'The  Jungle'  did,  a  certain  air  of  being  an 
astonishing  revelation  of  actual  things.  Mr.  Sinclair  han- 
dles big  things  ...  he  introduces  as  characters  men  who 
will  be  promptly  identified  as  leading  men  in  the  financial 
world.  .  .  .  Seems  likely  to  make  a  decided  sensa- 
tion .  .  ." — New  York  Mail. 

12mo.  Cloth  $1.50 


B.  W.  DODGE  $  COMPANY 

A  NOBLE  COMPANY  OF 
ADVENTURERS 

BY  RUFUS  ROCKWELL  WILSON 

Author  of  "The  Sea  Hovers" 

Illustrated  by  May  Fratz 

True  stories  of  real  adventurers  who  exist  to-day,  hero 
tales  of  modern  life  that  will  fascinate  and  inspire  every 
healthy  boy. 

The  author  tells  about: 


The  Canadian  Mounted  Police 
The  Mining  of  Coal 
The  Cowboys  of  the  Plains 
Building  a  Railroad 


Work  of  the  Texas  Rangers 
Life   in   a  Logging  Camp 
The  Men  Who  Hunt  for  Oil 
Tales  of  the  Fire  Fighters 


The  tales  are  full  of  interest  and  at  the  same  tune  in- 
structive. 


12mo.  Cloth 


$1.00 


University  of  California 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 

305  De  Neve  Drive  -  Parking  Lot  17  •  Box  951388 

LOS  ANGELES,  CALIFORNIA  90095-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library  from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A     000136481     9 


